Disclaimer-I absolutely do not own Troy. (Boohoo!):(
This is my first Troy fanfic, so go easy on me:) Please keep in mind; this is a songfic dedicated to Briseis and Achilles. The song is not Gloria Gaynor's disco song. This is a country song by… I'm pretty sure it's The Dixie Chicks, but I'm not too sure:( Anyhoo, I'm portraying Achilles and Briseis as lovers and friends, and even though I really don't like Achilles, I feel bad for the guy sometimes, so this is kind of my dedication to him…. Enjoy!
Achilles: I Will Survive
Done a lot of things
That I'm not so proud of
Took a lot of turns
They turned out wrong
That's a worn out song
As Achilles was sharpening his blade, Briseis, his lover, gazed at him with mournful, tear-filled eyes. There was no hate or anger in those beautiful brown eyes, though Achilles wished there was. He missed the fire that blazed in her eyes when she was angry. Now, they were dull with the weariness of war.
"You've lost your cousin, and now you've taken mine. When does it end?" she whispered.
Achilles knew she was referring to the never-ending chain of revenge that had developed in this war. Hector had accidentally killed his cousin, Patroclus and in return, Achilles had sought out the Trojan prince and killed him in cold blood.
"It never ends," he growled, avoiding her heart-wrenching gaze. Sighing, Briseis got to her feet and slipped out into the warm, star-filled night. Achilles watched her go, and for the first time since he killed Hector, he felt a horrible, bubbling guilt.
Day by day, moment by moment,
Takin' my chances
Trustin' my heart
It wasn't too smart
When Achilles had plunged his spear through Hector's shoulder, he thought he would be satisfied. When Achilles had dragged the noble prince's body behind his chariot, he thought it would ease his grief. But in reality, revenge is not sweet, and Achilles did not feel better. He just felt worse. He still missed his cousin dearly, and he had killed a very good man; a far better man then Achilles could ever hope to be. Furthermore, by killing her cousin, he had hurt the woman he loved. Before that, he had hurt her physically, almost strangling her to death. But by killing Hector, Achilles knew he had hurt her far worse. He had hurt a lot of people. The King of Troy and Hector's father, Priam; Hector's son, Astyanax; Hector's brother, Paris; Hector's friends and comrades, and especially the dead prince's wife, Andromache. Oh, how the widow's sobs had haunted him. Even now they still rang in his ears. But nothing was worse than seeing Briseis, usually such a strong woman, break down and sob when he had returned. When Briseis learned what he had done to her cousin's body, however, she had crumpled to the ground, sobbing harder.
"Why are you so cold hearted?" she had wailed, throwing herself at him. Achilles had pushed her away, pondering his lover's question. Why was he so cold hearted?
Lonely, and lost as I could be
Knowing, it's up to me
Laying down on his bed of furs and still pondering her question, Achilles already knew the answer. His life had been hard. Nobody could deny that. But the story of his life was indeed a sad one.
I will survive
I will endure
When the going's rough
You can be sure
I'll tough it out
I won't give in
If I'm knocked down,
I'll get up again
As long as my dream's alive,
I will survive
Even before he had been born, Achilles' destiny had already been laid out. It had been prophesized that he would be a great warrior, greater than his father, whoever it might be. His father had been Peleus, King of the Myrmidons, and far from stressing over the prophecy, Peleus did everything in his power to make sure it came true! When Achilles was only five years old, Peleus started teaching him the art of warfare. His mother Thetis, a sea goddess, taught him academically, so as well as developing into a gifted warrior, he also became very intelligent as well. However, Thetis could not always be there for her son, as her goddess duties frequently called her back to the sea, so it was mostly Peleus who brought Achilles up. Because his father was the leader of the elite group of Myrmidons, Achilles knew from an early age that he would need to become a fearsome warrior for he would succeed his father one day.
Athena, goddess of wisdom and a very good friend of Thetis', was concerned for Achilles. She approached Peleus one day and advised him to wait until Achilles was at least twelve to start teaching him the arts of war. She said that Achilles should not be exposed to such violence at an early age; he should enjoy his childhood innocence. Athena also added that if Peleus let Achilles develop in his childhood, then he would grow up to be compassionate and loving. Peleus, being very foolish, just laughed at the goddess and requested that she train Achilles to be the best warrior in the entire world. Athena stormed back to Mt. Olympus, fuming. She told Peleus that he was incredibly foolish and his son would suffer as a result. She also told him that she would come back and train him when he was twelve, and that was that.
