Disclaimer: Hmmm...now that the show is over can I pleeeeeeeeease claim
Krycek?? I'd claim Doggett too but Monica seems to have him under control
hehehehe. Oh, yeah, in reality characters, etc belong to Chris
Carter...huh, can FOX now be left out of it since it's no longer on there??
Pleeease??? Oh, and of course what would the characters be without the
actors so in a large part said characters belong to Gillian Anderson,
Annabeth Gish, Robert Patrick and, David Duchovny.
Spoilers: Season 8 with Reyes and Season 9 for general info. Specific would be '4-D' and 'Audrey Pauley'. Also references to Annabeth Gish's movie "Mystic Pizza."
Rating: PG
Category: DRR/implied MSR
Author's Notes: K, I became a HUGE Monica/John fan this year (won't get into my issues with the finale!). Anyway, as a result I finally got around to watching 'Mystic Pizza' starring Annabeth Gish when she was 18. This story started out as a funny story of John and Monica having a movie night and watching Mystic Pizza (with a few surprises and inside jokes) but somewhere it took a serious twist dealing with the hinted at Doggett attraction to Scully throughout Season 8 and into Season 9.
Synopsis: Doggett finds out a secret from Monica's past and a future is determined.
Secrets and Misunderstandings
FBI agent John Doggett walked down the steps of his house while pulling a gray t-shirt over his head. "Alright, I'm coming!" he shouted in response to the knocking at the front door. Swinging it open, he sighed. "Why didn't you just break it down?"
"Because that would have been wrong." A dark haired woman walked past him with a grin.
"Of course," he responded rolling his eyes. Closing the door, he followed her into his living room.
"You have the beer?"
She nodded. If nothing else, his partner, Monica Reyes was always prepared. "I'm assuming you have the movie."
"Of course." He grinned.
Catching the gleam in his crystal, blue eyes, she stared at him. "Dare I ask what movie you got?"
"Don't you trust me, Mon?"
"Usually yes," she admitted. "However..."
Taking the beer from her, he retreated to the kitchen. "Just get settled. You'll love it, I promise you that."
Monica looked around the living room for the video case. Upon finding none, she conceded and sat on her end of the couch. Their Friday movie nights had become a weekly event in recent months and she was more than happy about that. Grabbing a nearby pillow and her favorite blanket off the back of the couch, she curled her legs under her and waited for Doggett to return. She looked forward to their time together and she knew John felt the same way.
"My kid sister called me the other day," began John as he set the pizza and beer on the coffee table. "She said there was this movie we had to see. She promised we'd love it."
Monica warily looked at him. "And you trust Mel's taste? I seem to remember another movie she highly recommended awhile back."
John laughed. "True but I think I trust her this time. I read the description and I watched a few minutes to be sure."
Turning to face him, her brown eyes sparkled. "And do I get a name to this movie?"
"Nope, I think it should be a surprise."
"John." Her voice took on a warning tone. "If this turns out to be one of those movies that aren't Mulder's..."
He handed her a bottle and laughed. "You don't have to worry. I haven't turned into Mulder yet."
"Glad to hear that."
John turned off all but one light, picked up the remote and sat beside Monica on the couch. He smiled as she moved closer to him. "Ready?" he asked.
"Yep." She stretched and sat back, resting her sock-clad feet on the table.
With a press of the button, John shook his head and sat back beside her, resting his arm on the pillow behind her.
"Um, John, aren't you forgetting something?"
"I don't think so, why?"
"The previews? You always fast forward through them."
He chuckled. "Oh, that. We're running out of ideas for movies so I, uh, though maybe we could get some ideas."
When the previews started, Monica puckered her lips in thought. "Exactly what year is this movie from?"
"Um, not sure."
She turned her head to look at him but he stared at the television. "I do have ways of extracting information, John Doggett."
Glancing quickly at her, he said, "It won't work this time. The previews are almost over so just enjoy." He lowered his arm so that it was resting across her shoulder.
