Hi, I'm 64K, and I'm the world's biggest Galion fangirl.

In case you didn't know, Galion is the Elvenking's butler. He features mainly in the book of The Hobbit as the elf who drank the king's Dorwinion wine, allowing Bilbo to steal the dungeon keys from the captain of the guards, who was also drinking wine. Galion is in the movie, but in a very brief, non-speaking role. Professor Tolkien said that no one knows what happened to Galion after the Elvenking found out about his mistake, so I've decided to write a funny version of what happened. I hope you like it.

It's not too evident in this rather morbid chapter, but this story is partially inspired by Neril's Legolas discovers Kool-Aid and NirCele's Glorfindel Goes Hug-Wild Crazy. Check them out- both stories are hilarious! Also, special thanks to NirCele, for motivating me to write about Galion. You really encouraged me, so, if you're reading this, thanks! It's not exactly Galion Angst yet;), but hopefully that will be coming soon.

Things will(hopefully) get funnier next chapter- this one is just to set things up. Also, sorry for the long author's note.

Galion Serves

Prologue

"I can't believe you! You of all people, Galion- I thought that you would have more sense. Thanks to you, my prisoners- and all chance of getting anything from them- are gone! If you hadn't gone and had that wine, and given it to the Captain of the Guard, to boot, we wouldn't be in this mess! You stupid, mentally-challenged, worthless, fool of a butler! You know what? I should never have hired you. Legolas would make a better butler than you."

Galion knew he deserved this tirade. Of course he deserved it. He deserved everything that he got from the Elvenking. He wouldn't deny his master this outraged rant- but he did wish that the Elvenking would back away slightly. He understood that "the closer the better" was a general rule when attempting to intimidate someone, but he had never had any desire to be this close to Thranduil's face. Nevertheless, he endured this verbal assault, as he always had. Until he heard that word. That unspeakable word. Alcoholic. That was what made him snap.

"I AM NOT!"

Thranduil backed away. "What?" he asked, surprised at his usually-meek butler's outburst.

"I am not an alcoholic," repeated Galion firmly. "Everyone always says I am, but I'm not. All I did was drink some wine. Is that a crime? If it is, then you should be hung from the highest gallows in the land. The Captain of the Guard drank the Dorwinion as well, and no one calls him an alcoholic. No, it's just Old Galion- who is younger than you, by the way- the slowcoach, the greedy, foolish drunkard! Well, if you are so disappointed with Old Galion's service, despite his working himself to the bone every day for you, then perhaps Old Galion would prefer to serve someone else"

Thranduil had never been scared of Galion before- well, it was long ago that he had been, anyway- but he was now. His butler was furious, and it showed. He looked as though he was ten feet tall, and the look in his eyes showed that he would kill whoever touched him next. "Galion...I'm sorry," began Thranduil meekly. "I- I lost my temper, that's all. Forgive me?"

"I should say not," sniffed Galion. "You verbally abuse me every day without fail, and I, the loyal butler I am, always forgive you. But not today!"

With a dramatic toss of his hair, Galion spun on his heel, turning towards the palace gate. "Farewell, my king," he spat. "Have a nice life."

"Wait," cried Thranduil. "Galion, don't be a fool! You know I didn't mean it. Who's going to serve me now?"

Galion grinned evilly. "Why, Legolas. After all, you said that he would make a far better butler than I. Once again, farewell."

He walked out of the front gate, nose in the air, ignoring the Elvenking's calls.

Feren, another servant of the Elvenking's, stared incredulously at Galion's departing figure. "Hey! Where are you going?" he called.

Without looking back, Galion answered. "I'm going on an adventure!"

A few hours later, Galion found himself outside of the forest of Mirkwood. He had followed the river towards the Long Lake, and now had a fine view of Lake-Town. Now that he had left the forest, there was nothing left for it but to make a plan of action. He would no longer serve the Elvenking- that was for certain. Yet, as much as he hated to admit it, he wasn't much good at anything else. He was weaker than the average elf- fighting as a career was out of the question. Although he was knowledgeable about many things, he was no scholar. He had few talents to speak of, other than the many little skills that a successful butler must possess.

Wait... no one had said that he had to switch careers! He would merely find a new employer, rather than change his vocation. Surely there were many people in Middle Earth with the need for a skilled servant- and he was skilled. The Elvenking would have died long ago but for his efforts, he was certain; the foolish, arrogant fellow had an uncanny knack for putting himself into deadly situations that only Galion seemed to be able to remedy.

Suddenly feeling ill for some inexplicable reason,(Was it from guilt? Surely not) Galion distracted himself from his many memories of his years in Thranduil's service by considering who to now serve. The simplest thing to do was to visit Lake-Town, he decided. Surely there was someone there who had need of his services. Upon deciding this, Galion began marching briskly off towards Lake-Town. Little did he know that this town was the first of many that he would visit on his quest to find the perfect employer.

Thanks for reading! Please review; my life force increases with every review I receive.