Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man and its characters are property of Katsura Hoshino. I own no part of the series whatsoever. Honestly, if I did own the series this would not be fanfiction, it would be part of the actual storyline and you would not find it here on a fanfiction site. So….. logically speaking, this disclaimer is totally useless :)
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He opened his eyes to find himself lying on his back in an open field. The long tangles of grass surrounding him hid him almost entirely from the pale violet sky above. He shot up, heart quickening as he scanned the emptiness around him. Suddenly, his gaze snagged on something in the distance. A single willow tree stood there, branches dipping lazily into the pond below. At the center of the pond stood some object the boy couldn't quite identify. Unconsciously, he began to drift towards it. The cool air whipped gently through his paper white hair, carrying the scent of a freshly lit campfire. As he neared the pond, he came to a dead halt. The object in question had revealed itself to be a large white piano which was not submerged in the pond, but rather, resting on its surface. However, it wasn't the water's peculiar behavior that had caused the boy's reaction. What had stopped him was the realization that he was not alone.
Sitting on the floating piano bench was a young girl dressed in a short black dress. Her dark shoulder length hair hung in her face as she stared intently down at the piano keys as if trying to read a novel written in a foreign language. As if sensing his presence, she abruptly turned to face him, violet eyes growing in confusion as she observed the boy standing across the water. At the exact same moment their shared confusion melted away as both broke in to welcoming smiles. The boy relaxed instantly, this was no stranger, and this world was not foreign. The two had met here many times before. However, for whatever reason this dream, which he could now recognize to be a dream, had not occurred in years.
"Welcome back," the girl at the piano smiled, her voice causing countless memories of their previous encounters to circle in his mind like a soft winter wind. He remembered vividly the first time he had entered this world. He had been quite young, perhaps around 7. His hair had been brown then and he had worn a mitt over his disabled left arm to disguise its abnormal appearance. He had woken up in the exact same place he had found himself in at the beginning of his current dream, and the world surrounding his younger self had appeared exactly the same as it did now. Even the contrasting scent and feel of the air had been the same. The girl had also appeared to him then in front of the gravity-defying piano. He remembered her hair had been quite a bit longer then, and her legs had just barely been able to hang over the edge of the piano bench. Tears streamed down her face as she angrily pounded her small fists against the keys of the piano which would offer no note in response.
"What the heck is she cryin' about?" The young boy rolled his eyes, "It's just a stupid broken piano." Despite his words, Allen—that was his name, wasn't it?—found himself watching her still as she threw herself from the bench and began to run at a furious pace across the surface of the water. He moved closer to the pond, thinking the surface might possibly be frozen over, but upon closer examination, he could clearly see the movement of the water as it splashed about the small girl's ankles with each step she took. He watched her run further and further into the distance, wondering if he was meant to follow her, or if he were physically able to, for that matter. Suddenly, the girl vanished.
Before he could register what had taken place, the boy was knocked off his feet, flying face-first into the ground. Using his only mobile arm, he struggled to push himself up, however, he found some opposing force was pressing him hard against the ground.
The boy attempted to yell through a mouthful of dirt, but was ultimately unintelligible. A soft gasp sounded above him as he felt the pressure holding him down fade away.
"I'm sorry! Are you ok?" He turned to see a blushing Chinese girl looking down at him, her hand outstretched in an offer to help him to his feet. Feeling his own face begin to color, the boy turned abruptly away from her, violently spitting out the dirt that still remained in his mouth.
"Yah, yah, I'm fine." Ignoring her offer, he pulled himself to his feet and began to mumble irritably under his breath.
"Oh." She withdrew her hand and turned to face the pond. "I'm sorry I didn't see you, I have no idea how I even ended up here when I was running in the opposite direction. I guess… there really isn't a way out…" Her gaze shifted to her bare feet which had become entangled in the long emerald strands of grass. "I thought maybe the piano over there might mean something, but I can't seem to—unless!" Her head snapped up suddenly, eying the confused child in front of her with hopeful realization as she grasped one of his hands between both of hers. "How did you get here? Maybe the way in is the way out!"
The boy felt his cheeks ignite at her touch and pulled away from her indignantly. "How should I know? I just kinda woke up here," he grumbled.
The girl considered this for a moment before reaching for his hand once more and leading him towards the pond.
"What are you—"
"I have an idea." She smiled warmly at him, causing his blush to deepen. What was with this chick? He really wished she would let go, it wasn't like he couldn't walk himself. However, when she did release him, he somehow found himself wishing she would take his hand again.
"Maybe you can play it."
