Rescued from Wasskah ! After a harrowing experience of being hunted down for sport, Jedi Padawan Ahsoka Tano is reunited with her Master, Anakin Skywalker. Rest and relaxation are in order. Meanwhile, in the vastness of space, an ominous presence attempts a daring move...

Near Druidia

An extra long ship looms over in space. Near its thrusters, a gigantic bumper sticker quoting "WE BRAKE FOR NOBODY" is seen. Inside the ship, codenamed Spaceball One, a group of technicians and military officials are operating the ship on the bridge. One of them rises to see his superior officer.

"Colonel Sandurz !" He calls out.

Sandurz turns to him. "What is it, Sergeant Rico ?"

"You told me to let you know the moment planet Druidia is in sight, sir." He explains.

Sandurz raises an eyebrow. "So ?"

"Planet Druidia is in sight, sir !" Rico proudly confirms.

Sandurz smiles. "You're really a Spaceball. You know that, don't you ?"

Rico smiles back. "Thanks, sir."

"Have you notified Lord Helmet ?" Sandurz asks.

Rico nods. "Yes, sir. I took the liberty. He's on his way."

A voice is heard through the communicator. "Make way for Dark Helmet."

"All rise in the presence of Dark Helmet !" Sandurz orders.

Everybody rises as a door opens. A man, clad in black, walks in, breathing heavily. He is fairly short, wears a huge helmet and has a black necktie to go with it all. His breathing becomes even more laboured. He suddenly lifts his mask up, revealing that he wears glasses. "I can't breathe in this thing !" He catches his breath.

Sandurz faces Dark Helmet. "We're approaching Planet Druidia, sir."

"Good. I'll call Spaceball City, and notify President Skroob immediately !" He moves over to the phone.

Suddenly, Sergeant Rico addresses Dark Helmet. "I already called him, sir. He knows everything."

Dark Helmet turns around, looking in shock. "What ?! You went over my helmet ?!"

Sergeant Rico begins to panic and with reason. "Well, not exactly over it, sir. More on the side. I'll always ask you first. It'll never happen again ! Never, ever !"

Dark Helmet takes out a ring from his pocket and points it towards Rico.

Rico gasps in horror. "Oh Shit ! No, no, no, no, please, no, no, please, no, not that !" He covers his neck, expecting to be choked.

Dark Helmet pulls his mask down. "Yes ! That !" A ray hits Rico in his crotch area.

He moans in pain as he is brought down to his knees, unable to lift himself up.

Guards take him out while Dark Helmet turns to Sandurz. He instinctively covers his crotch.

Dark Helmet points to the scanners. "I don't see Planet Druidia. Where is it ?"

"We don't have visual contact yet, sir. But we have it on the radar screen. Shall I punch it up for you ?" Sandurz offers.

Dark Helmet shakes his head. "Nah, nevermind. I'll do it myself." He and Sandurz walk over to the radar screen area. Dark Helmet glances at the coffee maker.

"What's the matter with this thing ? What's all that churning and bubbling ? You call that a radar screen ?"

"No, sir. We call it, "Mr. Coffee"." Sandurz points at the Mr. Coffee label. "Care for some ?"

He lifts up his mask. "Yes ! I always have coffee when I watch radar. You know that !"

Sandurz looks nervous. "Of course I do, sir."

Dark Helmet turns to the officers and technicians on the bridge. "Everybody knows that ?"

Everyone covers their crotches. "Of course we do, sir !"

He takes the cup. "Now that I have my coffee, I'm ready to watch radar. Where is it ?"

Sandurz points at the label "Mr. Radar". "Right here, sir !"

"Switch to teleview."

Mr. Radar shows a picture of Druidia, a beautiful planet with plenty of mountains, trees and plains.

Dark Helmet looks on in contentment. "There it is, Planet Druidia. Underneath that air shield, 10 000 years of fresh air. We must get through that air shield."

"We will, sir. Once we kidnap the Princess, we will force her father, King Roland, to give us the combination to the air shield. Thereby destroying Planet Druidia and saving Planet Spaceball." Sandurz explained.

Dark Helmet turns to the rest of the crew. "Everybody got that ? Good ! When will the Princess be married ?"

Sandurz checks his data. "Within the hour, sir."

