~ * ~ * ~ LIFE'S A JOURNEY ~ * ~ * ~
"Oh, grandmother, please don't go! We all need you! Our family's nothing without you!"
"I-I'm so sorry, my dear Toula, but I can't go on like this. I've suffered too much already."
"Grandmother." I honestly didn't want my grandmother to suffer, but I felt so guilty.so guilty of all she's been through. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her.
"Baby, come here-" She slowly beckoned me over with her frail hand. I shakily moved toward her with tears threatening to escape.
"Now, listen to me, I-I know this is hard for you. I know how much you and the others have loved me, and I kind of did act crazy when you and your family allowed me to stay with all of you-" She took a deep breath, looking more frail by the minute, but I noticed a small smile on her face. "Anyway, I just wanted to thank you-all of you. I felt so loved knowing that's how much you really cared about me-even though your father did get kind of annoyed with me." She let out a quiet laugh, then continued, making small gasping noises every now and then. "Toula, life's like a journey, there are right paths-and wrong ones. There are forks, and you're going to meet obstacles along the way, but you can fight them off. You just have to know how. And you, dear, are one of the best warriors I've ever seen." A gentle smile spread across her ill face. I tried to laugh, but instead, a tear escaped from my eye.
She closed her eyes for a moment through small gasps. I grasped her gnarled hand, my breathing becoming more rapid.
"Toula, I-I haven't much time. Just please do me one favor."
I nodded, allowing tears to fall from my eyes.
"P-please promise me that you'll tell everyone I love them, and I'm sorry if I ever did anything to hurt them."
"O-of course, grandmother. But, isn't there a way anyone could help you? I could call 911, and I'm so sure they could save you-"
"Toula, Toula, please. I want to die. I don't want to suffer anymore; I feel I've done my share, and now my time has come." She closed her eyes and smiled.
I looked at her wordlessly, breathing so hard it hurt. I didn't make any attempt to wipe the tears from my cheeks. Some spilled on the matress Grandmother was lying on.
"And one more thing," she whispered, her eyes still closed.
"What is it?" I didn't know if my voice was audible or not. I felt so frightened and helpless inside I didn't listen to what I had just said.
"My dear Toula, when you think of me once I'm gone, promise you'll think of all the happy memories we've shared together, and not in vain. Not in anyway that would make you cry. I want my memory to be a happy one."
I couldn't hold it anymore. I laid my head on her hand and started to sob uncontrollably.
"Toula." Her voice was barely audible, and she opened her eyes slightly. "I'll look down at you from heaven, I promise with all my heart. And I want to see you happy, not depressed and frightened. I love you, Toula, and I will always be with you." She took one more shaky breath, and shut her eyes without another word or sound. Her hand drooped helplessly in mine.
"Grandmother! Grandmother!" I shrieked frantically, trying to wake her up. I put two fingers on her neck. I didn't feel any pulse. "No!" I cried, and dropped my head on her body. "No! No! No!" I just laid there with her lifeless body, and sobbed until my parents came home. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
That was the hardest moment of my life. Letting my grandmother go. She was the one who I believed helped me most get on with my life, and gave me the courage to marry Ian. If it wasn't for her, I don't know where I'd be right now. I doubt if my beautiful, sweet daughter would've been born right now if it wasn't for her.
I was the one who had actually witnessed her death-and I was the last person she had spoken to.
And now I was staring down at her-my very own grandmother. She looked very much in peace, and I wasn't sure, but it looked as if she was smiling a little. But, I still felt very guilty. Why didn't I call for help when I knew she was dying? I was afraid my family would blame me, but instead, they tried to comfort me with all the love they could give. Of course I knew they were upset, too. After all, she was my father's mother and my mother really loved her, too.
"Mother." I looked down and saw my eleven-year-old daughter pulling at the back of my black dress.
"What is it, dear?"
"Daddy wants to talk with you. Alone." She had a very solemn look on her sweet face.
"Alright, baby." I bent down and gave her a peck on her rosy cheek, then looked over at my husband. I left my daughter standing by her great- grandmother.
"Ian! Did you want to talk to me?"
"What?" The man with neck-length dark brown hair looked up. "Oh. Yes, Toula. Come here."
He beckoned for me to follow him in a quiet corner.
"Listen, Toula, I just want to know if you're alright. I mean, I know how hard this must be for you. I know how much you loved her-I loved her, too, of course. But, you had a very special bondage with her, I could tell." He gently smiled down at me. I always got turned on by how handsome he was, especially when he smiled, but this was definitely not the time.
"Yes, I-I did."
"And you witnessed her dying, too."
"Ian, why are you talking about this now?" I wondered aloud, "Why didn't you talk to me before the Wake?"
"I just thought this was the best time." He shrugged. "You're very upset about this, aren't you?"
"No, I'm celebrating and making a toast-of course I'm upset!" I suddenly realized how snobby I was being. "I-I'm sorry, Ian. This is just so hard for me." I wrapped my arms around him and began to sob.
"It's alright, sweetheart, I'm here for you, and I will always be." His voice was very soothing as he kissed me all over my face. I felt so warm and safe that I didn't want to let go of him.
