"Hello there the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
And we'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends..."
I don't know how long its been. I've lost track after 8 months. 8 fucking months. Since I've kissed her, felt her soft tinted skin, ran my fingers through her silky raven hair. Maybe she's found another guy, someone who actually can give her anything she wants.
My insomniac nights have only gotten worse, funny how I don't even remember the last time I slept. Days? Weeks? Months? Who the hell knows. I stopped sleeping because she always finds a way to get into my dreams. She's the angel from my nightmare, but not all angels do good...
"Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
The Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop the pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight..."
Pain. That's all I ever feel now. There's nothing that can stop it. My bed feels so much bigger without him, the stars look much more dimmer than before, my apartment feels so much roomier now, but my heart feels so much emptier...
The day he left replays over and over again in my head as if mocking my pain. I miss him so much that I don't even remember what the fight we had that night was about, all I remember is him turning around and staring back at me with those dark forest green eyes before shutting the door.
I try to resume my life as if nothing ever happened but its difficult. I've tried going to bars or get-togethers to get to meet other intelligent intellectuals but they're not HIM. It's become a habit of mine to stare at my cell phone, wanting to call him and hear his voice, telling him to come home and stop this pain tonite...
"Don't waste your time on me.
You're already the voice inside my head.
(I miss you, miss you)
Don't waste your time on me.
You're already the voice inside my head.
(I miss you, miss you)"
Friday night. We use to do a lot of things on this particular night. Whether it was going to a party, staying home and watching movies, or renting a hotel room and making love all night till the sun comes up. But tonight I was invited by my brothers to go to a party thrown by one of Brick's close friends. I didn't want to go but Boomer suggested it was time to "let go." Hmmph, the time I let go of her is the time I'm lying on my death bed.
When we finally reached the party, it was already getting wild. People grinding against others to the beat of the music. I swiftly tried to get through the crowd but not without feeling some girls hands griping my arms as if trying to pull me back. They weren't ugly, but they weren't her. I knew I should've stayed home, I thought.
Finally after passing through the massive crowd, I found myself standing in front of the bar. Drinking hasn't always been frequency in my life, but since recently it sort of pushes my memories of her to the back of my mind for a while. Five shots of tequila later, I felt myself starting to relax. For the first time in months, I didn't feel that emptiness. That pain. Until I turned around.
"Don't waste your time on me.
You're already the voice inside my head.
(I miss you, miss you)
Don't waste your time on me.
You're already the voice inside my head."
My sisters forced me to finally get out the house and to 'live a little.' Wow. How ironic. I use to be the one to tell THEM that, but now the tables have turned. When we got to the party, I could already tell it was going to be hell for me.
Last time I went out was with him, God I still remember that night. The night where we got so wasted that we barely made it to his house and we had sex most of the night until we passed out. Sounds pretty fucked up but hey, I'm not going to lie. Everytime I think of him, it feels like a knife going through my chest.
I walked past the crowd until I stopped at a table where this guy was doing like 10 damn tequila shots all at once. The only person I knew that could do that also was him.
Then it happened.
He turned around and I made direct eye contact with him. Those exact forest green eyes I use to look at every day I wake up, and every night I went to sleep. No words were being said though, it was as if our eyes were the ones doing the talking.
"Don't waste your time on me.
You're already the voice inside my head.
(I miss you, miss you)
Don't waste your time on me.
You're already the voice inside my head.
(I miss you, miss you)"
They just stared at eachother. As if they dared to break contact, their life's would end.
"Butch."
"Buttercup."
From those two words being said from eachother, they embraced one another and kissed. It was full of passion and love, yet so wild and fierce. As they pulled apart, he holding on to her waist and she wrapping her arms around his neck, they both said the same words. The words that described their exact emotions during the last few months. Their pride being pushed aside to share those three words that meant so much, yet they were so little and sounded so meaningless...
"I miss you."
I guess sometimes you don't have to be so closed minded.