"Well, I hope it's a long ceremony, because it's gonna be a short honeymoon." He savors a bit of coffee.

Sandurz gives his superior officer a friendly pat on the back, causing him to spit out his coffee and his mask to fall down, burning himself. "Hot ! Too Hot !"

Coruscant, Jedi Temple

A couple of days had passed since Ahsoka returned from Wasskah. The first thing she did upon returning home was take a much needed shower. It definitely felt nice to be rid of all that dirt and grime that accumulated on herself while she was hunted by the Trandoshans. The following morning, she went before the Council to ask for a meditative leave in order to recuperate from the trauma. She was granted to take a couple of weeks at Alderaan. As she prepared to leave, her Master accompanied her to the hangar.

Anakin was relieved that she was ok, but worry still showed on his face. He knew that she likely kept inside feelings of fear and despair from her journey. "Are you sure you're ok, Snips ? You still look a bit tense."

Ahsoka sighed loudly. "Master, please ! I'm fine, all right ? A bit shaken up by having been hunted for sport, but I'm back home, safe & sound. This meditative leave is exactly what I need to loosen up from everything that I've endured the past several days. Trust me, I'll be fine."

Anakin steps in front of her. "You'll contact me if anything happens, right ?"

She groaned in frustration. "Master ! Stop. Worrying. About. Me. It's a kriffing meditative leave ! What could possibly happen ?!" She threw up her arms in the air as she entered the hangar.

Anakin quickly grabs her arm. "You can quit it with the attitude, young one. If anything happens, call me. Ok ?"

She looks up to him, trying to calm herself. "All right, Master. If anything happens, I'll contact you. Happy ?"

"Don't get cocky !" He remembered when he said these words to her at Felucia moments before she was captured.

She waved to him. "See you in two weeks." She turned to her personal astromech, R7-A7. "All right. R7, set coordinates for Alderaan."

The droid beeped happily while she entered her starfighter. Within moments she was into space and attached to a hyperspace ring.

She stretched herself in her seat. "R7, set it to autopilot. I'm going to take a quick nap."

Near Druidia

Several hours later, she wakes up. "R7, why are we still in hyperspace ? We should have been around Alderaan... like an hour ago. Get ready to return to normal space."

As they exited hyperspace, Ahsoka saw a planet with an incredibly large ship approaching it. "Um... that doesn't look like Alderaan, R7. Where are we ?"

The droid beeped a quick response.

"What do you mean you don't know ?!" She turns to the computer. "Computer : Identify system and surrounding planets."

"Nearby planet : Druidia." The computer replies.

Her eyes become as large as saucers. "Druidia ?! I've never heard of this planet. And what about that ship ? Could it be a Separatist cruiser ?"

She approaches it and notices the huge bumper sticker near the thrusters. "WE BRAKE FOR NOBODY. What the Force ?! Definitely NOT a Separatist ship. Guess I'll take a closer look." She flies her starfighter around the massive ship.

At the bridge, the radar technician notices something. "Colonel Sandurz ! Lord Helmet ! It appears we have a ship zooming around Spaceball One !"

Sandurz and Dark Helmet look at the blip on the radar. "It could be a ship heading to Druidia to warn them about us, sir !"

Dark Helmet pondered the new events. "All right, we won't let that ship land on Druidia ! Prepare the tractor beam !"

As Ahsoka passed in front of the bridge, she was soon caught by the beam.

"Oh Force ! Not good ! R7, intensify thrusters ! We gotta shake off from this tractor beam !"

R7 beeped frantically.

"Not working huh ? Fine, shut everything down, R7. They're not going to get me without a fight."

The ship was soon placed into a small containment area. She soon saw a bunch of armored soldiers surrounding her ship.

Dark Helmet and Sandurz looked at the ship. "It doesn't look Drewish, sir. Perhaps this is just a stray ship."

Dark Helmet pulls his mask down. "Come out of the ship quietly and you won't be harmed."

Ahsoka complies and steps out. Everyone gasps.

Dark Helmet lifts his mask back up. "Holy Shit ! *Whistles* Well, hello Sweetheart ! Now how did you get all the way out here, hmm ?"

"I got sidetracked, ok ? Just let me go and I'll be on my way." She pleaded.

