DISCLAMER:I don't own Harry Potter.
"Peter! Why are you shaking so much?"
"James, it's his first prank with us. He's just scared."
"Alright but if he messes it up, I swear ill make him go into the forbidden forest alone tonight."
Peter gulped.
"James, relax. Remus, Let's go over the plan again."
"Ok. We'll all be at the great hall at breakfast tomorrow morning, when a shrill noise will come from the grounds. By the way, James, how will we know when the mandrakes are ready to shriek?"
"Yesterday when Sirius and I snuck into Greenhouse III to get the seedlings ready, we half-emptied the pots. By breakfast time, the sun will get them out of their slumber and then the party will begin!"
"But did you two make sure they were saplings? I don't want to murder anyone." said Remus apprehensively.
"Yeah, we did even unearthed a couple from the lot. Don't worry."
"Ok then. Everyone including the four of us will hurry outside to see for ourselves what the noise is all about" continued Remus.
"But, why can't we just wait for everyone to get out and then carry on?" asked Peter.
"Because, you buffoon, we want to make sure that they see us getting out. That way, no one will be able to guess that we did what we'll be doing next."
"When everyone's witnessed the wonderful scene of pretty little screeching plant babies prancing around the grounds, they will begin fainting" said Sirius
"But what if we faint too?"
"We'll have cotton balls stuck in our ears. If I have to remind that to you again, Peter, I'll make sure you are knocked out with the others!"
"By then, the teachers will all attempt damage control but they can't use the silencing spell or the stunning spell because it's not good for the saplings. They can't use the vanishing spell because they are too precious and professor Sprout won't let them. So, the only alternative they will have is to re pot them. Of course, the prefects will help but the number of mandrakes will keep them busy." Sirius said with a satisfied smile.
"Well, professor McGonagall can transfigure the mandrakes but it won't do much good because they are said to be one of the hardest living beings to transfigure. She will succeed with very few of them." Remus added knowledgably.
"Just when the first person faints, we will get into the invisibility cloak and get back inside. And then my fellow comrades, phase-II begins." said James, ruffling his unruly hair cockily.
Lily was seated along with the rest of the third years at the Gryffindor table for breakfast, chatting with one of her best friends, Alice Darlymple.
"Just yesterday in the library I overheard Lucius Malfoy talking with his friends about his plans after he graduates this year. I think we can count on him becoming a death eater. He already is in all but name anyway. I don't know, but it seems as if every Sytherin's life-purpose is to join you-know-who." said Alice.
"Not every Slytherin, Alice. Severus is not like them."
"Lily, he may be your friend but he is no different from them. He is disgusted by all muggle-borns aside from you. I don't even know how he came to be your friend."
"Look, Alice, he may be a Slytherin in more than one way, but I know him. He would never willingly do anyone any harm."
"That's what you think, Lily. Pretty soon, you will be eating your words." said Mary McDonald, taking a seat beside her.
"No, I won't be. I trust him."
"Hey Evans! How is breakfast this morning?" said a voice behind her. She turned to see James Potter, untidy hair in place, flashing them a brilliant smile.
"It was fine until you barged in, Potter. What do you want?"
"I heard that you had taken a liking to my excellent reflexes on the pitch. I came over to ask what else you adore about me."
"Get your ears checked, Potter. I most likely had said that I had taken a severe dislike to your untidy hair and our excellent ability to inflate your head with lies."
"Oh, Evans, you break my heart. Atleast I'm better than that friend of yours. I think the last time he had a bath was when his mom gave him one. She has my sympathies. If I had had to bring up a slime ball of an excuse for a child, I would have killed myself!"
Alice and Mary burst into laughter but were quelled by a severe look from Lily.
"Just go to hell, Potter! You know nothing."
"Just keep your eyes open, Evans. For all you know, he may turn out to be a big, transfigured heap of troll-bogies. I'm sorry, did I say transfigured?"
Alice and Mary giggled again. When Lily turned to shush them, James pointed his wand to her ears and muttered something. She turned to look at him again with fire in her eyes and he met her gaze with equal intensity.
"I think I'll take your leave now, ladies." His eyes never leaving hers, James bowed dramatically to them, and went back to his seat.
"What did you do to her ears?" Sirius asked him as soon as he sat down.
"She has temporarily gone deaf. She won't hear the mandrakes."
Pandemonium had visited the Hogwarts grounds. There were screaming mandrakes all over the place, trying to get away from those who ran after them, with pots in their hands, their ears protected by the deafening charm thanks to professor Flitwick.
