Last Night I Cried
Disclaimer: I own nothing from Hey Arnold. This is my first FanFiction story.
Last night I cried, tossed and turned
Woke up with dry eyes
My mind was racing, feet were pacing
Lord, help me please, tell me what I have gotten into
I open my eyes and looked around my room, dreading for this day to start. I moved my blankets off of me so I can stand up and stretch. My body is so sore from last night, when I cried myself to sleep, thinking about the past few months, or more like the past few years. So much has change these past few months with him and I, that I feel so stupid for not seeing the signs. I wish I could go back into time and change how I feel about him, but I guess I can't. I walk to my closet and pulled out my jogging pants and a t-shirt.
Ran my three miles to clear my mind
It always helps me out
It's my therapy when I'm losin' it
Which is usually, hey
I set out towards the park, to start my day. I can feel the morning air hit my skin, as my legs move faster and faster as I replay the conversation I had with Phoebe yesterday.
We were walking toward my locker when Phoebe breaks the silent, "Helga, I think you need to talk to him? This relationship is not health…"
"We discuss this; it is better to keep us a secret. He is a jock and I'm not a cheerleader. What would everyone think, seeing us together? We are in two separate groups; it is better this way." We made it to my locker and I open the door to place my books inside.
"Better for who? You or Him?"
"You don't understand Phoebe. I finally have him and he loves me, just like I love him." I turn towards her to study her face. She been hinting for weeks that I should end my secret relationship, but I can't, I love him, I've always loved him.
"If he loves you so much, why he is going to prom with Lila?"
"What?" I turned my head towards Phoebe in shock.
"Everyone is talking about it. Look for yourself." Phoebe was looks behind me, so I turned my head towards the direction that she is facing. There is a crowd around the new couple. Everyone seem so happy for them, which I could hear Rhonda saying, "Finally, it took you guys long enough."
Every emotion ran through my body, as I met his green eyes that was filled with regret. I could feel the tears start to fall, but I refused to let them drop in front of him. I turn my head around to face Phoebe and I could tell in her face that she felt my pain. I closer my locker and walked in the opposite direction of the crowd.
I'm on an emotional rollercoaster
Lovin' you ain't nothin' healthy
Lovin' you was never good for me (For me)
But I can't get off
This emotional rollercoaster
Lovin' you ain't nothin' healthy
Lovin' you was never good for me (For me, oh)
But I can't get off
I kept running until I feel my legs start to burn, so I slow down to a steady brisk walk. But then my brain replays a memory from a couple of months ago and I start running again, ignoring the pain that I am feeling in my legs.
I am sitting at my desk listening to this boring lecture in economics. When I look across the room at the boy with the cauliflower hair, as it falls in front of his face. He uses his hand to brush it away. Oh my beloved, how I wish you would notice me, just once. He turns his head in my direction, is he looking at me? But that annoying voice behind me, say, "Oh Helga, do you have a pencil I can borrow? I have seemed to have left mine."
It's always the same thing, his eyes are always on Lila, every move she made. I am sick of it! Sick of the attentions that he gives her, sick of him playing into her fake acts of kindness. Sick of everything. Maybe it is time for me to start paying attention to someone else. Maybe it is time for me to stop wasting my time, waiting for him to finally notices me and start forcing on someone else. So I hand Miss. Perfect a stupid pencil and continue to listen to my economics' teacher. Thinking that I am finally going to move on. How wrong I was?
My economics' teacher assigned a project that needed to be done by the end of the week. Of course, you need a partner for the project and I just had to get stuck with him. I am trying to move on, but that's not going to happen no time soon. I am sitting on his bed in his room, trying to concentrate on the project at hand, but he is sitting so close to me that my brain refuse to work. I keep saying to myself, don't look into his eyes, just keep looking at the paper in your hand. Oh My God, he smells so good, I wonder what is the name of his shampoo. I hear him say my name and I look up into his green eyes, which met my blue eyes, suddenly our lips touch and that's all she wrote.
Yesterday I told myself
I was gonna be okay
Gonna start a new day, truly happy
I was gonna take control of me
But eventually reality hit me
Mentally, physically, emotionally
And I opened my eyes and realized
That I was still bein' taken for a constant ride on
your
I stop running and start to choke out a sob. I did not realize that I was crying until I felt the tears fall from my eyes. I put my hands on my face and silently cried into them. I promise myself yesterday, that I would start over and I would be happy, because he is not going to control my life anymore. I replayed the events from yesterday afternoon into my head.
It was lunch time and I would always meet him in the back of the library for our secret meeting. I was not going to show up, until I receive a text message from him, begging to meet me, so he can explain what happened. I keep debating in my head, not to go, but I needed to see him. He needed to explain and I need to wake up from this nightmare, so I went to the library and I waited. I waited until I could not wait anymore, I was getting ready to leave, when I heard footsteps coming to my directions. That's when Gerald approach from around the corner, and said, "Hey Pataki."
"What are you doing here?"
"He is not going to make it; he sent me to explain that he is really sorry…"
"Don't, don't waste your breath." I move around him, but he grabs my arm. "He never loved me, it was just…it was just…"
"That's not true, he does love you, it just…"
I shake my head no, I can feel every emotion in my body, "he is ashamed to be with me." I look into Gerald's eyes, "He is the one that wanted to keep us a secret, not me. No matter how much I love him, I refused to be the other woman. He always waited her, I was never a thought in his mind. So he can have her!" I pulled my arm away from Gerald.
I started walking out of the door, when Gerald's next couple of words shocked me, "He does not want her, he wants you."
