So, more one-shot crackfic, what's up with that right? Fear not! I'm working on my other fics, and will add to them soon (I hope), but one-shot crackfics are just fun to write so, -shrugs-. I wrote this a while back, it's based on a short play myself and a few classmates wrote and performed in our theatre class, with some changes. ;D
Disclaimer:I own the story, but none of the characters... -sad face-
"What a horrible date! Tate is such an ass!" Mai screeched as she entered the karaoke room.
"What happened, Mai?" Mikoto asked getting ready to kick Tate's ass up and down the street.
"He picked me up five whole minutes late and then he didn't even get me flowers to make up for it!" Mai said, tears appearing in her eyes.
"What? You think that's sad?!" The already drunk Midori chimed in, "I was on a date with my dear professor, and he was wearing pants up to here!" Midori indicated the area just under her ridiculously big boobs, "I mean come on!"
Natsuki piped up at this point, "You know, I went out with Takeda once."
The room was deadly silent for a moment as everyone was shocked, but the dramatic tension, created in the room by these shocking words, evaporated when someone cut the cheese.
Shizuru wrinkled her nose, Haruka gagged in horror, Nao shouted, "For the love of God!" Mai collapsed, coughing, Mikoto turned greenish, and Yukino whispered "Sorry."
Miyu, who could not smell the noxious fumes filling the room, turned to Natsuki, "I would like to inquire further on the subject of you dating Takeda, as the likelihood of such an event taking place…" She paused for half a second, calculating, "Has a ratio of 1 out of 100,000,000,001."
Natsuki, who could not breathe, let out a quick sentence, "CleartheairandIlltellyou!"
As Miyu noticed the discomfort of the others, she let out an unnecessary sigh and fanned out the room at high speed.
"Thank God!" Chie's glasses had slipped off her nose during her choking fit and Aoi slid them back up for her.
Shizuru turned to Natsuki, seemingly politely interested, but deep within her a burning rage building, "Takeda?"
Natsuki shrugged. "It was a long time ago, I guess it's part of the reason I picked you, Shizuru. See, he picked me up, because it wasn't right for a girl to drive. Then he took me to McDonalds, where he pulled out a coupon booklet and ordered buy one get one free Big Macs and a small order of fries for us to share. Then, he dropped a packet of ketchup, I picked it up, and he got a massive nosebleed and was in the bathroom for 20 minutes."
Shizuru's eyes popped almost all the way out of their sockets, "Why did you never mention this before?"
Natsuki shrugged, "All guys are stupid like that right? I didn't think it was important."
"That's pretty bad," Mai admitted, "Once, I went to a movie with Takeda, and he spent the entire time farting really loudly."
"Once, my professor sneezed in his salad and his dentures fell out, then he put them back in and ate the snot covered salad…" Midori said sadly.
"The last date I had with a guy," Haruka spoke up, "He got drunk at Olive Garden, jumped on the table and started doing the Macarena."
"Oh, I can top that one," Mai started.
"That's what she said!" Natsuki interrupted.
Mai shook her head, "As I was saying, a date of mine was once dragged out of the restaurant after stripping and doing the chicken dance…he wasn't drunk or high either."
"Reito, right?" Chie asked slyly.
"Well, yeah, how'd you know it was him?"
"I've got…photographic evidence of the night in question." Chie grinned.
"Wow, guys really are pathetic aren't they?" Shizuru noted, "Glad I've never had the misfortune to date one."
There was silence for a moment, until Miyu broke it by saying, "So, the moral of this story is; 'Men are Gross so Women should all be Lesbians'?"
"Mai, will you go on a date with me now?" Mikoto asked.
"Yes!" Mai nearly shouted.
"Wait, if all women were to read this and become awesome hot lesbians…well…wouldn't the population die out?" Midori noted.
"No…" Shizuru said, smiling, "Not if you own a turkey baster."
There was a pause, before everyone burst out laughing, "Hell yes!"
And they all lived happily ever after, as hot lesbians.
The End.