"Huh?" he broke out of his trance, realizing he had been staring rather intensely at the hand that had previously been in his own and also that he was now seated beside the girl that hand belonged to on the floating piano bench.
"I said maybe you can play the piano. I mean, since it won't work for me, maybe it's here for you."
"I've never played any kind of instrument in my life, so I doubt I'll have any more luck than you did. Besides, I can't…" He glanced down at his mitted hand.
Following his gaze, the girl tentatively asked, "Did you injure your arm?"
"It just doesn't move, ok?!" He growled, shooting her a glare that caused her to wince.
"Sorry! I shouldn't have—"
"You know what I wanna know?" The boy asked, ignoring her apology completely. "I wanna know how the heck this piano is just floating here."
"Eh?" She glanced down, eyes widening as if she had only just noticed exactly where she was. "But then… this must be a dream." At first it sounded as if this came as a great relief to the raven-haired child, but her mood quickly shifted. "That would mean..." she whispered, "I never got away from that place." The boy raised an eyebrow at her as she turned to face him. "You, know, if this is a dream, one of us probably isn't real." The British boy gaped at her as anger began to boil behind his eyes.
"I'm real!" He shouted, causing the water beneath them to ripple violently. He paused as he considered his words. Was he real? Where had he come from? And what was his name? He was sure he had known these things only a moment ago.
A.
His name started with an A. But, that wasn't quite enough information to prove his existence.
"At least, I feel real."
"I do too, but… is it even possible for two people to share the same dream?"
The boy had to admit it didn't sound likely, but he was sure he was real even if he couldn't prove it.
"You know, I wouldn't mind if you were the real one," she was hardly audible, "In fact, I think I'd prefer it."
His mouth hung open as he attempted to register her words, "Wh- What? Why would you say something like that?"
She offered him a lifeless smile and shrugged, "The place from my memories…If it's real… I'd rather not exist than go back to it."
The boy stared at her, unable to speak. In her eyes, he saw his own reflection. He saw the cold, dark London streets he remembered wandering. He saw a crowd of faceless people surrounding him, not one of them holding an ounce of familiarity. He saw loneliness.
"Then don't."
"Huh?" She raised an eyebrow at him as she noticed his small frame begin to tremble.
"I don't think I care to go back to where I came from either, so… maybe we could both… just stay here." The boy suddenly found himself enveloped in the arms of the girl beside him. He could feel the strange sensation of her warm tears soaking through his shirt. Tears of his own crept down his pale cheeks as he leaned into his sobbing companion, burying his face in her dark hair in attempt to hide them. He hadn't realized until this moment how long it had been since he had someone to talk to. Or how much longer it had been since someone actually cared about what he had to say; since someone cared about him.
After both children had stopped crying, the girl lifted her eyes to meet his, "I promise I won't leave you here alone."
The two shakily pulled apart, each gripping the piano for support. A soft, awkward note escaped from the instrument as both hands unintentionally struck a key. The two children looked down at the piano and then back at each other.
"What the—?! Wasn't this thing broken?" The boy struck another key, but this time the piano did not respond. "Make up your mind already!"
The girl giggled softly at his frustration, "I think, maybe," she took hold of the boy's right hand and pressed down against the key once again as she struck another with her free hand. Once again, the piano found its voice. "It wants us to play together."
"Well that's stupid."
Despite his words, he couldn't help smiling as she motioned for him to come closer. As neither one of them knew anything about playing the instrument, the melody they began to play was horribly off-beat and awkward, however, this went on unnoticed by either child. A comforting sense of warmth washed over them both as their hands stumbled across the row of keys that neither could quite identify. They only knew they never wanted the feeling to fade.
Allen wasn't exactly sure how that first dream had ended, but he figured he must have awoken in London soon after this last piece of his memory. He remembered the feeling of guilt that had assaulted him upon his return to this world when he realized that he had completely forgotten it. This happened invariably no matter how hard he tried to make himself remember this life once he returned to his real one. In fact, even when he entered this world he couldn't identify any aspect of it as familiar until he came face to face with the girl he shared it with. It was almost as if she were this world, for it didn't seem to hold any sort of form without her. In fact, he remembered, when she awoke from this world before he did the warmth and security held by his surroundings would follow her.
Allen turned toward his companion, "Would you like me to play you a song?"
Her face lit up as she extended both of her hands to hover over the keys, somehow knowing how he had intended to be able to play on his own. Allen reached around her, covering both of her hands with his own and slowly began to play. He hadn't been sure when exactly he had learned to play the piano, but he had inexplicably known exactly what he was doing. As he played, he suddenly thought of an explanation, perhaps an event from his real life, but the thought disappeared as soon as it had arrived.
