A/N: I don't own any of this stuff except for the story line…because the idea is mine.
Rated M to be SAFE (I think it should be T, but I don't want this story to be deleted) for rare language and a little, but very vague, adult theme. This is set right after Vulcan kidnapped the Starjammers and has them trapped on his ship, the Hammer. So read on and enjoy!
The Winner's Loss
"You've been a very bad boy." Gabriel sneered, glaring down at me.
"Bad boy? Oh c'mon, Gabe, I'm the older one here." It felt weird saying it, but I did it; I was always used to being introduced as the younger brother.
His fist collided with my face, knocking my head to the side. I felt the blood begin to leak once more and red droplets appeared on the ground beneath me.
"Older, but weaker. I'm the superior one, Alexander, not you." He grabbed the chain that was connected to the band around my neck and dragged me forward, tying the materials to a nearby post. "Sit there like the obedient dog you were meant to be."
"You're so full of shit, y'know?" I spat. "You don't deserve to call yourself a Summers; you're a tyrant. You are not one of us."
Gabriel turned to look at me, his eyes glistening menacingly. "Good. You and your brother were always weaklings."
"I'm happy my mother died before she met you. She would be ashamed of the beast she made."
Gabriel paused and I knew I had hit a nerve. His gloved hands clenched and his frown deepened. "You don't mean that."
"With every damn fiber in my body, you bet your ass I do." I hissed, my chest stinging from the cuts and exertion. My throat burned and my breath came out in heavy huffs of air.
"You, Alexander..." Gabriel breathed, turning around completely to face me. He exhaled heavily through his nose and I could practically see the steam rolling out of his ears. "Just made a huge mistake."
"Did I?" I asked, glaring up at him.
"Yes; a grave mistake." His foot shot out and slammed harshly into my rib cage, making me gasp in pain. I felt something shift but I couldn't be sure as an orange ray found itself in my stomach. Gabriel grabbed me and pulled me up into a sitting position, punching me hard across the face. After a moment longer of beating me senseless, he stepped back. "I'll be back with your punishment." He straightened his cape and turned, leaving the room.
I sighed and leaned forward, letting my weight fall to the floor. Everything burned and stung, my muscles aching and sore.
I needed to find a way back to my team; I needed to get them off of this damn ship. I couldn't do that when I practically wore a dog collar.
Quickly, I pushed myself back into a sitting position before he returned to find me as weak as he stated. He would probably come back with a laser or a scalpel or a drill, anything to inflict the worst pains on my body.
Footsteps sounded farther up and the door whooshed open, revealing Gabriel once more, a devious grin on his face. In his hand was no scalpel or drill, nothing of the sort. Instead, a dazed and bloody Polaris trudged behind him, her hand in his.
My mind did a mini snap as I desperately tried to figure out what was going on. Her suit was torn and singed, her cape hole-ridden. Her pale skin was marred by blue and yellow bruises, both fresh and dried blood covering her body. Her green hair hung in her face and her eyes were tired; they were beyond tired, they looked as if she were ready to drop dead at any moment.
"Lorna," I breathed, grabbing her attention. "It's going to be alright."
Her green eyes locked with mine and I watched the terror flood them, consuming her like fire.
Gabriel laughed. "Oh, brother, don't make promises you can't keep."
Lorna pulled away from his grip, the gray power inhibitor collar around her neck blinking slowly. "Get off of me; what the hell do you want?"
Gabriel fisted her hair, yanking her closer. Lorna cried out in pain and I only watched as he threw her to the ground. Her head hit the ground hard and she groaned out.
Gabriel bent down and bound her hands to a rod running around the perimeter of the floor. "You've made a very grave mistake, brother." He announced turning to me. "And I'll punish you for it." He took his cape off and let it fall to the floor behind him. He glared down at Lorna with hard ravenous eyes and my breath hitched in my throat.
Gabriel, that bastard. He knew my connection with Lorna was important to me, knew how much she meant to me. He was going to hurt me by hurting her. He knew that such treatment was far worse than any drill or knife.
"Gabriel..." I said timidly as he moved closer to Lorna.
