Title: The World Stops When I Put My Arms Around You
Summary: James is having a bad night and Kendall tries to see if he can help.
Pairing: KendallxJames
Rating: K
Warnings: None, but if you don't like gays, don't read this.
Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush, or James or Kendall. No matter how much I want to (on Kendall's part at least).
Authors Note/Further Information: This is a request for Courtnoelbabe on Twitter. So here you go.
The World Stops When I Put My Arms Around You
By: Riley
Kendall hated this. He hated seeing his friend, his brother, hurting. He hated hearing it. He hated not being able to help. But, where he was, sitting so close, yet so far away from his friend, listening to him sob. Each shuddering breath he heard pulled the breath out of him, robbed him of his strength. But, he couldn't do anything about it. A door separated them. It was only inches thick, but he felt like he was miles apart, helpless to catch up, to reach his friend.
To reach James. You wouldn't know by looking at him that he was very sensitive. He hated it when people saw him broken down. He hated it when Kendall saw him broken down.
Kendall had come back to the apartment when he was done with recording. Logan and Carlos were still recording some of their stuff and Katie and his mom had gone out. James was nowhere to be found, until Kendall had heard his quiet sobs.
But, there was nothing he could do; James just had nights like this sometimes. It was just how he was, and there wasn't anything that could help him. He had tried. God, had he tried. It was his way of blowing off steam, when things got too much, too fast, piling on top of each other, pressing it's weight down on his shoulders, pushing him to his knees, to the floor, until all he could do was give in. He tried his hardest to never cry in front of Kendall, or anyone. But, he didn't know Kendall was there. He hadn't heard him come back to the apartment.
That made him angry; angry at himself. It made him feel like he couldn't do anything to help his friend, like he wasn't doing his job. If it wasn't for him, James wouldn't be out in LA working as hard as he could, taking all of Gustavo's loud shouts and the crap they went through just to have his dream come true. It was all his fault. All of it.
Just go in, just try, Kendall thought to himself. He closed his green eyes, sucking in a breath of air before letting it out. He pushed himself off of the wall and lightly knocked on the door before grasping the door knob, twisting it open. He stepped into the room and was instantly bathed in a warm glow. It was soothing, like the sun, filling him up, warming him from the inside out. But, the scene in front of him made his heart hurt. An icy fist closed around it, squeezing tight, chilling him, each and every time.
James sat on his bed, head hanging as if everything was pushing on him, pushing it down. Tears slipped down his cheeks, his shoulders shook, but he didn't lift his head. Kendall continued his way over to his friend, walking as quietly as he could. He lifted his leg, stretched it forward, and set it down before swinging his next leg forward. Step. Step. Step. Creak.
Kendall's heart rammed in his throat when the floorboard beneath him let out a loud squeak, instantly catching James's attention. The crying immediately stopped. Silence. Kendall turned wide green eyes over to James, but he didn't lift his head. His shoulders stopped moving, the tears stopped slowing. He just stopped.
"Hey, Kendall," he said. Normal. As if nothing was wrong. As if nothing was hurting. As if he knew that Kendall couldn't help him.
Anger bubbled up inside of him as he relaxed his composure. Don't shut me out. Kendall pressed his lips together. Nothing was perfect. Nothing was fine. Yet, James was acting like it was. It made him feel worse, the squeezing intensified, blood pounded in his ears. His breathing came out shallow. James was great at masking his emotions, he often wondered how many things he let slip by because of it.
"Hey, James," Kendall replied, continuing toward the bed. He slowly lowered himself down onto the edge but James still didn't turn to face him.
Silence. He didn't know what to say, or do. Neither did James. Kendall looked around the room, at Carlos's messy side; unmade bed, school books and clothes laying everywhere, and then around James's, neat, tidy, a great contrast to his disheveled clothes, and hair, blood shot eyes, and a bottom lip trembling ever so slightly...
He looked small, as if he was a kid again. He lifted a hand, one he didn't realize was shaking until it was hovering over James's shoulder. He could feel the heat radiating off of James's shoulder, wafting up into his hand, sliding through his arm, twisting through his chest, melting the ice hand around his heart. He set his hand down on his best friend's shoulder. He felt the muscles tighten, and then relax.
"It's ok," he softly, "I'm right here." He ran his hand gently down James's arm before taking his hand and interlacing their fingers, all without thinking. "I'm sorry I did this to you. I'm sorry I've put all this pressure on you. I'm sorry I gave you all this pain." He put his forehead down on James's shoulder. His hairline met the warm skin on the back of his neck, he closed his eyes, breathing in James's scent. It felt right. It felt perfect. It felt wrong. It was his fault.
He could feel James's shoulder shake again and angled his head back, keeping his chin on his best friend's shoulder, peering into the side of his face. A light pink patch bloomed across his tan skin, his lips were pulled back showing off his perfectly straight, white teeth, as he gave his smile. His amazing smile. A lone tear trailed down his cheek and Kendall reached up a hand, wiping it away with that pad of his finger, wanting to feel more of the warmth his friend radiated into his body.
"Kendall," he whispered. "don't apologize." Kendall smiled as James turned his head towards him. His chestnut brown hair fell into his face, covering his eyes. Kendall reached up a hand and brushed James' fringe out of his face. "You make the pain go away."
"I thought that was the Pussycat Dolls," Kendall joked.
James's smile slowly faded and Kendall felt the corners of his lips turn down. He searched his friend's eyes. His warm, inviting eyes. His heart started to beat faster, spurned on by the ache, the fire that burned in his stomach. "Kendall?"
The warmth spread to his cheek. James's fingers tickled Kendall's cheek, the spot under his ear, the back of his neck sending tingles up and down his spine. The fire roared. Kendall knew what was going to happen and smiled impishly before moving closer.
He breathed in James's sweet breath, sweet smell, his forehead brushing his cheek, brushing his face and James moved forward to meet him halfway. It was perfect. Kendall pulled back and fluttered his eyes open. James smiled goofily before leaning back in, surprising Kendall with a second kiss. Kendall's eyes widened before falling shut, the earthy smells filling his nostrils; his head swirled.
It was bliss.