Title: Support
Author: Sgt. Maritza Cruz
Take place right after The Other L Word.
That guard rail was the only thing supporting me.
It held my weight.
It held it while I let everything go.
All of it.
All those tears I've been holding back.
All those thoughts I've been thinking.
All the emotions and opinions.
All the words I've wanted to say.
It all came out when I leaned on the rail.
For that time it felt like I was free.
Free from everything.
The shit that was holding me back.
Making me feel so heavy.
It took my burden away.
Where it went I didnt care.
I felt so much lighter.
Relieved.
Happy?
No. Not happy.
I don't feel happy.
I don't let myself.
Being happy only lasts for a little while.
Then when the happiness goes away, all the hurt, anger and frustration come back.
It makes you more upset.
The guard rail was holding all of this.
All of these emotions and thoughts.
I still felt like I was drowning.
Maybe it was from all the tears I cried.
Tears say a thousand words.
I watched the drops fall as they hit the guard rail.
The drops say what I've been wanting to say for so long.
They say what I'm feeling.
What I'm thinking.
They say what I've been holding in all this time.
I stayed there for what seemed like hours watching my tears hit the guard rail.
Marking it.
Scarring it with the pain and burden.
Finally I realized that the rail can't support me forever.
Sooner or later it's gonna get tired of me and my shit.
I tucked my emotions and thoughts safe inside me.
No one will ever know them.
No one will ever hear them.
Even though I cried so much, the burden was still there.
The burden that I carry and that the people around me carry.
All the pain I've caused.
The hurt.
The anger.
It'll be over soon enough, I told myself. Soon enough.