Knowing she was fighting a losing battle, she sighed and rested back secretly enjoying the feel of his arm around her. However, it was short lived. The opening credits began and she sat straight up, her eyes wide. "You didn't!"
John sat forward as well. "So it was you."
Her eyes met his. While hers were filled with horror, his were full of amusement.
"How... How did you know?"
"Just tell me it's you and I'll tell you." He paused the movie.
Monica buried her face in her hands and groaned. "Yes, that was me."
"You know, you were cute as a kid," he told her.
Lifting her head, she glared at him. "I wasn't a kid, I was eighteen. Now, how did you find out?"
"Well, like I told you, Melanie called me about it."
"And it was just coincidental?"
"I actually don't know how she figured it out. She just told me I had to watch this movie and that someone very close to me was in it."
"Remind me to thank her next time I see her," Monica said, sarcasm dripping from every word.
"So now, you tell me. Why did you do it?"
She could feel her cheeks burning and closed her eyes. "A friend told me about it and suggested I audition. I needed money for college and figured I had nothing to lose."
John nodded. "So... where'd the name come from?"
"I can't believe we are having this conversation."
"I can't believe after all these years you never told me," he countered. "So, where'd you come up with a name like Annabeth Gish?"
"It was a combination of my friends names. No deep dark secret. I just didn't want to show my freshman year and have everyone know me as "the girl from 'Mystic Pizza'" when I was trying to be taken seriously so I used a fake name." Again she groaned and fell back against the cushions. "I just never thought it would come back to haunt me after all these years."
"I'm glad it did," John told her, his voice hushed.
"I'm sure you are. The endless teasing..."
"No. I mean sure," he grinned, "that's certainly part of it. But there have been times I wish we had known each other when we were younger and... never mind, I'm not saying this too well."
Monica reached out and took his hand in hers. "You're saying it perfectly, John." She tugged on his hand urging him to join her against the cushion, which he quickly obliged. "Let's just watch this and get it over with."
"Are you sure? We can watch something else."
"No, I guess I kind of want you to see it."
A smile grew on his lips. "Anything rated R in here I should look for?"
Swatting him across his ribs, she laughed. "In your dreams, John, in your dreams."
"A man can dream, can't he?"
"So can a woman," she whispered, settling her head on his chest. "Now would you push play so I can get this torture over with please?"
"As you wish."
Monica softly chuckled. "Are you having an '80's kind of night tonight?"
"Hmmm, I do happen to have 'The Princess Bride' video hanging around here somewhere you know. We could do a double feature."
"We'll see, John." Her eyes watered with salty tears as she watched the pictures of the opening credits. Fond memories of her days filming in Mystic, Connecticut with then unknowns Julia Roberts and Lili Taylor. They had bonded but as quickly as filming had begun it had ended and she was off to college.
****************
As the movie drew to an end, John realized Monica was crying as her head still rested on his chest. "Hey, are you alright, Mon?"
Without lifting her head, she nodded. "Just memories," she sniffled.
He brushed her hair back from her face. "Good ones, I hope."
Rolling over onto her back, she looked up at him smiling through her tears. "Yeah. I had forgotten how much fun that summer was."
Returning her smile, John turned the television off. "So, Monica, we've known each other for nearly what... ten years?"
"Yeah," she cautiously responded.
"And I'm sure you have some friends I've never met..."
Monica sat up and looked into his eyes. "John, where are you going with this?"
He paused before responding. "You don't happen to still have a certain redhead's number, do you?"
Her eyes widened and her mouth hung opened. Inside her heart pounded. She had been so sure things were moving forward with them but he was still hung- up on one Dana Scully. Swallowing hard, she started to respond only to have John's finger silence her.
"I meant Julia Robert's number."
Swatting his arm, she stood up and headed to the kitchen hoping he hadn't seen her tears.
"Mon?" he called after her. She couldn't have seriously thought he had meant... "Oh geez." Walking into the kitchen, he saw her standing at the sink, her back to him. "Monica?" When she didn't turn around, he knew the time had come.