It was quite a sight. Professor Flitwick had levitated some of the mandrakes into the waiting pots and many prefects had followed his example. Those who were unaware of the trick, ended up with bruises on their faces and arms. One prefect foolishly used a summoning charm and ended up with a nasty cut on the side of his face.
Several people had already fainted. Those who were still conscious- including Lily- were herded back into the castle by professor McGonagall. They all crowded around the windows to watch the progress of those who remained in the grounds.
Hagrid, with about 4-5 mandrakes in his massive arms, hurried towards the pots and then haphazardly re potted them, not realizing that he had earthed two in one pot.
Professor Roland, the defence against the dark arts teacher, had managed to re pot most of the mandrakes in very little time. He had used the freezing charm to good effect. The prefects all sent him admiring looks. He just smiled and winked at them before diving after the next one.
Madam Pomfrey had conjured up stretchers for those who had been knocked out and was guiding them into the hospital wing, all the while muttering about the lack of room for so many students.
In the next 45 minutes, a large amount of the mandrakes had been taken care of. A few leftover ones were impatiently silenced magically by a prefect who earned a disapproving look from professor Sprout.
"Cauldwell, Branstone and Baddock, restore the pots to Greenhouse III and make sure they are kept under light shade. I don't want them awake until next week" ordered Professor Sprout when the deafening charm had worn off.
Tired, hungry and muddy, they soon returned to the great hall. "Whoever is responsible for this will have to pay with more than house points or detention" Professor McGonagall announced, her face flushed with fury. "Since you have already missed your first class and have about 20 minutes before your next, I suggest you get on with breakfast."
"Minerva," said Professor Sprout to McGonagall as soon as they took their seats at the staff table. "Where is Dumbledore?"
"He's gone to London on Wizengamot business. He probably could have finished with the mandrakes in one fell swoop had he been here"
"Oh, I doubt that, professor McGonagall. He wouldn't have wanted to ruin a prank" said Professor Roland with a smile, his eyes twinkling.
"If there had been even one fully-grown mandrake in that lot, there would have been murders. How can we be sure that this was not planned by a potential death eater?" said professor Kettleburn, the Care Of Magical Creatures teacher.
"There aren't any full grown ones kept at Hogwarts right now, Albert. When these saplings mature, they will be taken to St Mungo's. Besides, I doubt that any student, prospective death eater or not, would be foolish enough to launch an attack on the entire school. It certainly looks like a prank to me" said Professor Sprout.
"Still, this is a very serious breach of school rules. I meant it when I said that the culprit or culprits will have more than loss of house points or detention to face"
Suddenly, there came a loud guffaw from one of the house tables. Everyone turned to see a Gryffindor second year on the floor, laughing hysterically, clutching at his sides, seemingly unable to control himself. He was promptly joined by one of the prefects, his eyes brimming with tears of laughter. Mad laughter broke out at the Gryffindor table, every one of them laughing like demented hyenas, giddy with unsuppressed glee.
A cacophony of noises immediately followed this. Over at the Slytherin table, every last student was seen wailing with apparent misery, tears flowing freely from their miserable eyes. Lucius Malfoy was up on the table, beating at his chest and howling with agony. Bellatrix Black was tearing out her hair, her big eyes shedding copious amounts of tears. Severus Snape was on the ground, pounding the floor with his fists and bawling like a wounded child. Every Slytherin seemed to be drowning in a sea of profound sorrow.
As for the Hufflepuffs, they seemed to have been attacked by a nasty bout of unnaturally loud hiccups. Each hiccup jarred their entire bodies and created a noise to rival the screams of the mandrakes. Quite a few of them tried to stem the outpour by downing entire pitchers of water and juice but nothing seemed to work. The first years and those on the lighter side jumped about an inch or so in their seats as they were assailed by the hiccups. The stream of uncontrolled laughter and wailing was punctuated by their high pitched sounds, and at times, it was so perfectly timed that it seemed like a school orchestra-laugh, wail, hiccup-laugh, wail, hiccup.
The Ravenclaws were not far behind. In moments, the entire great hall was filled with a pungent odor as they chugged out gas accompanied by loud farting sounds. The smell was so overwhelming that it seemed as if the ravenclaws had not used the bathroom for days on end. The sight of them, with their contorted faces, tensing their muscles as they let out their effusions and relief spreading over their faces momentarily before another fart was forced out of them made the Gryffindors and Slytherins fight for breath as they continued to laugh and cry respectively.
The Gryffindors had now taken to pointing at the Slytherins and giggling with renewed amusement. This made the slytherins cry even harder, most of them wanting to know what the Gryffindors found so funny in a very emotional tone.
