Now that he's gone
Ste's point of view
I'm lying in his arms, how did I even get here again? His beautiful, strong arms that held me so tight. I didn't know how but all I knew was that it felt good to be here. I promised myself that I wouldn't be fooled by him again, that I'd stay away; but he can be very persuasive when he wants to be. My head tells me I'm stupid, weak, pathetic to be here, but my heart tells me; this is where I belong.
How can I just forget everything that has happened though, so much has gone on between us and most of it lately has been bad. I don't even know what he wants from me; maybe he just wanted to sleep with me tonight and nothing more? That kinda suits me in a way; I won't expect anything else from him then.
God we have one messed up relationship, we never seem to be able to stay away from eachother, but then we never get together either; well not properly anyway.
It's really doing my head in being here, I need to get out, go home, sort my head out. I got out of the bed, found my clothes and crept to the door trying not to wake him. I looked back at him once more before I left and closed the door.
Brendan's point of view
It all feels better with him beside me, it's been so long since he's been here with me and now he is here I want to stay this way with him for as long as possible. He's in my arms, I'm holding onto him so tight, not wanting to ever let him go, I know I'll have to at some point, but for now I'll hold him a little tighter.
He is my addiction, I have no control over it, I have to have him, there's no other choice for me; I can't be without him no matter what. I couldn't see that clearly before but now I can, there is no other option for me, I need to be with him, I can't fight it anymore.
I don't know why I fought with my feelings for so long because nothing else matters when we're here this way together. But we can't keep doing this to eachother, something needs to change. I need to change.
I know that when I look at him and look into those beautiful blue eyes that he's it for me, there is no one else, nothing is better than this, he completes me. I felt so content; I hadn't felt that for a long time, everything is the way it should be
Ste's point of view
I had to leave, think things through; decide what was best for me. What was Amy going to say if she found out we were back together? She'd go mad; I don't think she'd ever forgive me. I couldn't think straight, see straight when I'm with him so I came home leaving him alone like he has done to me times before.
All I wanted was for him to either be with me or not, I just couldn't be played anymore; I don't know what he wants from me, I don't know if we'll ever make it together, all I do know is that I can't go back to how it has been before. If he keeps messing me around he will lose me for good, there is only so much I can take and I know that I can't take much more.
I love him I really do, but sometimes love just isn't enough, especially when it comes to me and Brendan.
Brendan's point of view
I wake up and outstretch my arm to touch him, but he'd gone, he'd left I couldn't believe he wasn't here. It had been a really good night between us; we explored eachother again, almost as if it was our first time together – so I was not happy waking up alone.
I knew I'd have to go and see him, I couldn't leave it like this; not this time. Even if he did always come back to me, I wanted us to be equal now, I know who I am and I know who I want to be with, it's always been Stephen, who else can make me feel the way he does?
Ste's point of view
He came here, I knew he would; he was knocking at my door. I could tell he was feeling hurt and wanted answers, but I just couldn't give them to him right now. He always had to have everything his own way, it never mattered how I felt, as long as he got what he wanted. I do want him, I really do. But I had to make sure he wasn't going to hurt me again, it has taken me so long to get over him and I can't keep doing this to myself.
I told him that I needed time to think, he wasn't happy about it but he left. I just wanted things to be different this time around, I want us to be for keeps, he had to understand that if we were ever going to make it work.
Brendan's point of view
I thought everything was okay, I thought we were both on the same page; obviously I was wrong. He must know by now that I can't be without him, I've proved that by always going back, he told me he needed time, that's okay I guess, I can give him time.
I've been without him this long; a few more days won't make any difference. I couldn't help but feel disappointed as I started walking back to my flat; I'd hoped that last night had proved how much I loved him. I suppose it's just Stephens's way of needing words, needing drama.
As I crossed the road I didn't notice the fast moving car approaching and before I knew it, the car had hit me.
Ste's point of view
Brendan just left, I was glad he respected my wishes of a little more time, it would be okay in the end but I needed him to realise that he can't just have me anytime he wants. This might just show him that. Maybe then, when we do get together, he will treat me right; that's what I'm hoping anyway.
I was washing up in the kitchen when I heard the skid of a car and people screaming, I opened my door and followed the noise to see what all the commotion was. I noticed that someone had been run over and as I got closer I realised that it was Brendan. My heart sunk, I ran over to him, collapsed beside him and held him in my arms.
Brendan's point of view
I felt strange, I couldn't move, every part of my body ached. I could see people crowding over me, then I saw him; my Stephen. He was the only person I wanted to see. He held me telling everyone else to back off. I told him it would have been different this time, I felt his tears drop on my face. I told him I loved him and asked him to kiss me, I felt those beautiful soft lips on mine, he was crying, shouting for someone to call ambulance, but I knew it was too late. It's ironic really, that now I'm ready to be with him, fate plays a part so I can't be, then everything went black.
Ste's point of view
One week later
It's been a week since Brendan died; the love of my life has left me again, all on my own. I blame myself, if only I hadn't of left that morning, he'd still be here and even when he came round, I still made him leave. If I asked him to stay none of this would have happened. We were going to be together at last, after everything. Why did I always have to push things? How will I ever get over this?I feel so empty and I'm totally lost without him, the pain I feel I know will never go away. I want him back, I want to hold him in my arms, I want to tell him that I do want to be with him, that I love him more than I've ever loved anyone and that I always will, but I can't tell him now can I? Now that he's gone.
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