She tensed beneath his hands on her shoulders.
"I'm sorry, Monica, I wanted this to be a nice night for us."
Finally she turned to face him. "I'm sorry, it's my fault. I..." Her gaze fell to the floor. "It's probably me and my stupid memories or something."
But lifted her chin with his finger. "You thought I meant Scully."
When her eyes met his they told him the truth of what he had suspected. Taking her hand, he led her back to the couch and motioned for her to sit. His pale blue eyes burned into her soul. "I guess I knew this would come up sooner or later."
"John..."
"You have a right to know. If there is going to be an us," he said, motioning between them with his hand, "then you need to know the truth."
"Is that what you want?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do you want an us?"
He smiled. "I've been thinking about it... a lot actually."
Monica did not return his smile, however. Instead, she replied, "Okay, then go ahead."
"When I first met Scully she was lost and hurting. I had no idea she was pregnant until well into her pregnancy. When I was assigned to be her partner the woman I met was strong, independent, and scared to death to let anyone else in. I'm not going to deny an attraction to her." He paused to let things sink in. "However, I always knew she was in love with Mulder. I never once kidded myself into thinking I would ever be anything more than a partner and maybe even a friend." Upon seeing the tears filling Monica's eyes, he stopped.
"No, go on."
"It's hurting you."
"It won't if it has a happy ending."
He took her hand and squeezed it. "I guess that will depend on the other party involved. Anyway, when I called you to help me out I was a nervous wreck about seeing you again. Mon, you never knew how deep my feelings were for you when you left New York. But at the time you had Brad and I was in the middle of a divorce... I didn't seem like the right time. I know we stayed in touch and we remained friends and all but it..."
"Things aren't the same when it's on the phone instead of seeing someone everyday. People change," she finished for him.
"Yeah. And I wasn't sure what was going to happen if and when you came back into my life. But you were only staying for a short time. I couldn't let myself get close to you again only to lose you again."
She reached up and touched his cheek. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"I wasn't sure what was going on in your life. You seemed so happy in New Orleans. So when I did finally see you in person I tried to shut myself off. I tried to shut you out. Scully was safe. I saw a little bit of myself in her. And I knew I could try and protect her without any worries of involvement. Then when I found out she was pregnant it was all I could do to protect her and her unborn child the way I couldn't... I..."
"Couldn't protect Barbara and Luke. It was like you were being given a second chance."
He nodded.
"But even when we knew Mulder was alive but had to go into hiding... you still seemed..."
"Someone had to protect William." He choked back unshed tears. "In some way I kept hoping to see a part of Luke in him. To know I was finally able to help my son." Capturing her face in his hands, he gazed deeply into her eyes. "My heart never belonged to Dana. I took your friendship and love for granted, and for that I'm sorry, but my heart, when it was able to love again, always belonged to you Monica." He leaned in slowly and softly touched her lips with his own before taking her in his arms and holding her tightly. "I am so sorry you thought you were second to Dana," he whispered in her ear.
She wrapped her arms around him and cried. "I'm sorry I didn't understand."
John pulled back and looked at her once again. "But you know what impressed me most?"
Shaking her head, she wiped away some tears.
"That you never showed an ounce of jealousy towards Scully. That you gave me the time and space I needed and still were always there. That day we released Luke's ashes... Monica, it was knowing you were waiting for me that got me through that. And the fact that you didn't insist on being down there on the beach. Heaven knows you were there through it all and had ever right to be on the beach..."
"That was a time for you and Barbara."
"Don't you see, that's part of what I love about you. You always put others before yourself. You are one of the most selfless people I know. No matter what you may be feeling you think of others first. And, if you're willing, I'd like to be the person you can share your innermost feelings with."
Biting her lower lip, Monica's hands shook as they reached out for his. "Do you mean it, John?"
"Yes."