But Athena was right. Achilles would grow to be very bloodthirsty and cold if he was constantly thrust into battle after battle. His heart and soul would become as hard as a rock if he never truly experienced the innocence childhood brings. In the meantime, Achilles accompanied his father in every bloody battle, every horror-filled war. He witnessed horrors that no child should ever have to witness. By the time he was twelve, Achilles was very traumatized by war. He experienced many flashbacks and was plagued by dreams about the spirits of the men he killed. They would call out his name in haunting voices and take his chin in their long, bony fingers. Standing on the banks of the river Styx, they would whisper in his ear, "Welcome brother." Achilles would always wake up in a cold sweat, gasping and praying to Zeus for mercy. He had killed his first man when he was only nine, and the victory filled him with a bloodthirsty ice. Shortly after that, he lusted for battle all the time and every time he killed his enemies, the ice in him grew and grew, until his heart and soul were hardened with anger and bloodlust. He had lost all his innocence when he killed that man, and Athena could only watch sadly as the boy she cared about grew into a conflicted young man. Foolish Peleus had not heeded her warnings, yet she kept her promise to train Achilles when he turned twelve. The demigod, under Athena's guidance, became the best warrior in Greece. Everybody feared the twelve year old's name, and Achilles grew into a ruthless leader. His only redeeming quality was his ability to love, and that was snatched away as he saw his father killed in battle when he was sixteen. A soldier of Agamemnon's in a war between Pthia and Mycenae had killed Peleus. Achilles held a deathly grudge against Agamemnon ever since. From there on out, the grief-stricken warrior basically raised himself.
Then his orphaned cousin Patroclus came to live with him. Because Achilles knew what it was like to lose a parent, he and Patroclus became good friends. Achilles grew to love him like a little brother, and he taught Patroclus how to fight just as his father and Athena had taught him. Taking care of this little one helped to awaken long-dead emotions in the warrior: love and friendship. It was the same love and friendship that Achilles felt for Briseis now. He constantly vowed to protect his cousin against the fate he had suffered because he loved this child who had turned his life around and Patroclus did not deserve that fate. Patroclus had brought the light back into Achilles' life. And Hector had killed him.
Learning to sleep in the bed that I've made
Layin' the blame
Where it belongs
I gotta be strong
Achilles very well knew that Hector had not killed his cousin on purpose. Patroclus had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Hector had thought it had been Achilles, and like any soldier, he did what he thought was best for his country. Achilles knew all this. But it didn't stop him from killing Hector. Nothing did. Not even Briseis' pleading cries to spare her beloved cousin.
A tear drops,
No one sees but me
I won't stop
I'll always believe
Achilles stood up and walked out into the quiet of the night. A few feet in front of him was Briseis, gazing out at the ocean she had grown up next to. In the brightness of the moonlight, Achilles could see she was crying silently. His heart ached with misery and love for her. Now he was fully regretting killing Hector. His mind had been bent on revenge, and he hadn't given a single thought about Briseis and how she might feel. He loved her so much, and yet, how could he love her? If he truly loved her, he wouldn't have killed Hector. If he truly loved her, he would have gotten out of his chariot, swept her off her feet, and reassured her with a kiss that he would never kill her cousin because he knew she loved him dearly and it would tear her apart if he killed him.
With those thoughts, a single tear made its way down Achilles' face and he began to cry silently under the bright stars. He did not break down and sob, for that would have been very undignified. Instead, Achilles continued to ponder why he killed Hector. Patroclus had been all he had left outside his goddess mother, for all his other kin had died in war alongside him. Losing him had been the last straw. And yet, Achilles knew that what he had done was wrong also. It was bad enough that he had killed Hector, but then he had to desecrate his body as well. As the guilt clawed at him, Achilles had to suppress the urge to wail with the agony of it. Looking up at the night sky, Achilles vehemently cursed all the gods for his horrible life and spat blasphemous things at them. When he was finished, Achilles made his way over to his desolate lover. Kneeling down beside her, Achilles took her in his arms and stroked her hair tenderly. Even when she was crying and broken, she was still perfect in his eyes.
I will survive
I will endure
When the going's rough
You can be sure
I'll tough it out
I won't give in
If I'm knocked down,
I'll get up again
As long as my dream's alive,
I will survive
Briseis glanced at Achilles, startled. Quickly wiping her eyes, she leaned into his chest and stroked his face. Then she pulled back sharply.
"Achilles, love," she gasped. "You've been crying."
"I have," he admitted brokenly. "I cry because I feel deep regret. I have hurt you, and that's not what I wanted."
