Title: The Christmas Commander
Author: imaginary_witness
Pairings: Eruri
Ratings: M
Warnings: N/A
Genre: Alt. Universe, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Holiday.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story: living (or passed) human beings or fictional characters. These events never happened, according to history or as the original author intended them. This is a work of fiction and is not intended to offend. For entertainment purposes only. Thanks.

Author's Notes: Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to all my readers. Happy Birthday to Levi, as well.

Chapter 1: November 4th

Erwin Smith and Levi Ackerman had a very happy relationship. They had met nine years ago when Levi - then a senior student in his final year of dental college - had rushed onto the train car in a futile attempt to make it to his class on time, when he had collided with a junior and recently hired businessman who was rushing off the train. The incident had resulted in the blonde businessman's paper to-go coffee cup becoming crushed between the two of them, causing the lukewarm liquid to go soaring up and then back down onto the darker man's head. An awkward exchange of apologies and mild-agitation that followed led Levi to rushing into the train as the doors were closing and the blonde businessman standing on the platform, watching the smaller man be sped away once the doors were closed. He stared at the crushed paper cup in his hand, watching the warm liquid drip down his fingers, and was left wondering if he had ever seen such an eccentric, short man before.

At work, Erwin had been distracted by thoughts of the smaller man, rushing off in a pair of scrubs to who-knew-where. He was caught lost in thought in front of his computer by his longtime friend and colleague, Mike, who encouraged him to seek the man out and make amends with him. Each day afterwards, Erwin took careful attention on the train to see if he could catch the younger man getting on, and it wasn't until the exact day one week later that he saw him rushing onto the train car further down then the one he himself was on. But the week after, when Erwin had bought two coffees and intended to catch the dark haired stranger, the short man was nowhere to be found.

Unknown to Erwin at the time, Levi's university terms were changing over, so he no longer needer to ride the train to his campus at that time. Discouraged, Erwin threw himself into his work. He was convinced that he had felt a spark of something when he had spoken to the man - although briefly - and he was crushed that he wouldn't be able to speak to him again. September came and went, October followed, and in November Erwin applied for a higher position in the company. He was given the promotion at the company holiday party and in the New Year he moved from his shabby one-bedroom apartment closer to his workplace to an upscale building where he could rent a two-bedroom apartment so he would have space for a home office. Since the move cost him most of his savings, he continued taking the train. Each day he still remembered the short dark-haired man, wondering if he would ever see him rushing onto the train to get to the hospital or the care home, where he assumed he worked as a nurse.

It wasn't until one day in March, when Erwin had been sipping at his soy cappechino on the train, that he had spotted a familiar scene: a businessman racing out of the train colliding with a panicked looking short man in scrubs. Both men's papers and binders went flying out of their hands, landing in a pile around them. As the shorter man began to pick up their things and stammer apologies, the businessman looked down on him and began to shout at him, telling him to watch where he was going and to stop acting like a hooligan. Erwin's smile quickly became a firm line of disapproval and he headed over to tell the man exactly who was acting like a hooligan. He helped the shorter man gather his belongings and then got back onto the train with him, despite this being his own stop. He found out the smaller man's name was Levi, that he was a future graduate of the dental college three stops over, and that he was in a rush to morning classes because he worked nights to cover his tuition bills. In return, Erwin introduced himself a a recent graduate, newly hired and promoted in his dream career of business, and unable to forget the day that he spilt his coffee all of Levi. He explained that he wanted to make it up to him by taking him to dinner one night that week, which Levi surprisingly agreed to.

Erwin arrived to work late for the first time in his career that day, but the grin on his face informed all his colleagues that he had finally found the dark haired man he was pining over for the last season. He was excused since he was able to take the work home with him and have it done without delay. On Friday of that week, the pair had met at a local bar that Mike had advised Erwin take Levi to. Erwin learned more about Levi; why he wanted to be a dental assistant, what he wanted out of life, where he wanted to travel to, and what his hobbies where. In return, Erwin tried to offer as many answers about himself as possible and at the end of the night they made plans to meet again.