He bent down in front of her and she backed away slightly. He grabbed her ankle and pulled her closer to him, his large hands moving to touch her stomach. His fingers moved higher to palm her breasts and Lorna sucked air in sharply.
"Get off of me!" She shouted, her voice hoarse. "Get away!" Lorna kicked him hard in the side, pulling away.
Gabriel growled and pulled her back. She kicked at him again, but he forced her leg down to the ground. Gabriel grabbed her ankle and twisted it sharply, making her cry out.
"Next time, it breaks." He growled out, his voice deepening.
"Gabriel..." I repeated, my eyes wide as I watched him advance on my girlfriend.
"Quiet!" He snapped, latching on to her supple flesh once more.
Lorna's eyes burned now, her glare boring into his face. I could see the absolute offense and rage flowing through her, mixed with horror and terror.
His hands slid over her thighs as he began to pull at her uniform.
"Gabriel, stop!" I shouted. No, I wouldn't let him; she was my responsibility, mine to protect. This was sick; he made me watch as he did horrible things to Lorna.
"Just stop!" I pleaded. "Beat me, torture me, kill me if you want, please just stop!" I pulled hard against my binds, trying anything, anything to stop him from harming her.
He shot me a malicious grin, climbing on top of Lorna.
"Please don't." She begged, crying. "Don't do this."
Gabriel laughed. "Well, now you have Alexander to blame for this; if only he had kept his big mouth shut."
Lorna shot a panicked look in my direction and I returned it, guilt washing over every cell in my body.
I'm so sorry, my eyes said, searching for some type of hope in her green orbs.
There wasn't a reply, but something about her gaze wasn't angry with me; I couldn't figure out why.
Before we were able to finish our glancing-conversation, a hoarse scream tore itself from her throat. She shook and screamed again, her hands clenching as he harmed her.
Gabriel turned to look at me, grinning madly. I've done it, his gaze seemed to say. I've taken everything from you.
About an hour of torture later, Gabriel decided to release her from her bonds. He didn't worry about her getting away though, and laughed at her limp body as he walked out of the room.
"I'll let you two have your alone time." He had said. "Try getting to her now, Alexander." And he left, like what he did justified everything.
"Lorna." I breathed, my voice shaky.
She didn't move. She had curled up into a tight ball, one arm covering her face and the other holding her knees close as she shuddered and cried softly.
"Lorna." I tried again, crawling forward. She was just out of my reach, but I wasn't sure if touching her was the best thing at the moment. "I'm so sorry."
I was answered by her soft cries once more.
"This is all my fault." I reached for her again, but her arm was inches out of my range. "I swear to you...I will get out, and I will kill him. I will kill him and I will get you home, Lorna, even if it costs me my life, you will go home."
"Everything hurts." She breathed for the first time, still rocking herself. "Why did he do that?"
"I'm sorry." I tried again. "It was my fault; I should've just kept my mouth shut. When he said he would punish me, I didn't think he would use you."
"God, it hurts." She cried out, blood leaking from the nail marks she had dug into her palms during the incident.
I reached out one more time, but was stopped again by the pulling against my neck. "Lorna, I failed." I admitted weakly. "I failed you. I promised to protect you and I didn't."
She only continued to cry, her body shaking with every sob. Lorna curled up even more, if that was possible, trying to wish herself away. All I could do was watch her, as she lay in a fetus position, crying and shaking because I couldn't get to her in time. Because I failed her.
Nearly several hours later, the doors swung open and a very satisfied Gabriel walked in. Lorna had stayed where she was, still crying to herself.
"Polaris..." He glared down at her and shook his head. "Tsk tsk tsk. You've been a naughty girl."
"Go to hell..." She began, still holding herself tightly.
I caught on immediately. "...you son of a bitch." I finished, struggling against the chains again.
He ignored me and bent down to pick up Lorna. She barely fought him and lay limp as he slung her roughly over his shoulder. "Back to your cells you go...where my men can finish my dirty work." He shot a glance over at me, a grin spreading over his features.
