Disclaimer: The Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, as do all the characters that are featured in this piece of fanfiction.

Warning: This fic will contain sexual content in future chapters and is not intended for younger readers. This chapter, however, is rated T for suggestive dialogue. I will change the story's rating to M when the need arises (pun definitely intended). Enjoy!

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Honeymoon at Bag End

Chapter 1: Preparations Are Made

Samwise Gamgee had seen and done things that ordinary minds would balk at, things that would reduce even the most courageous to a withering heap of frayed nerves. He had walked roads darker than most folk could even begin to imagine, faced down mortal dangers that might have robbed him of his life dozens of times over, conquered more evils than even some of the most renowned heroes in the history of Middle-earth. After all that he had endured, one would have hardly believed that anything could rattle Sam now that he was returned to his beloved Shire and the terrible Quest had ended in success. Indeed, Sam himself had believed up to this point that no fear could have compared to the terror of Mordor, or of the Black Riders, or a giant spider bent on making him for a meal for that matter. But today, he was proven quite wrong, for today was the day that Sam was to be wedded to Rose Cotton.

Of course, this fear was of quite a different kind than the ones he had previously faced (although perhaps there are some who would sooner do battle with an entire legion of orcs than be tied down by the lasting bonds of matrimony) but it was just as real as any of his other trials despite that.

Standing in front of the full-length mirror, Sam frowned discontentedly at the image that greeted him, muttering to himself: "Oh, it's all wrong. No good, no good at all," and fidgeting irritably with his jacket which did not seem to hang quite right on his frame no matter how much he fussed and fretted over it.

"What's no good?" a voice over his shoulder called out cheerfully. In strolled Frodo, outfitted very finely for the day's ceremony. There was a curl of suppressed amusement tugging at the corners of his mouth as he saw the look of consternation on Sam's face reflected in the looking-glass.

"Oh, Mr. Frodo, I didn't hear you come in," said Sam, turning toward him. "Don't mind about me, I was just thinking out loud as you might say. It's just... well, it just seems to me that the tailor would know a thing or two about taking measurements and suchlike, it being his business to know. But as luck seems to have it, I got the one fellow who'd never picked up needle nor thread afore today!"

"Whatever are you talking about, you silly old hobbit?" Frodo laughed, patting him companionably on the shoulder. "You are only letting your nerves get the better of you. Why, it's gotten to the point where you can no longer see clearly! Believe me when I tell you that it is all in your head - your suit is just as fine as any bride-groom has ever worn."

"Oh, I suppose you're right. I had no call to take it out on those what made it. And really, I reckon it's not the suit I'm so much worried about as the hobbit that's inside of it," Sam said disconsolately.

"You are talking nonsense, Sam, for the hobbit inside that jacket is worth more than all the treasures in the world, and your Rose is well aware of it," said Frodo sincerely.

"Thank you, sir," said Sam, holding his emotions in check as best as he could manage. He cleared his throat and smoothed down his jacket-front one last time. "But you know, if I'm to marry the loveliest lass in all the Shire, I want to look at least halfway worthy of her."

"Trust me when I say that Rose will suffer no shame to take your arm when you meet her on the aisle today. But we had better be getting on soon, for you would not want to keep your bride waiting on her wedding day."

"He certainly should not!" a voice from the entrance hall answered.

"And we're here to see that Rose doesn't think you tried to give her the slip at the last moment!" a second voice put in.

"You shouldn't joke about such things, Mr. Pippin," said Sam sternly as he and Merry came into view. "As if I'd ever for a moment think of backing out now! I made up my mind long ago and there's no changing it. But we'd better be off soon or else Rose might start seeing sense and change hers if we wait around much longer."

"Never mind Pip, Sam, he is only teasing," said Merry. "Though why he insists on always making a nuisance of himself, I'll never know." Pippin crossed his arms in mock indignation and Merry smiled back wryly at him in answer. "We all know that you are positively head over heels about the lovely Miss Cotton - which is why we are here to whisk you away to your intended," he finished with an elegant bow.

"Right!" Pippin chimed in. "Bill is all saddled and ready to take you to your lady when you are ready, and I shouldn't dally if I were you!"

"Goodness knows she's waited long enough for me as it is," Sam said half to himself.

"And she will no doubt be very eager to have you," Merry said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"Speaking of which, there is something else I meant to tell you to that effect," said Frodo. "You and your new wife will doubtless be wanting some privacy once the day is out and the festivities are over, and with that in mind, I have arranged to stay in Buckland with Merry for a fortnight."

"What, and leave Bag End, your right home? I wouldn't think of asking such a thing of you, Mr. Frodo!" Sam protested.

"I know you wouldn't, which is why I am choosing to go of my own accord. And you mustn't try and argue with me, for it will do you no good whatsoever! I shall be in very good company while I am away, and I insist that you and Rose enjoy your honeymoon without having me hovering about and getting in your way."

"You know that you could never be a bother to me, and I'm sure that Rose feels just the same way. But since you're dead set on it, I'll not say another word against it. And I thank you, sir. It means a lot to me that you'd be willing to cart yourself off for me and Rose's sake."

"I should think that he was doing it more for his own benefit than yours, Sam" Pippin said. "Poor Frodo would not sleep a wink with two newlyweds in the house, after all."

"You mind your tongue, Master Pippin," said Sam, reddening as much with indignation as with embarrassment, "or I shall mind it for you; and I'll not be gentle about it neither!"

"All right, that is quite enough!" Frodo stepped in. "And not another word from you, Pippin, unless you fancy attending this wedding with your ears boxed. We have lingered here longer than we should have already."

"Quite right!" Merry agreed. "Come, Master Gamgee, your steed awaits!"