Intertwining the girl's fingers with his own, the boy closed his eyes as he began to feel the darkness of the melody his fingers inherently knew. Another memory began to surface in his mind then, one where the world he now occupied had been slightly altered. Though he hadn't noticed at the time, he now noted the piano had been absent from that dream and had been replaced by the large willow tree which usually watched the children from the shore of the pond. The caramel-haired child walked slowly towards the misplaced landmark, his heartbeat quickening, though he had no idea why. He stopped short of the tree's trunk. The thin, grey branches swept fluidly towards the water, swinging softly around him. The boy peered down to see the think tangle of roots through the transparent water beneath his feet. It appeared, upon closer examination, that something was ensnared at the center.
His heart stopped.
Bound by each limb at the core of the willow's roots was the young Chinese girl he would normally find waiting for him at the piano. Her skin was almost as translucent as the water surrounding her. Dark hair floated eerily around her like a veil. The flesh bound by the roots at her wrists and ankles had been bruised a deep purple. Her eyes were closed, encircled with grey. A scream tore violently out of the young boy's throat, instantly causing the corpse-like girl's eyes to snap open. The boy fell to his knees, pounding the glass-like surface of the water with his one mobile fist. The girl mouthed something, her arm, though restrained, attempting to reach him. Tears sprung from her eyes and she quickly hid her face from him, unable to meet his eyes. Meanwhile, the boy pounded more and more furiously at the barrier between them.
"Don't worry!" He yelled downward, the tears threatening to fall from his eyes evident in his voice. "I can break through!"
"Don't." Her voice was as clear as if she were standing right next to him.
"Are you stupid?" His rapidly descending fist made contact with the water once again, his blood tinting it a soft pink. "You'll die down there if I don't get you out! How long do you expect to be able to breathe water, huh?"
"I broke my promise! I said I'd never leave you alone and I…" She closed her eyes, her eyebrows knitting together as she tried to expel the words she was ashamed to speak, "I couldn't take one more day in that place with that—that man! There was no way to escape, I can't tell you how many times I tried. I had to get away somehow. Anyway I could…" Her next words were barely audible, "I didn't think of you once."
The boy couldn't deny he had been deeply hurt by her words, but he couldn't become angry with her. Outside of this world he could remember nothing of her, so why should she remember him? Despite her intentions, she hadn't left him. She was here, alive, still able to keep her promise.
"You haven't broken it yet," he said through gritted teeth as he continued to attack the surface of the water, "and I'll forgive you if you can just live through this!"
The girl looked up slightly, tears still streaming down her face. She turned to face him, determination in her sunken eyes, and began pulling furiously against her restraints, staining the water around her with her blood as the roots bit into her flesh. She clenched her teeth, straining forward in spite of the pain she was causing herself. The boy continued his assault on the hard surface between them, his blows becoming more and more forceful. Suddenly, the girl stopped, stretching her neck towards her left wrist in an attempt to cut through the root binding it with her teeth. The girl had doubted this would have any effect, and was surprised when the root began to weaken as she chewed at it. The girl clung desperately to this glimmer of hope, gnawing hastily at the binding on her wrist until it snapped. Instantly water began to rush into her lungs and the girl began to panic. Noticing her struggle the boy's eyes began to overflow with tears as he collapsed face-first against the cool surface of the water. He was so close to her, why couldn't he just break through? Hot tears hit the water beneath him as his fist came down against it once again.
He felt something then; a splash of water licked at his bloodied hand. His head shot up instantly to see the surface melting away where his tears had landed. Reaching through one of the small openings, he quickly ripped at the edges until it was large enough to dive through and swam as fast as he small legs would allow towards the young girl. Once he reached the grey mass of roots which held the now immobile girl, he took hold of her beneath her arms and began to swim upwards, pulling roughly against the hold of the roots. However, the roots slid lifelessly from her limbs with the first pull, enabling him to reach his forged opening at the surface with relative ease. Once the two emerged from the water, the boy scooped the girl he had rescued up in his arms and did not stop running until they were a good distance away from the water. His arms trembled as he gently lowered the girl to the ground, falling to his knees beside her. Slowly, he leaned forward hoping to catch a soft hint of a heartbeat, unable to look at her much too pale face without having to choke back more tears. Suddenly, he felt something cold brush past his face and opened his eyes to find the hand of his companion now tangled in his chestnut hair. A small smile flickered on the girls face between bouts of coughing. The boy moved quickly to lift her up from the ground so the water could escape from her lungs. Once she had finished, the girl collapsed against him, whispering the words, "I'm sorry."