"Why Lily?" wailed Snape tearfully when he saw her laughing at him.
"I don't know, Sev. I'm sorry but it's just so funny, the way you are crying" laughed Lily. "Oh, please stop it now, Sev, I can't take it anymore" she said, laughing louder than ever and wiping at her eyes with a napkin.
"Sirius, why are you laughing at me? If you don't stop, I'll write to mommy!" squealed Regulus Black at his brother.
"You know what, Regina " said Sirius in between laughs "I think you should. That way, even your mommy who has seen your thing will know that there's been a mistake!" Regulus dissolved into tears again and added to the Hufflepuffs' unabated hiccupping for good measure.
"What madness is this?" shouted professor McGonagall over all the ruckus. She was up on her feet, as was every other teacher except Slughorn who was slumped against the table, weeping into his handkerchief. There was silence as every student turned to look at her but the next moment, the noise returned with greater intensity, the Slytherins complaining loudly that they were not mad, the Hufflepuffs expressing their ignorance over the matter in between hiccups, the Ravenclaws continuing to fart with apologetic looks on their twisted faces and the Gryffindors simply snorting at everything that was going on.
"If I'm not wrong professor, the prank is still going on" said professor Roland "Whoever is behind this, has bested even my last prank at Hogwarts when I…" he broke off as she shot him an annoyed look.
"How are we going to put a stop to this?" she said exasperatedly.
"Minerva," said Flitwick "I suggest we cancel classes today. There's no way we will be able to teach over all this clamor."
"I agree" said Sprout and everyone nodded.
"What? You're not even going to ask MY opinion?" shouted Slughorn. "I mean, don't I get a say in this? Am I no longer respected as a teacher by you lot?" He wailed and blew his nose on his handkerchief, all the while surveying them with a look of utter shock and grief.
"Horace, don't you agree with me?" asked Flitwick politely.
"No! I don't! I don't want my class cancelled. I won't give you the satisfaction of seeing me not teaching. I know that's what you want. But I won't, I refuse, I decline to walk out on my duty to the students unlike you all. Honestly, Minerva, you being the deputy headmistress and all, this was the last thing I expected from you. Oh, what is Dumbledore going to say?"
"But Horace, how will you be able to teach in all this din?" asked professor Sprout gently.
"You doubt my abilities, Pomona? Oh, what has the world come to?" he clapped his hand on his forehead dramatically and continued to cry inconsolably.
"Alright, Horace" said professor McGonagall. "You can take your classes today." Sighing, she pointed her wand to her throat and muttered "Sonorus".
"Attention, please. All classes except Potions are cancelled for the day. And when the one behind this is caught, there will be hell to pay" she said, her voice
constricted with fury.
To the teachers she said, "I'm going to check on those who fainted in the morning. Poppy may need help"
"I'll come with you" said Professor Sprout.
It was midnight. The four champions were huddled on James's bed, laughing at each others' jokes and not as a result of the morning's events.
"Honestly, the way I was laughing, I was afraid I would wet my pants the way Peter did in Potions" sniggered Sirius. Peter went bright red and the other two chuckled.
"I'll never forget the look on Slughorn's face after Lily joked about his hair" said James.
"Who spiked Slughorn's food, though?"
"Isn't it obvious, Pete? Sirius mixed the potion in the Slytherins' food, didn't he? But I did not expect him to make Slughorn miserable too. Master stroke, brother. We had the best potions class ever thanks to you." James beamed at him.
"It was nothing" said Sirius waving an airy hand and pretending to blush.
"Thankfully no one noticed when Peter dropped a spoon at the Ravenclaw table during his turn under the invisibility cloak. I really thought we were goners then" said James
Peter turned red again.
"Its okay, Pete. You'll do better next time. In fact, I think you should plan the next prank" said Remus kindly.
This did nothing to cheer Peter up. If anything, he seemed petrified by the very idea.
"Here's to the success of Hogwarts' best prank till date" said Sirius, raising an invisible glass as the others followed suit. They drank to their achievement and shook each others' hands as was their custom after a prank went well.
"And special congratulations to Remus Lupin for brewing the laughing and crying potions, to Sirius Black for concocting the farting one and to Peter Pettigrew for not ruining the prank" said James with a huge grin.
"And also to James Potter for making Lily Evans laugh as is his greatest wish." said Sirius slyly.
James shoved a pillow in his face.
"I think we should call it a day, folks" said Remus.
"I agree. Good night everyone" said James and pulled his blankets. All the three of them were thrown to the floor. James chuckled even as Sirius swore loudly.
A/N: Please review!