I just finished Proxy by Alex London, and I think this song is perfect for Sydney coping with Knox leaving to save his life. I listened to this song over and over to get this right. I'm really happy with the turn-out, even if it's short.
She just walked away
Why didn't she tell me?
And where do I go tonight?
I lie in the Rebooters private room, silently crying over Knox. Knox Brindle, as Marie told me, my patron. The reason I got stuck in this mess. He had killed her, and she was alive, and I was supposed to cripple on an EMD stick, and he was gone. He was gone..
Beforehand, I gave him my blood.
Yovel.
He finally sacrificed his life for my own, but I wanted him to stay. It was my right to die.
This isn't happening to me
This can't be happening to me
I saw him get in the chamber.
He kissed me. He actually kissed me, on his choice. He chose me.
He chose me.
He wanted to negotiate, and negotiate he got. He wanted to give me peace…he wanted to repay a certain life-long debt..
And then he winked.
He winked.
I swear it was at me.
Me..
She didn't say a word
Just walked away
I try to remember him in the club with Egan…it was a lux scene, and it was just destiny that we'd found each other.
"Listen, Sydney,"
"Just Syd," I had growled.
"What?"
"Just Syd," I said, bored. "Not Sydney."
"Oh…right, Syd. Well, listen, Syd, I'm sorry about…everything."
You were the first to say
That we were not okay
I pick up the pieces on when we were going to his house. It was a marvelous house…so much potential..so little love.
"I'll get you the ID, and then you'll disappear? Never find me again."
"Definitely." I said, sure at the time.
"And if you're lying, I'll kill you."
You were the first to lie
When we were not alright
Aaannd now I'm here.
This was my first love
She was the first to go
And when she left me for you
I was the last to know
"I can't let you do this. Not for me." I said, trying not to whimper.
"I have to. For you."
Why didn't she tell me
Where to go tonight?
My mind glances to when we were in the desert, and I was pleading for a goodnight kiss…I meant it as a truth, but I covered it up in a tease.
It would have been nice.
And the fight with Egan, my frie-acquaintance. And Knox was unchained when he died, watching in possible horror as I held him, blood staining myself.
Maybe it was jealousy.
She didn't say word
She just walked away
You were the first to say
That we were not okay
I had someone who cared that much to throw his life under the bridge for me, unlike him. Or maybe even because Egan 'claimed' me. Yes he did. But only to the public eye who knew about me, it wasn't ever like that. I had a crush on Atticus, and I'm faithful.
You were the first to lie
When we were not alright
And how he gave me CPR. Like our kiss. I couldn't get over how much I had fallen.
This was my first love
She was the first to go
And when she left me for you
I was the last to know
He fell, too. Maybe not for me, but in a strong friendship way that changed his life around. But I can't help but think he fell for me. I mean, it makes sense.
I'll be the first to say
That now I'm okay
The kissing.
The flirting.
The cuddling.
The awkward-sentimental attitude.
The denying.
The winking.
The 'I'll flirt with Marie' tactic.
And I'm crying.
And I know a true friend.
And for the first time
I've opened up my eyes
And I fell in love with Knox Brindle, the boy that was a troublemaker, the rich guy that got everything he wanted, the man that got everybody in his loop, the friend that lost his mother, that over-sentimental loving bastard.
This was my worst love
You'll be the first to go
And then he vaporized in that contraption, leaving the wink to prove that we'd be okay. Everything can be healed.
And when she leaves you for dead
You'll be the last to know
I'll be the first to say
That now I'm okay
And for the first time
I've opened up my eyes
This was my worst love
You'll be the first to go
And when she leaves you for dead
You'll be the last to know
Some debts cannot be repaid.