Whooo! First fic on FF.n! Everybody, dance with me now! No one's
dancing..oh well. Okay, TheOneWithoutASoul is posting things for Neo-san
for a while. Any and all reviews, may there be many of them, will be
forwarded to him. So if I've made a grammatical error, please don't submit
a review for just that. E-mail me and I will try to fix it. Positive
reviews and constructive criticism!
It was a normal day like any other; the sky was blue, the birds were singing, and the Celtic Guardian was drunk off his ass.
"You! You think you're better than me?!" he yelled in a drunken rage.
"Lance!" a voice yelled from behind him.
Lance, still drunk, turned and shouted, "Ya stupid chipmunk! Go bother someone else!"
"Huh?" The Mystical Elf stood there, perplexed. "Have you been drinking again?" she asked.
"'Course not! *hiccup*."
Christine just rolled her eyes and *SMACK*
"OWW!" Lance yelled like a little girl.
"What have I told you about drinking?" she asked sternly.
"To uh.lay off?" he answered nervously.
*SMACK*
"Come on, the King wishes to see us," Christine said, pulling Lance along by his ear.
"Ow! Leave off my ears!" he squealed.
"Then stop getting so boozed up so often!" she retorted.
"I told you, it's not me, it's a sickness!"
*SMACK*
"Go wait for me outside the throne room," muttered Christine. "I have to go get Drake." Lance wove his way out of the hall, and Christine went to fetch Drake.
Drake lived in the castle's highest tower, on the very topmost floor. Christine slowly climbed up the stairs. Why did they even have to make this tower so tall? she grumbled to herself. She paused for a moment to catch her breath. "Why did you have to leave?" she murmured, clutching her necklace. She shook her head and continued up the stairway.
As she neared the top, she realized the tower was engulfed in smoke.
"Fire!" she yelled. She ran up the stairs and reached the door. A sign read "Dark Magicians Only" but she pushed right into the room. She stopped dead in her tracks, confronted with a terrifying site.
Drake, the Dark Magician, was dancing around and singing, wearing only his tall hat and boxers.
"The call me Cuban Pete! I'm the king of the rumba beat! When I play the maracas they go chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom, chick chicky boo.." Drake had just noticed Christine standing in the doorway, and immediately turned as red as a tomato.
"As much as I love your singing and dancing," she began dryly, "the King wishes to see us."
"O.okay.." He stammered. "But don't say a word about what you saw here this day!" He shook his fist after her for emphasis.
"Don't worry," she smiled. "Just remember to put your robe on over those darling boxers." She left the room.
Put on some pants? Drake looked down and noticed, with quite some embarrassment, that he was wearing the boxers with his face on them.
"Ehhh." he groaned, slapping his head. "I'm going to burn these boxers, and go see the King.not necessarily in that order."
-------------------------------------((In front of the throne))------------- ------------------
"Okay, before we enter the room." Christine turned to her companions. "Lance, are you drunk?"
The Celtic Guardian shook his head. "Not now."
She turned to Drake. "Drake, are you done singing?"
"Baw widda baw da bang da bang diggy diggy-" *SMACK* "Okay, I'm done."
"All right. Then let's not keep him waiting."
The gigantic doors swung open, revealing a giant and beautiful hall. From the ceiling hung chandeliers of silver and diamonds, a carpet of deep crimson, and the King himself, seated on an ornate throne of gold and rubies.
"Psst! Lance!" Drake leaned over his friend's shoulder. "How much do you think this room cost?"
"I dunno, but now I know where all my money goes to," Lance joked.
"Shut up, both of you!" Christine whispered fiercely. "Just wait till we get outside.."
When they reached the King, a herald cried out, "Kneel before his Majesty, the Stern Mystic!"
The small group kneeled.
The King waved a hand. "Rise."
They stood up, Lance wobbling a bit.
"You called to us, your Highness?" Christine ventured.
"Yes, I called you all here to ask a favor of you three. I ask that you go and investigate an evil blanket of mist that has covered a portion of my kingdom."
"Us?" Lance, Drake and Christine asked in unison.
"Do not worry, I shall give you tools that will aid your mission. To Drake, the Book of Secret Arts, may this book further aid you and your magick."
"Thanks!" Drake replied, accepting the book. "Now, if only I could read." he muttered.
