Right, first submission and its not even my own story. Don't worry, I have my friends permission to post his work, along with his blessings

This is basically a story about saving the world. However, saving the world may never have been as crudely humoured as this. We used our own characters and our friends character with their permission aswell.

The entire stoy has already been writen, but to prevent overdoses of laughter, i shall split it up into a number of chapters and Update every two or three days.

Disclaimer: No one involved in the making of this owns RuneScape or its creator, nore do we own any characters that have been derived from or inspired by any games other than RuneScape. WE do, however, own all cahracter that have been included within the story that are not NPC's and have at one point hed a membership to said game. Asda is also none of our property, and jsut happened to be convenient on the keyboard. Neither do we own the copyright for QWERTY keyboards. Hope this suffices(we don't own that word either).

To play it safe, we dont own anything. Any reference to real life people is exactly that, a referance, not a claim to ownership or purposeful slander, jsut good humour.

Now, on with the story

Runescape! – THE WHOLE WORLD

The Warriors, Tramps and Legends

Wombomtom Arralius- Lazy, Scimitar wielding beggar/mentalist

Qwertyasda Arralius- The Wife of the lazy beggar/ Warrior Prophet

Ravi 'The Dwarf' - Good at being short.

Jchan 001- Evil cheating scum.

Josh- A Piffling Noob.

Ravster- Josh and Ravi often go begging together. His profession? Dunno.

Among other begging noobs and rich yellow bellied bastards with fat legs.

Wombomtom and Qwerty, 15th January…

The Story starts at Falador, south of the White Knights castle. Wombomtom stretches his arms and sighs. Qwertyasda tossed and turned last night, a lot. It must have been the Make Over mages 'Side effects.'

Reaching for his armour, and his money, Wombomtom set of to the general store.

The Usual rabble. "Black sword for 500gp, helmet thrown in…" Bastards. They didn't know a good deal when they saw one; and, besides, he already had what he wanted. A wife, loads of cash, and a crafting level of 38. Qwerty would cook up something nice, maybe some wine, if she'd managed to get a cooking level of 50. Whistling the Tune to always lookon the bright side of life, Wombomtom set of to find his wife something nice. Crap. The lot. Its all crap 'n' crazy here.

Shamir2

Up early, to the fountain straight away, ply his trade, off to the pub for a Wizard Mind Bomb. Still in debt, though, Shamir reminded himself. He owed Qwerty something like 10k, and maybe more if kept on saying "Hoe" Or "Qwerty go to Asda" etc. He wondered how Tom was doing. Shamir was old now and really should stop spilling Goblin guts.

After being spat at several times by unhappy customers, and being called a Noob more than 20, Shamir set of to the pub, to drown his sorrows.

"Hi Johnny", he said to the drunk who was mumbling in the corner.

"Wadyasay? I only had a couple of pints. Yadunnowhatitfeelsliketobeme!" He sings.

Shamir shook his head and went to the barman.

"A Glass of your finest, please, barman!"

"There you go. That'll be 2gp."

WHY does he always say the same thing?

Shamir unsheathed his sword and lunged at the Barman. Taken by surprise, the barman showed no resistance and his blood stained the wooden floor.

"Why did you do that?" asks josh, coming up from behind.

"Josh! What are you doing here?"

"Where is the barman?" Josh asks, looking suspiciously at the blood stained carpet. "Looks like someone got a bit mental. Did you know? There is supposed to be a maniac on the loose, killing people who say the same thing twice. Did he pop in to say hello to the Barman?"

"Um…ummmmm….. look, I've got a chicken on the boil….. the cats locked out… HELP ME!!"

Shamir, running as fast as he can, runs all the way to Al-Kharaid, without stopping.

Ravi 'The Dwarf' Kotecha, 16 January 2005

"Geez. Can't a man get a bit of rat meat in this place? Please help me, my lord," he says to the lvl 50."I'll do anything. ANYTHING!!"

"Push off, Pleb. I have to have tea with my partner- life is very tiring if I keep working at this rate…."

