A Smashing Time
By Lord Agravane the Undead
Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon or any of the characters within.
Part 1
"Hey, listen!" M25 said, turning her head in the direction of a horrible sound of chugging and spluttering. "It sounds like the Boss is back from the auction in Lilycove".
"Awesome!" said M43. "Let's go and see what he bought for us".
The two grunts abandoned their sensitive equipment that they were using to analyse soil samples with and raced over to the garage, which had just been occupied by a little black car with a red line around it. Maxie turned off the engine and the car made a kind of grinding groaning sound. Courtney sat in the passenger seat, holding an unidentifiable object which was swathed in protective newspaper.
"Hi Boss, hi Courtney", said M43. "What did you buy us?"
"Not that is matters if you didn't buy anything", said M25, standing very close to Maxie as he got out of the car. "You're back now and that's the most important".
"You make it sound like we weren't going to make it back safely", said Maxie.
"Well, she's got a point", said Courtney, eyeing up the old car.
"Shush Courtney", said Maxie. "Ok, here you are". He gave the grunts a box of chocolates each.
"Look, M43, our Boss bought me a present because he likes me", said M25 happily.
"Well he bought me one too", said M43.
"Yes but that was only so you wouldn't feel left out", said M25. She stood close to Maxie again so that when he turned round, he nearly fell over her. "Would you like me to thank you Boss?"
""Uh, no, that's quite alright", said Maxie. "Don't you want to see what Courtney's holding?"
"No", said both grunts at once.
"Oh come on now", said Courtney. "You'll like it very much when you know what it is".
"Yes, they will", Maxie agreed. "Let's go into the Main Chamber and unwrap it".
Five minutes later, nearly all of Team Magma stood in the Main Chamber, ready to admire Maxie's purchase. They watched eagerly as Courtney unwrapped the newspaper from around the mystery item. Actually, no, they didn't. M5 and M6 were arm wrestling, M25 was gazing adoringly at Maxie and M43 was trying to feel up Tabitha's leg without anybody noticing.
"AND HERE IT IS!" Courtney exclaimed, causing some of the grunts to fall of their chairs. "Look! Admire! Gasp in wonder at our precious item that we have and Team Aqua doesn't!"
The grunts and Tabitha stared at the now revealed item, which was sitting on a decorative wooden table in the centre of the Hall. It was a vase. Standing about twelve inches high, it was made from delicate bone china and decorated with blue and red images of dancing Bidoofs.
"Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!" everybody gasped in awe.
"It's a rare vase that was crafted in Johto over a thousand years ago", Maxie explained. "It is rumoured that it was originally a gift for the Emperor of Johto, which makes it unique".
"In other words, it's the only one of its kind in the World", said Courtney.
"Ohh, so pretty", said M25, reaching out to pet the vase.
"Be careful by it sweetie", said Courtney. "It's a valuable antique".
"I am being", said M25, patting the vase as if it was a Growlithe. The vase wobbled and Maxie gasped.
"Oh Boss, can we all pet it too?" M5 said eagerly.
Maxie steered M25 away from the vase. "No, nobody else is to touch it", he said.
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" that's not fair M5 protested.
"Yeah, you let M25 pet it", said M6.
"Yes cos our Boss knows I am careful and he can trust me", said M25.
"M25, calm down", said Maxie, as he tried to disentangle himself from the amorous grunt. "You really must...oh, who is that?" Maxie's phone was ringing.
"Yes, hello? Oh hello Archie!"
"Who is it?" M6 said in a loud whisper to M5.
"Yes, what is wrong...?" Maxie continued. "What? You're saying that two of my grunts ambushed one of your grunts and stole his trousers?"
M5 and M6 looked at each other and blushed.
"What a ridiculous notion", Maxie said. "What in Arceus' name would Team Magma grunts want with trousers?"
Maxie continued to listen, his expression growing more impatient. Courtney skilfully guarded the vase from the grubby fingers of many eager grunts.
"Yes Archie, we were out earlier. I had to turn off my mobile because we were at an auction".
As Archie continued to speak, Maxie lost his impatient expression and began to smile.
"You would like to see what we bought? Hang on; let me turn on video viewing and the loudspeaker on my phone a minute".
"Oh, are you going to show Archie the vase?" Courtney said eagerly.
"Of course", said Maxie, pressing the touch screen. "There we go". An image of Archie appeared on the phone's screen and Maxie smirked triumphantly, before turning it towards the vase.
"It's a rare vase that was crafted in Johto over a thousand years..."
"Hahahahahahahaha!" Archie interrupted with laughter. "And how long's that gonna last with your crazy grunts around, eh?"
Courtney pouted and the grunts all looked significantly wounded.
"My grunts are not crazy", Maxie said with dignity. "They were sensible, hard working, responsible..."
"Hahaha, yeah, right! And Lysandre buys his clothes from the Pokedollar store".
"Archie..."
"Oh, why do I feel so cold? Oh, I know! The Distortion World is freezing over".
"MY GRUNTS ARE SENSIBLE!"
Archie finally stopped laughing. All of Team Magma looked furious and Courtney was motioning kicking somebody somewhere very painful. A little too close to the vase for Maxie's liking.
"Courtney, move back a little", said Maxie, trying to calm down. "Archie, that vase will still be here, long after we've dried up all the oceans!"
"Balls!" said Archie. "It won't last 24 hours".
Maxie scowled. "Do you wish to bet on that, Archie?"
"Yep", said Archie confidently. "Thought you'd never ask".
"Ooooooh!" said all the grunts and the two admins. "A bet!"
"Right", said Maxie. "I, Maxie Matsubusa claim that this expensive antique vase will still be in one piece, exactly twenty four hours from now. If it is so, then you, Archie, have to put a Team Magma flag on your ship for a whole week. Do you accept?"
"Yep, sure", said Archie without a moment's hesitation. The rest of Team Magma cheered and M25 made to high five Courtney, nearly knocking over the vase in the process.
"Oh Maxie, this is going to be such fun", said Archie. "Alright then, my turn. I, Archie Aogiri claim that your vase is gonna get smashed within twenty four hours. If it does (which it will do), then you, Maxie, have gotta go on a date with me".
There was a universal gasp of astonishment among the members of Team Magma. M25 gave the phone a dirty look and Maxie turned bright red.
"I...wait, what?"
"You know Maxie", Archie smirked. "A date? When two people who fancy each other go out together".
"Yes but I don't..." Maxie hesitated. "Oh, never mind. When you say date, what exactly will I have to do?"
"Ha! You mean to tell me that you've never been a date before?" Archie said gleefully.
"Of course I have", said Maxie, going even redder. "I mean, are you expecting me to hold hands with you?"
"Yep", said Archie.
"Uh...fair enough then. And you expect me to kiss you too, right?"
"Yep, like they do in Kalos". M25 did a rude hand sign at the phone and Tabitha smirked.
"Um, y-yes then. And...you'll expect me to make out with you?"
"Definitely!" Archie looked smug. "Do you accept, Maxie?"
Maxie looked at his loyal Team Magma members. Tabitha had put his sleeve in his mouth so as not to laugh. M43 was gazing at Tabitha and imagining everything that Archie had just said, an unfocused look in his eyes. Most of the male grunts were looking revolted and some were miming sticking their fingers down their throats. Most of the female grunts were giggling. M25 and Courtney were muttering together, suggesting painful things to do to certain intimate parts of Archie's anatomy.
"Very well", said Maxie at last. "I accept!"