As the doors began to close, Lorna gasped, finally catching on to his words. She lifted her head to look at me and I saw a glimmer of terror in her eyes before the doors slammed shut.
"No..." I breathed. "Please, not again." I dipped my head low, feeling the tears finally fill my eyes. "I'm so sorry Lorna...I'm so sorry."
I failed everyone. I failed my team, I failed my father, I failed Lorna, and I failed myself.
"Haaavok...!" A female voice sounded and the doors opened once more to reveal my brother's wife, Deathbird. She grinned as she walked inside, her hips swaying vigorously as she walked. "Glad to see you again!"
"Bitch..." I muttered under my breath, glaring up at her.
She laughed. "If you're still upset about that thing with your green woman, you really shouldn't be. She's probably long dead by now."
I struggled against my bonds. "What the hell did he do to her?!" I screamed, pulling against the chain.
Just as I spoke, a scream farther away sounded. It lasted for several seconds before dying down, only to start up again.
"Oh...guess not." Deathbird grinned down at me, a short laugh escaping her.
"Leave her alone!" I shouted. "She didn't do anything!"
"Actually, dear Havok, she did. You see, she was on your team to begin with; she was barely second in command. So, like the saying goes...the captains must go down with the ship."
Her scream tore through the air once more, this time forming syllables. I couldn't figure it out at first, but after the fourth or fifth scream, I caught on.
"Alex!" She screamed again. "Alex!"
Lorna was calling my name and I couldn't save her.
Deathbird laughed once more. "Isn't it just music to your ears? The young girl, whisked away into our torture chambers, cries out her lover's name to save her...and he can't." She threw her head back as another throaty laugh made its way into the atmosphere and mixed with Lorna's screams.
I had enough.
I reached my chained hands forward, pulling hard against the brackets connecting me to the column.
Deathbird growled. "Stop it!" she spat, unsheathing her sword. She swung it at my shoulder, but I lifted my hands to block the attack. Instead, the blade cut right through my chains. I hooted in victory and wasted no time in kicking her backwards. Her sword fell from her grip and clattered to the floor. I pulled it over and sawed through the chain connecting my neck to the column as well. The collar stayed on, but I was free to move about.
"You..." She didn't have time to finish her sentence properly before I shot her down, blue plasma energy slamming against her. When I forced myself to stop, she was on the ground, burnt like toast. I didn't have the time to check if she was alive or not and sped to the doors, burning a hole through to get out.
"Alex! Here!"
I slid to a stop at the low voices and backed up into a hallway. It lead into a dungeon room, where the rest of my team stood behind rusting bars.
"Are you guys okay?" I asked, rushing up to them. I shot the door open and let them out.
They stretched and grabbed their weapons, shifting after bring cramped together for so long.
"Is Polaris okay?" Rachel asked, her face distorted with worry. "We heard her screaming."
I paused, looking down. How did I tell them?
"Havok." Korvus put a large hand on my shoulder. "Is Lorna okay?"
I shook my head. "No, she isn't."
Rachel's eyes filled with horror and she covered her mouth. "They didn't...she's not...she's not dead, is she?!"
"No." I rubbed my face. "Far worse...Gabriel..." I paused, fearing my voice would crack. After gathering myself once more, I stated. "Gabriel raped her."
They were absolutely silent as they let the words sink in, let the shock settle in.
"That...monster." Corsair was practically shaking with anger now. "He...he dares lay a hand on another woman, he dare touch her?!"
"We have to hurry." I said lowly. "He still has her."
The closer the doors became, the more the rage bubbled up inside of me. It grew until it spilled over the top in the form of plasma energy. The doors came down with a loud crash and we stormed in.
Gabriel stood by as he watched Lorna quiver on a steel table. She was strapped down tightly, but bloodied even more than the last time I saw her.
"Glad you joined the party, Alexander." He said, looking us over. "I'm sorry, were you looking for your lost teammate?"
"Hand her over." I hissed. "I'm done playing games, Gabriel."
"Brother, I've been done with the games since you first got here."
