=*=The Search for Inspiration=*=
By: Chrissy Sky ( chrissy_sky92251@yahoo.com )
Sum: This idea came about because Bunny (you know who you are) e-mailed me. She's a fan from my previous parodies and I guess I just wanted all that popularity and hubbub back. I'm such a little leech… Anyway, the boys are tired of the same boring plot points and are willing to go to any extent (especially Heero) to get some inspiration (and to entertain you people and hopefully give you some new ideas, if you need the 'inspiration'). And it's all Heero's idea, too. Blame him. Yes. That's the idea.
Warnings: Yaoi. Yuri. Het mentioned, but I doubt there's anything big. Parody. My strange sense of humor.
Dedication: (And my cousin says I don't have a guilty conscious…) This is dedicated to the best sister in the whole solar system and beyond: DT Maxwell. *hugs* Because I keep canceling the fics she likes.
Ukyu, here we go!
::::::::::Variable Geometry:::::::
Case One: Living arrangements.
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Heero Yuy, acclaimed pilot and one of the hottest Japanese men ever to walk the face of Earth and the colonies, sat on a couch.
It was a perfectly ordinary couch, too. Though the couch didn't like to think that. The couch wanted to be an individual. It was into equality, civil rights, and stuff like that. He was a very informed couch since the television he sat in front of was on most of the time.
See, Heero had no job. He sat around all day until some fan girl wanted to use him and his friends in stories. Some where good. Some were great in fact. He was proud to be a part of them. Though there were others he had his protests about, of which will not be mentioned here.
So, Heero sat on the couch, not doing anything, and the couch was complaining about the sore spot he had from Heero sitting there all the time. Though he liked Heero. He liked Heero a lot. The kid had a nice ass.
About the time Golden Girls came on, Duo Maxwell arrived. Duo lived in the same house with Heero, though neither of them could understand why.
See, they weren't really lovers, though everyone thought they were.
Duo thought Heero was asexual. Heero thought Duo was a nymphomaniac. They had a wonderful relationship.
This was the day it all changed, however.
Duo had a job. He was supporting Heero. And he hated it. He felt like a bread winner, and unless Heero started pumping out babies they had to get some new living arrangements. He was tired of sacrificing his pay so Heero could go out and spend $140.07 for a box set of some anime called Maze: The Mega-Burst Space!
And, er, stuff like that.
"Hey, Heero!" greeted Duo. Everyone liked Duo. He was young, attractive, cheerful, funny; just an all around great guy.
Heero growled. He didn't like Duo. Duo knew how to push his buttons. He always found the damn red button, too. That was especially annoying.
"You've seen that episode before." Duo sat his coat on the rack and went to lean over the couch, so that Heero would have to pay attention to him. Little things like that bothered Heero greatly. His training had taught him to always pay attention to the little details. So, Duo knew that Heero had to pay attention to him, even if he was just standing there in his line of vision.
It paid off.
"Duo, if you're bored, you can go and fix me something to eat," growled Heero once again. No one interrupted him and his quality time with the TV. And the couch too, of course. Some days he swore that the couch was feeling him up, but things like that were hard to tell, the couch was so sneaky.
"Oh, Lord, what would the great pilot Heero Yuy do without his roommate and personal love slave?!" Duo sighed, teasing.
Heero blushed. He was such a prude.
Duo laughed. "Actually, I need to talk to you about something."
"I'm not going to stop you," Heero grounded out. "Can't anyway. You just keep talking. Can't get you to stop. Why do you do that anyway? It's not like you have anything interesting to say."
Duo glared. "Since when do you talk so much?"
Heero threw the remote control at him. "That's it! I'm tired of being stereotyped as a cold-hearted, stick-up-his-ass superhero. I want everyone to know who I really am!!" He stood up on the couch, all puffed up and important. The couch cheered him on. Heero was heavy, but he could take the kid's weight. At least it wasn't Duo, that kid liked the bounce on him. One day, he'd bite his ankles for sure!
But couches don't have teeth. Such was his lot in life.
Duo stared at his insane friend coldly. "An asexual war veteran who's too busy writing dirty fan fiction to go out and get a job?"
Heero glared. "No. A human being."
