A/N: Merry Christmas! I know, Christmas is a happy time, but I am addicted to Doctor/Rose angst as well as happy. So here is my Christmas fic, and I hope you all have a smashing x-mas and awesome new year.
He remembered everything. Always did. Always would.
Rose.
Just her name sent waves of sadness crashing over him. Not as bad as it was last year, or the year before, but the wish for her to be with him was still stronger than he expected.
But she was a world apart from him; she had the human Doctor. She would be happy, content.
Closing his eyes, he tipped his head back as the falling snow melted on his cheeks. It was cold: his hands felt frozen in his lap as dainty flakes caught in his hair and rested on his clothes.
He remembered the touch of her hand, always so warm even when the world was growing colder, preparing for winter.
It didn't feel like Christmas without her laugh, or Jackie's cooking and unbearably domestic gossip. He was in their old estate, but it felt empty. The buildings were the same, the same graffiti lined the walls. But this was 2011, and they were gone. The snow settled in a thin layer on the ground and he remembered the last time he had seen her: hair falling around her shoulders, hat on her head. She had wished him a happy new year as he stood in the shadows with the regeneration energy pulsing through his body, changing him already.
Then she had run off, and he had watched her. His desire to step out and let her see his face had been so great he had to physically force himself to sink back against the wall.
Sitting on the bench on Christmas eve now, he sighed. The same kind of sigh from that day. He stood up and brushed off his trousers, flicked his braces and walked forwards.
If he somehow saw her again, would she know? Would she know it was him, or would she see right through him?
Once, she had told him she felt like she was home when she was with him. No matter where they were, if he was there then it was where she belonged.
He wished she would come home to him now.
Still, he was happy that her face was the last he saw before he regenerated. Her smile, her voice ringing in his ears.
"Maybe it's time you went home."
He walked onwards, eyes straight ahead.
"See ya."
Onwards he walked, alone in the snow as it slowly built up. Soon, families would be rushing out, children laughing with joy and adults smiling and wrapping up warm to go out.
But for now, he walked through the estate to the TARDIS alone, hands in the pockets of his coat and eyes glued straight ahead. Absently, he wondered if it was snowing where she was. If he closed his eyes, he could almost feel her walking next to him, clutching his arm and shivering. He could almost hear her laughing, smell her shampoo.
He swung the TARDIS door open and stepped inside, taking off his coat and throwing it over a banister.
Then he stood in his TARDIS. The lonely man with the world in his rear-view mirror.
Slowly, he powered up the TARDIS and looked up at the screen.
Where next? he asked himself. Where next?
The Doctor remembered everything. Always did. Always would.