My team shot forward, locking in battle with Gabriel's men. Angry, I released the beam in my chest, knocking my brother back. Corsair shot his blasters at him as well, and we advanced on him together.
"Get Polaris!" I snapped at Corsair.
He paused. "Sure?" He could probably tell what I was about to do. I had been thinking of it for some time now but I never actually decided to do it: now? Gabriel had crossed the line miles ago.
"Go!" I shouted, knocking Gabriel off of his feet again.
Corsair shot away from us and in the direction of the table.
"You sick, sick bastard." I roared, slamming my foot down into his ribs.
Gabriel shouted out in pain, but it soon turned into a laugh. "You will lose, Havok." He paused, sucking in air. "You've already lost Polaris to thoughts much darker than the blackest wormholes, your team is trapped in an enemy ship, and you have no way of getting home. Can you lose anymore?"
I growled, shooting him again. He rolled over from the force of the impact, groaning.
"I will not allow you to corner us like cowering animals!" I sneered, kicking him again. "We've won, Vulcan. Deathbird is gone and you're going straight to Shi'ar prison."
"Deathbird?" He looked up at me and at for a split second, I saw the terror in his good eye; almost the same terror I felt hours earlier.
I wanted to laugh. I wanted to spit on him, I wanted to rub his wife's apparent death in his face, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to be the merciless man he had been to me.
"What have you done to Cal'syee?!" He shouted, jumping up at me.
I shot at him, grabbing him by the collar. "You've lost. Give up."
"Tell me, Alexander, what has happened to her?" His hands grabbed my shoulder and his voice took on a completely different tone that was foreign to me.
I glanced back at Lorna. Corsair had freed her and she was shuddering by his feet, curled up on herself once more.
"My girl for yours." I spat, throwing him down. "You're not the emperor anymore, you're not king of the hill." I paused, backing away. "I'm ashamed to share blood with you."
I jogged over to my team. They had begun to gather now and Lorna was steadily pushing herself to her feet. Her weight was on her right side, considering her injured ankle.
"Is everyone okay?" I asked, slowing to a stop.
"She'll hold up fine." Corsair said, glancing down at Lorna. I saw the care in him as he helped her stay standing, I saw the compassion he extended to her. Maybe it was because he had high hopes for her. I was the middle child, but I was also the only one without a wife. Maybe he had high hopes for her because she would've been his only daughter-in-law with some type of in-tact sanity. Jean Grey had turned into a giant fire-borne bird and Deathbird was a tyrant; she was sentenced to exile ages ago, killed her sister, and had dreams of ruling the Shi'ar beside my crazy brother. Maybe he had high hopes because he finally saw someone he could take into the family without fearing for his life. After this, however, I wasn't entirely sure. Had this experience pushed Lorna over the fine line of insanity once more? Would she even stay beside me, noting the fact I failed to keep her safe?
"Alex!" Rachel's panicked cry made me spin around in time to catch Deathbird's blade in between my hands before it cut right through me. It flew out of my hands though, and out of her grip, clattering to the floor behind her. I glanced back, only to find Lorna, her fingers splayed out. Her eyes were narrowed and both green eyes were dark with rage.
Gabriel had managed to get to his feet once more and several armed guards appeared behind the evil couple.
"Polaris." My brother hissed. "Recovered so soon?"
With a shout, a massive burst of energy shot from her person, slamming into the quickly forming group. I managed to get out of the way before I was swept into them, making me wonder if she had aimed in my direction on purpose.
Deathbird managed to fly above it and Gabriel let a short burst of energy from his hand, causing her magnetic field to go around him.
Lorna let another scream tear from her throat as the metal panels on the floor shot up. They soared forward at speeds greater than hurricane winds, smashing into remaining soldiers from Vulcan's army. Several panels smacked into Deathbird, throwing her back. She hit Gabriel, but he only swayed backwards.
Lorna floated forward, her body highlighted with green energy. The room grew darker as she continued to produce energy and grow lighter. Her battered cape and wavy hair swayed in the generated winds and she shot her hand out. A green bolt struck Deathbird and the winged female froze up and slowly floated towards Lorna. When she was close enough, she grabbed Cal'syee by the neck.
