Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age.
A/N: This is my first Dragon Age fanfic, it's owning my soul at the moment. I wasn't happy with my ending so through the wonders of fanfiction I plan to right the wrongs that my character had to endure! So yes I've played with the story a little. Oh yeah, and it's spoiler central around here, you've been warned.
Pairing: Fem!Mahariel/Alistair
Post Blight.
***
"In war, victory
In peace, vigilance
In death, sacrifice"
- Grey Wardens' motto
Darkness covered the clearing, only the large glowing moon and the stars that dotted the sky provided any semblance of light. The dim glow cast twisted shadows from nearby gravestones and glittered off of a lone glass coffin. All was silent, making the strangled breathing and quiet sobs sound as loud as the Archdemons shriek.
Alistair stood above the woman he loved, tears streaking his cheeks and his body trembling. Oh how he wanted to wail and scream and smash the enchanted glass to a thousand pieces, just to feel her tiny body in his arms once more. His eyes traced her face following the familiar swirls of her tattoo that proclaimed her Dalish heritage. It started at her thin lips, curving upwards to pass her small nose only to spiral round her closed eyes. He felt his heart pound painfully in his chest as he remembered how those emerald eyes, now hidden behind pale lids, would sparkle with laughter at his teasing, how her cheeks would redden when she was angry, how her thin lips would curve into a smirk before a difficult battle.
Her face that was always so bright and full of life, now it was pale, motionless, a shadow of what it used to be. Even her tribal tattoo seemed dimmer. Hell the world seemed dimmer and duller without her, he couldn't rejoice in Ferelden's safety knowing it had been his Elissa's death that had made it so.
It had already been one month since her passing and still the nightmares tormented him, although the sweetest dreams were the worse, dreams of her body pressed against his, her singsong voice whispering in his ear, only for him to wake cold and alone in his royal bed. His heart shattered each and every time.
What haunted him most was their final conversation, his abandonment of her. He knew it should have been him lying in the coffin, would she feel the same agony he did each day? Did he want that, her to be in his place, alive yet miserable? Was he really that selfish? And he knew, deep down inside, that yes he was.
"I thought I'd find you here, do not be alarmed 'Tis only I."
Alistair felt himself stiffen, the witch was back. The deserter, the traitor, the evil bitch who'd walked away and left Elissa to her fate. He felt the bitterness and rage he'd kept harboured swell up and burst to the surface, rage at the injustice of her death, rage at the Maker and mostly the hatred of himself for leaving the only person who he'd ever loved. He forced the tears away and glared up at the newcomer, brown eyes blazing with hatred.
"What do you want Morrigan? Here to spit on her grave?" His voice sounded cold, dead almost.
"You suspect you were the only one to feel anything for her?" Alistair could hear the mockery in her words, in a strange way it was comforting; some things never changed. "I came to help."
"Help? Like you did in the final battle? Tell me, why did you leave her to die?"
"I…I was angry." Alistair watched as shimmering yellow eyes glazed over as Morrigan drifted into a memory. "She had foiled my plans, I was angry. Someone so weak and fragile should not have ruined my plans with such ease. All for you. You, a constant obstacle, I knew she would have agreed had it not been for you."
An unwelcome image of Elissa plunging a sword into the archdemons thick skull crept into Alistair's mind unbidden. Elissa had been anything but weak. Stubborn, bossy and sometimes she could even appear to be mean, but weak? Never.
"I hate to interrupt the crazy, but I have no idea what in the Maker's name you're talking about."
"No, no I suppose you would not. She would not have told you. 'Tis a shame, I see now that you would have willingly. Alas her pride got in the way. I went to her the night before the battle Alistair, I offered her a way to live, a way for the two of you to live. She turned me down."
Alistair felt his jaw unhinge and hit the ground. Andraste's flaming sword! What was she talking about?! A way for the both of them to be together, a way she could still be here?
No, a dark sick part of his mind called out, you wouldn't have been together. You left her. The best thing that ever happened to you…
Alistair shook away the treacherous though, heart clenching in agony, he had to focus and find out what Morrigan wanted, he knew her well enough to know she wasn't here simply to say goodbye to a friend.
