Disclaimer: The voices say I own Castle. The lawyers say I don't. I'm so confused! But the voices don't have a piece of paper to back them up, so I'm siding with the lawyers for now.
Summary: Another night, another woman. But why did it feel so wrong this time?
Status: Complete.
"In every winter's heart there is a quivering spring,
and behind the veil of each night there is a smiling dawn."
-Kahlil Gibran
Until Tomorrow;
"Maybe it was the brother..."
"Are you forgetting that he has a solid alibi?"
"Right," Castle paused a moment to reconsider. Then he snapped his fingers. "The brother's girlfriend!"
Kate Beckett sent a dubious glance his way. "Um, motive?"
"Easy. She wanted...," he stopped to think, then shook his head. "No. She was jealous of... wait, no. She was... yeah, I've got nothing."
"It just feels like we're trying to force it...," Castle watched as she turned to the murder board with a thoughtful expression on her face. "And there's no leads. Almost no evidence. Maybe we should just-"
A loud 'ping' from Castle's phone cut her off just then, and when he looked at the message, his heart immediately sank. "Shit!" he cursed, surely earning a raised eyebrow from Beckett. "I'm late! Sorry to cut our time short detective, but I've got to run." He turned to leave, but hesitated for a second. "Until tomorrow?" he asked her. Even he could detect the note of uncertainty in his voice, so surely she could as well.
She let a small smile grace her face, and let out a breath at the small reassurance. "Night, Castle."
He smiled and gave one last wave before disappearing into the elevator.
x.
Kate Beckett couldn't help but watch his form retreat as he hurried out of the precinct.
She sighed and looked back toward the murder board. I was going to say we should call it a night anyway...,she thought to herself once he was safely view.
She stared at the board a bit longer, but she didn't really see any of it. Her mind was elsewhere.
"Yo," a voice spoke up rather close to her, startling her out of her reverie. If Esposito noticed her slight jump, he chose to ignore it. "What was that all about?"
"What was what?" she asked. Honestly, after dazing out for who-knows-how-long, he could have been referring to the second coming of Christ and she would have been none the wiser.
"Castle," he stated, as if that cleared up everything. "He just up and left. Looked like he was in a hurry, too. Where's he headed?"
Kate rolled her eyes. "I didn't ask."
She didn't need to. She already had a fairly good idea where he was going. She also knew that Esposito's assumptions were headed in the same direction as hers, so him coming to ask her was really only for confirmation.
Richard Castle, millionaire playboy and novel aficionado, was on a date.
She had no idea why coming to that realization stung so much.
x.
He did it to get away. He wasn't very good with hiding his emotions, so he knew that staying around her after what had happened would be... disastrous, to say the least.
When they'd kissed, everything that he'd been trying to ignore up until that point just came bursting to the surface. He could no longer deny how he felt about her, so he did what he did best - he ran.
He figured if he could try and distract himself, then maybe he could forget the way her lips felts on his. Maybe he could forget the way she moaned into the kiss, or the way she looked so damn sexy when she knocked out the guard like that...
Well, obviously, his method wasn't quite working yet. But it would. It would work even if he had to beat his own emotions out of himself, because Kate Beckett was one person he could notafford to lose. He couldn't lose her to this, and if things continued as they were now, with him pining after her every movement, that's exactly what would happen; she would tell him to leave. He would lose her. He'd scare her away, and she'd run.
He couldn't deal with that.
He also couldn't deal with the thought of Josh having what he so desperately wanted. He hoped that man was aware of everything he had, and he hoped he damn appreciated it, because if he didn't, Castle would make sure that he was the next in line for her affection. If Josh didn't appreciate her, then Castle would have no qualms about making up for him in that area.
The thought of Josh having Kate when he couldn't made jealousy rear its ugly head once again. Never, before Kate Beckett came along, had he ever felt jealous. Now it was just becoming a common occurrence, and that thought alone terrified him.
He had to get away; he had to make himself forget the way he wanted her.
"Hello, Danielle," he spoke as the lithe blonde took a seat across from him. His smile was just as charming as ever when he greeted her, but anyone who knew him well enough would have noticed how forced it was, and how strained it made his face look.
Kate would have noticed.
