A/N: So, I read the Twilight series. And it sucked. Badly. A bajillion ideas were better than Stephanie Meyer's botched creation. So I decided to write a hate-fic. It's basically me interviewing fictional characters from books/TV series on their opinion on the Twilight Saga.

First up, The Golden Trio from the bestselling series, Harry Potter!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, fortunately. I don't own HP either, unfortunately.

Claimer: I do own this story, however. And NTTS- Notion That Twilight Sucks.

Rating: T, coz of potty mouth Ron and his 'bloodys'

Chapter 1: Harry Potter

Me: *walks out from the side* Hello, and welcome to NTTS: Interviews! I'm Dancing and I'll be your host for tonight!

*cue applause from Antis and boos from Twihards*

Me: Now, the purpose of this show is to point out Twilight's flaws from a fictional character's point of view. I know that the authors and rightful owners of them would be disgraced at Twilight as well, but I don't know any of them personally, so I decided to pick their characters to represent them!

*more applause mixed with booing*

Me: Okay, that's enough. So, let's give it up for our very first guests, the Golden Trio who defeated the dark lord, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger!

*Harry, Ron, and Hermione walk out and sit on couch that magically appeared*

Me: Welcome to the show, guys. As the British say, "How do you do?"

Hermione: Actually, we don't really say that. You must have been watching too much TV about our muggle stereotypes. But thank you, and I'm very good, thanks.

Harry: Fine. Though practicing for this interview, on top of taking care of three kids and catching Death Eaters, I'm pretty tired out.

Ron: I found an extra freckle on my face today.

Me: Interesting. Not. So, have all of you read the whole series

Hermione: Yes. After a week.

Harry: I'm halfway through Breaking Dawn.

Ron: I finished the first book and couldn't be arsed to read the rest.

Hermione: Really, Ron, your language is atrocious.

Me: Yeah, you potty-mouth.

Ron: Why does everyone gang up on me?

Me: You're the Ginger Kid, like Edward Cullen. Which brings me to a few questions I have to ask you.

Hermione: Makes sense. After all, this is an interview.

Me: Right. Well, what was your opinion of the first book?

Harry: Well, it started out fine, with Bella being all noble and in mortal danger- I know how that feels like –but then it became a whole sickening love story between Bella and that vampire, Edward, with all the other characters pushed aside.

Ron: And I know how that feels.

Harry: Yes. And then it suddenly became something nobody could relate to. No-one could sympathise with the main character, Bella. I mean, you can't have true love, bang, just like that.

Hermione: Following up on Harry's 'true love' reasoning, may I point out that the only two reasons why Edward falls in love with her is that a) he can't read her mind, and b) Bella's blood is sweet.

Me: True dat.

Ron: And the first 200 pages were full of mystery about Edward Cullen, and who he really is and all that. But the back cover says, right in the second sentence, that he was a vampire. Just like that. Blimey, Steph Meyer is pretty ignorant for a muggle author who 'supposedly' graduated from school.

Hermione: Personally, I think she skipped that day in English when they said, "if the first 200 pages of your novel relied on a main character's true colours being hidden, don't just slap on the back cover that he's a vampire".

Me: You've given us a lot to think about, guys. What about the second book?

Ron: What about it? I haven't read it. I have seen the cover though. That's one weird-looking flower, and that's coming from a guy who grew bubotubers in Herbology.

Hermione: *rolls eyes* Ron, haven't you ever heard of the phrase, "Don't judge a book by its cover"?

Ron: *silence, for once*

Hermione: Anyways, the second book, was, if possible, worse than the first book. It starts with Bella whining about how she's eighteen and Edward's seventeen.

Me: Technically, he's over 100. Which is EW x a million. It'd be like Dumbledore humping Susan Bones.

Everyone: *shudders at the mental image*

Ron: My eyes are burning! Bloody hell!

Harry: Then Bella being depressed for 4 months. Which was kind of a downer.

Hermione: You forgotten the poorly written party scene.

Harry: Oh, yeah. Jasper going crazy over a little blood, then the whole family disappearing. Again. Like in the whole of the first book.

Me: Then Bella being depressed.

Hermione: And then she hangs out with Jacob Black, a minor character from the first book. I kind of feel a bit sorry for him.

Harry: Then he turned out to be a werewolf.

Me: A pedo werewolf, you mean.

Hermione: That comment's reserved for the fourth book.

Ron: Oh, now I remember, I flipped through a few pages of the second book.

Me: Which part?

Ron: The part where they fight the Volturi. Though you could hardly call it fighting.

Me: Tell me about it. All they did was torture little Eddykins. And that is why I love all of them.

Hermione: There was a certain charisma about them.

Me: Yep. Now, folks, we're running out of time, so we'll wrap up the evening with this question: What are the differences between Twilight and Harry Potter that makes the latter better?

Harry: The main thing was me changing throughout the series. From a normal boy to one of the greatest wizards of all time. The characters in Twilight didn't change one bit. Bella turned into a vampire at the end-

Ron: She did? Blimey, I would've thought she died at the end, then Edward and Jacob would realise their love for each other and hook up at her funeral.

Me: You're kidding, right? This is Twilight we're talking about. No real plot.

Harry: Like I said, Bella turned into a vampire at the end. And she didn't change. Her personality didn't change, anyway.

Hermione: And our books were much more complex. The plot, the characters, everything. Voldemort wasn't just some guy we had to kill. He had a past we had to decipher.

Ron: And the motives behind acts by them were really messed up.

Me: I definitely agree with you guys. And next time on NTTS: Interviews, we shall have another trio on here! Well, it's more of a gang, but-

Cameraman: Get on with it!!!

Me: Basically, next time, we shall have the PJO gang here! See ya, and good night all!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand... that's a wrap! Hope you guys like it! Well, the Antis will probably like it.

Like I said, next time, it shall be the characters from Percy Jackson and the Olympians! More laughs, more criticizing, and plenty of Edward dissing!