By the end of their second date, the pair had obviously begun to trust each other enough to lean in towards each other, laugh louder without care that others would hear them, and talk about their friends, family, and colleagues without any hesitation. Their third date was at the movies and at their fourth date, Erwin scared Levi when he told him he wouldn't be seeing him anymore. He paused for dramatic effect before adding, "on the train, I mean," explaining that he finally bought a car. Their fifth date was at Erwin's apartment and marked the first time they slept together, with Levi staying overnight and then having to rush to school the next day. They had such a good time in the privacy of Erwin's apartment that they repeated it for the second date, but on a Friday evening so that they wouldn't have to rush anywhere in the morning. They had been dating for two months by then, and Erwin was sure as he stroked Levi's cheek the next morning in bed that he was head over heels in love with Levi Ackerman.

At the end of May, Levi graduated from the dental college and by July had found work at a small dental firm near Erwin's favourite coffee shop. They spent the summer enjoying their days off together at the beach and planning for their futures; Levi confessed he was saving up to move out of the apartment he was sharing with his friends Furlan and Isabella, and Erwin confessed that he was saving up to take them on a trip to Europe. In September, as the leaves began to change colours and the colder winds began to blow in, Erwin decided to surprise Levi with the fact that he had saved up enough to put a downpayment on a townhouse. "For us," He had told him, going on to ask Levi to consider moving in with him. Levi - surprised and overjoyed - had instantly agreed.

Two years of happiness and hard work later led Erwin and Levi to discussing what they really wanted in life. They had travelled to Europe twice, visited parts of Asia, several islands, and had taken a cruise up to see the glaciers of the arctic. Their friends had all begun to get married and Mike even was talking about having kids with his fiancee, Nanaba. Isabella had become pregnant with her boyfriend and suffered a miscarriage once, and the entire ordeal had Levi in a panicked state that he would either lose his sister or judge too quickly on if he wanted a family himself or not. Erwin surprised him for New Years by proposing to him in front of all of their friends and family, and in April they had gotten married. They spent their honeymoon in Paris, Levi's favourite city in Europe, and then they had come home.

Erwin surprised Levi two months later, bringing home a pamphlet on surrogacy and discussing the pros and cons of their own biological offspring in comparison to adoption. In the end, they had decided to go with adoption, taking in three infants over the course of three years. Their eldest, Eren, had turned out to a hot-blooded, just young man, who adored his fathers, enjoyed to play sports, and helped out around the house. When Eren turned one year old, they sold their beloved little townhouse in the city centre for a modest family home just on the edge of the major city intersections, and adopted their middle child, Mikasa. She was a strong girl who idolized her older brother and had gotten into sports at a young age as well. She favoured gymnastics and swimming, and helped Levi out with any task that related to cooking or baking. After some discussion, Levi and Erwin agreed to adopt their youngest child when Mikasa turned one year old as well. Armin turned out to be the shyest of their children. While he was intelligent, Armin was easy to have his feelings hurt and still went around with his comfort item, a now-pale yellow blanket that he often would drag around the house in one hand. He had grown close to his sister since they had attended the same daycare while Levi went to work at the dental office until noon. Once he was off work, Levi would pick up his kids from the daycare and Eren from kindergarten and take them home for lunch. He'd have Eren finish his small amount of homework - mainly reading books and learning to count - then he would have the kids help him cook dinner, clean up, and get ready for bed. Erwin's main job with the kids - since he was at his business all day - was to tuck them in and spend time with them before bed.

On the weekend and holidays, Erwin would spend more time with his family, travelling and taking them to places where they could relax and have a good time making memories without worrying about work. He had never missed one of Eren's ballgames or Mikasa's gymnastic performances, never forgetting his and Levi's anniversary or anyone in his family's birthday. They had a wonderful family, with beautiful moments and happy memories. Until recently.

