12.

"Thank you – er, the roses were a little creepy, but thank you for saving my life. I can't thank you enough for that, really."

Soundwave wanted to say that she was welcome, Soundwave wanted to mention that Starscream had a small role in that (though he really didn't deserve too much credit), and Soundwave wanted to tell Rumble that he was wrong because if Carly thought the roses were creepy, then any of the bombastic gestures that he wanted to undertake would be even worse. He tried to channel any last bits of energy to his vocalizer but couldn't find enough. He sent it all to his optics instead, catching sight of the sky and the ground and her for one fleeting instant.

"Soundwave?" She sounded so far away. His audio sensors seemed to be malfunctioning.

Soundwave felt something brush against his facemask, a gentle, swift touch that could have been his processor glitching. And then nothing.

XI.

"And remind me, who's the coward here?" Starscream asked of no one in particular, watching Megatron's retreating form. He looked around for anyone to acknowledge the fact that Megatron had been attacked by a human – though not as successful of an attack as the one on Rumble and Frenzy – and had fled the battle and left Soundwave in charge because of it, but all the other Decepticons were occupied either by converting the human energy into energon or looking for the Autobots that would undoubtedly arrive soon.

::Orders: pursue Megatron.::

::I am not one of your cassettes!:: Starscream looked around for Soundwave but only caught sight of Rumble, staggering under several energon cubes. ::Wait, why should I follow Megatron?::

::Megatron: possesses captive human::

::Your human?::

::Affirmative.::

::Blackmail for blackmail.:: Starscream laughed. ::Keep your human from getting killed.:: He glared at Thrust, who had given him a sideways glance for laughing at nothing apparent. The other Seeker wilted and scurried launched himself into the air and transformed, shooting off in the direction that Megatron had gone. ::I suppose I do owe you this, then we'll be even.::

::Then: alliance based on Stockholm Syndrome only.::

::You looked that one up?::

::Negatory. Rumble: happy to research humans.::

::That's cheating!::

::Rumble: also forces family to watch 'romantic comedies'. Human films: akin to torture.::

::Well, I'm glad Stockholm Syndrome hasn't dragged me that far in to your little 'family'.::

Starscream scanned the ground below and, catching sight of Megatron, swooped down to confront him, his processor buzzing with possible courses of action and excuses. Hearing Megatron's words to the femme – "You've caused a lot of trouble for us in the past," like humans were really that problematic – solidified Starscream's plan.

::Found Megatron. Moving in now. Wish me luck.::

::Chance of death: eighteen percent.::

"Oh, the great and glorious Megatron can't even handle one little femme squishy?" Starscream landed in front of Megatron, presenting his leader with the ugliest sneer he could manage. "That's pathetic, even for you, Supreme Leader."

And while Megatron was distracted by Starscream's sudden appearance and typical scathing words, the Air Commander strode forward with more confidence than he felt – oh slag this is the time that will actually kill me Soundwave's odds are wrong– and snatched the human out of his hand. She squeaked. Fear surged through Starscream's circuits and he quickly uncurled his fist to let her rest in his open palm. It really wouldn't be good to go through all this and then break the squishy in the process.

"Not to mention stupid," Starscream continued, savoring the shock frozen on Megatron's face. "The Autobots might be foolish and soft, but killing one of their pets is the surest way to get Prime to kill you."

"And you yourself are soft, saving a lowly organic," Megatron retorted.

No, Soundwave's soft, I'm just… I didn't have to do what he told me. Slag, I really am soft.

Starscream forced a laugh and lied. "I'm saving my own aft – and maybe I want a pet, and she's as good as any." Which was still a soft-sparked reason, so for good measure he added, "The Autobots probably already trained her." There, that sounded Decepticon-like, didn't it?

::Soundwave, I've got your femme. Sending you my coordinates, what do I do now?:: It wasn't like Starscream to ask for help and commands from anyone else, but he usually didn't go around saving humans, so he was going to file this entire incident under "extenuating circumstances" and excuse it.

::Lazerbeak: en route to your position.::

So they'd play "pass the squishy" and Starscream would have his hands clean of the ordeal, except for the issue of Megatron. Yes, clearly he and Soundwave had not at all thought this through. It was a wonder they'd made it this long.

