A/N: This little ficlet was inspired by a few panels in volume 16 of the manga, wherein you actually see Jibrille and Sara placed beside each other. That—and Raphy's sickness comment—set the wheels in motion… and the rest is pretty much history. Merry Christmas, everybody.
Disclaimer: Angel Sanctuary and the characters therein are the property of Kaori Yuki, yo.
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Full of Grace
The eyes are almost gold on one side of the mirror, blue on the other. Any fool knows that, without having to consider that one pair is empty as death, while the other smolders and scintillates, ever-glittering with life. He smiles to think that they'd make a pretty painting, the two of them. He sits in the wings and he only paints with his thoughts; those two pairs of eyes don't see him there much.
She still comes here all the time. She's… curious, I think. She wants to know you. Have you ever had anybody want to know you before, sweetheart?
They share a face and little else, for all that she could very well be staring herself in the face when she looks into the angel's eyes. She… Jibrille… He knows that she is not Jibrille.
She carried your shell nicely enough. For all Heaven cared, she could very well have been you.
"Raphy?" She brings him back before he's ready; he doesn't know when she wandered into the wings. Her hand on his arm is so feather-light it nearly isn't there. "Raphy, what's wrong? You're far away…"
But I knew from the first that she wasn't you, sweetheart. She isn't. She doesn't look at me like you did.
"I am…" He smiles, tries to smile, tries to get his eyes to focus again. So much of her is sweetness; so much of her is light that it makes him feel heartsick and a little more than condemned. He doesn't really know how to feel about that. "I'm… sick, I think."
I couldn't come through for you, but… am I getting another chance? There have to be strings tied to it because, my dear, God has a sense of humor too.
It's only a split second that he feels himself teetering on the edge—missing the coldness so badly, the stubborn and contrary and the very, very proud. He wants her—Sara— to do the shutting out for him, so his wings don't fail him again, so he doesn't fall a second time trying to climb back to grace. He has… a little more than a feeling in what might be called his heart. He might really fall this time.
He wants her desperately not to believe in him. Nobody deserves the consequences of that mistake.
She's cruel, Jibrille. This isn't love or tenderness or mercy. I shouldn't get another chance.
"Raphy, be well."
He doesn't want to feel the burning anymore. He would gather her into his arms, try to hold her, but holding her is holding water. Two seconds at most before it drains away.
No, no, I'll never be well again.
Fin