Having gotten two more promotions since they had moved in together, Erwin was now a respected employee with his business firm, having achieved a high post and trusted with the higher up clients. His work had started to take a priority over his family and he had slowly started to become absent from the dinner table most nights of the week. Levi had at first insisted that the kids wait for their father to come home before eating dinner, but as the hours went by and Erwin still wasn't home, he had begun to simply accept that Erwin wouldn't make it home in time to eat with his family anymore. Determined not to let his children see him cry, Levi put on a brave face, asked them about school and their sports classes, cut up Armin's meat for him, and then sent them up to the bathroom to clean up before he would allow himself to open a bottle of wine and let his tears fall into the kitchen sink as he did the dishes.

For the first time in their marriage, summer had come and gone and they hadn't taken a vacation. Money wasn't tight, their bills were paid on time, and yet Erwin hadn't taken any time off work to book them any flights or even a road trip. In an attempt to make it up to the children, Levi took them to the city zoo, aquarium, science world, carnival, drive-in movie night, and beaches. Each week they would do something together that would often leave him watching them play together in happiness. Twice men had approached him, first greeting him and asking about his children, and then slipping in a flirtatious question or compliment. Levi was startled when the second man - a handsome blonde close to his own age than Erwin's - had actually managed to flatter him. Afraid he would do something he was going to regret, he cut the beach trip short and took his children for ice cream instead. Erwin hadn't come home until later that night and Levi had cried himself to sleep in bed, wondering if he was stupid for completing sleeping with the handsome blonde stranger or if he was crazy for passing up the opportunity.

September came and went, the kids returned to school - Eren in the first grade and Mikasa starting kindergarten - and still Erwin had continued coming home late. Unable to stand the workaholic his husband had become, Levi had began to argue with him, staying up late into the night to wait for him to come home before beginning to tear into him in angry whispers so their kids wouldn't hear them. Passionate affection was soon replaced with passive-aggressiveness and patience had been replaced with anxiety-fuelled commands. Flirtatious compliments were now replaced with snide remarks about suspected cheating on both sides and the kids found themselves spending less and less time with their fathers.

It was a grey day in November when Levi had taken his three children and Eren's friend Jean to the local kid's play house. He had rented a large room for Armin's fourth birthday and had invited his preschool classmates to come. While their marriage had been rocky recently, up until this point, Erwin hadn't forgotten any major milestone to be celebrated. While their family vacations, sporting events, and dinners together had taken a backseat to his career, Erwin had still come home to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays with his loved ones. A turnout of twenty-six children, fourteen parents, and two instructors from the preschool had turned out, along with Armin's godfather, Mike, and Levi's friends Furlan and Isabella. But even after the pizza had been served and the cake was cut, Erwin hadn't showed up. Levi called and called, sending him text messages and photos every ten minutes, but Erwin didn't even reply.

Disheartened, Levi tried to keep himself composed in front of his children but had no answer when any of them looked up at him with large, round eyes and asked him, "Where's daddy?"

Levi was glad when they had all fallen asleep as he buckled them into their car seats at the back of his small Toyota Yaris that Erwin had purchased for him as an anniversary gift the year they had adopted Eren. Furlan had helped him take the kids to his car, with Isabella and her husband helping him put all the gifts into the trunk. He was glad that many of the parents had gotten him gift cards to the local bookstore, since Armin was constantly running out of material to read and it made it easier to pack most of the gifts up.

"You really haven't heard from him at all?" Furlan asked, surprised that Erwin hadn't arrived.

"No." Levi replied, shutting the backseat door on his three sleeping angels. "I haven't even gotten a text back."

"Maybe you should call the hospitals? He could have been in an accident?" Isabella suggested.

"God, I hope not!" Levi replied, "I'd just feel terrible."

"Well, he hasn't missed a birthday or holiday since. He might not be around as much, Levi, but he wouldn't forget his family." Furlan reassured him.

"Call us when you guys get home." Isabella told him, "We'll be waiting to hear you got in safe."

Levi nodded and got into his car. He drove home slowly with the radio off and his phone on vibrate in his pocket. He stayed in the right hand lane so he could pull over and answer if Erwin called him. But Erwin never called.