"Toula? Ian? Where are-?"
I let go of Ian and both of us turned around. My mother was standing right there, looking at us. I quickly whisked my tears away. "What's wrong, Mother?"
"Oh, no, nothing, dearie. We have to leave. Just say good-bye to Grandma."
"Oh-okay."
Ian and I walked over to the coffin. We saw our daughter praying silently right beside it.
"Sweetheart?" I gave her a gentle tap on the shoulder. She turned around.
"I was just saying good-bye to Grandma." Even though she was her great-grandmother, she still called her 'Grandma' anyway.
"That's fine, dear. We are, too."
Ian stood by the little girl, said good-bye to Grandmother, and kissed her on the forehead. The eleven-year-old did the same as her father.
"Honey, aren't you going to say good-bye?" Ian asked me as he held our daughter's hand.
"Of course, I just want to spend a little extra time with her. You two go ahead and tell my parents."
"Okay, just hurry back."
As they left, I turned to Grandmother.
"I have to go soon, Grandma, so this is the last I will be seeing you until the funeral tomorrow." I gulped as I knelt down beside her. "Well, I did as you requested. I mean, sure you said a few hurtful words to people, all of us have. Nobody's perfect; I'm not, that's for sure. But, they forgive you and all of us will always love and think about you. You've also shed a lot of love to us, and I wish there was some way we could pay you back." I thought a moment before continuing. "But, how can I not cry when I think about you? It's going to be so hard living the rest of my life without you, especially the holidays." I sniffed and wiped away a tear. I held her hand. It looked more gnarled than before and also felt rougher, but she still looked nice. "I'll just try to cope with all of this. After all, I know you're in a better place and looking down on all of us." I shut my eyes and thought of all the happy memories we shared together. Suddenly, I felt a delicate warmth around me. I knew it was Grandmother. I opened my eyes again and smiled. "Thank you, Grandma."
I kissed her on the forehead and moved a gentle finger along her face. I smiled one more time, and then hurried back, taking one more glance at her. Life's like a journey. There are right paths and wrong ones. There are forks, and you're also going to meet obstacles along the way. You can fight them off, but you just have to know how. I have faced many obstacles in my past and present, but I managed to fight them off with all my might and look at me now. I'm happily married with a wonderful family, a perfect husband, and a beautiful daughter. I wouldn't trade lives with anyone if they paid me a million dollars. If I had faced all those obstacles in the past, I'm going to fight this big barrier of grief and fear. I know if my grandmother was here right now, she'd be so proud of me.
"Oh, grandmother, please don't go! We all need you! Our family's nothing without you!"
"I-I'm so sorry, my dear Toula, but I can't go on like this. I've suffered too much already."
"Grandmother." I honestly didn't want my grandmother to suffer, but I felt so guilty.so guilty of all she's been through. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her.
"Baby, come here-" She slowly beckoned me over with her frail hand. I shakily moved toward her with tears threatening to escape.
"Now, listen to me, I-I know this is hard for you. I know how much you and the others have loved me, and I kind of did act crazy when you and your family allowed me to stay with all of you-" She took a deep breath, looking more frail by the minute, but I noticed a small smile on her face. "Anyway, I just wanted to thank you-all of you. I felt so loved knowing that's how much you really cared about me-even though your father did get kind of annoyed with me." She let out a quiet laugh, then continued, making small gasping noises every now and then. "Toula, life's like a journey, there are right paths-and wrong ones. There are forks, and you're going to meet obstacles along the way, but you can fight them off. You just have to know how. And you, dear, are one of the best warriors I've ever seen." A gentle smile spread across her ill face. I tried to laugh, but instead, a tear escaped from my eye.
She closed her eyes for a moment through small gasps. I grasped her gnarled hand, my breathing becoming more rapid.
"Toula, I-I haven't much time. Just please do me one favor."
I nodded, allowing tears to fall from my eyes.
"P-please promise me that you'll tell everyone I love them, and I'm sorry if I ever did anything to hurt them."
"O-of course, grandmother. But, isn't there a way anyone could help you? I could call 911, and I'm so sure they could save you-"
"Toula, Toula, please. I want to die. I don't want to suffer anymore; I feel I've done my share, and now my time has come." She closed her eyes and smiled.
I looked at her wordlessly, breathing so hard it hurt. I didn't make any attempt to wipe the tears from my cheeks. Some spilled on the matress Grandmother was lying on.
"And one more thing," she whispered, her eyes still closed.
"What is it?" I didn't know if my voice was audible or not. I felt so frightened and helpless inside I didn't listen to what I had just said.
"My dear Toula, when you think of me once I'm gone, promise you'll think of all the happy memories we've shared together, and not in vain. Not in anyway that would make you cry. I want my memory to be a happy one."
I couldn't hold it anymore. I laid my head on her hand and started to sob uncontrollably.
"Toula." Her voice was barely audible, and she opened her eyes slightly. "I'll look down at you from heaven, I promise with all my heart. And I want to see you happy, not depressed and frightened. I love you, Toula, and I will always be with you." She took one more shaky breath, and shut her eyes without another word or sound. Her hand drooped helplessly in mine.