A large smile grew on her lips and finally reached her eyes. "There is no one else I want to share my innermost feelings with. I was scared to see you too, again you know. I never stopped thinking about you after I left New York. But we both needed to be apart. I could never think straight when you were around."
He chuckled.
"It's not funny," she grinned. "So yeah, when I came to DC and saw the way you were around Dana I was afraid I'd found my answer to 'what if.' Want to know a secret? Your selfless, independent partner here cried herself to sleep for at least a week when I first got here and thought I'd lost you to Dana."
"I'm sorry."
"It wasn't your fault. I'd learned to live with it and then when you had been shot and were paralyzed... well, the alternate you, I knew. I knew my life would never be complete without you."
"When I walked into your kitchen that day and say you crying there was nothing more I wanted to do than hold you forever and take your pain away, though I still don't understand all of what happened that day."
"And I pray you never do, John."
"So am I to take this as a yes, that you want and us as much as I do?"
"Yes."
"Good. Because we're going to do this right. With fancy restaurants and long walks and flowers and quiet nights at home."
Monica laughed. "Come on, John, you know I'm not a flowers and candy kind of girl."
"Who said they were for you? I expect you to get them for me."
Throwing her arms around him once more, she laughed as she held onto him. "I'm glad we had this talk. I'm glad we watched that movie. I'm glad you're you, I'm me, and we're here."
"Me too," he whispered back. "Me too."
After a few moments, Monica pulled back. "I don't suppose *you* have any embarrassing secrets I should know about." She grinned. "Any movies I need to see?"
When he remained silent her eyes widened. "You do? What? Tell me!"
"Uh-uh."
She teased him with soft kisses all over his face. "Pleeeease."
Gently, he pushed her away from him and held her at arms length. "Some secrets are better left secret."
"John!"
He said nothing as he got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen. Monica ran after him.
"Come on, John. You can't do that to me. It's not fair." She wrapped her arms around him from behind and lowered her voice. "You saw mine, now it's time to show me yours."
John froze, his mind blanked. Turning in her arms, he pulled her close. "Geez, Mon, did you have to phrase it that way?"
"I know how to play dirty too, you know."
He grinned. "Do you?"
She felt the blush rising in her cheeks. "That wasn't what I meant and you know it! Now, about this secret..."
"It's really nothing," he conceded.
"Come on, what is it?"
"It's..." He sighed. "To pay my way through college... Mon, please, it's really nothing."
"We just finished watching what *I* did to pay my way through college so out with it." She tightened her hold on him and gave him her best innocent look.
"People always commented on my eyes," he admitted. "So, I looked into... ugh, I looked into modeling."
Monica said nothing. She stood and stared at him.
"You think it's that shocking?"
"No," she answered, shaking her head. "You're so... stereotypical New York cop, I never imagined you as a model."
"Are you saying I don't look good enough to be a model?"
She laughed. "Not at all. To me, you outdo Hugh Grant."
He rewarded her with a long kiss.
"Do you still have your portfolio?" she asked when they broke apart.
"You never give up, do you?"
"Nope."
"Yes, I still have it. But it's buried in the attic somewhere so you don't get to see it tonight."
Monica smiled at him.
"What?"
"That gives us something to do tomorrow night. Dig through your attic."
John shook his head at her. "You're crazy, you know that."
"Maybe." She glanced at the wall clock and saw it was nearing two in the morning. "I'd better get going." She went to the living room to collect her keys and jacket.
"Why don't you stay here tonight."
Monica's heart stopped.
Before she took it the wrong way, John quickly continued. "The spare bedroom is ready and I can lend you a t-shirt."
She stood up and faced him.
Reading the hesitation, he said, "I'd feel better. It's late and there are drunks on the road and after last time..." He didn't finish. He didn't need to.
Monica could only imagine what it had been like for him to get the call she had been in an accident then to find she was in a coma. "Okay. Thanks."
"Anytime. And tomorrow we can start on the attic together."
She walked over and kissed him. "Just don't make it too early. I'm not a morning person." With that, she disappeared up the stairs.