Ravi sunk to his knees, and started sobbing. Yes, he was Lvl 30 up, but he still (for some reason or other) couldn't hold onto his money.

And suddenly…

A man in glittering black armour walks down the street, gives money to a tramp, and skips towards him, like a happy school girl. He hails him.

"Hail, Dwarf! The mining season not being favourable?"

"Piss off."

"I know Dwarves have a negative attitude, but this is ridiculous."

"Newsflash pal: A: I'm not a Dwarf. B. You are annoying me with your erotic fancies of peace. I wanna kill something.

"Do you really… How do I address you?"

"Ravi, my 'Lord'."

"Well, I am Wombomtom Arallius. And I can help you." Ravi's huge ears pricked up. Employment? That word had fallen out of use in his department.

"Help me in what way, sonny?" He glanced above his head. "You're a level 25. Not the sort of person to go around employing people..."

His cheeks went red. "Look, Dwar… I mean you vertically challenged freak, I could render your head from your body in a matter of seconds. See how sharp this Scimitar is? Very sharp, wouldn't you agree? And it likes chopping heads of people who talk ALL the time."

Ravi nodded his head frantically up and down, trying to refrain from speaking.

"You want me to tell you? I know with your limited intellect you haven't understood a word I have just said."

"Yes, something along those lines…"

"YOU said you wanted to kill. And you shall." Wombomtom knelt down to him, whispering: "Do you want to be an assassin?"

"WHAT THE FLYING PIG???"
Wombomtom drew his scimitar out, waving it at him. "You idiot! Do you want to wake the whole of Runescape? Yes, an assassin. 500- yes, 500 you hapless weakling- 500gp per kill."

"Who will I be killing?"

"Good question. Do you know someone called Jchan?"

He put on a fake thoughtful look. "…Maybe."

"Of course you have. He is your target. My family is in debt to him, I want you to take care of him."
"I don't have a weapon."

"Wait a sec…. take this." He gave him a mythril long-sword, an iron dagger and a longbow.

"This is all you need…. The operation planning will be in Barbarian Village. Meet me there."

"Yes, sir. Thanks. Jchan will be in a ditch, with an arrow in his chest."

"Excellent."

Wombomtom

Waiting in Barbarian Village was a bore. He checked a nearby sundial- he should have been here 15 minutes ago.

"Hello, stranger."

He turned around, to see nothing.

"Down here, you idiot."

"Looking down to the ground every time I have to meet you. This will take getting used to."

"And who's this?"

Looking behind him, he saw a woman with tits the size of the sun and wearing monks robes. She didn't look very sober.

"Who am I? WHO AM I!? Wait a minute… who am I?

"Drink some water. Oh, Ravi, this is my wife. Qwertyasda."

"The perfect couple… a pompous fool married to a drunk."

"You're pushing it."

"She reminds me of Jordan after a couple of pints."

Wombomtom ignored him and went into the pub. Nothing changed here.

Wombomtom sat down, his wife also. Ravi had to sit on several chairs to reach the table.

"Well, we are gathered here to discuss the 'taking care of' Jchan. Agreed?"

"Agreed!" shouts Qwertyasda. "Lets drink to that!"

"Lets not. Anyway," says Ravi, "Is this everyone in the operation?"

"No. We have 2 other operatives: Shamir 2 and Adam."

"How good are they?"

"Not very good, to be fair. Shamir is a good operative; but Adam gets drunk most of the time. Adam suggested we should ask Jchan if he wanted to die and chuck some pants at him."

"Is your wife in it too?"

"Yes. She may not look it now, but she is Guthix's Jesus. She is balanced.."

"Apart from the fact her chest is bigger than the rest of her…"

"Let us put our big, animated heads to work. Equipment check…"

Wombomtom pulled out his check list.

"Sword?"

"Check."

"Shield?"

"Check."

"Beer… BEER? Who put that on the list?" Everybody turned to Qwertyasda.

"What are you staring at? Blame the dwarf, dear. He's looking at me suspiciously."

"Oh shit. Beer it is."

What will happen to our friends? Will they succeed with their plan? Or fail miserably? Find out in the next episode: CHAN CLAN.