"Okay, Penguin, when are you going to start running for mayor?"
"Shut up!"
Duo stood up on the couch with him, bouncing slightly in his anger. The couch would have hit him if he could. The braided one was so annoying. "You think you have it so rough! Everyone treats me like a woman! It's all because of my braid!" He pulled his long, plaited hair over his shoulder and cuddled/fondled it. "My beautiful, beautiful hair. Daddy will protect you from the mean fangirls. Yes. You cute little thing, you." He kissed it, then let it fall behind his back again. "I'm a man, damn it! A man!"
Heero and Duo glared at each other for long moments. Golden Girls went on commercial. The couch was looking in the want ads - he had to get away from these crazy people.
"We're not going to start kissing, are we?" Heero asked suspiciously.
Duo made a face. "Eww. Hells no."
"Good. Because I would kill you."
"Ha! Like that's such a threat."
Heero made up his mind. "Okay. Who have I sworn to kill that I haven't?"
"Relena -"
"Can't kill her, she's the leader of the free world."
"Zechs -"
"Hmm… I did kill him, but he came back."
"Quatre -"
"Okay." Heero jumped off the couch and headed for the door.
Duo Maxwell was a reasonably intelligent person. No matter what people said. He was a Gundam Pilot. His early education had been done in a Catholic church. After then, he'd been trained as a pilot, moving around from various schools. He had long ago shrugged off his street urchin life.
But it did take a moment for him to realize exactly what Heero was doing.
"Oh, shit." He too jumped off the couch and went after his insane friend.
*
"Do you know how fast you were going?" asked the police officer.
"Only ninety," Heero replied. Duo slumped over in his seat beside him, embarrassed.
So, Heero Yuy got his first speeding ticket.
As he drove away, he muttered, "I think that guy used to work for Oz…"
Duo shook his head. "You said the same thing about the grocer last week."
"I know I saw that guy before."
"And about the guy at the pet shop, who you almost killed because he was checking a puppy's mouth."
"I have a thing about puppies, okay?!"
"Slow down, you're speeding again."
"I don't care, I have to kill Quatre!"
"Oi."
*
Rashid Kurama (I swear, that is his name), the Manguanac who happened to have a name, walked into the living area where Quatre Raberba Winner sat drinking tea and eating cookies with Trowa Barton. Rashid had Heero slung over his shoulder, who was blushing furiously.
Duo walked into the room just as Rashid sat him down. "It's all your fault, you know. You got this crazy idea stuck in your head."
"I was just trying to be original!" Heero cried, face still scarlet.
"You fell into the floor trap, didn't you?" Quatre asked knowingly. "Trowa did too this morning. The Manguanacs are so paranoid these days." He stopped to sip his tea.
Trowa looked dejectedly at his cup. "What I wouldn't give for coffee…"
Duo laughed. "He sure did. The big idiot was coming over to kill you."
Trowa looked a little interested at that. Quatre sighed when Rashid pulled out his gun and aimed it at Heero.
"Rashid, it's alright, I can take care of myself." Disgusted with himself, he added, "If he does try anything, I'll put up my cute, adorable, and innocent act to win his heart again."
Heero blushed. "I hate all of you."
"So, why did he want to kill me?" Quatre asked Duo as the braided boy sat down next to him.
"I wanted to do something original," Heero explained for himself, glaring at Rashid. Rashid glared back before taking his cue from Quatre and leaving.
"Original?" Quatre raised an eyebrow.
"Go out and get a job like the rest of us," Trowa muttered.
"That's what I say!" Duo exclaimed.
Heero rolled his eyes. "Everyone's against me."
Quatre sighed. "You want to do something really original?"
Heero nodded. "I'm tired of being stuck with him -" He pointed at Duo, "as a roommate, I'm tired of being marked as some asshole with a larger stick up his ass than Aya Fujimiya-"
"Heero," Trowa said quietly, "no one has a stick up their ass that big."
"- And why are you here?" Heero asked him.
Trowa looked a little lost for a second. "I don't know…" He finally answered.
Quatre looked crestfallen.
