Hello there ^^
EDIT: I have decided to make this into a collection of SebaCiel One-Shots, so each chapter will be a new one-shot...no idea how many I'm going to do but I'm just exploring what I can do with this collection with the central theme as Sebastian's and Ciel's relationships, their emotions, their feelings and their trust. And also perhaps portraying Sebastian's more inner human emotions, on top of his demon side ^^
So here I am another first timer trying out some darker stuff, that focuses more on character emotions, I took two days to write it...and I still dunno what to make of it...
I'm assuming you read Kuroshitsuji Mangas and if you could take that you can probably take this...I think... It's a SebaCiel pairing...obviously...and to give you an idea of the time frame it's probably when Sebastian and Ciel were still feeling out their roles as master and butler~
Credits to the person who drew the pretty picture that I used for the cover :3
So, hope you like it~
Darkness.
Pain.
Blood.
Hands, sliding down his body.
Voices, whispering, mocking, unrelenting.
He let out, a scream, but only a hoarse sound came out, he'd already screamed his vocal cords raw.
Trapped in a nightmare, he couldn't get out of.
Xxx
A muffled voice forced Sebastian to pause mid stride though the darkened hallways, smartly turning on his heel, he walked briskly back to his young masters bedroom. Slipping in, he watched the slight figure on the bed, illuminated by the sliver of moonlight that streamed in through the gap in the curtians. He watched his young master moan, his head titled up, sweat gleaming on his forehead in the moonlight, hands clawing at the sheets, as if trying to resist something.
It wasn't the first time this happened, some times Sebastian had just guarded his young master, watching over him while he finally, surrendered to sleep, after all he had to take good care of the body and mind of the one who's soul he was eventually going to take. He hadn't felt the need to comfort...what an odd word for his proud master, and he didn't think that his young master would welcome it either. The thought of revenge was probably the only thing that conciously kept Ciel away from the memories of his past, but his thoughts unguarded in the night, brought back unbidden images of the past.
He watched Ciel for a while more...feeling a tinge of regret for not be able to help but quickly pushed the thought away. He turned to leave his masters room, Ciel was going to be cranky enough as it was because of the lack of sleep, but he had many things to be done before dawn broke and Lady Elizabeth's first visit was near.
"No...don't ..."
Sebastian's hand froze on the door knob, glancing back, he saw his young master still in deep sleep and Ciel never talked in his sleep, some bit of stubbornness clinging on to him to not make a word even when his dreams tormented him.
"Don't ...no..." the voice was laced with pain.
The raven haired man, dropped his hand to his side.
"S-stop...please..." the boy pleaded, scrunching up the linen around him, like something was pinning Ciel there.
The uncharacteristic sound from his young master made Sebastian flinch for a second, what was this? A hint of concern...a feeling of pain for the boy that was lost to his nightmares. Was his stone cold once human heart starting to stir again? He clamped down on that thought, no...the day the was made into what he was now, had sealed his unstable human side for good, a barrier coming up between his heart and head, and he had left the former to starve and decay, certain that it had, by now, suffered in the cruelty of acts that he had done for his own selfish needs before meeting his master.
Shrugging out of his outer jacket, he dropped into the heavy arm chair that stood facing the bed, lost in his thoughts, Sebastian watched his young master quietly.
Xxx
Silence.
He stilled, pain still wrecking his body, the violating hands gone. The burn of open wounds that ran down his back, no longer aggravated, but settled into a more manageable throb.
He closed his eyes and swallowed thickly, even his sliva felt corse against his throat. He knew what was going to happen next, after all the haunting dreams made sure he relived every moment of it.
They had positioned him on his front, fabric swaddling him around his hip, his wrists tied to the marble platform, not that it mattered since he was too weak to move.
Xxx
The red eyed demon watched as Ciel's breathing started to even out, he wearily eyed the boy, one thing he couldn't do was read minds, and he was uncertain if this episode was over. His train of thought stopped there, uncertainty was human...and he definitely didn't want to be human...they say taking on a contact for a soul changed you...was this it?
Xxx
Smoke.
There was certainly fire.
A clang of metal.
Metal striking metal.
The sound harsh on his ears. A pair of calloused hands, ran down his side.