"To Christine," declared the King, "The Ookazi Ring. With this you may set ablaze all your enemies."
"Thank you, your Highness," she replied with a bow.
"And to Lance.."
"Gimme gimme gimme!!" he said impatiently under his breath.
"The Legendary Sword."
".." Lance just stared stupidly at the weapon the King held out to him. "What the hell are you thinking?! This thing is two times my size, I can't wield this!" he yelled psychotically.
*SMACK* ((SA/N: I'm beginning to see a trend here.))
"Lance! Is that any way to speak to a King?!" Christine shrieked.
The King, unaffected by the yells, responded calmly to the Guardian's outburst. "Christine, it is all right for Lance to be upset. This sword is exceedingly difficult to use. However, I have sufficient faith in his abilities to do so."
"Fine." Lance grudgingly took the sword.
"One more thing!" the King yelled, holding up a finger.
Now what, Lance groaned.
"Remember to keep it with you always!"
"But-"
"ALWAYS!"
---------------------------((Outside the Castle walls))--------------------- ---------------
"Our first quest!" Drake yelled excitedly. "This calls for a celebration- let's go get drinks! I'm buying!"
"Hey, I'm for that! You coming, Christine?" Lance asked.
"Well.I guess one drink couldn't hurt.." Suddenly realizing her mistake, she turned to stop the boys, but it was too late. They had already disappeared into the tavern.
"Brother." Christine sighed. "The things I put up with.." She sighed again and followed them inside.
---------------------((A few minutes later, at the bar))-------------------- ---------
"They have karaoke here!" Christine squealed in excitement.
"Ooooohh no, you're not getting us up there," Lance argued.
"Good idea!" she cried happily. "Either you both sing, or there's a two drink limit." She smiled deviously.
"And what's going to make us listen to you?" Lance asked.
"Yeah!" Drake agreed.
"Please.." Christine smiled sweetly. Lance gulped.
"N.no.no!" he yelled nervously.
"Laaaance," she grinned. "You're blushing."
"You can't make me."
"Sure I can.Ookazi!" With that, *phoom!*
"AAAH!! Put me out! Put me out! My hat!! Save the hat!!" Drake pleaded. "I'll sing, I'll sing!!"
"Ha! Drake, I'm not fire!" Lance bragged.
"Check your cape, dear," Christine pointed out.
"Aah! Put me out! Put me out!" he shouted.
"Okay." Christine snapped her fingers and Lance's cape went out.
Drake climbed up on the stage. "Me first!" He brushed a bit of charred cloth off his shoulder. "What to sing.I know!" He cleared his throat.
"Disappeared out on the edge it was time to pay my dues. Never guessed that you'd de dressed in my clothes and my shoes," he sang perfectly.
"Who'd want to wear your gay clothes?" yelled the Rude Kaiser.
"Absolutely NO interruptions! DARK MAGICK ATTACK!"
The lizard screamed as it exploded into many shimmering pieces.
"Any other comments?" Drake growled.
A very red Christine grabbed his elbow and pulled him off the stage. "Okay, Drake, that's quite enough for you. Come down before you kill someone. Someone else."
Lance sighed. "Guess that means I'm up.." He climbed up on the stage. "Let's get this train wreck moving! Christine, will you join me up on the stage?" he asked.
"O.okay.." She stammered, blushing furiously. She stepped up next to Lance and took a seat on a stool.
"Christine, this is for you," Lance said softly. "No more talk of darkness, forget these wide-eyed fears, I'm here, nothing can harm you, these words will warm and calm you..." Christine, being her emotional self, was deeply touched, until..
"Let me be your shelter. Let daylight dry you tears, I'm here.and I like big butts and I cannot lie! You other brothers can't deny! When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thang in your face you get-" *SMACK*
Christine rose from the stool. "Do you think it's funny to toy with my feelings?!" she yelled.
"Come on, you think I was serious? I.it was a joke," Lance finished lamely.
"Well, you can take your jokes and.." Unable to finish, she ran out the door. Unable to speak, Lance walked off the stage and out the door after Christine.
"Come on, everyone sing alone!" Drake yelled as he took the stage. "They call me Cuban Pete.."