Megatron stretched out his hand, like he expected Starscream to give up without a fight. "Give me the organic."

Starscream knew when Megatron was approaching his breaking point and this was it. He backed away and brought his free hand up in front of the human. Soft. Slaggitall.

Lazerbeak announced his arrival with a loud screech. Starscream glanced up and as the cassette dove down, he held the human up. Lazerbeak grabbed her and shot back up into the air, ignoring Megatron, who held his hand out like he expected the cassette to cooperate with him. Starscream felt brief satisfaction – not today, Megatron – before his leader let out a shout of anger and he decided that it wouldn't be a good idea to stick around.

Soundwave confirmed this sentiment. ::Autobots: followed Lazerbeak.::

::Lazerbeak's got the girl, I'm coming back to you, not sticking around to see what Megs is gonna do.::

Starscream rocketed into the air and, looking down, saw the Autobots kicking up dust as they pursued Lazerbeak. Megatron turned and the Autobots transformed. Starscream counted five against one and set his course back for the site of the (other) battle when he heard gunfire behind him. ::Autobots have attacked Megatron, let's hope they scrap him so we don't have to worry about him scrapping us.::

10.

The last thing Soundwave wanted at the moment was visitors. He had enough trouble on his hands already with Rumble and Frenzy getting overcharged and convincing Lazerbeak and Buzzsaw to have some of the highgrade, too. Ravage had the sense to stay away from the highgrade and therefore avoid issues with the mech that the twins undoubtedly stole it from.

Seeing that this unwanted visitor was Starscream provided only a brief sense of relief to Soundwave; then he remembered that Starscream had his own private stock of highgrade.

Starscream's question – "Why did your cassettes steal my highgrade?" – confirmed Soundwave's every suspicion.

"Cassettes: can answer for their own crime."

Rumble and Frenzy sat bolt upright at that. "How'd you know it was us?" Rumble demanded.

"Because you signed my walls with 'Frumble and Renzy were here'," Starscream replied tersely. Soundwave couldn't be certain if his cassettes actually wrote that or this was Starscream's inability to remember their names kicking in. "How overcharged were you before you even left my quarters, because even Skywarp wouldn't think that's a good idea?"

"Uh… had a couple cubes," Rumble admitted.

"Each," Frenzy added. The twins exchanged a glance and each downed another cube, likely thinking something along the lines of: if we're going to be killed by Starscream, we'll at least make the last moments of our lives fun.

"Rumble and Frenzy: do not make good decisions."

"Why, though?" Starscream asked, folding his arms over his chest and glaring at the criminals in question. Soundwave hoped that neither had the processing power left to answer, but the twins never cooperated.

Rumble, so inebriated that telling the truth seemed like a good idea, said, "'Cause 'Wave's femme has her own guy and he's another one of the Autobots' squishies, and 'cause 'Wave doesn't get sad we thought we'd drown his sorrows for him." He collapsed backwards onto Frenzy's lap. "Best. Idea. Ever."

"Tell me he's being sarcastic," Starscream muttered to Soundwave.

"Rumble: does not have mental capacity for sarcasm. Additionally: wrote own name at scene of crime."

"True," Starscream conceded, watching Rumble, still lying on Frenzy, flailing for one of the few cubes of highgrade left. "I suppose we'll be running interference for them tomorrow, to keep Megatron from questioning this."

"Query: we?"

Starscream flinched whipped around to face Soundwave. "I suppose. Blackmail for blackmail, and all." He sounded uncomfortable while saying it, like even he knew that the lie was unconvincing, and before Soundwave could say anything the Air Commander opened the door and stomped out into the hallway.

Behind his mask, Soundwave smiled. Starscream, despite his attempts to prove otherwise, did have a spark.

IX.

Starscream laughed the entire way down to the medbay after he heard that Rumble and Frenzy lost a battle to one of the Autobots' humans. Hook glared at him, displeased with the intrusion, but there was no way Starscream could go without seeing the aftermath of this incident. Regrettably, the cassettes were both intact and arguing with each other about who held responsibility for their failure.

"You could have just squished it," Hook suggested. Brief fear flashed across the twins' faces.

"Hey, there was still an Autobot there, we break the squishy and he'd Hulk-smash us!"

"We're not stupid, we weren't gonna provoke the yellow one into killing us!"