Xxx
It was small, almost impossible to detect, a tremor ran though Ciel's body. Sebastian wanted to still the trembling boy. And yet, he was frustrated for the first time in a long time, why did he feel so protective over his young master? This was contract, business, and he had no business in this, none. But he couldn't tear his eyes away from the shaking figure lying crumpled on the freshly laid sheets.
"Se-Sebas..."
The man jerked out of the chair, it was barely a whisper, and yet it tugged Sebastian to his feet, his right knee pressing against the edge of the bed, a hand hovering over Ciel's shoulder.
Xxx
He trembled, the touches were now soft, glaring juxtaposed to the pain he had received before. Feather caresses against his back, mapping out his skin, as if trying to trace something onto his back. He wanted out, it tortured him to know what was coming, and still be powerless to stop it. A lucid mind in a helpless body.
The hands, suddenly stopped, tapping his lower back, toward one side, as if in satisfaction.
He heard a soft chink...metal again.
His mind panicked, no...he didnt want to go though it again, and a name came unbidden to his lips, "Se-Sebas..."
He twisted his head around, all he could see was the glow of the iron, slowly making it's way toward his unprotected back, "Sebastian...!" he screamed.
Sebastian who had never failed him, yet he thought bitterly, this was a dream, one he couldn't get out of, and the one place which the demon butler couldn't enter.
Xxx
His name from his masters mouth, jolted him, like cold water poured over his heart. It was an order, a cry of desparation. He sank into the empty space next to Ciel, and pulled the boy into his lap, running comforting lines down Ciel's shaking back, he murmured, "I am here, my Lord."
The next moment Ciel twisted, fingers scraping against Sebastian's chest, struggling.
And then his young master screamed.
Xxx
Agony.
Like barbs of fire that raced down his spine.
He tugged violently at his bonds.
The arid smell of burning flesh.
Iron hard and unyielding, pressed into his back.
The cackle of amusement from his tormentor, the only time ever he heard his captors.
Mocking his helplessness.
He screamed, oh how he cried, the sound forcing its way past his sore throat.
And then, just like the previous times, his dream finally let him go.
Xxx
Sebastian felt rather than saw Ciel, waking from his dream. The boy's body, going rigid, and then his oddly mismatched eyes snapping open. Unseeing, staring into space, seemingly unaware that he was in Sebastian's arms. He whimpered, a small soft cry, as the scar on his back, flared back to life, he curled up, as if the pain would leave if he made himself a small enough target, that's how he'd always coped. It was as if the keepers of his nightmares didn't want to let him go, clinging on to whatever misery they could inflict on him, emotionally or not.
Sebastian tightened his embrace around Ciel, holding the still trembling figure, he felt he slight contractions of muscle, knowing that his young master was in pain, he moved slow deliberately, wishing to loosen the bunched knot of muscle. Ciel suddenly went stiff, the movements of Sebastian's hands, shaking him back to reality.
Then he moved into action, harshly shoving away the arms that held him. He hated being weak, even in this state he was prideful enough to push his butler away, how ever much he wanted the comfort, craved it after the brutality done to his mind, he couldn't bring himself to accept it.
When Sebastian didn't yield, Ciel turned and said roughly, voice thick with strain, "Let go, Sebastian."
"No," the other man said simply, shocking himself more than Ciel. Since when had he cared enough to disobey an order, he was conflicted, and once again, that was human, and he wasn't human...so why? Ciel stared at his butler, he tried to recall the last time Sebastian had defied an order, his head hurt remembering, but his mind eventually drew up a blank.
Ciel shook, it wrecked his small frame, he didn't know what horrified him more, the fact that he wanted to hear the firm 'no' from his servant's lips, or that he realized that Sebastian was very much capable of defying him.
Ciel rejected the former thought, stubbornly wanting to correct that, he remembered Sebastian telling him how to give an Order, stilling the tremble in his voice as much as he could, he said, "T-this is an order! Let go, Sebastian!"
The twin contract symbols started to glow, and unbeknown to Ciel, a short sharp pulsing pain ran though Sebastian's body, starting from the intricate tattoo on his hand and spreading thoughout his body. It was the contracts way of motivation, he supposed, a kind of pain that was internally inflicted by the contract, one that he could feel and quite acutely too. Gritting his teeth, he refused to let go, he knew Ciel needed this, his mind screaming at him to just obey, throwing logical reasons at him.