"Oh, Achilles," Briseis said, fresh tears running down her face. "I understand why you killed him. You wanted to avenge your cousin, who was all you had left. My love, your life has been hard, and when Patroclus came into your life, it was a blessing to you. But Hector did not deserve to be dragged behind your chariot. He was a noble man and he deserves a proper burial."
"He killed my cousin," Achilles spat, but he was beyond feeling angry. Now, he just felt broken and battle-weary. His heart and soul ached, and he just wanted it all to be over.
"He did kill your cousin," Briseis agreed calmly. "But your cousin got the proper burial rites. Hector did not mean to kill Patroclus. He thought it was you he was fighting. Please love," she begged. "When I die, I want to see Hector again in the Underworld. I want to embrace him and see his face again. Please return him to my people."
This was too much for Achilles. It was not like Briseis to beg. Tears started running down his face again, and he turned his face away from Briseis. At last he said, "Briseis, my love. I love you so much, and if that's what you want, then I shall return him to Troy in the morning."
Briseis smiled happily, but she saw that he was crying and she wrapped her arms around him and said soothingly, "Shh, my love. Why do you lament?"
Wrapping his arms around her in turn and kissing her on the forehead, Achilles whispered, "I have been reflecting on my life, Briseis. It has been a lifetime of war, and I've lost everyone who is dear to me. Oh Briseis, I have nothing else to live for. All my kin, my father, and now my cousin," he sobbed. "It never ends. It just never ends. I came here so my name will be remembered throughout history, but it wasn't worth it. Patroclus died as a result, and that's my fault. The spirits of the Underworld haunt me every night, and I have a feeling that my end is nearing soon. But I don't care anymore. I just want all the war and pain to end. I want to die, and if no soldier kills me first, then I shall do it myself."
At this, Briseis leaped to her feet and cried, "No, my love! Do not say such things. You still have me to live for, and at the end of the war, we will live in peace together for the rest of our lives. Please do not say those things," she repeated, her eyes shining with tears. "It breaks my heart to see you so broken. But it is not your fault that Patroclus died. It is just the way of war, and though it's perfectly dreadful, you will survive in the end and we will live out our lives in Pthia and have children. Everything will come through in the end, and Agamemnon will get what he deserves. You'll see."
"No, my beauty," Achilles said, shaking his golden head and tearing up again. "I won't survive. We can never be together. Not until our souls meet in the Underworld."
"Achilles, why do you speak so?" Briseis asked in confusion. As Achilles told her his mother's prophecy, she got up and wrapped her arms around his neck. Gazing into his ice-blue eyes she said firmly, "My dear Achilles, you will survive. I know you will. Love conquers everything, and our love is so strong that we can defy even fate. Please survive," she continued. "For at the end of this war, I will be waiting for you. And as long as I'm still waiting for you, we will survive."
Gazing into her brown eyes, Achilles felt himself become immersed by her beautiful words. She was right. They could survive the war as long as they loved each other. For the first time in many years, he felt true happiness. Sweeping Briseis off her feet he said joyfully, "Oh Briseis. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. Not only did you give me peace and love in a lifetime of war, but you also gave me friendship. For that, I'll always be thankful. You're the only one that I could tell the story of my life to without tearing up. You've brought such light into my life, and I want you to come back to Pthia to marry me."
"Oh, Achilles," Briseis sighed in contentment. "Of course I'll marry you." Achilles brought her closer to him and kissed her. And for a while they stayed like that. The two lovers lay in each other's arms, kissing passionately. At long last, Achilles walked away from Briseis and back toward his tent. Briseis watched him go, pure love shining in her eyes.
"Aren't you coming Briseis?" Achilles called to her, and she answered, "I think I'll just stay out here a little longer and watch the waves."
Smiling, Achilles said, "I love you Briseis."
Beaming at him, Briseis answered, "I love you too, Achilles. Remember, you will survive."
As long as my dream's alive,
I will survive
I will endure
When the going's rough
You can be sure
I'll tough it out
I won't give in
If I'm knocked down,
I'll get up again
As long as my dream's alive,
I will survive
And as he made his way back to his tent, Achilles held onto her words with hope. Just a few moments ago, he had been feeling desolate and empty because he felt had nothing to live for. But now he realized he had Briseis to live for. And as long as you're there for me at the end, I will survive for you Briseis, Achilles thought with love and determination.
I will survive.
Well there you have it:) I know that in the myths Achilles' childhood was described a little differently, but I wrote it based on how he might've described it in the movies. Hope you enjoyed! Please read and review.:)