John stood in the living room. A smile grew on his lips as he thought of how right it felt to have Monica there. With a yawn, he followed up the stairs knowing that one day she would be as permanent a fixture in the house as he was.
The end.
Spoilers: Season 8 with Reyes and Season 9 for general info. Specific would be '4-D' and 'Audrey Pauley'. Also references to Annabeth Gish's movie "Mystic Pizza."
Rating: PG
Category: DRR/implied MSR
Author's Notes: K, I became a HUGE Monica/John fan this year (won't get into my issues with the finale!). Anyway, as a result I finally got around to watching 'Mystic Pizza' starring Annabeth Gish when she was 18. This story started out as a funny story of John and Monica having a movie night and watching Mystic Pizza (with a few surprises and inside jokes) but somewhere it took a serious twist dealing with the hinted at Doggett attraction to Scully throughout Season 8 and into Season 9.
Synopsis: Doggett finds out a secret from Monica's past and a future is determined.
Secrets and Misunderstandings
FBI agent John Doggett walked down the steps of his house while pulling a gray t-shirt over his head. "Alright, I'm coming!" he shouted in response to the knocking at the front door. Swinging it open, he sighed. "Why didn't you just break it down?"
"Because that would have been wrong." A dark haired woman walked past him with a grin.
"Of course," he responded rolling his eyes. Closing the door, he followed her into his living room.
"You have the beer?"
She nodded. If nothing else, his partner, Monica Reyes was always prepared. "I'm assuming you have the movie."
"Of course." He grinned.
Catching the gleam in his crystal, blue eyes, she stared at him. "Dare I ask what movie you got?"
"Don't you trust me, Mon?"
"Usually yes," she admitted. "However..."
Taking the beer from her, he retreated to the kitchen. "Just get settled. You'll love it, I promise you that."
Monica looked around the living room for the video case. Upon finding none, she conceded and sat on her end of the couch. Their Friday movie nights had become a weekly event in recent months and she was more than happy about that. Grabbing a nearby pillow and her favorite blanket off the back of the couch, she curled her legs under her and waited for Doggett to return. She looked forward to their time together and she knew John felt the same way.
"My kid sister called me the other day," began John as he set the pizza and beer on the coffee table. "She said there was this movie we had to see. She promised we'd love it."
Monica warily looked at him. "And you trust Mel's taste? I seem to remember another movie she highly recommended awhile back."
John laughed. "True but I think I trust her this time. I read the description and I watched a few minutes to be sure."
Turning to face him, her brown eyes sparkled. "And do I get a name to this movie?"
"Nope, I think it should be a surprise."
"John." Her voice took on a warning tone. "If this turns out to be one of those movies that aren't Mulder's..."
He handed her a bottle and laughed. "You don't have to worry. I haven't turned into Mulder yet."
"Glad to hear that."
John turned off all but one light, picked up the remote and sat beside Monica on the couch. He smiled as she moved closer to him. "Ready?" he asked.
"Yep." She stretched and sat back, resting her sock-clad feet on the table.
With a press of the button, John shook his head and sat back beside her, resting his arm on the pillow behind her.
"Um, John, aren't you forgetting something?"
"I don't think so, why?"
"The previews? You always fast forward through them."
He chuckled. "Oh, that. We're running out of ideas for movies so I, uh, though maybe we could get some ideas."
When the previews started, Monica puckered her lips in thought. "Exactly what year is this movie from?"
"Um, not sure."
She turned her head to look at him but he stared at the television. "I do have ways of extracting information, John Doggett."
Glancing quickly at her, he said, "It won't work this time. The previews are almost over so just enjoy." He lowered his arm so that it was resting across her shoulder.
Knowing she was fighting a losing battle, she sighed and rested back secretly enjoying the feel of his arm around her. However, it was short lived. The opening credits began and she sat straight up, her eyes wide. "You didn't!"
John sat forward as well. "So it was you."
