My other half
Disclaimer: Even if I do put it on my Christmas list every year, I don't own Harry Potter.
2nd May 1998 3:30 am
Dear Fred,
No, that's too formal isn't it? It's funny how you're not even reading this yet I'm worried about how formal it is. Mum said it'd be a good idea to keep a diary of all the things I would've said to you if you were still alive, sort of like an update on what's going on as if you were on holiday or something, she said it'd help me feel better but we'll see about that, at the moment the only thing I could see making me feel better is you being here but that's not possible is it? It's funny how most things we want are impossible. Well we won the war, you probably know that but I hate the circumstances, I feel like a huge part of me is missing now you're gone, it's still surreal to believe you're never coming back. Do you ever remember when we were 7 and we went on one of those trips to a muggle forest dad organised? He said we had to split up and I had to go with Bill and you had to go with Charlie but neither of us stood for it, we never wanted to be split up so he said fine, both of you go with Bill and Charlie can take Percy and Ron, (Ginny was still so young she had to stay with mum and dad) but stick together at all costs. I'll never forget that look on your face when we told dad not to worry and that we'd never be apart, it feels wrong that we are now.
I don't know how I'm going to cope with this to be honest, for a change one of the fearless Weasley twins is actually scared. I'm scared of opening the shop back up, I'm scared of crumbling completely to the point where I can't function, I'm scared of what's going to happen next and most of all I'm scared of your funeral, that's admitting you're gone and never coming back and that's something I wish I didn't have to do more than anything mate.
Hey, do you reckon if I gave up my other ear I'd get you back? I know, stupid question but losing my ear is nothing at all compared to losing you, you're not just my twin Freddie, you're my best friend, my partner in crime but more than anything, my other half. Without you here I don't feel complete, it feels like someone plunged right into my chest and ripped out my heart, they may as well have done because I feel that empty right now.
Do you know how much you being gone has messed this family up? Mum is practically a crying machine now, dad just stands around wondering why it had to be you, staring aimlessly into space. Bill and Charlie oh yeah, the 'responsible older ones', are in pieces with this, Bill just sits there crying endlessly and holding Fleur to his chest praying that it didn't happen while Charlie mutters to himself about dragons trying his best not to believe it happened so he doesn't break down. Don't even get me started on Percy, he hasn't stopped sobbing and blaming himself over and over again, even though it's annoying, him repeating himself, he does seem to be genuinely sorry for all that happened so we've buried the hatchet as it would seem, that's what you would've wanted eh? Then there's Ron, ever since it happened he's been perched on this old bit of rock with Hermione clutched to his chest, he just cries and constantly asks her if there's a spell to bring you back, I wish there was but she said it's that kind of stuff that got us here in the beginning so we don't want to go there. And Ginny, she won't say a word, Harry's tried but it's no good, she just stands around your body letting the tears fall silently, it's like she's a shadow of the person she was. And as for me, well you probably know how I feel, don't you? Us having that twin telepathy thingy and all that.
Just in case you don't here goes, my heart is completely broken and I can't see it being repaired any time soon if at all. Fred, we'd only just turned 20, we ran the most successful joke shop in the wizarding world, we were going to buy Zonko's and create a Hogsmeade branch and everything, what am I supposed to do with those plans now? None of it is right without you, I feel wrong, even guilty just by living. Your life ended and I have to carry on with mine, but how? I'm one of a pair, we're not meant to be separated remember. I'm half a man now, it's not right being away from you. I probably didn't say it enough when you were alive but Fred, I love you, you were the only person who always understood me, you stood up for me if I ever needed you to, you made me laugh, you taught me what it was to enjoy life and for all of those things I'll always be grateful to you.
Who am I going to create jokes with now eh? Who is mum and Hermione going to shout at for playing pranks with me now? Who will make me laugh just when it seems like I'll never crack a smile again? Your presence meant so much to so many people Freddie, now you've gone it feels nothing but miserable. You know that feeling when you're a kid and you've got a balloon, it's all bouncy and fun, you never want to let it go. Then it either pops or deflates, all the life goes out of it and you're left with just this saggy piece of rubber, then you feel lifeless and devastated, that's how it feels not having you around and you've only been gone a few hours. Did I seriously just compare you to a balloon? See, this is why you need to be around, to stop me turning soppy!
Hey, do you ever remember those 10 year plans we had? We were going to turn the shop global, have branches everywhere, bringing endless mayhem around the world I believe you called it then we'd meet the right girls, I remember mine was preferably a Quidditch player and yours was just someone who could make you laugh (one of the few times you got poetic or thereabouts), we'd marry them and have babies, little Weasleys ready to reek havoc on Hogwarts one day and I remember when you said your son would be called George II, that was literally one of the proudest moments of my life. So if I ever have a son I'll make good on my promise, he'll be called Fred II and he'll know why he should be proud to hold that name and how much of a hero his uncle was. Then after we finished planning our futures I remember you saying "Georgey, just because we'll have partners and babies it doesn't mean we're settling down, you do know that, right? Because at 19 or 90, the world won't know what's hit it as long as the Weasley twins are around!" I just wish I could hear your voice again, I'd do anything to hear you speak, it'd only take one word for me to be satisfied.
I feel slightly foolish worrying, you know your way around every place you go (we all know you have your ways) and you're with Lupin and Tonks, they'll see you right. Just don't make the fatal mistake of calling Tonks Nymphadora because you'll live to regret it and old Lupin, he's a werewolf and a bit stiff sometimes but he's alright. I feel so sorry for their son growing up an orphan but mum says we'll find a place to make him feel like he belongs and you know mum, she never gives up.
Just wherever you're going after... You know, make sure you get there safe and keep smiling, if there's anything you've ever taught me it's no matter what's going in your life just keep your head up and smile and you'll be fine. Then again you never did stop smiling did you? Even as a corpse you're laying there and you can still see that laugh you were in the middle of on your face, it makes sense your last expression was a happy one, you were possibly one of the sunniest people I ever knew. Not to sound sappy but I miss you already, something funny or shocking happens, I turn to my side and you're not there to share it with, I just hope you don't feel as alone as I do. Mind you, I feel daft saying that too because you're probably sat watching me now and either laughing your head off at how soppy I sound or you're smirking because I'm talking you up or maybe you're crying just as much as I am, I've learnt to always expect the unexpected with you.
Right, I think that's it. Mum was right, this does feel useful, even though there's a slim chance you know even half of what I've written it feels good to have my feelings down somewhere. I might try doing this again, in fact things will only get worse as the time goes on so I'll almost definitely try doing it again. Take it easy Freddie and I love you mate, don't go forgetting me.
George