He'd met Danielle at one of his book signings only two days after their Lockwood break. With all the stress building up on top of him, he cracked - in a desperate endeavor to escape his own feelings, he took her offered number. He'd called her a few days later, and here they were.
Looking back, it felt like the right thing to do. But right here, right now, it just felt so wrong.
He knew why, and he knew it wasn't fair to Danielle, but he continued to try selfishly anyway. They made light conversation as they ate, never going beyond certain boundaries.
Just like his smile, it was forced.
He all but begged for an escape when Danielle began to hint at a night together. He couldn't do that; it was so irrational, but somehow it just felt so wrong.
He was a free man, but being there to begin with just made him feel dirty. The pit in his stomach alerted him to the wrongness of his actions, and he had no choice but to listen to it as it scolded him.
It told him he felt like a cheater. But that couldn't be right, he amended. He was free; he could do whatever he wanted, and be with anyone he wanted as well.
Even as he thought them, he knew those words weren't true.
He all but got down on his knees and thanked a god he didn't believe in when he felt his phone ring in his pocket.
He very nearly promised he'd go to church next Sunday when he saw who the caller was.
"I'm sorry," he said to Danielle, holding up a finger. "I've got to take this, it might be important." Even to his own ears, he sounded a little bit too grateful. He hoped the poor girl across from him didn't notice.
He clicked 'talk' and held the phone to his ear, answering with his usual, "Castle."
"It's Beckett," she answered. As if he didn't already know. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything-"
He saw his chance, and he took it. "Oh, we've got a body?" he said, interrupting her now. "Sure. I'll be there in about a half hour."
He almost burst out laughing as he pictured her face on the other end of the line. "What the hell are you talking about, Castle?"
"Well, I'm kind of busy at the moment," he turned and sent a faux apologetic glance to Danielle, "But if the case is that crazy and you insist on requiring my intellectual expertise on the subject, well then..."
He could easily picture her rolling her eyes on the other end. "You can be a real ass sometimes, Castle," she said, but her voice didn't project the anger that her words implied. If anything, she just made it sound as if she felt that reprimanding him would be a waste of her time. Which, admittedly, it was.
He smiled. "I'll see you soon, Detective."
He hung up then, but turned a sad face towards his date. "I'm really sorry about this, but-"
"No, it's okay," she said, rushing the words out so as to not make it awkward. "I heard it all."
Yes, he thought. Because it was my intention for you to hear. Duh?
"I'd be happy to try this again sometime," he lied, fake smile still on his face. "I'll give you a call later?"
She nodded, but said nothing more. He really did feel bad; he honestly had no intention of calling her, but she didn't know that.
He laid down some money for his dinner and with that, he took his leave.
x.
Kate just stared at her phone for a little while after he hung up. Then she rolled her eyes and placed it on the table; she couldn't believe that man would actually use her call as an excuse to ditch his date. She was pretty sure those kinds of things only happened in the movies.
Then again, she couldn't really believe herself; she had called with no specific purpose in mind. The only logical conclusion she could come to was almost unfathomable. She would never deliberately...
She stopped right there. She so would. She did. She really just called him for no other reason than to break up his date.
It was really just one step beyond petty and spiteful. What would she have said if he hadn't taken the initiative himself? 'Oh, yeah, just called to see how you were doing... Oh, you're busy... right, no, sorry, I get it. Maybe another time.' Yeah, that would have gone over well.
Maybe she would have asked for help on the case. Maybe she would just... not say anything and mentally kick herself for being an idiot.
Thank god it actually turned out much differently than anything she would have expected. She actually couldn't believe her good fortune when she found out that he'd been desperately looking for an escape from his date.
Her phone rang not two seconds later. She noticed the caller immediately, but still answered as "Beckett."
"Sorry about that...," he mumbled. "I take it you caught on?"
"Oh yeah," she rolled her eyes again. "I'm sure your date appreciated that," she all but spat the word out.
There was a slight pause on his end before she heard him speak again. "It wouldn't have worked out anyway."
"Still, it didn't seem very nice. Now you've got me wondering if you've ever done that with me," she joked, trying to lighten the mood after somewhat sullen statement.