Her eyes met his. While hers were filled with horror, his were full of amusement.
"How... How did you know?"
"Just tell me it's you and I'll tell you." He paused the movie.
Monica buried her face in her hands and groaned. "Yes, that was me."
"You know, you were cute as a kid," he told her.
Lifting her head, she glared at him. "I wasn't a kid, I was eighteen. Now, how did you find out?"
"Well, like I told you, Melanie called me about it."
"And it was just coincidental?"
"I actually don't know how she figured it out. She just told me I had to watch this movie and that someone very close to me was in it."
"Remind me to thank her next time I see her," Monica said, sarcasm dripping from every word.
"So now, you tell me. Why did you do it?"
She could feel her cheeks burning and closed her eyes. "A friend told me about it and suggested I audition. I needed money for college and figured I had nothing to lose."
John nodded. "So... where'd the name come from?"
"I can't believe we are having this conversation."
"I can't believe after all these years you never told me," he countered. "So, where'd you come up with a name like Annabeth Gish?"
"It was a combination of my friends names. No deep dark secret. I just didn't want to show my freshman year and have everyone know me as "the girl from 'Mystic Pizza'" when I was trying to be taken seriously so I used a fake name." Again she groaned and fell back against the cushions. "I just never thought it would come back to haunt me after all these years."
"I'm glad it did," John told her, his voice hushed.
"I'm sure you are. The endless teasing..."
"No. I mean sure," he grinned, "that's certainly part of it. But there have been times I wish we had known each other when we were younger and... never mind, I'm not saying this too well."
Monica reached out and took his hand in hers. "You're saying it perfectly, John." She tugged on his hand urging him to join her against the cushion, which he quickly obliged. "Let's just watch this and get it over with."
"Are you sure? We can watch something else."
"No, I guess I kind of want you to see it."
A smile grew on his lips. "Anything rated R in here I should look for?"
Swatting him across his ribs, she laughed. "In your dreams, John, in your dreams."
"A man can dream, can't he?"
"So can a woman," she whispered, settling her head on his chest. "Now would you push play so I can get this torture over with please?"
"As you wish."
Monica softly chuckled. "Are you having an '80's kind of night tonight?"
"Hmmm, I do happen to have 'The Princess Bride' video hanging around here somewhere you know. We could do a double feature."
"We'll see, John." Her eyes watered with salty tears as she watched the pictures of the opening credits. Fond memories of her days filming in Mystic, Connecticut with then unknowns Julia Roberts and Lili Taylor. They had bonded but as quickly as filming had begun it had ended and she was off to college.
****************
As the movie drew to an end, John realized Monica was crying as her head still rested on his chest. "Hey, are you alright, Mon?"
Without lifting her head, she nodded. "Just memories," she sniffled.
He brushed her hair back from her face. "Good ones, I hope."
Rolling over onto her back, she looked up at him smiling through her tears. "Yeah. I had forgotten how much fun that summer was."
Returning her smile, John turned the television off. "So, Monica, we've known each other for nearly what... ten years?"
"Yeah," she cautiously responded.
"And I'm sure you have some friends I've never met..."
Monica sat up and looked into his eyes. "John, where are you going with this?"
He paused before responding. "You don't happen to still have a certain redhead's number, do you?"
Her eyes widened and her mouth hung opened. Inside her heart pounded. She had been so sure things were moving forward with them but he was still hung- up on one Dana Scully. Swallowing hard, she started to respond only to have John's finger silence her.
"I meant Julia Robert's number."
Swatting his arm, she stood up and headed to the kitchen hoping he hadn't seen her tears.
"Mon?" he called after her. She couldn't have seriously thought he had meant... "Oh geez." Walking into the kitchen, he saw her standing at the sink, her back to him. "Monica?" When she didn't turn around, he knew the time had come.
She tensed beneath his hands on her shoulders.
"I'm sorry, Monica, I wanted this to be a nice night for us."
