A/N: Hi, all! Me again. *waits patiently as a collective groan echoes throughout cyberspace* I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that.
This fic actually wasn't supposed to be the next story I was gonna post. I was going to develop a story idea that has been plaguing me since Chapter 7 of After Midnight -- Ooh, look! Unintentional shameless plug! -- but after the first couple of paragraphs of that I got stuck. I suspect that my muse has gone on vacation... again. So I put that idea on the backburner while I thought out the details a little more. This fic is just a short, little one-shot that popped into my head one night when I couldn't fall asleep. See, sleep deprivation does weird things to your brain. Anyway, this takes place long before Rogue joined the X-Men.
CHAPTER 1
Bedside
It musta been th' thirtieth time Ah tossed ovah ta mah othah side. Ah hated nights like this, when sleep was th' farthest thing in th' world from me. Think Ah woulda had better luck attemptin' ta climb Mt. Everest than fallin' asleep. It was like tryin' ta find that pot o' gold people say is at th' end o' ev'ry rainbow. Th' one guarded by a grumpy ol' leprechaun that'd jus' as soon push ya off th' nearest cliff than have ya touch his precious money. Truth be told, a round o' bickerin' with a stingy Irish elf sounded ultimately better than tossin' an' turnin' a hole right through th' mattress.
Ah fin'lly gave up an' opened mah eyes. It was clear Ah wasn't gettin' anywhere in th' R.E.M. department. Th' window was open an' th' drapes were blowin' softly in th' breeze. Could jus' make out th' moon peepin' ovah a few treetops in th' yard, stars pepperin' th' heavens around it. There's jus' somethin' so soothin' 'bout th' night sky. How it's so peaceful an' still, like all th' creatures o' th' Earth are afraid ta disturb its quiet existence. Ah spent a lot o' time doin' that, Ah realized. Starin' out mah bedroom window in th' dead o' night 'cause Ah couldn't seem ta catch those elusive Z's. Ah'd pay fo' it in th' mornin', no doubt; walkin' 'round like a zombie from th' grave. Be a miracle if Ah could stay awake durin' th' chemistry lesson Reenie would be givin' me aftah lunch. Now under normal circumstances, that task would already be diff'cult enough ta accomplish. But add a touch o' sleep deprivation ta th' mix, an' you've got yoahself one li'l Mississippi girl fast asleep.
Rollin' onta mah back, Ah dragged mah gaze ta th' ceilin'. Def'nitely not as pretty as th' view outside. Saw a couple o' cracks that were gettin' a bit more visible. Ah made a mental note ta tell Momma 'bout them before they got any worse. Ah have ta admit though, th' thoughts poppin' inta mah head at that moment wouldn't've shown themselves if Ah'd been admirin' th' scene beyond th' window. Th' thoughts currently runnin' through mah brain were th' kind that needed th' sterile blankness o' th' area above me.
Ah started thinkin' 'bout how Ah stopped goin' ta a regular school almost three years ago. Couldn't risk bein' exposed ta th' rest o' th' 'normal' kids. Couldn't risk bumpin' inta any o' them in th' hallways. Couldn't risk stealin' their thoughts, their dreams... their very souls. That was me in a nutshell, ladies an' gentlemen: good ol' southern belle with a vampire's kiss. One touch an' yoah out cold. Not much o' a life fo' a fifteen-year-old, red-blooded American girl. Not that Ah thought Ah deserved ta have one. Not aftah what happened ta Cody. If Ah thought mah life was an ugly mess o' Fate's twisted idea o' a joke, then he got a worst deal than Ah did. Last we heard, he was still in a coma. A coma that Ah put him in. Th' result o' some innocent curiosity. He was mah first... prob'ly be mah last.
Dammit! Ah didn' want ta think 'bout stuff like that. No good evah came from it.
Ah sat up in bed an' felt th' sheets bunch up 'round mah legs. Ah turned ta stare out th' window again, lettin' nature's magic refresh mah soul. It was a while before Ah act'lly let mahself focus on anythin' 'sides what mah eyes could see. Self-analysis was a scary process -- an' def'nitely one that wouldn't lead ta a successful trip inta dreamland.
Ah decided ta try a Peter Pan impression an' think only happy thoughts fo' th' time bein'. That always helped when Ah was younger, more than countin' sheep evah did. Ah let mahself wander down ta mah own li'l version o' Never-Never Land, as Ah noticed th' wind pick up outside.
Ain't it funny how yoah eyes could be lookin' at somethin' but not really lookin' at it. Y'know? Ah mean, Ah was watchin' th' trees move back an' forth, but at th' same time Ah was watchin' th' li'l self-made movie up in mah head. Ah was splittin' mah attention between th' two an' yet understandin' perfectly what was happenin' in both.
Th' 'real movie' -- th' one jus' beyond mah window -- was quiet; more than likely wouldn't have made any box office records if they had played it in th' cinemas. Th' one in mah excessively used imagination was more likely ta hold its own against th' competition, sure ta impress fans an' critics alike. Yoah typical damsel in distress, caught in th' arms o' an evil, black-hearted villain who jus' happened ta be her lover's archenemy. All right, so maybe it was a bit flaky an' had been done inta th' dirt so many times that it had reached China already, but what could Ah say? Ah was a hopeless romantic, an' that was somethin' that wasn't likely ta change.