Sandurz pulls Dark Helmet to a distance. "She could be a spy, sir. Perhaps we should lock her up."

Dark Helmet dismissed his advice. "That pretty little thing, a spy ? Naaaahhhh ! She's just a kid, she's just lost, ya see ? But we're gonna hold on to her anyways..."

Dark Helmet pulls his mask down again. "No, we will not let you escape. But you won't be imprisoned either. Come along... and watch at our most triumphant moment as we capture the Princess of Druidia."

She follows reluctantly as she is brought forth to the bridge. All the technicians and officers turn their gaze at her. Their stare makes her extremely uncomfortable. "Uh huh. Of course they're fixated on my top. What was I thinking when I had this tunic designed ? Ugh ! What a bunch of perverts !" She rolls her eyes in disgust and covers her chest with her arms, causing everyone to stop staring and resume their duties.

Sandurz looks out the window and sees the Princess' vehicle. "Princess Vespa's spaceship within range, sir."

Dark Helmet nods. "Good. Fire a warning shot across her nose."

The gunner shoots but almost blasts the ship to pieces.

Dark Helmet lifts his mask again. "Careful, you idiot ! I said across her nose, not up it !"

The gunner lifts his visor to reveal that he is cross-eyed. "Sorry, sir. Doing my best."

Dark Helmet turns to Sandurz. "Who made that man a gunner ?"

An officer speaks up, also cross-eyed. "I did, sir ! He's my cousin !"

Ahsoka can only react by chuckling silently. "Wow ! And I thought the Separatists were incompetent ! They have NOTHING on these guys ! Ha ha ha !"

Dark Helmet turns again towards Sandurz. "Who is he ?"

"He's an Asshole, sir." Sandurz responds.

"I know that ! What's his name ?"

"That is his name, sir. Asshole. Major Asshole."

"And his cousin ?"

"He's an Asshole too, sir. Gunner's mate. 1st Class. Phillip Asshole."

"How many Assholes have we on this ship, anyhow ?"

All but very few stand up. "Yo !"

Ahsoka blinks a few times. "Oh Force, it's gonna be one of those days, huh ?" She facepalms.

Dark Helmet looks and notices how many are up. "I knew it ! I'm surrounded by Assholes !" He pulls his mask down. "Keep firing, Assholes !"

Ahsoka covers her mouth, she's trying so hard not to laugh out loud. "By the looks of things, I won't even need to get involved to save the good guys. These villains (Can we even call them that ?) are so incompetent that it's actually hilarious !"

Padmé's apartment, Coruscant

Anakin Skywalker was enjoying a quick dinner with his wife. Not having Ahsoka around allowed him some extra time to spend with her.

She notices that Anakin is picking at his food. "Ani, is something bothering you ?"

He looks up to her. "Ah, it's just my Padawan. Ever since she returned from Wasskah, she's been bottling up her emotions about the horrors she faced. But even now... I wonder about her."

"Where is she ?"

"She's supposed to be on Alderaan for a meditative leave, but I haven't heard of her since she left. That was a rotation ago."

Padmé tries to relieve some of his stress. "Well... Maybe she was so exhausted from her trip that she just went to rest upon her arrival."

Anakin holds a hand to his chin. "Maybe... But I feel something. I feel her lightening up a lot. Too much. Something's weird here. Ah, I'll contact her later tonight."

"Don't worry, Ani. She's a big girl. She can take care of herself. Her returning to you is proof of that."

Anakin nods. "Yeah... Still I can't help but worry about her. We'll see later tonight, I guess."

After the dinner, Anakin makes his way back to the Jedi Temple. He looks forward to contacting his Padawan, hoping that all is well.

After all that drama that we've witnessed during the Season 2 Finale of Rebels, why not sit back and have a laugh or two ? This likely won't be a very long story. We'll just cover Ahsoka's reactions to all the gags and puns involving the Spaceballs. They do say laughter is the best medicine. I've decided to raise this story to an M rating because of the excessive foul language. To those of you that have seen the Spaceballs movie, what was your favorite moment ? I'm hoping the crude language won't turn off my loyal readers. Next chapter, the radar gets Jammed (Ha !), we go to Ludicrous Speed and we watch a bit of Spaceballs : The Movie while fast-forwarding ! Please leave a review.