Finally she turned to face him. "I'm sorry, it's my fault. I..." Her gaze fell to the floor. "It's probably me and my stupid memories or something."
But lifted her chin with his finger. "You thought I meant Scully."
When her eyes met his they told him the truth of what he had suspected. Taking her hand, he led her back to the couch and motioned for her to sit. His pale blue eyes burned into her soul. "I guess I knew this would come up sooner or later."
"John..."
"You have a right to know. If there is going to be an us," he said, motioning between them with his hand, "then you need to know the truth."
"Is that what you want?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do you want an us?"
He smiled. "I've been thinking about it... a lot actually."
Monica did not return his smile, however. Instead, she replied, "Okay, then go ahead."
"When I first met Scully she was lost and hurting. I had no idea she was pregnant until well into her pregnancy. When I was assigned to be her partner the woman I met was strong, independent, and scared to death to let anyone else in. I'm not going to deny an attraction to her." He paused to let things sink in. "However, I always knew she was in love with Mulder. I never once kidded myself into thinking I would ever be anything more than a partner and maybe even a friend." Upon seeing the tears filling Monica's eyes, he stopped.
"No, go on."
"It's hurting you."
"It won't if it has a happy ending."
He took her hand and squeezed it. "I guess that will depend on the other party involved. Anyway, when I called you to help me out I was a nervous wreck about seeing you again. Mon, you never knew how deep my feelings were for you when you left New York. But at the time you had Brad and I was in the middle of a divorce... I didn't seem like the right time. I know we stayed in touch and we remained friends and all but it..."
"Things aren't the same when it's on the phone instead of seeing someone everyday. People change," she finished for him.
"Yeah. And I wasn't sure what was going to happen if and when you came back into my life. But you were only staying for a short time. I couldn't let myself get close to you again only to lose you again."
She reached up and touched his cheek. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"I wasn't sure what was going on in your life. You seemed so happy in New Orleans. So when I did finally see you in person I tried to shut myself off. I tried to shut you out. Scully was safe. I saw a little bit of myself in her. And I knew I could try and protect her without any worries of involvement. Then when I found out she was pregnant it was all I could do to protect her and her unborn child the way I couldn't... I..."
"Couldn't protect Barbara and Luke. It was like you were being given a second chance."
He nodded.
"But even when we knew Mulder was alive but had to go into hiding... you still seemed..."
"Someone had to protect William." He choked back unshed tears. "In some way I kept hoping to see a part of Luke in him. To know I was finally able to help my son." Capturing her face in his hands, he gazed deeply into her eyes. "My heart never belonged to Dana. I took your friendship and love for granted, and for that I'm sorry, but my heart, when it was able to love again, always belonged to you Monica." He leaned in slowly and softly touched her lips with his own before taking her in his arms and holding her tightly. "I am so sorry you thought you were second to Dana," he whispered in her ear.
She wrapped her arms around him and cried. "I'm sorry I didn't understand."
John pulled back and looked at her once again. "But you know what impressed me most?"
Shaking her head, she wiped away some tears.
"That you never showed an ounce of jealousy towards Scully. That you gave me the time and space I needed and still were always there. That day we released Luke's ashes... Monica, it was knowing you were waiting for me that got me through that. And the fact that you didn't insist on being down there on the beach. Heaven knows you were there through it all and had ever right to be on the beach..."
"That was a time for you and Barbara."
"Don't you see, that's part of what I love about you. You always put others before yourself. You are one of the most selfless people I know. No matter what you may be feeling you think of others first. And, if you're willing, I'd like to be the person you can share your innermost feelings with."
Biting her lower lip, Monica's hands shook as they reached out for his. "Do you mean it, John?"
"Yes."
A large smile grew on her lips and finally reached her eyes. "There is no one else I want to share my innermost feelings with. I was scared to see you too, again you know. I never stopped thinking about you after I left New York. But we both needed to be apart. I could never think straight when you were around."
He chuckled.
