Disclaimer: I do not own The Brittas Empire or its' characters, nor am I receiving any money for writing this.
A/N: Thanks to my friend for pointing out a major flaw with this story! I'm reposting it, fixed up. This story is a Brittas Empire fanfiction. Tim is 19 ish, and he and Gavin are not yet going out. I hope that you enjoy it, and that you take the time to critique me on my general writing style, and on the story itself. The rest of the story will be coming soon! Also I would like to say thankyou to the people who have been commenting on my other stories- I'm sorry that I write such short fictions, I hope that this will make up for it, it's many times longer than my usual pieces. I write such short stories because that is what pops into my mind, and also I have many projects on the go and short pieces are often all I have time for, or it's all it takes to get me 'unstuck' on some of my other, original stories. I hope that you like this story!
He gripped the quilt instinctively, trying to stop the desperate quivering in his fingers. He gripped with white-knuckled, palm-piercing urgency, as if it would save him from this feeling. His fingers could no longer move, so his shoulders took up the cause.
Get a hold of yourself. There's nothing to be afraid of.
Yet.
He closed his eyes and bit the inside of his cheek. 'Think of something nice' he commanded to his brain.
He took a few deep breaths.
His heart still fluttered like a hummingbird, as if it would burst from his chest and fly away from him. A hummingbird that would spurt blood all over his room, leaving him to die on the floor, alone.
He took another shuddering breath. Just do it.
I have to do this to get what I want.
He imagined his mother's surprised face, her disapproval, and her worrying about him, his intentions and his future. His very survival, even. Oh God.
He let go of the quilt, and ran his fingers through his hair, pulling at it, before flopping over backwards on the bed and curling himself up in a ball. He reached out and picked up one of his childhood teddy bears, hugging it close to his chest. The changes this would bring to his life. To his Mum's life. Would he be able to cope? She had always said she'd help him, no matter what. He guessed that she'd suspected and anticipated this for a while now. He'd been dropping hints. Sometimes by accident. He'd been asking questions, testing the water. But actually telling her… perhaps it was a little early. The possible reactions still scared him. He scared him. He was afraid of all the things he'd leave behind, and all the new things he'd have to face. The start of something new. The end of all that was familiar.
And she might get upset. I can't do it. She loves me too much. I'll do it in a few years, when I'm more prepared. And I'm not even sure.
"Yes you are" an internal voice told him.
"No. I'm not," he whispered to the bear. He turned his head and looked over at himself in the mirror on the wardrobe. His hair was erratic and his eyes wide and full of tears. He looked like a child. He felt like a child. He looked at himself for a long time, not moving.
The only sound was his shuddering breaths and the clock ticking on the wall.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
The passing of time. The passing of opportunities. The last few seconds of life as he knew it.