Heero's eyes flashed red. "Okay, that's it! I'm tired of all this. It's the same thing every fic we go to. The same dribble after the next. I'm tired of it! I want something new! Something exciting."
"Let's go rent Moulin Rouge so he'll shut the hell up," Duo whispered.
"I want my own apartment, away from him." He paused to glare at Duo. Duo glared back. "I want the rights to my own love life." He wasn't surprised when the writers hiding in the vortex looked at him in shock. "I want some new inspiration!!!"
Quatre, Duo, and Trowa watched the ranting boy carefully.
"Is that all?" Quatre asked.
"Yes!" cried the crazy boy.
"Well," said Quatre thoughtfully. "Just do something that no one would expect."
"Like…?" Heero hated cryptic answers.
"Since this is a Yaoi fan fiction, why don't you take Relena out for dinner? And have fun." Quatre sipped his tea.
Duo and Trowa stared at the blonde in shock.
"Laurence of Arabia, are you nuts?" Duo cried. "That's handing him over to the enemy! I won't stand for it!"
"He won't sit for it, either," Trowa added, one green eye gleaming.
Duo glared at him and threw a teacup at him.
Quatre sighed. "That cost money, you know."
Heero nodded after a moments deliberation. "Alright. I'll do it."
"Huh?" Duo asked, looking at him with wide blue eyes. Or violet eyes. His eyes couldn't make up their minds what color they wanted to be.
Trowa sighed and got to his feet. "That's it, I'm going back to the circus." He brushed past Heero, going out the door. "Where people are sane!"
"Yeah, go stick your head in a lion's mouth or something!" Duo called after him. He never liked Trowa much. Reminded him too much of Heero, only he talked even less. And what was with that hair anyway?
Quatre looked crestfallen, yet again. Though everyone else was so caught up in their own troubles to notice. It was cute, though. His cuteness had many complaints about it, but refused to say anything because it was very defensive.
*
Some time later…
"So, this is your new place?" Duo asked, watching a cockroach scamper across the floor. He was about to step on it when Heero stopped him with a shout of alarm.
"Don't, that's my roommate, Fred!"
Duo looked at him as if he'd grown an extra head. The extra head grinned and made dirty remarks about his tight ass and long braid.
"Fred?"
"Yeah."
Duo sighed and left the apartment. "You need professional help."
Heero frowned as he watched the door close. Fred made his way onto the counter and frowned also.
"What's wrong?" asked Fred.
"Does Relena count?"
"As professional? That nitwit? Listen, kid, I like you and all, but you need to get yourself a hooker or something. Send that little tramp to the curb!" Ms. Peacecraft had tried to kill poor Fred. Fred didn't like her at all.
Heero sighed and went to go watch Maze.
Fred found a beer bottle and some pretzels, then went to join him.
The new couch liked Heero too. For obvious reasons. Though she wasn't as bitchy as his old couch. She was nice and sweet and didn't feel him up. She was much too shy. She giggled when Heero burped. She didn't like Fred too much, but Fred was a nice friend to Heero, so she didn't try to squash him or anything.
*
Duo arrived home. He sat on the couch. The couch looked at him wryly, but didn't say anything.
Duo sighed. He turned on the TV.
He wasn't surprised that it was still on Lifetime, which Heero had last had it on when he was watching Golden Girls. Before he had went crazy and stormed out.
Duo wondered if he was going to come back for his things.
The couch felt sorry for Duo. The poor braided boy just didn't seem to realize his feelings. But then, it wouldn't be a proper Yaoi plotline unless at least one of the boys had hidden feelings and desires, the couch thought. It was horribly stereotypical, but highly effective.
Duo laid down and watched some boring girly movie that didn't get interesting until he actually started paying attention. He ended up crying at the really sappy ending and looking around for the tissue.
He realized that Heero must have taken the tissue box.
Damn psychopathic fruitcake. He'd show him.
Duo fell asleep on the couch, mumbling off ways to kill Heero the next time he saw him. The couch pulled Duo into a tight embrace, murmuring comforting words. The couch missed Heero too.
Maybe he would come back after the two boys figured things out.
One had to keep their hopes alive, or else what did they have to live for?
TBC. This is as far as I got before I decided to save my other ideas for other chapters…