Okay, I'm cutting Neo's chapters in half, cuz I really wanna post them, and they are long enough already. Please review! It means a lot! This is, after all, Neo's first published work on FanFiction, and as of yet he doesn't know what good reviewers you all are. Prove him wrong, folks! Prove me right! ^^
It was a normal day like any other; the sky was blue, the birds were singing, and the Celtic Guardian was drunk off his ass.
"You! You think you're better than me?!" he yelled in a drunken rage.
"Lance!" a voice yelled from behind him.
Lance, still drunk, turned and shouted, "Ya stupid chipmunk! Go bother someone else!"
"Huh?" The Mystical Elf stood there, perplexed. "Have you been drinking again?" she asked.
"'Course not! *hiccup*."
Christine just rolled her eyes and *SMACK*
"OWW!" Lance yelled like a little girl.
"What have I told you about drinking?" she asked sternly.
"To uh.lay off?" he answered nervously.
*SMACK*
"Come on, the King wishes to see us," Christine said, pulling Lance along by his ear.
"Ow! Leave off my ears!" he squealed.
"Then stop getting so boozed up so often!" she retorted.
"I told you, it's not me, it's a sickness!"
*SMACK*
"Go wait for me outside the throne room," muttered Christine. "I have to go get Drake." Lance wove his way out of the hall, and Christine went to fetch Drake.
Drake lived in the castle's highest tower, on the very topmost floor. Christine slowly climbed up the stairs. Why did they even have to make this tower so tall? she grumbled to herself. She paused for a moment to catch her breath. "Why did you have to leave?" she murmured, clutching her necklace. She shook her head and continued up the stairway.
As she neared the top, she realized the tower was engulfed in smoke.
"Fire!" she yelled. She ran up the stairs and reached the door. A sign read "Dark Magicians Only" but she pushed right into the room. She stopped dead in her tracks, confronted with a terrifying site.
Drake, the Dark Magician, was dancing around and singing, wearing only his tall hat and boxers.
"The call me Cuban Pete! I'm the king of the rumba beat! When I play the maracas they go chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom, chick chicky boo.." Drake had just noticed Christine standing in the doorway, and immediately turned as red as a tomato.
"As much as I love your singing and dancing," she began dryly, "the King wishes to see us."
"O.okay.." He stammered. "But don't say a word about what you saw here this day!" He shook his fist after her for emphasis.
"Don't worry," she smiled. "Just remember to put your robe on over those darling boxers." She left the room.
Put on some pants? Drake looked down and noticed, with quite some embarrassment, that he was wearing the boxers with his face on them.
"Ehhh." he groaned, slapping his head. "I'm going to burn these boxers, and go see the King.not necessarily in that order."
-------------------------------------((In front of the throne))------------- ------------------
"Okay, before we enter the room." Christine turned to her companions. "Lance, are you drunk?"
The Celtic Guardian shook his head. "Not now."
She turned to Drake. "Drake, are you done singing?"
"Baw widda baw da bang da bang diggy diggy-" *SMACK* "Okay, I'm done."
"All right. Then let's not keep him waiting."
The gigantic doors swung open, revealing a giant and beautiful hall. From the ceiling hung chandeliers of silver and diamonds, a carpet of deep crimson, and the King himself, seated on an ornate throne of gold and rubies.
"Psst! Lance!" Drake leaned over his friend's shoulder. "How much do you think this room cost?"
"I dunno, but now I know where all my money goes to," Lance joked.
"Shut up, both of you!" Christine whispered fiercely. "Just wait till we get outside.."
When they reached the King, a herald cried out, "Kneel before his Majesty, the Stern Mystic!"
The small group kneeled.
The King waved a hand. "Rise."
They stood up, Lance wobbling a bit.
"You called to us, your Highness?" Christine ventured.
"Yes, I called you all here to ask a favor of you three. I ask that you go and investigate an evil blanket of mist that has covered a portion of my kingdom."
"Us?" Lance, Drake and Christine asked in unison.
"Do not worry, I shall give you tools that will aid your mission. To Drake, the Book of Secret Arts, may this book further aid you and your magick."
"Thanks!" Drake replied, accepting the book. "Now, if only I could read." he muttered.
"To Christine," declared the King, "The Ookazi Ring. With this you may set ablaze all your enemies."
"Thank you, your Highness," she replied with a bow.
"And to Lance.."