"You're finished." Lorna growled, her voice amplified.
Deathbird cried out as she flew backwards. The back of her head slammed into the wall first and she crumbled to the floor, blood beginning to pool beneath her.
"Incredible." My father breathed. I glanced over at him; his face was streaked with the green light from Lorna's energy projection and he stared up at her in awe.
"She is." I answered lowly. It was true; Lorna was powerful beyond belief and it only confused me further since she wasn't classified as an Omega Level. If this wasn't Omega, than I honestly don't know what is.
"Gabriel!" She growled, her gaze turning on him.
"Don't pretend to be almighty, Polaris. That most certainly was not the impression I got when I was above you." He said, a sick grin twisting his face.
With another deafening roar, Lorna swung a panel at him again. Gabriel blocked it with an arm, but it gave Lorna time to tear the table she had previously been laying on from the ground. Much like a baseball bat, she slammed Gabriel into the wall. The table followed him and smashed down on top of him. Without warning, the table liquefied and encased his body. Gabriel fell heavily to the floor, the metal hardening just under his shoulders.
Lorna landed noiselessly, but the energy swirling around her never dissipated. She walked over to Gabriel, staring down at him. "How does it feel to kneel before me?"
Rachel laughed in disbelief and I turned to look at her.
"We didn't even lift a finger...that was great!" She exclaimed, shaking her head.
Lorna turned her head to look at us, both of her eyes glowing. For a moment, I thought she was going to turn on us, but after several seconds, the energy died down and she returned to her previous appearance. She swayed slightly and Corsair was quick to catch her before she toppled over.
"That was...remarkable." He told her, smiling. Lorna nodded, her breaths heavy. Her eyes locked with mine and I gave her a slight nod, showing my agreement. Much to my surprise, though, she gave me a small smile in return.
I strode over to Gabriel, shifting him with my foot. "You look a little wrapped up."
"Well done, Polaris." He breathed, ignoring me. "That was exceptional."
"Shut up." Rachel hissed, turning away from him.
"How do we release the Starjammer?" I asked, looking back to him.
"You know...I underestimated you." Gabriel's nose bled and his hard eyes glared at Lorna. "I thought you were some childish female, thought you were a submissive weakling. I was so wrong."
I grabbed him by the neck, bringing him closer. "The Starjammer." I repeated. "How do we get out?"
"I just want to thank you, Polaris." Gabriel continued. "Thank you for doing my job for me."
His left eye glowed a bright yellow and his arms broke through his steel barrier. I felt myself soar backwards as he shot me away.
I caught sight as my team scrambled to fight back. Dammit. In the midst of Lorna's attack, I completely forgot his ability of power absorption and he was full of Lorna's attack.
"Do you remember me, Lorna?" Gabriel spat her name like a bitter taste on his tongue. "Do you remember flinging me into space, remember leaving me for dead?"
Lorna had fallen back and had begun to pull away, her hurt ankle preventing her from getting up quickly.
He laughed. "You don't, huh? Maybe this should trigger your memory; Krakoa, Darwin...?"
Lorna shook her head and pulled herself back even more. "No...I don't know what you're talking about, who's Darwin?"
Gabriel growled, stepping down hard on her injured ankle. Lorna screamed out, pulling her leg away. "Leave me alone!" She hissed, tears streaming down her bloodied and bruised cheeks.
He laughed, throwing his head back. "That damned professor of yours! He must've taken your memories." Gabriel grabbed her injured ankle, pulling her closer. He bent down in her face, squeezing. "You wounded me, you stupid, stupid girl."
Lorna's hand shot out and punched him in the nose. He reeled back and she scrambled away, making the rest of us realize that we weren't frozen.
I shot forward, kicking Gabriel hard across the jaw.
"Can you walk?" I asked, glancing back at Lorna.
"I'll manage." She huffed. "Watch out!"
I ducked, avoiding Vulcan's blast. "Be careful." I threw over my shoulder before tackling him to the ground.