I turn around to face him and ask, "If he wants me, why is he with her? Why can't he face me? Why did he want to hide our relationship?"
"I can't answer that, but I can say that he does love you."
I shake my head again and said "No, he does not; if he did, he would never do something like this to hurt me." For the rest of the day, I walked around like a zombie. Everywhere I went, I would see them holding hands and smiling at each other. I could not take it anymore, so I went home and cleaned out my closet.
Every book of poetry that I wrote about him, I throw in the garbage. Every picture we took together, garbage. Everything that reminded me of him, I throw away. I looked in the mirror at my reflection, what has he done to me? I took my fist and punched the mirror, shattering the glass all over my floor. I was a tornado in my room, that destroy everything in my path, until I fall on my bed and cried myself to sleep.
I'm on an emotional rollercoaster (Ooh, baby)
Lovin' you ain't nothin' healthy (For real, it's never
healthy for me)
Lovin' you was never good for me (Oh, but I can't get)
But I can't get off (Ooh...ooh...baby...)
Emotional rollercoaster (You got me goin' up and down)
Lovin' you ain't nothin' healthy (Oh)
Lovin' you was never good for me (Never good for me,
ah)
But I can't get off
I wiped the tears from my eyes and started walking back to my house to get ready for school. I opened my front door and walk up the stairs to my room. I grabbed everything I need out of my room and walk to the bathroom. I set my items down on the counter and saw my cell phone blinking. I pick it up and saw 15 missed calls, 10 voice mails, and 5 text messages, all from him.
What am I going to do? I can't keep going in a circle with him anymore. Should I listen to the messages or delete the messages? I deleted every voice mail, and every text message without listening or reading them.
So tired of you makin' love to me
Then disappearing so suddenly
Up and down it goes
And I'm so tired of you pacifyin' me
With promises you know that you'll never keep
Round and round it goes, I am on a
I think back to the last month of our relationships. He's been so secretive about me coming over. Or wanting me to leave right after. We were laying on his bed, looking up at the clouds, when his cell phone went off from across the room. He gets off the bed and walks to his desk and reads a text message to himself. His face frowns, as he types a respond back to the person who texted him. "What's wrong?" I asked him.
He looks up from his cell phone and says, "nothing, I just have to take care of something." He walks to his couch, grabs his t-shirt from earlier and puts it on.
I sit up on the bed, "do you need me to leave?"
"Yeah I do." He says without a second thought.
What's going on? He is looking around the room for his keys and wallet. "For the last month, you been very secretive around me like you're hiding something. What's going on?"
"Nothing, you said that you did not want anyone to know about us and I am respecting that, so right now I need you to leave." He opens the door and motions for me to head out of his room.
I walk over to him and stand right in front of him. "What if I want to tell everyone now?"
"What?" He yelled out.
I take a step back from him and said, "I've been thinking, we've been dating for five months, and summer is going to be here in two months, why not?"
"Well, I don't want to tell anyone right now." He said skeptical.
"Why? You're the one who's been wanting to tell everyone, now you don't." I asked him.
"Look, I don't have time for this. I will call you later to talk about it." He grabs my hand, pulls me down the stairs and out the front door. He closes the front door and opens the car door for me. I get into the car as he closes the door for me. We drive to my house in silences. As he pulls up to my house, and I get out of the car. I start to walk to my door, when he calls my name and say, "No matter what happens between us. I will always love you. I promise I will call you later on." I stand there frozen in my spot, wanting to know what he means, as I watch him drive away. I did not know we will never have that talk.
I'm on an emotional rollercoaster (Oh)
Lovin' you ain't nothin' healthy (Ooh, ain't nothin'
healthy ?bout it, baby)
Lovin' you was never good for me (Nothin' healthy
?bout it, baby)
But I can't get off (Oh, oh)
Emotional rollercoaster
Lovin' you ain't nothin' healthy
Lovin' you was never good for me
But I can't get off
I looked in the mirror at myself and saw a gold heart shaped necklace with a key in the middle of the heart, which is around my neck. I place my right hand on the necklace, thinking back to when he gave it to me.
I receive a note in my locker to meet him on his roof at seven that night. I was dressed in a classy lass fuchsia pink dress with a white belt around the middle. We have been see each other for three months and today is my birthday. I open the door to the roof and the roof is filled with candles. In the middle of the roof, he was standing at a table with two chairs, so I walked over to him and he took my hand into his and guides me into a chair. The night is beautiful, I did not want to go home. No one has ever done something like this for me before. We were dancing to soft jazz music when he turns me around so I was facing away from him. He leans into my right ear and says, "I have a surprise for you."
I smile to myself and say, "I don't think I can handle anymore surprise, but I guess one more won't hurt."
"Good." I feel him pull something out of his pocket, then move my hair from around my neck. He places a gold heart shaped necklace with a key in the middle of the heart around my neck. "I just want to let you know that you have the key to my heart." He kisses my cheek and whispers, "Happy Birthday, Helga."
I walk into school and search for the happy couple. I spot them at Lila's locker in a deep conversation. I walk up to them and call his name, "Arnold." He turns around to face me and I watch so many emotions run through his face. He takes a step towards me, but Lila puts her hand on his shoulder to stop him. "I have something that belongs to you." I pull out the necklace and hands it to him. I take a deep breath and walks away. I could hear him calling my name, but this time I refuse to answer.
A/N: The song I used is 'Emotional Rollercoaster' by Vivian Green. I hope you guys like it. I am thinking about making 3 more chapters, but I am not sure. Let me know if I should or not.