"Gimme gimme gimme!!" he said impatiently under his breath.
"The Legendary Sword."
".." Lance just stared stupidly at the weapon the King held out to him. "What the hell are you thinking?! This thing is two times my size, I can't wield this!" he yelled psychotically.
*SMACK* ((SA/N: I'm beginning to see a trend here.))
"Lance! Is that any way to speak to a King?!" Christine shrieked.
The King, unaffected by the yells, responded calmly to the Guardian's outburst. "Christine, it is all right for Lance to be upset. This sword is exceedingly difficult to use. However, I have sufficient faith in his abilities to do so."
"Fine." Lance grudgingly took the sword.
"One more thing!" the King yelled, holding up a finger.
Now what, Lance groaned.
"Remember to keep it with you always!"
"But-"
"ALWAYS!"
---------------------------((Outside the Castle walls))--------------------- ---------------
"Our first quest!" Drake yelled excitedly. "This calls for a celebration- let's go get drinks! I'm buying!"
"Hey, I'm for that! You coming, Christine?" Lance asked.
"Well.I guess one drink couldn't hurt.." Suddenly realizing her mistake, she turned to stop the boys, but it was too late. They had already disappeared into the tavern.
"Brother." Christine sighed. "The things I put up with.." She sighed again and followed them inside.
---------------------((A few minutes later, at the bar))-------------------- ---------
"They have karaoke here!" Christine squealed in excitement.
"Ooooohh no, you're not getting us up there," Lance argued.
"Good idea!" she cried happily. "Either you both sing, or there's a two drink limit." She smiled deviously.
"And what's going to make us listen to you?" Lance asked.
"Yeah!" Drake agreed.
"Please.." Christine smiled sweetly. Lance gulped.
"N.no.no!" he yelled nervously.
"Laaaance," she grinned. "You're blushing."
"You can't make me."
"Sure I can.Ookazi!" With that, *phoom!*
"AAAH!! Put me out! Put me out! My hat!! Save the hat!!" Drake pleaded. "I'll sing, I'll sing!!"
"Ha! Drake, I'm not fire!" Lance bragged.
"Check your cape, dear," Christine pointed out.
"Aah! Put me out! Put me out!" he shouted.
"Okay." Christine snapped her fingers and Lance's cape went out.
Drake climbed up on the stage. "Me first!" He brushed a bit of charred cloth off his shoulder. "What to sing.I know!" He cleared his throat.
"Disappeared out on the edge it was time to pay my dues. Never guessed that you'd de dressed in my clothes and my shoes," he sang perfectly.
"Who'd want to wear your gay clothes?" yelled the Rude Kaiser.
"Absolutely NO interruptions! DARK MAGICK ATTACK!"
The lizard screamed as it exploded into many shimmering pieces.
"Any other comments?" Drake growled.
A very red Christine grabbed his elbow and pulled him off the stage. "Okay, Drake, that's quite enough for you. Come down before you kill someone. Someone else."
Lance sighed. "Guess that means I'm up.." He climbed up on the stage. "Let's get this train wreck moving! Christine, will you join me up on the stage?" he asked.
"O.okay.." She stammered, blushing furiously. She stepped up next to Lance and took a seat on a stool.
"Christine, this is for you," Lance said softly. "No more talk of darkness, forget these wide-eyed fears, I'm here, nothing can harm you, these words will warm and calm you..." Christine, being her emotional self, was deeply touched, until..
"Let me be your shelter. Let daylight dry you tears, I'm here.and I like big butts and I cannot lie! You other brothers can't deny! When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thang in your face you get-" *SMACK*
Christine rose from the stool. "Do you think it's funny to toy with my feelings?!" she yelled.
"Come on, you think I was serious? I.it was a joke," Lance finished lamely.
"Well, you can take your jokes and.." Unable to finish, she ran out the door. Unable to speak, Lance walked off the stage and out the door after Christine.
"Come on, everyone sing alone!" Drake yelled as he took the stage. "They call me Cuban Pete.."
Okay, I'm cutting Neo's chapters in half, cuz I really wanna post them, and they are long enough already. Please review! It means a lot! This is, after all, Neo's first published work on FanFiction, and as of yet he doesn't know what good reviewers you all are. Prove him wrong, folks! Prove me right! ^^