"It's not funny," she grinned. "So yeah, when I came to DC and saw the way you were around Dana I was afraid I'd found my answer to 'what if.' Want to know a secret? Your selfless, independent partner here cried herself to sleep for at least a week when I first got here and thought I'd lost you to Dana."
"I'm sorry."
"It wasn't your fault. I'd learned to live with it and then when you had been shot and were paralyzed... well, the alternate you, I knew. I knew my life would never be complete without you."
"When I walked into your kitchen that day and say you crying there was nothing more I wanted to do than hold you forever and take your pain away, though I still don't understand all of what happened that day."
"And I pray you never do, John."
"So am I to take this as a yes, that you want and us as much as I do?"
"Yes."
"Good. Because we're going to do this right. With fancy restaurants and long walks and flowers and quiet nights at home."
Monica laughed. "Come on, John, you know I'm not a flowers and candy kind of girl."
"Who said they were for you? I expect you to get them for me."
Throwing her arms around him once more, she laughed as she held onto him. "I'm glad we had this talk. I'm glad we watched that movie. I'm glad you're you, I'm me, and we're here."
"Me too," he whispered back. "Me too."
After a few moments, Monica pulled back. "I don't suppose *you* have any embarrassing secrets I should know about." She grinned. "Any movies I need to see?"
When he remained silent her eyes widened. "You do? What? Tell me!"
"Uh-uh."
She teased him with soft kisses all over his face. "Pleeeease."
Gently, he pushed her away from him and held her at arms length. "Some secrets are better left secret."
"John!"
He said nothing as he got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen. Monica ran after him.
"Come on, John. You can't do that to me. It's not fair." She wrapped her arms around him from behind and lowered her voice. "You saw mine, now it's time to show me yours."
John froze, his mind blanked. Turning in her arms, he pulled her close. "Geez, Mon, did you have to phrase it that way?"
"I know how to play dirty too, you know."
He grinned. "Do you?"
She felt the blush rising in her cheeks. "That wasn't what I meant and you know it! Now, about this secret..."
"It's really nothing," he conceded.
"Come on, what is it?"
"It's..." He sighed. "To pay my way through college... Mon, please, it's really nothing."
"We just finished watching what *I* did to pay my way through college so out with it." She tightened her hold on him and gave him her best innocent look.
"People always commented on my eyes," he admitted. "So, I looked into... ugh, I looked into modeling."
Monica said nothing. She stood and stared at him.
"You think it's that shocking?"
"No," she answered, shaking her head. "You're so... stereotypical New York cop, I never imagined you as a model."
"Are you saying I don't look good enough to be a model?"
She laughed. "Not at all. To me, you outdo Hugh Grant."
He rewarded her with a long kiss.
"Do you still have your portfolio?" she asked when they broke apart.
"You never give up, do you?"
"Nope."
"Yes, I still have it. But it's buried in the attic somewhere so you don't get to see it tonight."
Monica smiled at him.
"What?"
"That gives us something to do tomorrow night. Dig through your attic."
John shook his head at her. "You're crazy, you know that."
"Maybe." She glanced at the wall clock and saw it was nearing two in the morning. "I'd better get going." She went to the living room to collect her keys and jacket.
"Why don't you stay here tonight."
Monica's heart stopped.
Before she took it the wrong way, John quickly continued. "The spare bedroom is ready and I can lend you a t-shirt."
She stood up and faced him.
Reading the hesitation, he said, "I'd feel better. It's late and there are drunks on the road and after last time..." He didn't finish. He didn't need to.
Monica could only imagine what it had been like for him to get the call she had been in an accident then to find she was in a coma. "Okay. Thanks."
"Anytime. And tomorrow we can start on the attic together."
She walked over and kissed him. "Just don't make it too early. I'm not a morning person." With that, she disappeared up the stairs.
John stood in the living room. A smile grew on his lips as he thought of how right it felt to have Monica there. With a yawn, he followed up the stairs knowing that one day she would be as permanent a fixture in the house as he was.
The end.