Lorna shot away faster than I expected her to; she was quick for a traumatized slash injured person, but it was Lorna. If it was anything anyone learned today, it was 'don't underestimate Polaris.'
"Give in, brother!" Gabriel hissed, shooting a stinging ray at my shoulder.
"You've lost!" I snapped, elbowing him in the collarbone.
"I think not. When you are back in chains, I will strap you down once more and make you watch as I dissect your precious Polaris. I'll decorate my ship with her innards and bathe in her blood while I mount her head on a stick for all of the Shi'ar to see!" A sneer formed on his face as he shot me back into a wall. "And you will be plagued night and day by her pitiful screams as a memory that you did nothing to save your one true love."
Blue; that was all I saw. I saw nothing but bright blue as something far worse than rage grew within me, burning hotter than a wildfire. I should've seen red, but I wasn't that particular Summers brother. My vision blurred and everything turned a lighter shade of turquoise.
No one threatened Lorna; no one would dare say such things if they knew about my reckless actions that followed.
I shot both hands out, the ray in my chest firing at the same. The tri-beam slammed full force into Vulcan. He had begun to absorb the energy, but I never let up. I could see him begin to overfill with the power and eventually he soared backwards, crashing into several steel columns.
"Don't." I warned. "You're done, Gabriel."
Just off to the side was the control panel for the dome above us; press the red button and it would open and suck us into space. Gabriel saw it just as I did and got the same idea. He got up and sprinted for the button. I took off at the same time he did, running at speeds I didn't even know I could reach. This couldn't end like this; we were all here, we were all so close to getting back. I couldn't fail them anymore than I already had.
"I'm sorry." I breathed, on his heels now.
Just as his fingers brushed the surface of the button, I grabbed him and pulled him back. One of my arms wrapped around his neck and the other on the side of his head. I pulled his head to the side sharply and with a loud crack, his body flipped to the side. Gabriel landed on his back, his lifeless eyes staring up at me. As they started to cloud over, I caught one last thought:
How?
And just like that, he was gone. His life was nothing but glass in my hands, glass that I had no choice but to break. I stood there, frozen. My hands began to tremor as the realization crept in.
I killed Gabriel Summers, my brother.
The red button remained as it had before, my team stayed alive. I had saved the lives of many at the cost of one. I had saved them; but why did I feel like I failed them even more?
"Alex?"
I turned my head ever so slightly to glance back at my father. My entire team stood behind me, waiting for me to make the next move.
I paused. I had won; we had won. I sure as hell didn't feel like it though.
"We need to go." I said firmly, hiding the sorrow I felt from my voice. I turned to face them, looking over their tired, bruised, bloodied, and sweat slick faces. "The ship is in the lower level. Polaris, do you think you can get the Starjammer free?"
Lorna studied my face for a moment, frowning. After a minute, she nodded. "Yeah. I can." It was the most she had said to me since the incident, but I wasn't complaining.
"Let's go."
My father had to carry Lorna down; we assumed her ankle was broken, so we didn't take any chances. I would've carried her, but frankly I didn't trust my own hands at the moment.
Everyone loaded onto our familiar ship, sinking down in the chairs we had missed so dearly. Lorna leaned against a chair in the center of the Starjammer, pausing for a moment to actually catch her breath since the battle. Then, her eyes began to glow a steady green once more and her lips parted. The spacecraft shifted and the bonds holding it in place released. The doors beneath it opened and she carefully lowered us out of the Hammer and into open space once more. Corsair fired up the jets and we sped off, away from the Hammer, the ship of nightmares.
As the rest of the team headed for the showers, I sat down in the co-pilot's seat beside my father, staring forward. We were silent for several minutes; it was weird in a way. I grew up believing I was alone in this world, that I had no one left. It was good enough that Scott revealed his existence to me and then suddenly...Christopher showed up. It made me realize that everyone but my mother was, in fact, alive, including my secret younger brother. That is, until half an hour ago.
"I'm sorry." I said lowly, never taking my eyes off of the stars that whirled past us.
He glanced over at me, an eyebrow raised. "For what?"
"I killed your youngest son, dad." I sighed. "I took him from you."
