A/N: Well, here it is, the tag for Sunday. If you haven't done one yet, then hop to it because everyone else is including yours truly. Spoilers only for The Ark, Heroes Pt. 2 (SG-1), and of course Sunday.
Disclaimer: By now, if you don't know that I am not affiliated in anyway with the TPTB associated with the Stargate Universe…then, now you do.
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There's Always Tomorrow
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Quantum entanglement is a quantum mechanical phenomenon in which the quantum states of two or more objects have to be described with reference to each other, even though the individual objects may be spatially separated. This leads to correlations between observable physical properties of the systems.
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The luck ran out.
A big gaping chasm had formed from the piece of him that was missing. A hole so wide a mobius strip could fit into it. A feeling, so devoid of anything he had ever felt before, consumed him. Rodney was lost, is lost, and would be lost for a while.
He saw it in everyone following the days after the explosions. No one seemed unaffected. If there was one person everyone met, it was Carson. He had become entangled with everyone in Atlantis life. He knew every person on the base, if not by name, then by recognition of face.
On such an unstructured day, they had forgotten the inherent dangers that surrounded them. A found weapon of such unimaginable effect that it was laughable dealt the killing blow. It just proved that the Fates' scissors always like to perch too close to the fine thread of all their lives and, finally, they closed on a close friend's fine, gossamer filament.
It had not been too long ago he had watched Sheppard ride a missile down onto a barren world a la' Slim Pickens. Sheppard needed his cowboy hat and a war whoop to complete the picture…and Peter Sellers. Rodney figured that he would lose the members of his team first. They were the ones out there. They were the ones on the front line. He had mentally prepared for that eventuality, but not his steady, homebody of a friend incinerating outside of a surgical suite. There was no way to prepare for that.
Sheppard had always made him work for it, earn it. It's just the nature of their friendship. Carson never did. Carson accepted all of McKay's quirks, commented on some, and chastised a few, but was always there, taken for granted as it apparently happened with friends. Sam had lost Janet. Now, he had lost Carson. He understood only too well why you fight for that friend's life until there is no more time. He hated the dark hole in his stomach that represented his friend's departure.
It was not just him, he knew that. A pall covered the entire city. It was not just Carson who had died. Not enough left of Dr. Houston to scrape up and send home. The same was said for the bomb tech that accepted Carson's deadly gift. An empty casket preceded Carson's through the Gate along with others.
Burns, cuts, penetrating wounds…Carson fixed them all before forfeiture of his life. He saved Dr. Watson at the expense of his and the bomb experts life. The luck simply ran out.
Sheppard, Zelenka, Elizabeth, Teyla, and Ronon were all part of the cog in the machinery of friends. One cog was now missing, letting the swell of emotions carry him here and there. This was a first and he knew not the last. Grodin had been a friend and colleague. Dumais and others on that team had been acquaintances. Gaul was a rival. Carson was an integral part of his life and his death hurt like no other.
Exiting the wormhole into the SGC, familiar faces were waiting. Others who had performed this same task hours or a day before stood with backs against the walls watching them. Atlantis personnel, who had escorted friends home, waited for the last one to return to Earth. Carson had been the finale since members of the command staff were part of his casket detail. From the bagpipes bemoaning his departure from Atlantis, to the absence of sound welcoming him back to his planet of origin in the Embarkation room, Rodney's soul was rendered in two.
Once they placed Carson on another wheeled stand, Ronon stood on one side of him, as Zelenka stood on the other. Lorne and Dr. Cole stood behind him. Sheppard took care of the formalities of returning the dead and announced Dr. Beckett to Gen. Landry.
The last few days had been covered in a mental haze. The city worked and functioned, but with less zest, less cheer. Everyone walked as if in a bad dream. It had happened before and it would happen again, such was the nature of their work. Those left behind set to the task of rebuilding and healing the city in more ways than structural. It was just that infernal and vicious circle that turned into an emotional vortex every so often.