Not that it was common knowledge ta anyone else. Couldn't have a momma like Mystique an' be a quiverin', helpless li'l waif. 'Round here Ah was tough as nails, hard as steel, capable o' extractin' internal organs in twenty diff'rent ways -- add 'bout a hundred more if Ah used somethin' othah than mah hands.
But sometimes, in th' privacy o' mah own room, Ah'd let th' romantic side o' mah soul breathe. No harm in bein' girly once in a while, Ah thought. Not like Ah was gonna turn inta a fluff-lovin', bubble-gum-poppin' pansy who more often than not looked like a pastel-colored flowerbed threw up on them. Ah was more o' th' subtle kind o' romantic, but a romantic nonetheless.
Th' movie inside mah head was reachin' its climatic finale. But unlike th' typical guy-rescues-girl scenes, mah heroine helped ta kick ass. One thing was fo' sure, she wasn't th' average damsel in distress. Aftah her prince charmin' freed her from th' chains bindin' her wrists, they worked t'gether ta defeat th' treacherous villain. She even pulled 'Romeo' outta some tight spots a few times. It was a happily-evah-aftah -- as all romance stories should have been, in mah opinion.
You'd have thought Ah'd be a li'l bit more cynical 'bout all th' romance nonsense, 'specially considerin' mah powers -- not ta mention mah parents' line o' work. But fo' some reason Ah wasn't. Would have ta prob'ly blame mah momma fo' that -- mah real momma, that is. Ah could remember watchin' aftahnoon soap operas with her when Ah was little. Guess you could say all o' it rubbed off on me.
At least Ah was sensible enough ta know that th' fairy tale romances traipsin' 'round mah noggin could never survive in th' real world. A woman couldn't wrap th' man o' her dreams 'round her li'l finger more times than she could count. A man didn' have th' stamina o' a bull, nor th' infinite patience o' a saint. An' despite what we've been led ta believe, good didn' always triumph ovah evil. Ah was never one ta try an' delude mahself inta thinkin' that mah perfect guy was out there somewhere, or that by some miracle o' miracles, mah mutant power would somehow find a way ta be controllable, an' Mr. Right an' Ah could ride off ta our castle in th' sky.
Even though Ah knew it was likely never ta happen, Ah let mahself dwell in th' land o' 'What If.' What if Mr. Almost-Right-Fo'-Me really existed an' was out there in th' world, goin' about livin' his life jus' like Ah was -- th' two o' us completely oblivious o' th' othah's existence? Where was he right then? Was he livin' in th' same country as Ah was? Th' same city? Th' same neighborhood? Or was he a foreigner clear across th' globe? British? Scottish? Chinese? French? Was he someone Ah already met? One o' th' boys Ah knew before mah powers manifested? Maybe he was someone Ah'd passed on th' streets down here in Caldecott. Or ovah in New Orleans when Raven an' Reenie had taken me there fo' Mardi Gras.
Was he a lot older than me? Old enough ta be out o' school already an' workin' at a job? What kind o' employment did he have? Or was he still in school like me? Maybe he was home schooled like Ah was, unable ta enroll in regular classes 'cause o' one lousy extra gene.
Was he a mutant like me? Did his mutation keep people at a distance 'cause o' some diff'rence in his body, like mah untouchable skin? Did people ridicule him fo' it? Did it hurt him as much as it hurt me?
Did he like th' same kind o' things Ah did? How would he feel 'bout sittin' quietly in th' night, watchin' th' stars 'til th' mornin' stole them away? 'Course th' best place fo' star-gazin' was on top o' th' roof. Was he th' type ta climb up there with me, or would he be too afraid o' heights?
What was he doin' right then? Starin' out th' window an' contemplatin' his future? Thinkin' o' me an' wonderin' where Ah was?
A sudden thought hit me an' Ah lowered mah eyes ta th' floor. Was he sharin' his bed with someone else? Holdin' her in his arms an' whisperin' words o' love inta her ear? Did he think that she was th' one he would spend th' rest o' his life with? Was he thinkin' o' marryin' her? Or were they already married? Better question still, would he be able ta love me aftah lovin' her?
Mah li'l 'What If' game was startin' ta get depressin', totally destroyin' mah original plan o' happy thoughts. It was time ta try an' go back ta sleep. Momma would kill me in th' mornin' if Ah wasn't on time fo' trainin'.
Ah settled back down onta one o' mah pillows, pullin' th' othah one close ta mah body ta hug. Ah couldn't help but wonder fo' a split second what it would be like ta feel his warm body next ta mine, an' ta fall asleep listenin' ta th' rhythm o' his heartbeat under mah ear.
They were childish, silly dreams, but dreams nonetheless. An' dreams sometimes had th' power ta come true. There was a small part o' me that wished it could pan out, a part that hoped he'd find his way ta me an' then steal mah heart away. Wasn't very confident that that was gonna happen, but Ah let mahself believe... at least fo' now.
Not long aftah, Ah fell asleep. Th' last thing Ah remember thinkin' was, would mah soul recognize him if Ah saw him?
*sigh* Even in a fic that's supposedly centered solely on Rogue, I can't help but slide in a few subtle references to Remy. I'm such a sucker... ; )
* So it's back to that other fic for me. Let's see if I can't work the kinks out. *points down to little blue button in lower corner* Hey, don't forget about him. It's almost Christmas and he hasn't been used and abused nearly as much as he would like!