Unanswered Questions & a Hero's Perspective ; (Heavy Lies the Head, chapter 1)

It's one of those beautiful, blue sky, bird song kind of afternoons but Barry hasn't had a moment to enjoy it, caught up in catching yet another meta human gone rogue. Thankfully, the situation is resolved with unusual ease and the petty thief Cisco has nicknamed Discount is behind bars, hanging with the other unrepentant meta humans Team Flash has put away so far. Though the capture had gone well, the experience has left Barry distracted—something that doesn't go unnoticed by Caitlin as she habitually examines him just to be sure he's not hiding any injuries.

Sighing at the distant look in his eyes, the way he seems not to be listening to a word she's said in the last two minutes, Caitlin grabs hold of his wrist, hoping to recapture his attention. The gentle pressure of her fingers manages to do the trick, distracting him from his thoughts and pulling his gaze towards hers. "I was just about to run and grab a late lunch, walk with me?" She asks, smiling and sure he won't actually buy the excuse but hoping all the same.

Barry doesn't, but he shrugs anyway; standing up from the medical table she'd pressed him down onto earlier. "Sure."

They get an order from Cisco and Dr. Wells before they make their way up to the top floors of the lab and then out the front doors. There's a sandwich shop just a few blocks down, but there's also a little pocket park just two blocks out of the way, with a swath of open bank against the river, so Caitlin steers them in that direction, grateful that Barry's letting her lead without question (though she supposes question would at least mean he was talking).

Neither say anything during the short walk, Barry still lost in his thoughts and Caitlin lost in her attempts to pull him out of them but when they reach the little hideaway, he does give her a puzzled look. She just smiles softly and nods skyward. "It's a nice day, might as well enjoy it for a bit," and with that, she abandons her heels at the edge of the grass and maneuvers herself carefully down the sloping back to the river's edge, settling on the grass and immediately digging her toes into the water with a quiet little murmur of content. When he just stands there, watching her curiously, as if waiting for her to make another move, Caitlin laughs and pats the open grass next to her. "Saving the world can wait a bit, and Cisco isn't going to starve."

Unable to stay melancholy for too long, that drags a laugh out of Barry. "Doctor's orders?" He teases, already toeing off his shoes and reaching for his socks when she turns back to flash him a wide, beaming grin.

"Of course."

And then he's edging down the bank and sitting next to her, watching the ripples fan out where his toes disturb the slow current of the water.

She lets the silence hang for a while, comfortable enough but still with an identifiable weight to it, the distance settling back behind the green of Barry's irises as they track the flowing river. When it seems like enough time has passed for him to gather whatever thoughts are running through his mind, she speaks up: "You wanna talk about it?"

Barry's gaze sweeps back to Caitlin, swinging his head and shoulders along with so that he's angled in her direction, leaned back on his arms, the ghost of a smile accompanying the slow way his head shakes fondly at her. "You always know when something's up, don't you?"

"You're not any different." Which is true: they're remarkably adept at reading each other. They have been from the start, from that first day when Barry opened his mouth with an "I just noticed you don't smile too much" and it's only grown over the past year and a half, as if each new challenge has peeled away another layer that should separate them but doesn't. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to or if you're not ready." It's a line they've both used before, comforting for the familiarity and the relative lack of pressure is offers.

"There's just so many of them," he starts, shifting back towards the water, not sure he wants Caitlin to be able to read his eyes for this conversation. Joe always teases that he's an open book and even if Caitlin didn't seem to have a special knack for reading his pages, it probably wouldn't be hard to gauge the feelings he has spinning. "So many more bad guys than good ones—some days I wonder if we're making much of a difference at all."

That catches her attention. Caitlin moves to mirror his earlier position, carefully twisting around towards Barry, concern softening her usually sharp gaze, softening the brown exponentially as it lingers across his face. "Of course we are Barry, think of all the people you've saved."

"Think of all the people we've locked up." He counters, digging his toes more firmly into the silty river bottom, partially for distraction, partially in frustration. "Sometimes I just don't get why so many of them decided to use their powers to hurt people—why are there so few who choose to do something good with them?"

Caitlin doesn't answer for a long while, which surprises him. Caitlin Snow always has answers, even when they're not the ones he wants to hear. He's about to say something else, afraid maybe he's said something he shouldn't have, when suddenly she stands up and begins wading into the water. He watches, completely perplexed by what she's doing even as she sweeps her bare arms up and stretches wide. "Today is gorgeous," she states, bringing her arms back down again, leaning over to dip her fingertips into the current. He watches the way she smiles at the break it makes on the surface, the hem of her dress fluttering just below her knees, one edge getting wet by her uneven leaning.

A quiet thought, 'you're gorgeous', skips along the back of his mind, even as she's speaking again. "I think, to at least some extent, it's a matter of perspective. The hero of every story is the villain of another. For them, for whatever life they were living, that was the right choice, maybe the easier choice," she smiles a little mischievously and lowers her hand again, flicking a spray of river water toward him. "Maybe the going with the flow choice."

Barry laughs even through a face full of chilly water, blinking back the droplets and suddenly standing up. "Really Cait?"

She just laughs, which begs retaliation and the next thing he knows, they're both laughing like kids, half soaked, splashing at each other while they stand in water halfway up their calves. He feels lighter than he has all afternoon, maybe lighter than he has in days (weeks? months?). Caitlin's hair is plastered all around her face, but she's still grinning as she wades back for the shore and falls heavily to the ground, laying back in the grass and soaking up the sunshine much the same as before. Barry watches her, their earlier roles reversed as he continues to tread water.

Her eyes are closed when she speaks again. "I really don't know the answer Barry, why so many people decide to use their powers for selfish, cruel reasons. I'm not sure we'll ever really understand, we're not those kind of people and we'll never really know their lives." He supposes that's fair. After all, it's really not so different from other people, he's worked in law enforcement long enough that he should know that. "We'll just keep doing everything we can to stop them and find people like us, who want to help and make a difference."

Sighing, content with the weight of that reality even if it's not the definitive answer he was hoping for, Barry joins her on shore, sliding onto the grass and stretching out.

They're both silent a long while before Caitlin suddenly adds, "I'm glad that you're the hero of this story."

He thinks the same of her.

This will be a two-parter, focusing on both Barry and then Caitlin struggling with the responsibility and weight of their powers. The second part is already written, just needs to be edited, so it should be up in the next few days, as soon as I get done with the school year and have some extra time (teacher life struggles!)

As you can probably tell, it's not canon compliant and was written ages ago, before the Eobard Thawne stuff. Takes place sometime in the indefinable future.

Feedback always appreciated!

Take Care & Best Wishes,

AOR