The blonde wasn't home when Levi had arrived with the children. Levi took them up to bed one at a time, then unloaded all the gifts from his trunk into the family room. It was approaching night now and Erwin hadn't so much as called. Beginning to worry that Isabella was right, Levi began to call all the hospitals within fifty miles, asking if his husband had been brought in for any reason. When he couldn't locate him at any of the hospitals, he called Mike, asking him if he was able to contact Erwin. He called his office and his call went straight to voicemail. Discouraged, Levi called the police station to ask if Erwin had been in any altercations or was being held there, but was informed that no man matching his description had been brought in all night. Levi turned his phone ringer up as high as it could go, brought a blanket with him to the couch, and lay in the front room, curling up on the couch to wait for Erwin to arrive home or contact him.

The front door unlocking at quarter after eleven at night caused Levi to wake up. His sore eyes opened and he sat up, checking the time on his phone before turning to see Erwin coming in the door. He turned on the lamp beside the couch, catching Erwin's attention, then stood up and crossed his arms across his chest, saying nothing as he glared at the man.

Erwin bit his lower lip, knowing he was in trouble, but clearly didn't seem to understand why. He looked at Levi, then put his briefcase down and loosened his tie. "Levi-" he began.

"Don't!" Levi hissed at him, careful to keep his voice down so he wouldn't wake up the kids. "How could you?!" He asked, his voice wavering from the stress of his raw emotions. "You forgot your own son's birthday, Erwin!"

Realization began to appear in Erwin's eyes and he straightened up, disbelief and remorse on his face. "Oh, god! Armin's party! That was this week? Tonight?! Oh god, I thought that was next week! Levi - I'm so sorry!" He began.

"Do you know what it feels like when your four year old son asks you where daddy is and you have absolutely no idea?" He asked, continuing to grill Erwin with things he knew would hurt the blonde.

Erwin's face fell and he grew defensive. "I was at work." He began, already anticipating that Levi would roll his eyes and deflect the excuse with a snide comment that implied he was cheating on him.

"And work was more important than your son's birthday?!" Levi asked, skipping the cheating accusations since he had more vital ammo right now. "His fourth birthday party, Erwin! You didn't even call him! You didn't even answer your phone! I left you messages, I texted you, I called around every hospital because I was worried sick that you were in some kind of accident and couldn't get to your phone!"

"I was working!" Erwin shouted, trying to be heard over Levi. "I was working to get the promotion! You know that, Levi! I was at work!"

"You couldn't even answer your phone?! Couldn't send me a message that you were alright? So that I knew you were okay? That you weren't dead in the corner somewhere?!"

"If you were worried, that's your problem! I had work to do, Levi! I have to prove that I can handle everything so I can get this promotion!"

"You're always working! Promotion this, promotion that! When are you ever working for your family, Erwin?!"

"I am working for my family, Levi! I'm working to get the promotion so I can provide for my family!"

"Are you guys fighting?" A sleepy voice broke through their argument and stole their attention from each other. They both hadn't realized how loud they had gotten until Eren had interrupted them, standing on the landing of the stairs and rubbing his eyes. His short brown hair stood up in the middle, indicating that he had been tossing around for some time before coming down to interrupt them.

"Oh, Eren," Levi turned to his son, "Did we wake you up? I'm so sorry." He headed over to him and picked him up, taking his young son in his arms, "Come on," He kissed the top of his head, "Let's get you back to bed. I'm sorry we woke you up." He scooped Eren up into his arms and cradled his head against his shoulder so the boy wouldn't see him shoot Erwin a dirty glare and raise his middle finger at him.

"You can sleep on the couch." He told Erwin, then headed upstairs with Eren. He put his son to rest, then headed to his own bedroom. He stayed awake for a long time, trying to figure out what he wanted to do with his life, before he cried himself to sleep again. He wanted to give his children a proper childhood, without letting them worry about where their next meal was going to come from or if their family was going to hurt them - the way his childhood had been. But with Erwin's continued absence straining them as a family, he wasn't sure if having Erwin in the picture for much longer was going to do more harm than help at the moment. The blonde didn't seem to understand that he was hurting all of them by being absent, by being consumed with work, and he was tired of staying up late at night to try to reason with him only to drag himself into work the next day and then come home and fill the role of a single father to his children, despite having a husband that was never home.