"Actually, you are stupid," Starscream informed them.

"Status of cassettes: smarter than Starscream."

Starscream spun around and made a face at Soundwave. The Communications Officer ignored him and strode over to collect his cassettes. They fell silent but the looks of concentration on their faces suggested that they had an important conversation carrying on over a private comm link. "Well, I've never lost a battle to a human," Starscream called at them. Rumble – or was this Frenzy? – snarled at him.

Starscream opened a private channel to Soundwave and added, ::I've never fallen in love with one, either.::

That got a quick glance from Soundwave as he left the medbay, but no more acknowledgement than that. Starscream followed him out and found that Soundwave waited for him in the hallway. "So I suppose Frumble and Renzy didn't squish the squishy because it was your squishy?" he asked quietly, casting a glance around to make sure no one was in hearing range in any direction.

"Your status: smarter than you appear."

"I try." Starscream basked in the knowledge that he could fool even Soundwave before he gave the blue mech a look of astonishment. "Seriously, there's about six million of those things running around on this mudball and you choose one of the Autobots' to fall in love with?"

"Skyfire: also an Autobot."

"That – he was my friend before the war, but ever since the war brought us here the humans have been in league with the Autobots – it's different – shut up!"

Starscream thought he heard Soundwave chuckle.

8.

Megatron didn't care why it was Buzzsaw on recon today and not Lazerbeak, but as soon as Megatron left the command center, Starscream sidled up to Soundwave and, voice dripping with insincerity, asked, "Is your bird off delivering flowers again?"

"Status of Skyfire?" Soundwave retorted, keeping as much focus as he could on the monitors.

"Clearly doing okay since you shot Megatron in the back last battle, when he took aim at Skyfire." Starscream leaned down in between Soundwave and the screen. "What the slag was that about?"

"Intended goal: that you might someday do the same for me."

"So… if I'm not around you keep my friend from getting killed, and if you're not around I keep your organic from getting killed?"

"Affirmative."

"Blackmail for blackmail." Starscream moved out of Soundwave's field of vision and sat down in the chair at the next console. "I suppose this is how you make friends amongst Decepticons; circumstance forces you together and you blackmail each other until Stockholm Syndrome kicks in."

"Query: Stockholm Syndrome?"

"It's a human term for – oh slag. I know human terminology. Why do I know things about humans?" Starscream slid out of his chair to the floor, landing in a heap. Soundwave resisted the urge to step on his face. "I'm turning into you!" he wailed.

"Negatory. Soundwave: superior. Starscream: inferior. Starscream: can never become Soundwave."

"And I'm glad, because I wouldn't want to be in love with a human."

"Starscream: Autobot sympathizer."

"One Autobot!" Starscream snapped, sitting upright. "One!"

"Skyfire: traitor to Decepticon cause." Soundwave paused and looked back at Starscream, who grinned. "Starscream: also traitor to Decepticons."

"Birds of a feather." Starscream's smile abruptly vanished. "Slag. That's a human proverb." He scrambled up to his feet and bolted out of the command center, shouting back, "You're infecting me!"

VII.

Soundwave was going to kill him – for a number of reasons, starting with the fact that Starscream left him behind after the latest battle with the Autobots and ending with the cassette – the blue one, whatever his name was – welded to Starscream's ceiling.

Souudwave might have been the Decepticons' best spy, but Starscream, resident traitor, always could tell when someone was busy plotting behind Megatron's back. At the moment, that "someone" was Soundwave and Starscream needed something to hold over the Communication Officer's head or else Soundwave would kill him and nobody would care.

That led to his kidnapping of Frenzy – no, this was Rumble – in an attempt to make the cassette spill everything he knew about Soundwave's mysterious actions. When no amount of threats could make Rumble – wait, Frenzy – divulge any information about anything, Starscream left him on the ceiling and left to find another of Soundwave's minions to interrogate.

This next victim, returning from patrol – why was he on patrol when Soundwave, Buzzsaw and Ravage were still under reconstruction in the medbay? – was Lazerbeak. Starscream knew he had a lead when Frenzy – no, no, Rumble – started thrashing about more frantically. If Sounwave trusted anyone to be a part of his secret operations, it was Lazerbeak, the cassette built for reconnaissance – and more importantly, the cassette with easily accessible memory banks that allowed Starscream to find out what it had been doing.