Chris shook his head. "Alex, Gabriel chose the wrong way. He went after you because you had something he didn't, he went after Lorna because she supposedly ruined his life when he was the one who made the choices in the first place. Son, the only thing I'm sorry about is that you were the one to kill him instead of me."
I raised an eyebrow myself, turning my head to look at him. "I'm not exactly sure how I should feel about that..."
He laughed and I felt a small smile form. "Alex, you shouldn't have been put in that position. It should've been me; I brought that monster into the galaxy. But I'm proud because you went forward, no matter what you felt towards him."
"I hated him." I said, glancing down. "I hated him so much, it hurt. It still does."
There was a pause as Chris realized what I was implying. "Do...do you want to talk?" He asked, his grip on the controls tightening.
"Only if you want to." I said quickly. God, was this difficult.
"Of course! I'd...I'd love to talk to you. Talk away, son."
I smiled softly, the warmth of his love spreading throughout my body. My thoughts quickly chased the feeling away and I was back in my bottomless pit of guilt. "Lorna."
He frowned. "Yeah?"
"He just...used her. Like she was nothing, like she wasn't even a person capable of feeling. And he did it all in front of me to prove a damn point." I sighed, burying my face in my hands. "And as he did it, he grinned at me."
"I really wish I was the one to kill him." He muttered under his breath.
"And he just left her there like yesterday's trash, he let his men finish her off; sick bastard!" I began to see blue once more. "How can anyone live with themselves, why would you do that?! Why would you do that to any woman, it just doesn't make any damn sense!" I wanted to lash out and punch someone.
"Alex, relax!" Chris said firmly.
I slid down further in my chair, trying to suppress the energy and the tears. "I promised her I'd protect her. Now all I hear are her screams because I couldn't save her."
"I know, Alex; I felt the same way when your mother was killed." Chris sighed, placing a reassuring hand on my knee. "I had promised her that we'd both get out of there safe and sound. I don't get a second chance, son, she's gone, but you do." He glanced behind him to confirm that there was no one listening. "The damage is done, but Lorna's still here. You may not always be able to protect her because you're just a man, but it doesn't mean you can't try. Lorna should understand that; sure she's hurt, but she needs someone to help her along now that it's over. It'd mean so much more to her to know she has a good rock to lean on for support."
I rested there, eyes wide. I most certainly wasn't expecting any of that; I thought I would get a little, "I'm sorry, I'm sure she'll understand," from him, but I got an entire book instead. For that, I was grateful; it helped when you had an understanding father.
"Thanks, Doctor Phil." I muttered, rubbing my face. I caught the confused glance he gave me and realized my flaw. "Sorry," I added. "It was a show on Earth."
He laughed, his chest jumping slightly.
"I can't shake the feeling that I've let everyone down." I said after a few moments.
"Are you kidding? You lead us straight into victory, there was no way any of us could be disappointed in you."
"I know and that's what I can't figure out; why do I feel this way?"
Christopher smiled gently. "I think all of your emotions are finally unwinding. Go take a shower, get some shuteye. You fought hard these past few days."
Maybe he was right; maybe my previous emotions were crashing down on me now that everything was over. I sighed, pulling the band of my uniform off of my forehead and pushed it so it rested between my shoulder blades. "Yeah...thanks, dad. For everything."
I got up just as a cleaned Rachel walked up to us. She wore close-fitting sweatpants and a white wife-beater tank top, her wet short cropped red hair sticking to her skin.
"Alright, we got Lorna set. Her ankle's broken in two places and she has a nasty cut on her upper thigh. Korvus and I just wrestled her to put a splint on her leg and he's back there wrapping it now." She sighed, taking a breath. "I'm surprised her brains are still in her head after the amount of blood that came out of her nose. Otherwise...she's silent. She's silent and she doesn't want anyone to talk to her and I can feel the rage rolling off of her in waves. I'm sorry, Chris, but I'm glad your son is dead."
My father held his hand up, showing her that he was okay. "Thank you, Rachel."