The young boy held her close, "Forget about it, ok?"
She closed her eyes, absorbing his warmth, "I'm glad I didn't escape."
She had been the first to wake that time. He knew this for certain because he would not allow himself to disappear from that world when his friend needed him. When she had gone, the world put on its familiar mask, but the renewed beauty held no comfort for him. The world felt just as lifeless then as it had when he had first arrived that night.
As his fingers danced skillfully across the keys of the piano, yet another memory surfaced in his mind. This particular memory was the most vivid of all. He could feel every ounce of pain he felt the night it occurred with each key he struck, but still he played on. It had been a few weeks following the attempted resurrection of Allen's adoptive father, Mana, when this dream had taken place. The world surrounding him that night had been the same as the one he occupied now, however, it had been anything but welcoming. The sky above him had become paper white and was barely discernable from the pale grey expanse of land, which had been entirely barren. However, all the boy could see were shades of red which pulsed which each wave of pain that ripped through the left side of his face. The cut that split his left eye in half felt as if it were bleeding flames rather than blood, the unbearable burning growing steadily hotter with each passing second. All he could do was scream as he felt his face being torn further and further apart. He clutched at his eye, hands instantly becoming coated in something thick and warm.
He had not identified this horrifying realm to be the one in which he had so often found solace until he heard her scream. Through a scarlet curtain, he could see her figure grow larger and larger as she bolted towards him. For the first time he wished he was alone. She continued on in his direction, collapsing to her knees beside his broken form. She was close enough now that he could make out the tears collecting in the corners of her eyes as she reached out in attempt to collect him in her arms. However, her effort to comfort the boy was in vain, as his rapidly flailing limbs prevented any sort of contact between the two. Maneuvering awkwardly around his seizing arms, the girl once again attempted to reach him, managing to restrain his right arm before being knocked harshly away, body lifting completely off the ground before striking her head against it with an audible crack. The boy's left arm, which had been what had hit her, suddenly felt as if it had more than tripled in size. His ragged scream ripped through the dry air surrounding him. What had he done to her? His head whipped around frantically as he tried to locate her, but he could see no movement of any kind through the blood that clouded his eyes. As much as he struggled to push the idea away, he could not escape the thought that he could have killed her, the only person he could say he cared for now that Mana…
Tears spilled profusely over his face, revealing thin streaks of flesh beneath the thick layer of crimson which coated it.
"…Allen..." a voice whispered slowly, tasting the word with uncertainty. His head once again began to jerk in every direction, desperate to locate the source of the voice.
"ALLEN!" The boy found himself suddenly restrained by a warm presence. Instantly, every ounce of pain had drained from his body to be replaced with her warmth. He felt her move gently around him.
Riiiiiip!
He flinched slightly, but could not steel himself to open his eyes. He felt himself being moved carefully away from her and subconsciously clung to her arm, fearing that insufferable pain might resurface if he were to lose contact with her.
She jumped, startled by his sudden move. "Don't move, ok?"
His head leaned back to rest on the girl's lap as she began to wrap the left side of his face with a thin, pink strip of fabric which had been torn from the bottom of her dress.
Allen slowly opened his right eye, "A-are you hurt?"
She gave a short, hollow laugh, "am I hurt?"
"Yah, from when I… hit you…"
"Didn't feel a thing," she almost managed a smile.
"I'm so sorry—"
"You stopped bleeding. Are you still in any pain?"
He thought about this for a moment, "No. Thank you."
She nodded slightly as she secured the make-shift bandage to his face.
"I mean it. You have no idea—"
"Just rest now."
While he wanted nothing more than to continue with what he had started to tell her, he found himself unable to resist the allure of sleep. His vision began to blur as he whispered, "thank you," so quietly he doubted that she had been able to hear it. That had been the last time he had seen her.
As the now 16-year-old Allen reflected on this memory, he realized the two's intertwined hands had been lingering a bit too long on a single note. He had always wondered how she had known his name when she called to him that night. In all the years the two had spent together he had never given it, in fact, he himself could never quite remember it. But he had known it then. When she called to him, he was instantly sure that name had belonged to him.
Slowly, he lifted their hands away from the keys and turned to her, "Do you remember the last time we were here?"
Her smile faltered a bit, "Yes."
"I've been wondering… how did you know my name? You… when you called out to me, you knew."
She bit her lip, "To tell you the truth, I have no idea. It just sort of came to me. I can't remember it now."
"Allen."
"Allen…" she repeated. "That's right. You know, it's strange we never learned each other's names."
"Do you remember yours?"
She shook her head, "That's why I was sure you were the real one when we first met."