"Oh, I can assure you," he started, his voice all too serious. "I have never, nor will I ever, do that to you, Detective."
She had to swallow the lump in her throat. Wow. That was deep. What was she supposed to say to that? Well, the one thing he expected her to say seemed safe enough. "Good," she said, her voice wavering only slightly, "because my gun and I definitely wouldn't appreciate that too much."
"I figured as much," he said. "So, want me to head on over so we can try and crack that case?"
She hesitated for a moment. "I'm actually home, at the moment. Didn't have any lead to go on, so I just threw in the towel for the night."
There were two ways he could have interpreted that statement – either as an invitation, or as an outright rejection. She couldn't exactly say she minded the one he picked. "Perfect," he said. "I'll pick up some food on the way. You have the notes with you?"
"Yeah," she said, slightly surprised that he felt so comfortable inviting himself over.
"Chinese?" he asked.
She let out a small laugh. "You know me too well."
She could imagine him smiling on the other end. "Right. See you in a few."
x.
He knocked on her door about fifteen minutes later, food in hand. She opened up the door and they exchanged greetings as she let him in.
"I didn't ask you to bring any wine," she said, noticing the familiar shape in the brown paper bag.
"You didn't say I couldn't," he countered, smirking. "Plus, after the night I've had, I need it."
"Right," she drew out the vowel sound much longer than was strictly necessary, in a very Lanie-esque fashion. "You never did tell me why you were so desperate to escape this mystery girl."
He shrugged, pouring himself a glass. "Didn't feel right."
Hey, in his defense, it wasn't not true. It just wasn't completely truthful, that was all.
He held out the bottle in offering to her. She rolled her eyes but got a glass anyway and poured it herself before pilfering through the food.
In this short silence, he suddenly felt compelled to tell her more.
"She kept making implications about me spending the night," he explained, looking down into the bottom of his glass.
He looked up to see her raise her eyebrow with a mouth full of food. Once she swallowed, she responded. "I didn't ask."
He sent a small smile her way as he quoted one of their favorite lines; "Yes, you were 'not asking' very loudly."
She rolled her eyes. "The great Richard Castle turned down a night with a beautiful woman?" she gasped. "I thought I'd never see the day. What could ever be the reason?"
She was just joking. He knew that. But for some reason, that didn't stop the words Because it wasn't you from running through his head when she asked.
Instead, he just laughed halfheartedly and shrugged. "I guess I'm losing my touch."
She saw right through him, just like he knew she would. He could tell by the way she placed her hand on his shoulder in a soft reassurance that she was there.
"Forget the case," she suddenly said. "Movie night?"
Yeah, she definitely saw through him. She knew that quiet was really all he needed that night, and she accepted it.
"Why don't you call Alexis and tell her to come over?" she suggested with a smile. "We can make it a party, just the three of us."
Oh man. This was bad. How could he ever fight off his growing feelings for her when she even reached out to include his daughter in this otherwise extrememly personal moment? When she did things like that, all she only made him fall for her harder.
He realized then that none of his other girlfriends had ever come into real contact with Alexis. Gina was different; she kind of had to, but even then, he remained a mediator between them. He never liked Alexis seeing his girlfriends because, quite frankly, he wasn't exactly sure how long the relationships would last.
Kate was different. He found that he didn't really mind the fact that Kate and Alexis had met and had the chance to bond. He didn't mind that they had gotten close, and he definitely didn't mind that she offered to invite her over. If it were anyone else, he probably would have immediately declined or thrown a fit about it. Things were definitely different with Kate.
"Yeah," he said with a small smile on his face. "I like the sound of that."
So he called Alexis. When she came over, the three of them sat on the couch and bonded over shared popcorn and the thriller Inception.
As the movie came to a close and Castle noted how Kate's head had found its way to his shoulder in her sleep, he realized that he didn't want to run anymore. He could just walk in her direction, and take things slowly as he went. Because with the ambiance of the blue screen lighting the darkness to rest on the two most important people in his life, he realized that there was no place he'd rather be than right there, with them.
"Until tomorrow," he whispered into her hair as he, too, drifted off to sleep.
Holler at me, yo. (That's code for: Dear sir/madame, I would so graciously appreciate it if you felt so inclined as to review.) ;)