I sighed. "I'm going for the showers. Thanks again for everything." I announced, giving Rachel a squeeze on her shoulder as I passed by.
I dried off with the towel, redressing myself in knee-length shorts and a muscle shirt. I passed by the back room where Korvus sat watching a silent Lorna. Her damp green hair had begun to dry in waves and her good leg was pulled up to her chest. I sighed and shook my head, hating Gabriel even more.
I made my way over to the sleeping chambers, running my hand through my wet hair.
Why did I feel this way? Was it because of Lorna? Was it Gabriel's death? Was it the fact that all I could hear were Lorna's screams mixed with Gabriel's laugh, because all I saw was the lasting glimpses of horror in both Lorna and Gabriel's eyes as I failed one and killed the other? Was it because I was asking myself the same question Gabriel had when he died?
How?
How is it possible? How did I win? How did I defeat him?
I barely registered the sound of the door closing behind me. I turned slightly and saw the last person I expected to come and talk to me.
Lorna.
She stood with her back pressed against the door, her eyes staring up at me.
"Lorna..." I managed to stutter out. "Are you okay?"
Her eyes lowered and she shuffled forward, leaning heavily on her good foot. "I...I wanted to make sure you were alright."
I was surprised she still cared about me. "Yeah I'm alright...why wouldn't I be?" She gave me a knowing glare and I sighed. "I'm a little alright."
She stood only three feet from me, her eyes staring up at me. Before she could say anything, I spilled.
"I'm sorry. I know I failed, I know I didn't protect you...but I'm here now." I said weakly. "I wasn't there then, but I'm here for you in the end. I'm sorry that I wasn't there to save you. All I can hear is you calling out for me, and it's driving me crazy."
Lorna frowned, leaning her weight on her good side once more.
"I sat there and I just watched him do that to you! I should've gotten up and stopped him." I added, beginning to turn away.
She quickly grabbed my arm and for a moment I thought she was falling. But she stayed on her feet and, instead, pulled herself towards me. Lorna reached up and placed two shaking hands on either sides of my face, wiping away tears I hadn't even realized fall. In fact, her own tears streamed down her face and I didn't know if it was safe to touch her as yet. Would she even let me?
"Alex." She whispered shakily. "It wasn't your fault."
I shook my head. "Yes, it was."
"No. You couldn't have stopped him anymore than I could. We were beaten, we were weak, he took advantage of it all. But you..." She brushed her thumbs against my cheeks. "You saved us. You saved the galaxy, you stopped him at such a large cost. I can't even begin to imagine what that feels like."
"Then don't." I breathed. "I didn't even think...I killed him."
"He was going to kill you. And me. And Rachel and Christopher and everyone else on this ship. You did what you thought was right."
"But what if it isn't right?" I shook my head and began to pull away. "What if I was so wrong?"
"How could you be wrong, Alex? Was protecting the rest of the Shi'ar wrong?"
"I shouldn't have killed him!" I burst out suddenly, turning. The moment I did, though, I regretted it and backed away once more.
Lorna didn't seem phased though, just...tired. "He didn't give you a choice."
"What about...what about Cal'syee? What about her when she gets up, her husband is dead!"
Lorna remained the same. "He didn't give you a choice."
I paused, breathing heavily. The tears had begun to fall once more and Lorna seemed to return the same bruised appearance. The glint in her eyes said so much more, though.
We won, they said. We're still alive.
I swore, rubbing my face. I looked over at her, wanting to hold her more than anything. Unsure of how to express it, I paused, adding, "...can I?"
Through her tears, a breathy laugh broke through and she nodded vigorously.
I made my way back to her, just as she slowly shuffled towards me. I got to her first and she threw her arms around me, burying her face in my chest. I held her tightly, relishing in her touch, in her scent, in her understanding.
"I forgive you." Her warm breath sank into my shirt, heating my chest. "You did everything right."
I squeezed my eyes shut, leaning my nose in her clean hair. "Thank you."
And that night, as we slept, with her cheek pressed against my chest and my arm wrapped protectively around her waist, a realization hit me as I slid into a welcoming sleep.
We won.