"I couldn't remember mine then either. I never did until you reminded me." She smiled warmly at him, causing the familiar sensation of burning in the young boy's cheeks. "How did you even recognize me that time?"
"Huh? That's right, your hair used to be brown, didn't it?"
"Not to mention I was a gory mess."
"It… wasn't that bad," he noticed her shiver slightly before continuing, "I think it was the feeling. This world was very different last time, it was almost entirely empty and the air made me sick to my stomach. When I saw you, it was like… everything changed. I felt as if I were home; the way I've always felt here with you. Even though the circumstances were clearly… different, I could still feel it. That's how I knew."
The boy stared at her, unable to speak.
"Too much?" She laughed uncomfortably.
"Not at all," he smiled, his face now resembling a tomato.
The girl laughed as she pulled their still-joined hands back down towards the piano. The color slowly drained from the young boy's face as he began to play, picking up where he had left off.
"I'm glad I got to see you again," she whispered as she felt her companion begin to fade.
Becoming steadily more translucent, the boy turned to her and smiled, "Me too. See you again, Lenalee." The girl froze.
Lenalee..?
That name… it had to be hers. Her head whipped around to find that Allen had already disappeared. Lenalee smiled to herself. Even though he was gone, she could almost feel his presence next to her on the piano bench. This differed from the previous times he had been first to wake. Normally, once he had vanished, the atmosphere of the world she inhabited would instantly change. This time, the world lost none of its warmth. Though she didn't know why this was, she didn't dare question it. The Chinese girl closed her eyes, listening to the hum of the piano as her fingers found the final note of Allen's song.
Allen's eyes drifted open as he awoke in the first-class compartment of the London bound train. Within the large window to his right he could see the clouded night sky. The lights of the train which illuminated the tracks below served as the only source of light as the clouds hid the moon and stars from the world below. He smiled contentedly at the scene before him, trying to gauge the train's relative location by the distant street lights of nearby towns. Allen closed his eyes once more, listening to the train rumble along the track. The atmosphere of the cabin was warm and welcoming, making him eager to drift back to sleep. He had just returned from a very long mission in Ireland and the fact that he had hardly slept at all during the time he and Lenalee had spent there coupled with the soothing scent of roses coming from the cushion he rested on had him fully ready to surrender once again to sleep. However, he quickly found his mind simply didn't agree with this wish. Resigned to remaining awake, Allen opened his eyes once again to adjust to the dimly lit compartment.
"Man, when they say first class they really mean it!" Allen tried to sit up straight, quickly realizing it to be impossible in his current position. But why would that be? There was certainly plenty of space in the cabin. Speaking of which, where was Lena—
Allen turned slowly to find his fellow exorcist sleeping against him, her head resting on his shoulder. He must've been resting his head on hers just now. That would explain the smell of roses. He had to admit, even for first class, rose scented cushions would be a bit much.
Not wanting to wake his sleeping friend, Allen slowly leaned his head back against hers, realizing how cold the cabin truly was in comparison with the warmth he suddenly felt. The young exorcist paused. The feeling that had begun to surface was almost overwhelming, yet he couldn't seem to place it.
Allen looked down at the girl beneath him, suddenly feeling a countless number of dream-like memories rush through him. The shock of his realization almost made him jump, but somehow he was able to remain still.
"It was you…" he whispered, eyes beginning to water, "I knew we were both real." He laughed quietly to himself, a single tear falling onto the sleeping exorcist's forehead.
Lenalee's eyes flickered open. Noticing her position, she quickly pulled away, her face burning crimson.
"A-Allen-kun! Sorry, I didn't mean to—" She stopped, noticing the expression on his face, "Are you ok?"
The boy nodded happily, quickly wiping the tears from his eyes, "Yes, I'm ok, I just had this… strange feeling. I think I know what you meant now."
Lenalee tilted her head, eyebrows knitting in confusion.
"How is it I never noticed?" he laughed as he reached for her hand, taking it in both of his. Lenalee gasped, causing Allen's head to immediately snap upwards.
Tears welled in the Chinese girl's eyes as she impulsively threw her arms around her comrade. Allen tensed, not anticipating her sudden reaction.
"I—I promised I wouldn't leave you alone, and now," her voice shook, "now I can finally keep that promise."
Allen's body relaxed, "So you do remember. It's good to know I'm not just crazy," he laughed.
Lenalee began to laugh along with him, tears happily streaming down her cheeks. Allen pulled her closer, both unable to stop their laughter.
In that moment, in the cabin of a train still miles away from any town he recognized, he knew no matter where he was, as long as she was by his side, he would always be home.