It had been a couple hours since Gwen made her stand and stormed out of the Hub. Ianto didn't think he could possibly waste any more time and he was getting hungry. For salad. Or maybe a chana masala and veg korma. Anyway, there hadn't been any stomping about or shouting at inanimate objects, so Ianto presumed it safe to approach Jack's office, with caution.
Ianto expected to find Jack in a sulk or still looking stormy. Practically slumped over his desk, however….
"Jack? Are you alright?"
Jack straightened up slowly. "I'm fine, Ianto. I'm just tired. I'm fine. Go on home."
"I was thinking we could get a bite on the way back."
Jack shook his head. "I'm not hungry. You go ahead, though. Go on and get some rest. Been a long day."
"No kidding. That goes for you, too, Jack."
"I'm not very good -"
"Do I look like I care? I don't want you to be on your own right now."
Jack's head shot up, stunned at Ianto's tone.
"You don't need to sit here stewing, tearing yourself up about things. It wasn't your fault. So, let's just go home, yeah?"
"It isn't that, Ianto. I just…."
"You're just coming home with me. So stop arguing," Ianto said, fetching Jack's coat and holding it out to Jack expectantly.
Apparently, Jack knew when he was beat well enough to comply with a direct order.
An hour later, Jack sat on Ianto's couch, picking at the plate of dinner Ianto had fixed him.
"I'm sorry about the whale, Jack," Ianto said quietly, rubbing Jack's shoulder. "I know you wanted to help it get home."
Jack sighed and leaned slightly into Ianto's touch. "Sometimes… sometimes I think the harder I try…."
"Oh, Jack. Come here," Ianto murmured, taking Jack's plate and setting it aside. He pulled Jack into a hug. "I know."
"I just want to help. I just want to prove I'm not… not inhuman. Why does it always go so wrong? What's wrong with me?"
"Jack. Nothing is wrong with you. It's just the way it is around here. The things we deal with, Jack… we're only five little humans on one tiny planet. Now, we're pretty damn good, but we're not magic, and most of the things we see… there's not much help for, no matter how good anyone is."
"But what about me, Ianto?" Jack asked miserably. "Do I have a heart?"
Ianto was too thrown by the question to respond for a few moments. He held Jack tighter and stroked his arm soothingly. "I've seen you try to hide so much hurt, Jack. Today alone…. But day after day, I know you feel it every time one of us gets hurt or we have to kill something to stop it hurting others. I know you feel it and feel responsible for it. It's not easy to accept our own imperfections – and I don't mean that imperfections are failings, either. And, for the record, it's been a lot less lonely, for me anyway, since you've been back. Imperfections, Jack. We all have them. And some people need a word with themselves if they think otherwise.
"Do you have a heart, Jack? When you have to make impossible decisions, and be strong and calm while the world ends around you, and never have a moment to get through one grief before you have you deal with someone else's problems? That takes more heart than anyone I've ever known or heard of.
"Anyway, the only people who don't are the ones who never ask themselves that question."
"You're a good guy to have around, Ianto. I'll hope you'll stay around for a while," Jack said from Ianto's shoulder.
"I'll do my best, Jack. Now, come on, eat up and we'll get to bed."
"Ok. Ianto…. Are you ok?"
"I'm fine, Jack. You're here and I'm here. Everything is ok."
"Yeah. You're right. This is all that matters," Jack said, smiling tiredly.