Feeling the shock run though his master at his persistent defiance, through his own pain, Sebastian was struck by how fragile the person he was holding was. While he had known, the snarky, brash, selfish young Earl that the world knew, was just a carefully crafted veneer, he had bought the act too and forgotten that beneath that was a child forced to grow up too fast. That was what attracted him to Ciel's soul in the first place. So tainted, and yet, a part was still childishly waiting, naively wait for, of someone who cared, and ironically it was him, the only one who could see though the mask.
He cared.
"Why," Ciel's shoulders slumped in defeat, physically in pain, and mentally still undecided if he wanted Sebastian to obey, or be glad he didn't.
Sebastian was panting slightly now, the act of disobeying his master's orders punishing him. But the feel of Ciel crumpling into his embrace, made it worth it.
"Why do you care..." Ciel whispered, laying his head down, letting Sebastian gently massage his tense muscles, not even noticing the effect of not obeying orders had on his butler.
Sebastian tried to ignore the stabbing pains, they were slowing now, his master's intent in the order gone, but the pressure would still be there, pressing on his temples make his head hurt until he carried out the order or a new one was given. There was silence for awhile, as the raven haired man thought of how best to answer his young master's question, he would never openly admit he cared...and then he laughed to himself, they were sometimes alike in that aspect, too proud to admit anything, so he settled for the next best answer, "Because you are my master."
Yes, of course, what a logical answer, Ciel thought foolishly, what more had he been hoping for. Certainly not concern, let alone...lo- ... he let himself not think about it. But, he did feel, secure, protected, and this demon knew a hundred different ways to kill him, but now held him like a fragile piece of China.
Probing a sensitive spot, Ciel shivered as Sebastian's hands reached his scar, he closed his eyes, and a flash of memory came back to him, "no..." he said suddenly, bolting from the touch.
Sebastian frowned, Ciel moving away fulfilled the 'let go' of the order, and Sebastian felt his head clear. "Young master," he said reasonably, "your tense muscles will only keep you awake later, and bother you thoughout the day."
Ciel fought to listen to the rational line of his butler, but any touch there was too much too soon, in reminded him of his shame, and he hated remembering that moment of humiliation, of pain...but he didn't want to do it alone any more, today was the one night where he sought his servant in his dreams, surely it was an indicator that maybe...just maybe it was time to trust his red eyed butler.
"Sebastian..."Ciel said in a lost voice, "you will never betray me."
"Yes, My lord."
"You will protect me," Ciel said, voice a little stronger.
"Always, My lord."
"Will you..." Ciel paused and tried again, "can you protect me from my...my dreams?"
Ciel felt the bed shift, Sebastian's body pressed to his from behind, "If you let me..." his butler replied, breath ticking his ear.
A hand, trailed lightly over the marred skin though the fabric of his nightshirt, then pressing slowly, he rubbed circles around the bunched muscles, drawing a hiss of pain from Ciel, working silently, he finally felt the last knots loosen reluctantly, rewarding him with a sigh from the boy.
Exhaustion took over Ciel, the promise from Sebastian had to be enough, he titled his head back into Sebastian's arms, "You'll never tell anyone about this, Sebastian."
"Of course, young master," he brushed the fringe away from Ciel's forehead.
"And Sebastian, stay with me tonight?" it was a hesitant question, born of uncertainly if his butler would obey him.
"I will...sleep, My lord." Sebastian coaxed, physically shielding the boy with his body.
Head against Sebastian's lap, Ciel weary to fall asleep, eventually succumbed to slumber.
Sebastian watched his master's breathing even out, slightly surprised when a leg curled possessively around him, he couldn't help in Ciel's dreams, but he could be here to care for his master and hold him through it like today. He cared...he still marveled, he hadn't cared for anything in such a long time, after being dead to such emotions, and Ciel had some how thawed his cold heart a little. He decided he would guard this new feeling of his, no one would ever know what he found today.
He hoped that his young master wouldn't mind breakfast a little late tomorrow.
Xxx
Thanks for reading!
I still have no idea how I feel about this piece...quite conflicted actually...but if you do, feel free to share :)