Where to start...well first I would like everyone to know that I didn't do it because a voice in my head told me to or something like that. I wasn't being controlled by anyone nor was I forced, I did it all willing on my own free will.

I had a father, mother, younger brother and lastly a younger sister. I had a normal life...well normal for my family. I don't remember much about my childhood, just small bits and pieces so I can't tell you much, I remember being hit and thrown out of the house for not doing well in school or because of something my siblings did.

I really hate being the oldest and it doesn't help that my sister demand power and throw a tantrum when she doesn't got her way or if she's asked to do something that she doesn't want to do because I am usually at the receiving end of her anger. It is not fun and she doesn't care if she hurts me with her lies and words, she hates me, she hates everyone in her family.

My brother has a mental problems that makes him learn things slower than most people and has a hard time explaining things but he is nice and have a kind heart even though he likes to act like a bad boy, he is probably the one in my family I like most.

My mother...I'm pretty sure my mom is crazy. She is the one who beat and threw me out of the house when I'm young. She is also screaming at us, mostly me because I'm the oldest, she only remember things her way and she is unreasonable, she refuses to listen to what we have to say because she's older than us and is our mother so what she say is always right.

My father...he is even more unreasonable and well he wasn't the one beating me but instead of helping me he said I deserved it. Even though my mother did all the beating he has slapped me twice when I was really young, first is when I keep asking him for candy and the second time is when I'm trying to explain the rules to a game to him. He is also the kind of person who likes to take pleasure in hurting people emotionally, mostly me, and if you try to fight back and get him to stop he'll get really angry and start yelling about how he's only playing around with me because you know...calling your child a pig, useless waste of space and basically putting them down is sooooooo fun...

Now with family like this it isn't surprising that I'll grow up to have some mental issue, not that I'm saying they are always mean to me, there are times where I actually think that they might love me. OCD and depression is what I was told I have after my first appointment so I was given anti-depression, the second I was given a stronger anti-depression which made me sick for a few weeks and on the third I was told to double my medication but it only made me sick again and sleepy. Instead of going to my fourth appointment I stayed home and wait for the medicine to leave my system.

That is when it first started. After more than a month my emotions that were taken away by the medicine still hasn't return. I might smile and laugh on the outside but I feel nothing. Nothing at all. I'm told by my doctor that I'm just calmer, I don't like it, I'm so used to feeling angry most of time I'm around my parents that it's just so weird. After a few months I've had enough and tried to force myself to feel anger whenever my parents do anything that should have pissed me off but sadly it didn't work very well, I can feel a little anger starting up but it never go beyond that and the anger always feel like it is being repressed. I don't like it, I hated it, the feeling isn't as nice as most people will think.

I needed something...something that'll help me get rid of the repressed anger... at first I couldn't think of anything, but then I remembered. The dark part of my mind that I've tried to lock away, the part that has been with me before I have even turn 10. How would it feel to give into the dark part of my mind? Would I be able to get rid of my repressed anger? I grin widely at that even though I still feel empty. Tonight, I'll have to try it tonight. I thought to myself.

I...I did it...I can't believe I actually did it! And I finally felt something! But...most unbelievable thing is that instead of feeling guilty I feel...happy...and the rush, the rush is nothing I've ever felt before...I want...no. I need to feel it again. And with that in mind I step into the shower, grinning widely while washing the blood off as I replay what happened in my mind, to feel the knife dig into my parents flesh...their blood paint the walls beautifully.

I'll have to do it again, but not here, I have to leave this country. There's a whole world out there, so many people to choose from...so much fun. I can't help but giggle softly, everyone one thinks I'm going to spend my whole life in front my laptop but they were wrong. I'll be going on a very fun adventure, see new places, kill many people and try different food. You know...I've always wondered what human taste like...maybe I'll try it after my next kill.

Hmm...I wonder where I should go...well I'll think of something, maybe I should get a mask or something when I get there, I'll let you know if I do once I'm able too but it'll be quite a while before that happens. Well to my Sis and Bro, take care, stay in school, eat well and all that. I'll be back to see you two someday. With love, Your big sister.

And to everyone else, I hope you'll keep your windows and doors unlock, I'll be seeing you very very soon.