Disclaimer: I do not own Mai HiME or any of the characters used
Now, Then and Later: A Natsuki and Shizuru Story
Summary
This chapter addresses the state of mind of Shizuru, along with her relationship with Natsuki.
Chapter One: Emotional Wounds
The sky grew to a grayish tint as dark clouds of smoke rose up from houses engulfed in the hungry flames. There were echoes of screams and curses as people ran to safety. Tonight the First District would fall and it would fall by her hands. An old lady stopped and glanced back in dismay to see utter and total destruction of the place she once called home. Maybe, she had family back there that did not make it out or she had possessions that she had cherished. Either way she was urged forward by that dreadful child. A pair of irises the colour of the destructive fire glanced back at the work with an empty smile plastered on her face.
"It was all for Natsuki" she thought as she called Kiyohime and stepped onto one of its many heads. "Now, Natsuki has nothing to fear from these people anymore" she continued.
Their destruction was swift and imminent once Shizuru had learnt about their location from Nagi. Right now, it did matter where the source of information came from; all she wanted to do was protect Natsuki. Her precious Natsuki. Once, she finished here Natsuki would be free to love the way Shizuru that she should.
Lifeless crimson orbs took one last glance at the ruined district, and then peered down at the red liquid that glistened on her hands and naginata. "Everyone here had to pay in full for their transgressions, she had made sure of that" she mindlessly reflected. First, she stared at the red liquid in confusion. Then it dawned on her that it was blood…Blood…Blood. Whose blood was it? Certainly not hers! She glanced back at the district, there were a few dead bodies there in addition there were injured people who staggered and struggled to find escape. It was almost like a painting done in watercolours, it was almost surreal. Oddly enough, there was a red hue that remained and grew in brightness. It was like a wave of blood that was washing over the scenery.
A series of loud panting could be heard within the dark room as a slim sweat laden figure thrashed helplessly within the white sheets on the bed. Spine chilling whimpering could be could be heard as the figure stretched tight muscle muscles arching her back in the process. She squeezed her hands tightly causing her knuckles to whiten significantly. She stiffed her shoulders, pulling her hands down downwards which assisted in raising her trembling body. Lips were peeled back revealing bone white teeth that were clamped shut. She continued to grit her teeth as an agonizing word squeezed though them.
"NO!"
The sound grew like mounting tidal waves. It was like wave after wave grew in size and ferocity. Her feet thrashed pushing at the sheets and causing her silk nightgown ride up her creamy sweat clad legs. A crease grew between shapely eyebrows as her eyes were tightly shut. Dark thick eyelashes were matted together as a result of tears. Those tears streamed down her the sides of her paling face like a never ending river. Within minutes eyelashes parted swung open revealing disoriented red irises, within seconds horrid shaking and whimpering started. She hugged herself tightly seeking warmth or comfort.
"Did I really do that?" "Or was it all dream" "I wish for it to be just a nightmare" she shuddered violently as the thoughts washed over her. Suddenly, she raised a hand to her mouth temporarily holding back the contents of her mouth. She sprang from the bed and ran to the bathroom. Even though it was dark she knew her room like the back of her hand.
She clenched the toilet bowl tightly causing her already pale knuckles to whiten. Within minutes she emptied the contents of her stomach. Slowly she raised her head feeling light headed from the stress that her body had been subjected to. She briskly, moved to sink to rid herself of the awful taste in her mouth. The dream was still fresh in her mind as weakly stumbled to her knees. She shifted to a corner in the bathroom where she drew her knees up her chest and hugged them tightly as she lowered her head. Tears threatened as she swallowed a big ball of fear lodged in her throat. She did not want to remember the past, nor did she want to lose her most precious person. But she knew that deep down within her that monster still lived.
"Nat…su…ki" she mumbled.
"Would Natsuki still really and truly love her even though there was a monster inside her" she pondered sadly.
"All those people from the First District, Natsuki, Kikukawa- san, Haruka, Yuuki-san and her mother by her hands" she thoughts continued.
"Natsuki, said she forgave her, but in some cases forgiveness did not mean that the person would forget the damage done"
"Would that person end up fearing her" she sighed sadly.
Shizuru reflected on that fact that after the Hime Carnival Natsuki was not quite sure what she wanted from Shizuru. Natsuki knew she wanted the intimacy of friendship and commitment. However, she was not sure if she wanted the romance and passion that lovers. As a matter of fact Shizuru thought that probably scared Natsuki a bit. Natsuki had told her that she needed time and space so Shizuru obediently complied but at the same time it was killing her. It was then that the tears broke free like a ruptured dam. It pained her deep down to her soul that she had to maintain a plutonic relationship with Natsuki, yet she held this burning passion and love for the younger girl. When would the pain cease she thought helplessly? She choked as whimpers erupted from her mouth and with a sharp pain pulled at her chest as she reflected on the fact that she felt alone and empty.
After a few hours, Shizuru emerged from the bathroom turning on the lights. She glanced at the clock, it was about 2 o'clock. Still very early, she would not go back to sleep. The very thought made her sick to her stomach. She knew those dreams would slither into her subconscious mind remaining her of her transgression. If it was not nightmares it would be dreams about someone she couldn't have. No…she would not sleep, a cup of tea seemed like a more appealing idea. But first she would have to change these clothes drenched with sweat. Besides she was getting good at hiding her tiredness, nobody really noticed it.
"Ara, a bath would be good too" she muttered aloud.
Presently in her mind a bath was a temporary solution to riding herself of those nightmares, nevertheless she could really use the refreshing comfort. As she went about getting her clothes out, she reflected on what she had to do today.
"I have about two classes and a lunch date with Natsuki"
She was in her third year at Fuuka University double majoring in Language and History. It had been a fight with her family because from their perspective she should be taking courses that would prepare her for taking an active rule in the Fujino Corporation. In her mind she had no need for power that came with such a position. What happened in the Hime Carnival and Natsuki was a testament to the possibilities of her having too much power. But most of all she wanted to be near to Natsuki, that's why she decided to attend Fuuka University. But at time it still hurt to maintain a plutonic friendship with Natsuki. It was just like when Natsuki had kept her at bay about her Hime activities, claiming that she did not want to get Shizuru involved. It was funny though that even though it pained her; the love for Natsuki remained constant, unchanging, deeply rooted and cherished.
Omake 1:
Natsuki: Oi, why the hell am I not in here…you know comforting her (grabs KiziB-chan by the scruff of her neck)
KiziB-chan: (sweat drops) Well, you see…you're really not going to like this answer…are you sure you want to know.
Natsuki: (annoyed) Spit it out before I lose my patients.
KiziB-chan: (gulps) I wanted to show her guilt ridden state of mind after her actions in the Carnival.
Natsuki: What the hell? What kind of answer is that?
KiziB-chan: (even more sweat drops) Heh, Heh.
Shizuru: (plastered on a fridge smile) Now, now Natsuki don't hurt author, give her a chance to make it all better.
KiziB-chan: (shudders) So, cold. Okay, okay I'll fix it.
Shizuru: Ookini, KiziB-chan.
Natsuki: By the way, what kind of name is KiziB-chan?
KiziB-chan: It's the nickname from one of my nieces.
Shizuru: (smiles sweetly) How cute.
Natsuki: (turns green and shouts) Get back to work on the other chapters and fix this mess.
KiziB-chan: Okay, okay.
This is the first time I've written a fan- fiction, so I hope its good enough. Special thanks to Chuckabutt aka Kara Papas, I love your stories and they have been an inspiration, I look forward to follows to your stories. And to other writers keep writing I really enjoy reading the stories on this site. off to work