Blackness. Where was he? He couldn't remember anything. Floating in the endless darkness for an uncountable amount of time, until, suddenly, his paws felt grass. He blinked, and looked around. He was at Fourtrees, but something felt different. Then he remembered. Fourtrees had been destroyed by monsters, along with most of the Clan's old territory. Then other memories began to come back to him. First joy, then love, the desire to protect something, or someone. Then pain. Endless pain, threatening to rip him apart, but still he had to go on living. He dug his claws into the ground, and squeezed his eyes shut. He could remember it all. His life, his name, and the cat he had loved. Squirrelflight. But along with this memory of pain, came something else. There was no word to name it. He felt as though he understood everything, and could see every mistake he had ever made in his life, and how he should have changed it. He opened his eyes.
Thousands of starry warriors surrounded him. Cats of all ages, most in the prime of their lives, looked back at him. Three stepped forward. He immediately recognized them. His mother, Brindleface, brutally killed by Tigerclaw, Whitestorm, and Bluestar, the legendary leader of ThunderClan. Bluestar was the first to speak.
"Ashfur. You have been brought here before StarClan that we may judge your actions." She sat on the grass, her tail tucked regally about her paws. "What have you to say in defense of yourself?" Whitestorm and Bluestar sat on either side of her, and the multitude of sparkling cats spread out behind them.
The grey warrior's eyes stretched wide. What was this? When you died, weren't you supposed to go to hunt StarClan? If so, then what was this? Was he being… punished? He tried to speak, choke out a sound, but nothing came. The hundreds of eyes staring into him left him frozen on the spot, hardly able to think. Why him? Was he being punished for falling in love? Could StarClan not be more understanding?
The soft brush of fur by his side made him leap. He whirled, eyes wide, pupils contracted with fear. A large brown tabby stood next to him, one ear ripped in a V, and a prominent scar across his nose.
More memories came flooding back. Pack, pack. Kill, kill. Running. Running. Afraid to look behind, knowing that the fate of the Clans rested on his shoulders. Someone was beside him. Another grey speckled pelt, fur pressed flat by the wind, terror in her eyes. Terror, and… Exhilaration.
A body, stained by blood, shuddering on the ground. Crimson life pouring from it, leaking away, as the body shuddered and convulsed. Nine times. Nine lives. All gone.
"Tigerstar," he whispered fearfully. The large tabby ignored him.
"Bluestar, I thought you of all people would be sympathetic of this poor cat. He has fallen in love, had his heart broken, and you bring him before you to judge? What a crime." Tigerstar shook his massive head, and Bluestar stared coldly at him. "Come," he said to Ashfur, "Leave this old cats behind. They cannot pull themselves far enough from the past to realize what is right before their own noses. Come with me, you will be far better off." He grinned wickedly.
"Enough," Bluestar snarled. "Tigerstar, you have no right to be here. This is a matter between StarClan and the one in question. Leave." Her blue eyes seemed to pierce the air like slivers of ice. Behind her, the cats of StarClan rumbled, like a thundercloud about to release the storm's torrential rain.
Tigerstar chuckled, and turned to the grey tom. "So. Ashfur. What will it be? Will you come with me, live a life of freedom, and forget your pain? Or will you cling to it helplessly as these old queens do, unable to let go? It's your choice now." His amber eyes seemed to stare right into Ashfur's soul, revealing his deepest darkest secrets. He wrenched his gaze away, and looked imploringly up at the old ThunderClan leader. Bluestar gazed back, expressionless.
Caught between good and evil, fire and eyes, amber eyes and blue, Ashfur began to tear. He squeezed his eyes shut, but he could still feel the burning heat on one side, and ice-cold on the other. The scent of blood wafted around him, and something wet hit him, and slid through the fur on her back. He opened his eyes. All around him, grass whipped in the wind, seemingly going on forever. Dark clouds covered the sky, and as he watched, they seemed to open up, letting down first one raindrop, then another, finally letting loose and pouring rain. Thunder rumbled, lightning split the sky, and everything turned red. The rain was red, sticky, salty tasting, and metallic. Blood. Pouring from the sky, soaking into his fur, the ground, leaking into his eyes, nose, mouth, choking him, unable to breathe. He shrieked, the cry of a beast, untamable, wild. He howled to the wind, sharing his pain with the world, unable to stop screaming. His dead mother, his lost love, his broken heart, everything came pouring out. The last memories of his life ran through his head. He was re-living it. Only this time, it was someone else. Squirrelflight stood over him, pinning him down. Her eyes were full of hatred, and behind that… Sorrow. Pain. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. With a look of agony, she sliced his throat. Everything shattered. Softly, from somewhere far away, a sad voice murmured, "Don't go…"
As he fell, spiraling down into blackness, Ashfur closed his eyes. He felt weak and drained, as though some powerful force had blasted through him. Staring up at the sky, he whispered, "I don't want to go." Something ripped inside of him, tearing away, falling into the pit. He floated, hardly aware of anything but the soft breathing of the world. As he lay there, he felt the urge to speak. To let the world know how he was feeling. He had kept it inside for far too long, and now… He wanted out. As rain -real rain, soft and clean- pattered on his fur, he looked up at the sky.
"I want another chance. I don't want to leave yet. I…I want to see them one more time. I didn't want it to end like this!" The last words were a cry of desperation. He closed his eyes, wishing desperately for sleep.
"So it has been spoken, so it shall be."
Opening his eyes again, Ashfur found himself back at Fourtrees. Beside him, Tigerclaw was crouched, lips drawn back in a snarl. Bluestar stood in front of them, immense and powerful, yet at the same time a comforting presence. "Go, Tigerstar. You have lost this time." The blue-grey queen turned to Ashfur, and licked him on the head. "Sleep young one. When you awake, your eyes will be open."
As the world faded, Ashfur let out a long, deep, sigh.