"Why would she turn down such an offer?"
"For you. And maybe for Ferelden too. I do not pretend to know how that woman's mind works. I proposed she seek you out and convince you to lay with me for the night, with that coupling a child would be conceived. A tainted child. When the Archdemon was slain it's essence would seek out the child and the soul of the Old God would be contained within." Morrigan rubbed the bridge of her nose as if warding off an unwanted headache whilst Alistair stared at her silently, slowly processing the revelation. "She refused. I know not why, I suspect that she would not risk entrusting me with such power despite my reassurance that none of you would lay eyes upon me again. It also has something to do with you, I think a foolish part of her was jealous even if you did not belong to her anymore, also she did not wish to burden you with a bastard child. Not that any child of mine would desire the throne. I was unaware the Elves were so thoroughly stupid, or maybe you rubbed off on her Alistair."
Alistair did not respond to the teasing, he merely stared down unseeing at Elissa's body wrapped in her beloved elfish armour . Her daggers placed lovingly by her side. She was so still and perfect, if Alistair hadn't known better he'd have said she was merely sleeping.
"It is like I told that Orlesian, Leliana was it? Love is a weakness, love is a cancer that grows inside and makes one do foolish things. 'Tis most unfortunate that Elissa did not listen in to that conversation."
At last Alistair found his voice "So, what? You're just here to rub it in my face, to tell me what could have been if she hadn't loved me so much…I…You know I would have taken part in that ritual, why didn't you tell me?"
"It was her choice to make."
"What!? Of course it wasn't! It involved my…lamp post, the decision was mine."
"For all your talk of betrayal was it you, not I that truly deserted her? Her pain made me…uncomfortable….she could have gotten us all killed with her distracted behaviour. I merely allowed her to take control of the situation. Did you not see the improvement? "
Alistair couldn't deny it, she'd walked with purpose and determination, she'd even had that same mischievous glint in her eyes. She was the Elissa he'd met before the Joining, the headstrong woman that was seething with anger at being forced away from her Dalish brethren and into the company of humans no less! And yet for all her outward hatred of those that had enslaved her people and stole their lands, she was still caring, He couldn't forget the way she found food for the starving prisoner or her offer to carry the injured guard they'd found in the Korcari Wilds back to camp.
And she'd fallen in love with him too.
Alistair let out a weary sigh and leant on the enchanted glass, face pressed close to the cool surface. He was so tired, tired of it all. He had become king for her and although he had stopped their relationship he'd always imagined her beside him, if only as a faithful friend. Even after Riordan had told them that one of them would die in the final battle he'd never really thought it would be Elissa, he'd been cheerfully optimistic about it, thinking that Riordan would be the one to strike the killing blow.
Morrigan was right, he was an idiot.
"Let me help Alistair."
"Why do you want too?"
"She saved me from Flemeth, it is only fair I return the favour. That is not all, she saved me from my loneliness, she became a friend to me, I do not wish to see my dearest companion lying there like that when I may have the power to save her."
Memories of Elissa and Morrigan sitting around the campfire talking in whispers and hushed laughter. Both eerily pale and strangely beautiful in the light of the flickering flames. If not for the pointy ears protruding from Elissa's dark hair they could easily have been mistaken for sisters. Alistair never understood how the friendship had bloomed between the two of them, he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know either. One thing he did know is that if there was a way for Morrigan to bring Elissa back he'd do it.
Whatever the cost.
"Okay, you win. What do I have to do?"
"Gather the rest of the group, I do no wish to repeat myself at a later date. Meet me here the same time tomorrow and we will begin the ritual."
Alistair nodded and began to walk away, stomach twisting with nervousness.
"Oh and Alistair, bring some trusted mages, unless you wish to be a blood sacrifice."
Morrigan's chuckle followed him as he made his way back to the castle.
***
So what do you think? I know there's plenty left unanswered, but trust me, all will be revealed. Like it? Hate it? Any feedback is greatly appreciated.
~Keelar