"Grandmother! Grandmother!" I shrieked frantically, trying to wake her up. I put two fingers on her neck. I didn't feel any pulse. "No!" I cried, and dropped my head on her body. "No! No! No!" I just laid there with her lifeless body, and sobbed until my parents came home. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
That was the hardest moment of my life. Letting my grandmother go. She was the one who I believed helped me most get on with my life, and gave me the courage to marry Ian. If it wasn't for her, I don't know where I'd be right now. I doubt if my beautiful, sweet daughter would've been born right now if it wasn't for her.
I was the one who had actually witnessed her death-and I was the last person she had spoken to.
And now I was staring down at her-my very own grandmother. She looked very much in peace, and I wasn't sure, but it looked as if she was smiling a little. But, I still felt very guilty. Why didn't I call for help when I knew she was dying? I was afraid my family would blame me, but instead, they tried to comfort me with all the love they could give. Of course I knew they were upset, too. After all, she was my father's mother and my mother really loved her, too.
"Mother." I looked down and saw my eleven-year-old daughter pulling at the back of my black dress.
"What is it, dear?"
"Daddy wants to talk with you. Alone." She had a very solemn look on her sweet face.
"Alright, baby." I bent down and gave her a peck on her rosy cheek, then looked over at my husband. I left my daughter standing by her great- grandmother.
"Ian! Did you want to talk to me?"
"What?" The man with neck-length dark brown hair looked up. "Oh. Yes, Toula. Come here."
He beckoned for me to follow him in a quiet corner.
"Listen, Toula, I just want to know if you're alright. I mean, I know how hard this must be for you. I know how much you loved her-I loved her, too, of course. But, you had a very special bondage with her, I could tell." He gently smiled down at me. I always got turned on by how handsome he was, especially when he smiled, but this was definitely not the time.
"Yes, I-I did."
"And you witnessed her dying, too."
"Ian, why are you talking about this now?" I wondered aloud, "Why didn't you talk to me before the Wake?"
"I just thought this was the best time." He shrugged. "You're very upset about this, aren't you?"
"No, I'm celebrating and making a toast-of course I'm upset!" I suddenly realized how snobby I was being. "I-I'm sorry, Ian. This is just so hard for me." I wrapped my arms around him and began to sob.
"It's alright, sweetheart, I'm here for you, and I will always be." His voice was very soothing as he kissed me all over my face. I felt so warm and safe that I didn't want to let go of him.
"Toula? Ian? Where are-?"
I let go of Ian and both of us turned around. My mother was standing right there, looking at us. I quickly whisked my tears away. "What's wrong, Mother?"
"Oh, no, nothing, dearie. We have to leave. Just say good-bye to Grandma."
"Oh-okay."
Ian and I walked over to the coffin. We saw our daughter praying silently right beside it.
"Sweetheart?" I gave her a gentle tap on the shoulder. She turned around.
"I was just saying good-bye to Grandma." Even though she was her great-grandmother, she still called her 'Grandma' anyway.
"That's fine, dear. We are, too."
Ian stood by the little girl, said good-bye to Grandmother, and kissed her on the forehead. The eleven-year-old did the same as her father.
"Honey, aren't you going to say good-bye?" Ian asked me as he held our daughter's hand.
"Of course, I just want to spend a little extra time with her. You two go ahead and tell my parents."
"Okay, just hurry back."
As they left, I turned to Grandmother.
"I have to go soon, Grandma, so this is the last I will be seeing you until the funeral tomorrow." I gulped as I knelt down beside her. "Well, I did as you requested. I mean, sure you said a few hurtful words to people, all of us have. Nobody's perfect; I'm not, that's for sure. But, they forgive you and all of us will always love and think about you. You've also shed a lot of love to us, and I wish there was some way we could pay you back." I thought a moment before continuing. "But, how can I not cry when I think about you? It's going to be so hard living the rest of my life without you, especially the holidays." I sniffed and wiped away a tear. I held her hand. It looked more gnarled than before and also felt rougher, but she still looked nice. "I'll just try to cope with all of this. After all, I know you're in a better place and looking down on all of us." I shut my eyes and thought of all the happy memories we shared together. Suddenly, I felt a delicate warmth around me. I knew it was Grandmother. I opened my eyes again and smiled. "Thank you, Grandma."
I kissed her on the forehead and moved a gentle finger along her face. I smiled one more time, and then hurried back, taking one more glance at her. Life's like a journey. There are right paths and wrong ones. There are forks, and you're also going to meet obstacles along the way. You can fight them off, but you just have to know how. I have faced many obstacles in my past and present, but I managed to fight them off with all my might and look at me now. I'm happily married with a wonderful family, a perfect husband, and a beautiful daughter. I wouldn't trade lives with anyone if they paid me a million dollars. If I had faced all those obstacles in the past, I'm going to fight this big barrier of grief and fear. I know if my grandmother was here right now, she'd be so proud of me.