AN: I know, I know. Calderson is never gonna happen, but I'm in love with all the Calderson stuff, so here I present you this.

It is slash, so if you don't like it, please don't even read. And if you are going to comment, keep it gentle, please.
I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it down ;)

Hidden Feelings –

Calder had always been a confident man. He always knew he could get whatever he wanted, and he always knew he had the will to do whatever it took him to get it. But suddenly he found himself drowning in doubt and self-consciousness.

Ever since he met that guy named August Anderson, he began to feel confused and divided about his feelings.

At first, he thought he hated that man. That arrogant little bastard, tearing down his career. Who did he think he was? He was just a tech op. And a silly tech op, in love with his operative. Calder could not understand how it was possible for a handler to date it's own operative. So irresponsible.

Then he started to realize maybe the problem wasn't who Auggie was dating. Maybe the problem was that Auggie was dating someone at all. And Calder didn't feel good about it. The second he realized Annie had not been around Auggie's place much, he put a huge bright smile on his face, which he later tried to find an explanation to, but couldn't.

The thing is, he didn't want to see what was right before his eyes. He was in love, but he couldn't admit it. And every time Auggie and Annie showed any possibility of getting back together, Calder would feel like punching Annie in the face.

Before he knew it, he was whispering and growling sensually whenever Auggie was around. He couldn't help it. And after a while, he realized he couldn't hide it anymore.

He was extremely confused in the beginning, but he knew now that Auggie's stubbornness, arrogance and (he had to admit it)looks had seduced him from the beginning. The way he walked around so independently waving his cane, the passion he put on whatever he was doing, his voice, his slim body, even the way he nervously bit his lower lip... Calder admired every little detail on Auggie's body and personality.

Calder had never felt that way before. He was too busy building his dream career. But the fact is: he had never met August Anderson before; that's why he had never felt that way. He was ready to love now. He wanted to have what Annie had when he first met them. He wanted Auggie's love to show; so much that any trainee at the farm could see they were in a sexual relationship.

Calder knew, deep inside, that he liked Annie. But Annie was now a threat. She could put an end to his 'Calderson' illusions before it even started. But he also knew that if anything bad happened to Annie because of him, Auggie would never trust him again. It was hard for him, but he chose to help her after all.

Of course he prohibited her to contact Auggie when she came back from Europe. He didn't want them apologizing and making up. But he had to help her.

Sadly, he didn't know Auggie was feeling divided as well. Ever since the day Calder invaded his house, Auggie began to admire him. He realized Calder was like Annie in many aspects: he knew what he wanted and he was always ready to get it. That was also the day Auggie discovered Calder was trustworthy. At least a little. After that, Calder helped Annie with her plan, and it was enough to prove them he was going for the truth.

By that time, missing Annie's love, Auggie then realized he would usually forget her when Calder whispered and growled to him. It was so dramatic it was almost erotic.

Calder was bossy, but Auggie liked to have someone he could defy and who could defy his own bossy personality. It kept both of them with their feet on the ground.

But of course those feelings made Auggie confused as well; he had always been attracted to women. And, oh God, he did use to enjoy women. But ever since he met Calder, he started to wonder if he hadn't always been on the wrong team. Maybe he should try it and know for sure once for all.

That is probably one of the many reasons that led him to that terrible night at Helen's apartment. He missed Annie, it was true. He didn't know where they stood. But he also wanted to know whether he had lost interest in women. He was surprised to find out he had. At least interest in Helen. The only way he could know now was admitting his love for Calder. But he couldn't. What if it wasn't reciprocal?
Well... With Annie it had taken them three years to realize it was. Maybe he had a shot with Calder. After all, timing is everything.

They scheduled a meeting. Both of them imagining it would be the perfect time to confess their love towards each other. But before the sun rose, Annie was at Auggie's place telling him Helen was dead. Then Calder had to take control over that crazy situation at Langley, Annie went to New York, and Auggie was devastated after his ex-wife's death. It was not perfect timing at all. So both of them just discussed mission related stuff as always and "managed" the situation, keeping their feelings inside. Hiding it.

Next thing they knew, they were inside a plane, heading to Hong Kong. And Annie was with them. They also had a bigger matter now: Henry. Their love confusions could wait. At least a few more couple of days.

But their last day together in Hong Kong was vital to Calder, and it showed him that Auggie wasn't ready to let Annie go and take him into his arms instead. He got into that plane with Oliver Lee and tried to let that go. Tried.