A/N: Yeah so I'm not really liking this story too much. It was more just practice for another story I'm working on. I thought I'd share it regardless though. They're a bit ooc, but yeah - my brain went here and I just went with it. You can find me on twitter: ashnscrbbllnd and tumblr: .com
XOXOXO
Chloe likes people to think that she's an open person. The people around her believe this is true. She's the steady constant, the go to girl when you need a friend. She's the unconditional force that bursts into your life, loves you for who you are, and never leaves. Chloe Beale is the one who will help you no matter what - no matter how big or small - no matter who you are.
What people don't know about Chloe is that she hurts a lot. Yes she's sunshine in a smile, but there's more to her than what she let's them see. Her grandmother used to tell her she was an old soul, that she had knowledge beyond her years and intuition to go with it. It was why she was so good with people. It also made her sensitive to pain.
Most days she bottles it up, but you can only do that for so long. That's when it spills over and she just can't fight it any longer. When Chloe hurts, it could strike you down. Any of her friends would gladly take down anyone or anything that brought her distress. You can't help but feel protective over Chloe, but sometimes it's not something you can save her from. She's too good for this world.
Beca knows that when Chloe hurts she pulls herself away and starts to pull herself apart. She likes to explore the damage she feels, curious to understand her own inner workings. Something dark tells her that if she can understand why she hurts she can fix it. No one knows how deeply she can sink into her own despair - no one except Aubrey and Beca.
Lost in her own mind, a hurt Chloe is very hard to reach. She pulls away from everything that could comfort her. Despite how much she enjoys physical human contact, she will do anything to avoid it when she is in pain. She knows when she's offered comfort all the emotions will crash in on her at once.
So when Beca finds her tucked inside her own closet tears streaming down her face she approaches slowly. "Hey you," Beca says, sitting down next to the red head. She's close enough that Chloe knows she's there, but she's careful not to touch her. They both fit inside the closet just barely.
Chloe tries to burrow just a little deeper against the walls around her. "I like corners," Chloe says weakly explaining why she's there. It's the first time she's looked at Beca. She knows that her friend doesn't need an explanation, but she offers it all the same. Beca is her safe spot.
Beca nods knowingly. "I know you do Chlo. It's okay. You wanna stay in here for a little bit longer?" This wasn't the first time that Beca had found her here. When Chloe was upset this is what she did. She isolated herself from everyone and then she hid. Corners felt safe to her. Surrounded on three sides she only had to worry about what was in front of her.
"I'd like that," Chloe says, voice small and cracking slightly. "I'm sorry for this." Chloe hates being this way. She hates her friends seeing her this way. Both Beca and Aubrey have helped her through these moments dozens of times, but that doesn't make them any less embarrassing.
Beca wants to reach over and scoop Chloe into her arms and never let her go. "You've nothing to apologize for. It's okay to hurt Chloe, but you don't have to go through this alone." She doesn't know what brought this on so she's moving cautiously.
Chloe nods and she looks at Beca with such need in her eyes that Beca's breath hitches. "Chloe," is all she can say. There's a world of pain in her friend's watery gaze and she wishes she could take her someplace she could feel safe. It physically hurts her to see her like this.
Beca has to ground herself before she falls right into Chloe's pain filled eyes. "Do you wanna talk about it?" Beca asks, already knowing there's no point in asking. Chloe doesn't open up like that.
Chloe shakes her head no and draws her legs closer. Her eyes drop away from Beca and the walls are back up again completely. She looks so small like that, but Beca knows it's just a security thing.
"How long have you been in here?" Beca asks. She hadn't been home all day and the idea of Chloe being alone like this all day scares her. The longer she's left to her own demons the harder it seems to be to pull her back.
Chloe shrugs. The answer doesn't really matter. No matter how long, it's been too long already.
Beca turns so that she's sitting in between Chloe and the doorway. She can't really remember how she figured out what Chloe needed, but she's become an expert at understanding broken Chloe.
Chloe's eyes dart between the room behind Beca and Beca. She starts breathing shallowly and there's panic in her eyes. All Chloe can focus on is how much it hurts - how trapped she feels. It's too much, but she doesn't know how to let go.
Beca just nods, knowing what is coming. "I know sweetie," she says, hating what is about to happen. She knows it's exactly what Chloe needs to ground her, but that doesn't make it any easier.
Chloe shudders with each breath. Anyone else might think it some variation on a panic attack. Maybe it is, Beca doesn't really know. All she knows is that Chloe doesn't like to be touched when she's in pain, but it's exactly what she needs.
"You're okay Chloe, I promise. Just let me help," Beca says tenderly. There's a lump forming in her throat and tears in her eyes, as she watches Chloe shake her head no and flinch away from her.
Then Chloe's crying. She's not sobbing, it won't lead to that. Beca knows it's worse. It's all broken gasps of pain and desperation. She needs Beca, but she's scared she'll crumble at her touch.
"I'm not going to hurt you. I won't let you go," Beca promises. "It's okay to fall apart, because I'll be here to put you back together." She's been through this before. In the beginning she had no idea how to help her friend. It took a lot of convincing from Aubrey to understand exactly what helped and what didn't.
Chloe shakes her head no, crying harder. "Please Beca," she begs. She's not asking for comfort, she's pleading with Beca not to touch her. She tries to pull further into herself, not ready.
Beca's crying as she forces Chloe into her arms. Chloe struggles against her, pure panic taking over her mind. She's struggling to get free, but Beca holds steady. "It's okay sweetie, you're safe," Beca promises. She holds Chloe against her chest as best she can.
It's another five minutes of struggling before Chloe slumps against her in defeat. She's crying still, but no it's weak. The weight of pain she'd felt before was gone and that scared her. She still hurt, but the only thing grounding her was Beca.
Beca pulls Chloe in between her legs, so that she's sitting sideways in front of Beca. "I've got you," she promises. Holding the inside of Chloe's wrist against her lips with one hand, she uses the other to finger through her hair knowing it will help calm her.
Chloe's inhales deeply and all she can smell is home. Beca is safety. Beca is her anchor. She pushes herself closer to the younger woman and just clings to her. They continue like this for what feels like hours. Chloe working through her emotions, while Beca soothes her with words and quiet gestures.
Beca feels Chloe finally slump against her and nudges the other girl to sit up. "It's time for bed Chlo." Beca has no idea what time it is, but it doesn't matter. They're both drained emotionally and physically.
Beca leads Chloe out of the closest, allowing her to lean heavily against her. She sits Chloe on the bed and smiles sadly when she sees that pleading need looking to her once more. "I know sweetie. I know." She strips Chloe down to her bra and boy shorts and then helps her crawl under the sheets. Beca takes her own clothes off, knowing that the skin to skin contact is what Chloe wants.
Without waiting for the other girl to warm up, Beca wraps herself around Chloe as tight as she can and pulls her close. She kisses Chloe's forehead and asks if it's enough. Chloe shakes her head no and let's out a whimper. Beca shushes her gently. "You're okay. I've got you," she promises. She takes the flannel sheet on Chloe's bed and wraps Chloe up in it snugly before pulling her into her arms.
Chloe rests her head against Beca's chest and allows the other girl's breathing to calm her. Beca sings to her gently and Chloe allows herself to relax into the comfort provided. The worst of it behind her. The next few days will be rough, but for now she just absorbs it all.
It still hurts, but with Beca nearby that's okay. Beca doesn't expect her to bounce back or prove anything. She just wants to be there when it happens. Chloe knows Beca loves her and for now that's enough.
XOXOXO
So, yeah, that's that. Reviews are love, always. Thanks for reading.