Disclaimer: Percy Jackson and the Olympians is property of Rick Riordan and I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas belongs to John Rox. The first part is pretty much a direct quote from The Last Olympian.
"The council agrees," Zeus said. "Percy Jackson, you will have one gift from the gods."
Percy hesitated. "Any gift?"
Zeus nodded grimly. "I know what you will ask. The greatest gift of all. Yes, if you want it, it shall be yours. The gods have not blah blah blah ……………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………….. "No," Percy said. "No?" Zeus said. "You are… turning down our generous gift?" "I'm honored and everything," Percy said. "Don't get me wrong. It's just… I've got a lot of life left to live. I'd hate to peak in my sophomore year. I do want a gift, though. Do you promise to grant my wish?" Zeus thought about this. "If it is within our power." "It is," Percy said. "And it's not even difficult." "Well what is it child?" Dionysus huffed impatiently. "We haven't got all day!" Percy took a deep breath. "… want a hippopotamus for Christmas! Only a hippopotamus will do! Don't want a doll, no dinky Tinker Toy. I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy." The awful pitch of his singing had several people, gods and mortals alike, clawing at their ears. The awful dancing that accompanied the number (nobody knew where the hippo costume had come from, and nobody cared to find out) made the mortals lose their lunches. Percy, indifferent to the chaos, continued to sing. "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. I don't think Santa Claus will mind, do you? He won't have to use our dirty chimney flue. Just bring him through the front door, that's the easy thing to do. I can see me now on Christmas morning, creeping down the stairs. Oh what joy and what surprise when I open up my eyes to see a hippo hero standing there!" Unable to take it anymore, all of the mortals jumped off of Mount Olympus, leaving the gods regretting that they could not do the same. Indifferent still, Percy continued his song. "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas Only a hippopotamus will do No crocodiles, no rhinoceroses. I only like hippopotamuses. And hippopotamuses like me too. Mom says the hippo would eat me up, but then Teacher says a hippo is a vegetarian. There's lots of room for him in our two-car garage. I'd feed him there and wash him there and give him his m…" Percy was cut off as Zeus' lightning bolt vaporized him. Nobody, not even Poseidon, objected.
Love it? Loathe it? Think the author needs to be frozen by Hyperborean Giants for turning the main character of the series into a buffoon? Review!