Levi woke up the next morning before his children would rise, coming downstairs to find Erwin brewing coffee and packing his briefcase. He looked fresh, as though he had showered and come into the bedroom to change his suit, but the dark circles under his eyes showed that he had been up all night. The fact that he was rummaging around in his briefcase indicated that he was packing up, so Levi assumed that the reason he was up all night was because he was most likely working rather than actually worrying about his family.

"Erwin," Levi greeted him in a tired voice.

Erwin looked up at Levi and one corner of his mouth lifted into a smile. "Levi-" he began, but Levi rushed to cut him off.

"Erwin, I can't do this anymore." Levi stated, "I'm tired. I'm so tired of being a single father to our kids. You're never here anymore."

Erwin paused, not sure where Levi was heading with what he was saying. He was surprised that Levi was saying it at all. "What- what do you mean, 'single father?'" He asked.

"You're never here, Erwin!" Levi repeated, then bit his lower lip, his eyes scrunching up as they filled with tears. "God, I told myself I would do this without yelling. I don't want to wake them again." He mumbled, "Look, Erwin. I think it's best if we spent some time apart, okay? I… I don't think it's working out. You want your promotion at work and I want to focus on the family. We're not on the same page anymore and I just think that… it's hurting us as a family more than it's helping us if we keep trying to stay together when we're so obviously falling apart."

Erwin stared at Levi with his mouth hung open for a moment. He hadn't expected that Levi would come down and announce to end their entire relationship because he missed one birthday party. His eyes travelled down to the floor and he found himself nodding. He was hurting his family by coming home late, never seeing his children, and leaving them all in a confused state on how he was connected to them. He realized that he hadn't spent that much time with his children as he used to, unable to recall what they did as a family in summer or if Eren had grown any taller. He looked up at Levi and nodded once. "What d'you-" He cleared his throat, having been reaching for the coffee pot and recalling the day he had first met Levi, spilling his lukewarm coffee all over him as he rushed onto the train to get to his class at university. "What d'you propose we do then, Levi?" He asked.

"You need to go." Levi replied, speaking with pain in his voice.

"Do you… you don't want a divorce, do you?" Erwin asked, unable to think clearly around the buzzing in his head. He wasn't sure how he would react if Levi would say yes.

"Not yet." Levi replied, "But we'll see how it goes. I don't want to hurt the kids."

Erwin nodded. It was just like Levi to put the kids first and himself second, even if it meant that he wouldn't get what he wanted - which, in this case, looked like a divorce. "Alright then." He replied, "I'll just… I go pack some of my stuff then." Erwin replied, trying to find a way to think. He felt as though a sudden earthquake had hit and left him feeling disoriented.

Levi began to make himself some breakfast as Erwin left the kitchen. He tried his hardest not to break down but several tears managed to betray him and slip down his cheeks. He hastily wiped these away when he heard footsteps on the stairs again, implying that Erwin was done packing and was coming back down.

"Levi," Erwin said his name, breaking him from his thoughts. "I have to ask you one thing and I need you to tell me the truth, okay?"

Levi turned to face Erwin from behind the kitchen island. He nodded twice, his expression solemn.

"Is there someone else?" Erwin asked him, his voice catching on the last word.

"Not yet." Levi replied, the same answer to Erwin's question on getting a divorce. His voice was oddly quiet, almost hesitant - as if he was afraid of the truthfulness of his answer.

"Not yet," Erwin repeated, turning away from Levi so he could process his emotions without Levi watching him. "Because he doesn't want to hurt the kids." He mumbled, connecting the answers in his mind. There was no one else in the picture yet, but from what it looked like -what it felt like - Levi wanted someone to be.