Disclaimer: Um, I own the psychos. Any recognizable characters (as you should well know by now) don't belong to me.
A/N: Wow, it seems like I don't have an excuse for writing quite a few things recently...
Attack of the Fangirls
It started out like any other day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping... Birds... SVU detective John Munch muttered obscenities into his pillow. Damn things had woken him up considerably earlier than he would have liked. He pulled his pillow over his head in a futile attempt to drown out the incessant chirping. When that didn't work, he submitted to consciousness and dragged himself out of bed.
Shortly thereafter, John walked into the precinct, looking around for the nearest pot of coffee. Despite his early waking, he had not thought ahead to stop for caffeine on the way to work. Another thing to blame on those damn pigeons...
He found the coffee with relative ease, and was happy to see that there was a fresh pot brewed and ready for the drinking. John poured himself a cup and smiled happily to himself. Then he went to face the outside world. Well, in this case, the outside world being the rest of the room he was already in.
"Morning," he said to Elliot, who was slumped over his desk in a sea of paperwork.
Elliot lifted his head slightly.
"It's morning already? Damn..."
John observed the mounds of legal documents that were surrounding Elliot's head.
"You're in early," he stated smartly.
"Never left," Elliot responded begrudgingly. "But you did. Why are you in so soon? Usually you slip in at the last possible morning, cursing for all the world that morning is an evil time of day and the degrees inhumanity involved with making people get up that early."
John tried to look innocent.
"Me? No, I think you might have gotten me confused with my partner."
At that exact moment, Odafin Tutuola made his appearance, dragging his feet along the linoleum floor.
"Morning!" John said cheerfully.
"It's not morning. The sun's not up yet. Leave me alone."
With that, Fin trudged off, probably to go find coffee. Within moments of his leaving, Don Cragen and Olivia Benson filed in, looking every bit as tired as the others.
"Morning!" John said cheerfully, smiling widely at the look on their faces.
Olivia glared at him. Cragen responded with a curt "Shut up, Munch" before following Fin to the coffee pot.
John turned to Elliot.
"Well, it seems like the whole world woke up with their knickers in a twist."
Elliot just stared at him. He was saved from further comment, however, as two teenage girls walked into the precinct just then, also looking dead on their feet.
"Morning!" John said cheerfully. Both girls shot him glares that told him to shut up if he wanted to go on living any longer. He did so accordingly and watching rather put-offedly as they made a beeline for the coffee.
"So, is there something we can help you two girls with?" Cragen asked, now considerably more personable due to the caffeine. There was no response for a moment as the girls waited for the awakening effects of the coffee to kick in. Once it did, they turned to him in shock.
"You..."
"You're..."
"That guy..."
"Who..."
"Yeah... him..."
Cragen and Munch exchanged looks. Munch shrugged and sat down at his desk, leaving the former grumpy-pants to deal with the incoherent teens.
"Um, may I ask that you try to form that sentence so that the rest of us can understand it?"
The girls stared first at him, then at each other, then back to him. The results were nearly instantaneous.
"EEEEEEEEEEE!"
"IT'S CRAGEN! AND OLIVIA! AND MUNCH! AND FIN! AND ELLIOT!"
"Hey!" the first girl, who would later be introduced as Alana Marcelo, exclaimed, "Why was Elliot last!"
"Because," the second girl, who would later be introduced as Karen Barley, responded, "Cassidy's not here for me to bash."
"Hey!"
As the two girls fought, the entire Special Victims Unit stared at each other.
"What the hell is goin' on here?" Fin asked, a confused look on his normally frozen face.
"I... don't know." Olivia responded, looking bewildered.
"I think they might be insane." Cragen whispered, as if the girls could hear him over the sound of their shouting. "Maybe we should get Huang in here."
Somehow, some way, the arguing teens heard his last comment. The bickering stopped immediately, and they stared intently at Cragen.
"Huang? Is he here?" Karen asked excitedly.
"If he is, can I kill him?" Alana asked maliciously.
Elliot raised an eyebrow.
"I think I like this kid." he said. Everyone in the precinct knew his rather vocal hatred for psychiatrists and their analyzing tendencies. Munch, Fin, Olivia, and Cragen all shot him patronizing looks, but Elliot ignored them.
"Hey, you there," he said to the girls. "What are your names?"
The girls stared at each other for a moment before beginning to speak rapidly in quiet voices to one another.
"Oh. My. God. Elliot Stabler just talked to me."
"Mmm. Now can we kill him?"
"What! Karen, no! I told you, I wouldn't off stupid-ass psychiatrist guy if you didn't hurt Elliot. So no touchie!"
"Okay, okay. Should we tell him who we are?"
The first girl (Alana) shot her a look that very plainly said "Duh!" followed up by a full statement.
"He's Elliot. Of course we tell him."
With that, the girls looked up and resumed speaking in normal tones. The second girl (Karen) smiled widely and said perkily,
"Hi! I'm Karen Barley." she gesticulated in Alana's general direction. "This is Alana Marcelo. She wants to do you."
"Karen!" Alana gasped, slapping her so-called friend hard in the arm.
"Just kidding, just kidding." Karen hurriedly recanted the statement. However, she added in an undertone, just loudly enough for Alana to hear, "But you know it's true."
Alana decided to take the high road and ignore her.
"Feel free to ignore Karen. She has a few mental issues we're still trying to resolve. It's not working."
Karen shot her a nasty glare. Before more fighting could break out, however, Munch jumped in.
"Right, so, Karen, Alana," - Karen stuck her tongue out at Alana in a taunting way since he had mentioned her first. Alana refrained from slapping her again. - "Is there something we can do for you?"
The girls exchanged looks for the millionth time that day.
"No, not really," They chimed, looking rather proud of themselves.
"Then what...?" Olivia was cut off as her brilliant partner came to a realization.
"Oh shit," he said, "Fangirls."
Heehee, that's riiiiiight! And the psycho fangirls are here to stay! Coming up in the upcoming chapters: The continuation of the psycho-obsessed fangirls! The introduction of the noob fangirl! The introduction of the dumb blonde fangirl! Stay tuned!