Disclaimer - I don't own Final Fantasy VII, or it's characters, however, I do own the idea for the story, and the character, Matrix Jones.
Matrix walks out of the Materia shop, and he walks over to his car, but he freezes when he sees a little slip of paper under his windshield wiper. He notices a police officer standing nearby. Matrix snatches the piece of paper from under his windshield wiper, and he walks over to the police officer.
Matrix: Did you give me this ticket.
The officer looks at Matrix.
Officer: Yes, I did.
Matrix: Why?
Officer, you were parked there for 30 minutes, the sign clearly sates 20 minutes.
Matrix: I was only in there for 10 minutes.
Officer: You were in there for 30 minutes sir.
Matrix: You lying sack of crap, you're just looking to meet your quota, and you're harassing innocent bystanders.
Officer: (Annoyed) I'd watch what you say sir.
Matrix tears up the ticket, and he throws it at the officer.
Matrix: Screw you!
Officer: place your hands behind your head sir.
Matrix: No, I refuse to be treated like a Criminal, you donut munching jerk.
The officer tries to grab Matrix's arm, but Matrix whacks the cop, sending him back into a brick wall. He notices 2 people among a crowd that has gathered to watch the scene, he recognizes one as the bartender of the Seventh Heaven, her name is Tifa Lockheart.
Officer: (Speaking into radio) I'm gonna need backup, I've got a violent one at Jack's Materia.
Dispatcher: Back up is on the way.
Officer: Thanks.
The officer looks at Matrix.
Officer: I'd give up now if I were you.
Matrix grabs a half eaten burger from a trash can, and he throws it at the officer, and the burger splatters all over the officer as it hits him. Citizens begin stopping to watch the spectacle. Two police cars screech to a stop, with their sirens blaring. Two officers each step out of the cars. One of the officers points at Matrix.
Officer 2: You are under arrest, please place your hands behind your back, if you resist, we will use force.
Matrix grabs the trash can, and he lifts it and he tosses it at the car, and the officer ducks, as the trash can hits his car's windshield, shattering it. Matrix takes off running.
Matrix: Later donut munchers, eat my dust.
Matrix jumps into his car, and he starts it, and he puts the car into drive, and he tears out of his parking spot, but he overestimates the speed, and he ends up driving into a hardware store. Matrix stumbles out of his car, and he tries to run away, but he slips on a screw and lands on his back, as 5 cops jump him, roll him over and slap handcuffs on his wrists, all the while Matrix is struggling, and screaming.
Matrix: Police brutality! Harassment! I want a lawyer, I'll sue you're butts off you donut eating morons, let me go, I didn't do anything wrong, I'll sue!
Officer: Shut up!
Matrix: Bite me!
The officers throw Matrix in the back of a squad car, where you can see him spewing curse words at the top of his lungs, and flailing around like a nut job. The officer gets into the front seat, and he drives back to the station. He pulls into the parking lot after a few minutes, and he throws his door open, gets out of the car, and he slams the door, and he takes a deep breath.
Officer: keep your cool, remember, if you shoot him, you'll have a ton of paper work to fill out.…..
The officer opens the back door, and he hauls Matrix out, who is still, even after 20 minutes, screaming his fool head off.
Matrix: I want your badge number donut head, I'll have your job, then I'll have your house, and then finally, I'll have your soul!
Officer: Shut your mouth you raving lunatic!
The officer hauls Matrix into the station, unlocks the cuffs, then he opens a cell and throws Matrix in.
Matrix: I want my phone call, and my lawyer, you'll regret this, I will have your job!
The officer walks away from the cells.
A few weeks later, Matrix is led into the court room, where he is on trial for his behavior towards the cops and his willful destruction of public property. Matrix stands in front of the judges bench.
Judge: Matrix Jones, you are charged with Littering, abuse of law enforcement personnel, 1 count of physical assault on said officer, 1 count of assault on said officer with, A MOLDY HALF EATEN BURGER?!
Matrix: Yes your honour.
Judge: Continuing, you are also charged with resisting arrest, damage to police vehicle with a trash can, another count of resisting arrest, 1 count of attempting to flee the scene, 1 count of destruction of public property, another count of attempting to flee the scene, another count of resisting arrest, and more counts of more abuse on law enforcement personnel than I care to mention. Do you have anything to say in your defence.
Matrix: yes I do your honour.
Judge: What is that Mr. Jones?
Matrix clears his throat.
Matrix: (Smirking) April Fools.
Judge: (Shocked) What?!
Matrix: This was an April Fools day joke.
The Judge closes his eyes and breathes deeply.
Judge: Mr. Jones?
Matrix: Yes your honour?
The Judge takes another deep breath to calm down, except, it doesn't work.
Judge: APRIL FOOLS DAY WAS 2 MONTHS AGO!
Realization dawns on Matrix's face.
Matrix: Oops
Judge: (Snapping) OOPS, OOPS?! I SENTENCE YOU TO 10 YEARS IN PRISON YOU PSYCHOPATH!
Current Day
Matrix: That's how I ended up in prison.
Bob: Wow, all that crap for an April Fools day joke.
Matrix: I got the perfect joke this year, I put a fire cracker in the Wardens toilet, should be going off soon, and then todays April Fools day joke will be a success.
Bob: Uh, Matrix, dude, April Fools day was last month.
Matrix looks shocked.
Matrix: God dammit!
The End
Hope you enjoyed it.