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Dearest Lily,
I hope you know that I have the deepest respect for you. But I cannot for the life of me understand why you hang around with Snivellus, that greasy haired creep. You have to understand that, don't you? I know how he feels about me and I assure you that he is a thousand times worse-did you see that dark magic he was performing on those muggle borns the other day? How can you hang out with him, he could have done that to you!
Anyway, what I really wanted to say is that I'm sorry for the emergency with the whomping willow and the huge, "dangerous animal" living in the shrieking shack. There wasn't anyone up there, I swear, your wonky friend is making it all up! I never would have wanted that to happen to anyone, even Snivellus, the wimp that he is. Seriously, Peter is braver than him and I don't think I've ever seen a less courageous Gryffindor.
I also want to apologize for your greasy haired Slytherin friend ending up in the hospital wing with poison in his digestive system. I had no idea that the potion I fed him while he was asleep in history of magic was toxic. Anyway, he lived, didn't he?
I also am sorry for the images of you and Pat that ended up pasted all over the school. You were dating him when those were taken, right? Yeah, it's funny, I just can't explain how my signature appeared on the backs of those photographs. Forgive me?
And sorry about the mysterious spell that came over me last Friday. I didn't mean to fall into the breakfast table and knock my orange juice onto all of your schoolbooks. Honestly, I just thought I needed to sneeze, but as you probably know, I'm in the hospital wing with something called influenza. It's a Muggle affliction, you've probably heard of it.
Honestly, I don't even know why I'm writing this. You're probably sitting on the couch in the Common Room, thinking about how much you hate me. I'm insulted, really. Like, wow, just wow. Here I am trying to apologize for all the embarassing things that have happened to you and all the almost fatal things that have happened to your idiot friend which may or may not have been my fault, and you're not even going to accept my heartfelt apology! Do you know how long it takes to write a letter when you're sneezing every three seconds? And to top it off, Madam Pomfrey keeps throwing antibiotics at me! You would think I'm a Gryffindor Chaser the way I can catch these bottles!
Well, have fun with your life. Again, sorry.
Sincerely,
Anonymous.
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Oh, is that you, James?
I didn't see you behind all of the obviousness. That cryptic dangerous animal shit isn't fooling me. How could you put someone in that situation? And yes, before you get all defensive, I'm aware that you saved Severus' life, but really? I knew that you and your friends always liked to bend the rules, but this goes way too far. And listen, I don't know what was in that "drink" you gave my friend, but it almost killed him.
Furthermore, I've failed my Transfiguration test because of your breakfast mess, and I've been catcalled too many times since that abominable picture incident for your messy scrawl to have been a coincidence. So yes, I suppose you're right. I don't forgive you, and I never will.
Bye, idiot.
-Lily
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Hello, Lily.
Right. I'm not the best at long, thoughtful letters, but I'm hoping that any explanation I might have will be better than James'. I can't tell you that most of the events you've described in your response to his apology letter weren't his fault, because they mostly were. Except for the orange juice one. I take full responsibility for that, and I'll tell you why.
It was comical, almost, how it happened. I'd gone down to breakfast one morning, the morning before our big Transfiguration test. You were studying, and James was sitting next to you, looking really ill, and I should have known he was sicker than ever because he didn't notice you. I asked him, "James, are you all right?"
I really was genuinely concerned for him, he'd snuck out with Sirius the previous evening to do Merlin knows what, Peter and I still have no idea. So he was tired and his skin was tinged green, I can't stress enough that he really was out of it.
Still, he said, "Yeah, yeah, better than ever," Kind of vaguely, standing up and teetering on his feet. And then, you know, he fell face first into his breakfast, and as I moved to try to break his fall I accidentally knocked over the glass of juice next to your textbook, and you know the rest. You screamed at James, realized he was unconscious, then I'm assuming screamed even more because he was unconscious. Somehow we got him up to the hospital wing.
So, yes. That was my fault. You can blame everything else on James, I'm sure he deserves it. But I just wanted you to know that the one time, it really was an accident.
I also spoke to McGonagall. You can retake the exam next week.
Sincerely,
Remus
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