He couldn't stop laughing when he did.

It felt like eternity for Starscream to wait until he was certain that Soundwave had been released from medbay. When he was, he picked up Lazerbeak, got Rumble – Frenzy – down and slung him over his shoulder, and marched down to Soundwave's office. Ravage, lazily sprawled out on the floor, sprang up immediately at Starscream's entry and snarled at him. Soundwave turned away from his computer screens. Starscream dumped the two cassettes to the floor and said with a smirk, "The great and loyal Soundwave, in love with a human?"

Soundwave flinched, unmistakably – now that was an image Starscream would take to the AllSpark. His victory was fleeting, though, because when Soundwave spoke he was as calm – as emotionless – as ever. "Starscream: still refuses to fire upon traitor Skyfire."

Starscream, about to walk out, froze at the door. "So that's how you want to play. Blackmail the blackmailer."

Soundwave laced his fingers together under his chin and Starscream would bet anything that he was smirking as he replied, "Communications Officer: suited to gathering blackmail."

"You might have cassettes to find things out but I have a very gossipy trinemate to spread things around." Starscream looked down at Frenzy/Rumble and Lazerbeak. "Or, you had cassettes."

Soundwave stood up. "Leave."

"Stalemate, then." Starscream opened the door, not willing to pick a fight with Soundwave. "I'll say nothing of your secrets if you don't spill mine."

"Affirmative." Soundwave strode over to his cassettes and stooped down to pick them up. "Leave. Now."

"On my way." Starscream threw a jaunty wave back at Soundwave over his shoulder as the door slid shut behind him. He waited until he was safely closeted in his own quarters to scream curses at the Communications Officer. Frag him – to compare loving a human to attempting to repair a friendship across faction lines…

6.

"You arranged for all of these attacks just to keep the Autobots busy enough that they won't pay attention to their human getting flowers." A slow grin spread across Rumble's face. "Slaggit, Soundwave, you're brilliant!"

5.

"It's that time of year again, isn't it?" Frenzy asked.

Soundwave nodded. "Affirmative."

Lazerbeak straightened up proudly, ready to prove his worth for more than just collecting information once again. "You know," Ravage said thoughtfully, looking at Lazerbeak, "the Autobots seem to be getting a little overprotective of their human. I wouldn't be surprised if they try to find out who's behind this."

"I'll go anyway," Lazerbeak announced. "Who's most protective of the human?" Seeing the confused glances that he received, he added, "So we can target them in the next battle."

4.

"Do you think this means she's not friends with the Autobots anymore?" Buzzsaw asked.

Rumble shook his head. "According to my research, this stage of human development is called 'college' and she will likely return to the Autobots at some point."

"You and your slagging research," Frenzy grumbled. Rumble threw a punch at him in retaliation.

"I'll make the trip," Lazerbeak said before Soundwave could even ask if he was up for the cross-country trip.

3.

"I dropped them off at the Ark!" Buzzsaw said, hopping excitedly from one foot to the other. "That works, right?"

"That is the dumbest thing you could have done," Frenzy informed him, and Soundwave had to agree.

2.

"Can we do that more often?" Ravage stared up at Soundwave with pleading optics. "Breaking into human establishments is a lot of fun."

1.

"But flowers are the most boring thing you possibly could have done!" Rumble protested. "Reproductive organs of plants? Really?"

"Roses: a traditional symbol of human affection."

"Boring!" Rumble jumped up and spread his arms out to highlight the piles of human books and tapes surrounding him. "See this? Research into human mating habits! And according to all of these" – he tapped the tapes (Soundwave wondered how Rumble had gotten his hands on all of them and when exactly did they get a VCR in the first place?) – "the grander the romantic gesture, the better!"

"Rumble, you fried your processor with all those rom-coms, stop arguing," Frenzy shouted at him from the other side of the room.

"I did not fry it, I learned many valuable things about humans!" Rumble looked up at Soundwave. "You'd find some of it useful." His optics fixed on the book he had in his hand, and then he tossed it aside. Soundwave caught sight of the title and ran it through his translators to come up with Romeo and Juliet. "Not that one, though, that's no good. They both die at the end."