Everyday you feel a little bit further away.
I give Callie a small smile, and she looks away awkwardly, turning her attention back to Mariana, and I sigh to myself. First she stops talking to me, and now I can barely look at her these days. I want to reach across the table for her hand, not caring who sees, but I can't. I'll just get weird looks. I but want to tell her that I don't care what she chooses, that I'll be here for her. But it won't happen. She'll always come up for an excuse to slip away. She always does.
And I don't know what to say.
What should I tell her? That I hate the idea of her using it as another reason to become more and more of a stranger. That it's just going to make Jude feel bad? I can't say that to her. "I-uh, I think that's a good idea. For you to get to know them better."
"You don't seem to like the idea."
Of course I don't, I think. I hate this idea. I'm already losing you without them. What if they want to adopt you? Stef and Lena are your parents, not Robert. "Of course that I don't like it. But that doesn't mean that I think that you shouldn't do it. It might be good, who knows. I just want you to be careful with them, okay?"
"It'll be better this way. I stay away from you, and you stay away from me." She out the door, not giving me time to respond, and I sigh. This is the complete opposite of what will be good for us.
Are we wasting time? Talking on a broken line.
"What's the point, Cals? We're just wasting time. I can't do this anymore. I can't play, and besides you hate me now. For giving up on you so easily. You're used to it, but this is the first time it's hurt you again." I say, knowing that I'm running the chance of us fixing the broken line between us, the thing we have to get over. Forget about. And I'm just breaking it even more. But maybe it'll be better of we give up on each other. We won't be as broken.
"I don't hate you, I... I ju-"
"Wanted me to fight for you longer, right? I'm sorry that I didn't, Callie," I sigh, almost stopping myself from saying anything, but I go on. "To be honest, I don't know why I bothered with you in the first place. You're always shutting me out, and I thought that I knew you. I guess I was wrong. I don't even know who you are, and I'm sick of trying to find out."
My words hurt her. I can tell by the way she looks away from me, not saying another word as I leave her alone. I want to say sorry, but it won't make a damn difference. We're just a broken line.
Telling you I haven't seen your face in ages. I feel like we're as close as strangers.
When she looks up from the guitar, I can't help but smile, knowing it's the one I gave her. Callie sets it next to her, looking at me silently.
"Hey." I say, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly, not sure of what I shouls say. No, I know what to say, I just don't know how to say it.
"Hey." She says simply, and I sigh.
"So, um, mom told me that you're going to move in with Robert and Sophia." I say, hoping that she'll tell me that she's not going. That she's going to stay here where I can stay with her. But my luck has run out. This is my luck. Callie doing what makes her happy, knowing that I don't matter anyore.
"I am. But I'll be here after school everyday. It'll be like I never left," Callie picks up the guitar carefully, holding it out to me, and I stare at it blankly. " I won't be around here as much anymore, Brandon. This isn't my home. I want you to take this. I want you to play it."
I let out a nervous chuckle, still not taking it from her. I can't take it from her, I gave this to her before I knew how real our connection was. Before I truly care about her. "I'm not taking it. I can't play the piano anymore, and you want me to try and play guitar?"
Callie gives me the same lopsided smile she gave me when I gave it to her, and puts it into my hands. "I'm giving it to you. And you're gonna play it. 'Cause that's what you do."
She's wrong. I won't play it, instead I'll let it sit in to corner of my room, let it collect dust as I try to figure out what I'm going to do without her and music. We're strangers.
I won't give up even though it hurts so much.
"You can't just go, what about Jude?" I tell her, desperatly trying to give her any reason to stay, knowing that I'm the reason why she leaves. No matter how hard I try, I can't fix this. But it's all on me. If I didn't kiss her. If I stayed away from her when I supposed to, none if this would be happening. She would be happy here. Not with me, but I'll know she's safe.
"I can't just stay here, Brandon. Not when I know I'm hurting you. I can't do this anymore, whatever it is. Acting like we still know each other, it's useless."
It'll hurt more if you just leave like I'm nothing. I don't say that to her, instead I say the truth. "You're not leaving because you think you're hurting me. You're leaving because I'm hurting you. No matter what I do, even if it's trying to help you."
"Just play guitar for me." Callie tells me as she slams the car door, not looking at me as Robert says something, shrugging it off, but I know what he said.
You should stay with him.
Every night I'm losing you in a thousand faces.
"Hi Brandon. I'm glad you could come." Robert says, opening the door all the way, and I'm greeted by a warm burst of air and the chatter of all the other people here.
"I couldn't miss it, Robert. I'm glad you let me over in the first place. She doesn't talk to me anymore."
Robert laughs, clamping his hand on my shoulder as I step inside. "Brandon, you're a good guy, you really are. But this is Callie. She's only doing what she thinks is right."
"Im not going to lie, it hurts. I see her at school, and we don't talk. But I know that she want too. She just never comes, you know. And she's usually gone the time I decide that I should talk to her. I can't find her in all of the faces anymore."
Robert doesn't say anything at first, and I know that he feels bad. "She's in her room. Hasn't been out all night. Go talk to her, Brandon. It'll be good."
I do what Robert says. I walk up the stairs, ignoring the people trying to talk to me, and I find her room at the end of the hallway, and can hear music playing. But it's not her, it's a recording, and I know exactly what it is. The song I wrote for her two years ago. The one that seems so cheesy and cliché now. Without knocking, I throw open the door knowing that Callie is on the otherside.
"Hey." I say, looking at her laying on her bed. I expect her to kick me out, to yell at me, to tell me that she dosen't want to talk to me. That she doesn't care.
I can see the tears in her eyes as she smiles at me, proping herself on her elbows before she takes a deep breath, and I know she thought about doing this ever since she left. Saying something that will make me give up on her completely, something that will just finally make me see that she doesn't care at all anymore. "How's wrestling going for you?"
Now it feels like we're as close as strangers.