Before Sheppard and he led the procession into the SGC, they waited to take that first step. Sheppard had given Rodney a look, as if to say, 'Let's bring him home'. Sheppard could not maintain eye contact with him though. Rodney understood. Sheppard was not good at these things…Carson had been.
Rodney felt his own brief look had said, 'This is it'. Rodney was learning you had friends that fulfilled certain needs and that you were a friend to others to fulfill their needs.
Big, huge, Grand Canyon-sized hole.
He looked at one of his remaining best friends as he talked to Gen. Landry before the casket was wheeled into to the barren hallway. A need now being met and he was grateful. Sheppard and Zelenka would definitely accompany him to Scotland. He hoped they would allow Ronon. He would need all of them.
His one regret was not being able to see Jeanie before leaving. The turn around time would be too short. He would call her as soon as he possibly could, though. As soon as his friend's casket was placed in the hearse to take him to the closest airport for his return to his family, Rodney would borrow a cell phone and make that necessary call. A call he understood now. A call to make that needed connection.
Back in Atlantis, his eulogy had spoken of many things. How a man could try to save the enemy as everyone around him sought its destruction. A person who would sit with a patient well into to the night after his shift, just to make sure everything was healing; everything was all right. How Carson could make you forget that, while an arrow was protruding from a less than ideal area, he was concerned and did not joke until a couple of weeks later. Carson had interrupted Rodney in his lab and handed him a bronze O-ring in front of his staff. Rodney could have killed him right then and there…
He wasn't looking forward to those moments that would steal in and remind him of his loss. But, that was life as he was learning. He knew the first mission through the Gate that required a post-mission check-up…Well, it was not going to be easy.
He thought himself a most learned man already-- he knew nothing. Rodney was coming to find out the intricacies of building relationships and maintaining them. How they sometimes were ignored and let slip. He had let Carson slip. A mistake.
He knew what had happened. In the simplest terms, Sheppard was like rocky road- exciting. Carson was like vanilla- a fall back. He had been enjoying the rocky road and letting the vanilla sit in the back of the freezer. It was there until one day when the freezer burn took it away. Too many lessons for a man who thought he knew just about everything on everything.
Rodney realized what the true gift this first and foremost friend had taught him. Carson was a rock to base his other friendships on and, now, it was time to build upon that rock to implement those lessons.
Sheppard and he were a work in progress. They were learning about friendship in some of the same ways. Sheppard had stood up and countered Rodney's ego with more ego and a deceptive wit. They needed a break from each other now and again. Just a difference and Rodney would not trade it for the world.
Maybe Rodney could be his rock. Maybe not, because there were those major differences, but he would do his best to put his lessons to good use. He had had the best teacher.
At their first meeting, Rodney had insulted Carson's chosen profession immediately. At their second, he had insulted his inability to use the Ancient equipment.
"Is your brain all stuffed with fluff?" he had asked.
"Aah, that makes me Winnie, so you must be Tigger. And as I'm seeing it, your growl is worse than your bite," Carson had answered.
They had lunch together everyday after that, while they were stationed in Antarctica.
Rodney could see Carson's devotion to him was unwavering and Rodney's was lacking at times. He was placed in a microcosm that accepted him and Rodney was getting the chance to explore new avenues of friendships. Carson had been the underlying rock that was always waiting for him, but was no more. 'I'll get around to it' had come and gone. It was too late.
Meeting Carson's mom made him want a family even more. Maybe Katie was it, maybe not. He wanted to take the time to find out-- another journey to undertake. Carson would never get to see the lessons practiced.
The problem is, tomorrow will always come, but it is not always exactly how we want it to be. Sometimes the surprises are good and sometimes the surprises are not. But tomorrow will come no matter what and Rodney looked towards each one as a gift of one more day with the friends he still had.
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A/N: I got the definition from Wikipedia. It sounded like what I was trying to convey. A very good episode with a crazy plot device. The explanation sounded good; it was just all I could hear in my head was Ah-nuld saying, "It's not a too-mah!" Oh, and there was the death…don't know what purpose it will serve but hey, Season 4...Still loved all the tidbits of insight into our characters in this most hated of episodes.