Disclaimer: I do not own Profiler in anyway. I am just simply borrowing the characters, and I promise I will give them back unharmed to the people that didn't know how to treat them. I also do not own the song "Goodbye To You" by Michelle Branch. I am just using it in this story.
Author's Note: Okay, I started writing this story, intending it to be shorter and it wasn't supposed to have a song in it. I guess you could say that it is now a song-fic. I was listening to the song, and some of the lyrics went along perfectly with this story. (I swear I didn't intend for it to happen! :) ) So I put the lyrics in at the beginning. You don't have to read them to get the story, just like you didn't need to read any of this note in which I am just blabbing on. So, I'll stop now, and let you get on to reading the story.
Takes place after the episode "Reunion, part two" in the forth season.
Goodbye To You
Of all the things I've believed in I just want to get it over withTears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I've tried to hold onto
I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I've tried to hold onto
And it hurts to want everything
And nothing at the same time
I want what's yours
And I want what's mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I've tried to hold onto
The one thing that I've tried to hold onto
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I've tried to hold onto
And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star
Sam walked out of Bailey's office. She had said her short goodbye to him, gave him a way of contacting her, and gave him letters to give to John, Grace, and George.
Sam thought back to the letters she had just written. It was hard to say bye to the people that she considered family. She had so much to say, but she wasn't sure how to put it into words. Writing Grace and George's letters were hard, but when she got to John's, they seemed easy in comparison.
When Jack was alive, it was easy to hide her feelings for John. She knew that telling him or showing him them would get him killed. She wasn't going to lose another person she loved because of Jack. Even though it hurt to be so close to him, and not have him at all, she knew it would hurt more to have him, and lose him because of it. So she buried her feelings, and convinced herself that the way she felt was because of their friendship.
The second she killed Jack, her feelings for him surfaced. The second that she killed Jack, a small piece of hope appeared. The second she killed Jack, she wanted John more than she ever had in her life.
So she decided to leave. Her feelings scared her more than anything. She was hurt so much in the past, and she wasn't ready to deal with that pain or have to go through it again.
She made the decision and decided to leave right away so she wouldn't be able to change her mind. She couldn't even say goodbye because she knew John would try to get her to stay, and if he asked her one time, just once, she wouldn't be able to leave.
Sam loved John so much. Even though she hated admitting it, she loved him more than Tom and Coop. He was everything she wanted. Every touch, every movement, every look drove her wild. He knew her so well. He always knew what to say and even what not to say. He was one of the best things she had.
'He always said I was brave, and now look at me. I'm running because I'm scared.'
Sam took one last look at her now empty office. So many memories, both good and bad. She spent a lot of time with John in this office. He really was a best friend. He acted tough, but when she got to know him better, she saw what a great person he was. Others didn't get why she liked him so much and how they were best friends.
'They didn't know him like I did. '
Sam turned off the light and walked away.
It was over. Her nightmare was over. She was finally free. She was supposed to be happy. Why wasn't she?
'I'm not happy because I don't want to leave him. It's for the best, though.'
She walked in the empty halls looking down at the ground. It hurt to leave John, but she was sure it would hurt more to stay. Just because she loved him didn't mean he loved her.
Not paying attention to what or who was in front of her, she ran into someone, sending both of them to the ground.
"Sorry." She looked up, expecting to see Bailey. "John," she said in surprise.
John helped her up from the ground with a smile on his face. "Sorry about that. I didn't think anybody was here, and I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
"Same here."
"What are you doing here, Sam? I thought you would be at home celebrating or at least spending sometime with Chloe."
"I had some stuff to do here before I could go home." Sam looked away so John couldn't see the look of guilt on her face.
"Didn't Bailey give you time off?"
"Yeah, but I just wanted to do some things before I left. I mean, before I went home." Sam held her breath, waiting to see if John would notice anything. Thankfully, though, he didn't.
"Well, he's finally gone. You finally don't have to worry about him anymore. You can have your life back." John looked into Sam's eyes with love. "He can't hurt you anymore." John held up his had and caressed her cheek. "Your nightmare is over. You are free from him."
Sam placed her hand on John's hand which was placed on her cheek. She smiled at him. How was he able to know what she was thinking just seconds ago? Was she really that readable? No, only John was able to read her thoughts like that.
"John," Sam started.
"I know, I know. Right now you're not ready to talk about, but when you are, you know where to find me. I'm always willing to listen to you."
'Be strong, Sam. You have to leave, you can't stay.'
Sam took a deep breath in and closed her eyes. She opened them to find John staring at her with a smile on his face.
"What are you smiling at?" she asked in a joking tone.
"You," he said with a small smile. His voice was almost a whisper and it sent a shiver up her back. How was he able to make her feel like this? He reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "You're so beautiful. Did you know that?"
Sam pulled him into a hug. She let a tear fall down her face. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For everything. You are one of the most important people in my life. You are my best friend. You were always there for me when I needed you. You did so much for me. You're important and I care about you more than you could know and more than words could say. I just wanted, no I needed you to know that."
Sam let more tears fall down her face. It hurt so much to leave him. She prayed that he would forgive her for leaving him. She stood with his arms around her, unsure if he knew how much he meant to her. She wished she could have his arms around her forever. His arms were warm. They were safe and loving and everything she needed.
They stood in the hallway, embraced in each other's arms, until John pulled away.
"Um, maybe, maybe." He struggled, trying to ask Sam what he wanted. "Maybe we could go out sometime, like to dinner or something?"
"As friends?" Sam couldn't help but ask.
"Or as more," he forced himself to say, afraid of her response.
"I'd like that," she replied happily, forgetting that she was leaving. Then reality crashed on her. She knew she couldn't take it back, not when he was so happy with her response. "I'd really like that. In fact I'd love to." The words hurt to say, knowing she wouldn't be able to go out to dinner with him sometime. Knowing her words were a promise she made, even though she didn't say the words 'I promise', a promise she had to break.
He did like her. Was she leaving for nothing then? Maybe she could just forget about it and not leave. She could live happily with John and Chloe; live the life she wanted since she first saw John.
No, it wasn't possible. Sam wasn't sure who she was anymore. She needed to find herself, and she couldn't do it here in Atlanta. She had to leave, even though it hurt so much.
"Really? Wow, okay then. Well, I'll call you later or you can call me." The words stumbled out of his mouth, not expecting Sam to respond the way she did. He took a chance and put his hand on her face, cupping the side of her face. He leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips. A kiss so gentle, so loving, so pure and filled with emotion.
John looked at her as he took a few steps backward and began on his way. "Goodnight, Sam." The words slid sexily out of his mouth, making him seem more attractive to Sam. He winked at her, turned around, and started to walk away.
Sam slowly brought her hand to her lips. She fought back a wave of tears that threatened to emerge from her eyes because she knew it was not just 'goodnight': it was more than that. So she said the only thing she could get out; the last thing she would ever say to him. Barely being able to speak without bursting into tears and falling apart, she whispered loud enough for John to hear, "Goodbye." With that said, she turned around and walked out of the building, finally allowing herself to cry.
A/N: It's me again! Okay, first, I hope you enjoyed my story. Second, please review and tell me what you think. And third, I have a question for you all. Do you think I should write one last chapter? It would have John finding out about Sam leaving. What do you think? You can tell me in a review or you could e-mail me at charmedgirl@safestars.com or rhamilton1@neo.rr.com .