Saw the new episode for Glee ("Never been kissed") and I love the work Ryan Murphy did there. It was fantastic to watch and I applaud him! I always loved the bullied interesting part of show, and I wondered "How long had Karofsky liked Kurt…? Since he's been bullying him since the beginning…"
I also loved how Karofsky tried to get a second one. That made me Laugh, quite hard.
I had to write this.
WARNING: If you do not Male/ Male do not read! Also a lot of swearing, sexual/mature themes.
SPOLIERS ALSO!
I remember when I first saw that queer walk through the doors, of William McKinley high school. 'Queer' had on what looked to be a really expensive outfit. It was some sort of jacket, called Marc Jacob whoever the hell that was, I think, and this skinny jeans.
Usually we give the kids their 'welcoming' that day, but the 'Queer' stood out. He was wearing fucking girl shoes! Or at least they had heels on them. I wasn't sure why I couldn't even take my eyes off of him. I had a good feeling he was ay, by not only the clothes, but his face.
It looked to be surprisingly soft, like a girl's. His lips were a shining pink, probably from some kind of gloss. His hair was styled in a certain way, curved to one side. I knew he was gay from the start. And as I gave him the first swirlie of the year, something seemed different.
I had noticed almost everything about him. Every feature. I somehow took note of the sounds he made, or the looks he gave us. I wasn't sure how I had done that, since I'm not that smart. But I liked to see his lips curl into a whimper. I liked to see my reflection in his eyes as they got bigger. It made me feel something weird in the pit of my stomach. Something I had only felt with girls.
As this feeling continued, I became frightened. I honestly had no fucking idea of what to do. I was getting a crush on a boy. I suppressed these feelings, and they went away for a short while. But every now and then, as I walked past the hall, maybe slamming him into a locker on the way, I'd get that feeling. God it was terrible.
I kept bullying him, even with the feeling. I had to do it. I was scared. If the other guys had ever found out about this, they'd kill me. And I wasn't gay. I liked girls. I had sex, and dated girls. But it felt different with him…
His name was Kurt Hummel.
Second year, was a lot worse. Though I hadn't seen him throughout the entire summer, I was still shocked at my reaction when I saw him a few days after finishing 'welcoming' the new kids. He was in this really nice outfit, and had his bag draped over his shoulder. He was signing up for some club, I realized.
That club happened to be Glee.
Once Kurt had joined, along with Rachael Berry, "Girl-with-two-gay-dads", everybody in that stupid club was to be known as Gay club. Let's say I was surprised when Hudson joined it.
I continued bullying him, and all the other glee members. A slushie facial was one thing they usually got usually. Occasionally I'd help throw Kurt into the dumpster. I got this feeling, sort of like guilt but I knew it could have been. Why would I feel sorry for the gay kid? He was the one doing these things to me!Those things… God sometimes I'd slam him into a locker, because I'd realize I had been thinking about him. Ways to deal with him. And feeling was always there when I thought of him, and when I saw him.
When he joined the football team as kicker, I thought the coach was on something. I seriously thought that. Who knows what Hummel would do to us, while we were all changing in there? Okay, that's not entirely true. I was wondering how I'd react seeing him in there…He'd be naked for Christ's sake! Just the thought of it made my stomach clench with the feeling. It made my head spin, and I usually got a headache after that.
He was a great kicker, I'll admit that. He Didn't look right though in the same uniform I was wearing. It made me feel strange, and tingly. But the uniform wasn't even close to as bad as the music. The single ladies routine. God, I wish I never had to do it. I remember that I got all red after seeing Kurt, slap his ass that way. The routine did work and I was happy for that. But seeing Hummel do that, it just did some strange shit to me.
That night after we won, I dreamed about the routine.
I was in the football field, alone. No one was in the stands. I was practicing my tackles on a dummy when it happened. Hummel came out of the locker room, and onto the field. My jaw practically dropped at the sight of him. He was wearing a Cheerio's uniform…A girl Cheerio's uniform. It looked so tight on him. I could see every line, and curve of his body. His soft pale legs, with that short skirt, it left little to the imagination. His torso, had slight muscle to it, and he looked so…
Good.
I felt by breath catch in my throat, as he began to cheer. Not just for anyone, but for me. He had the biggest smile on his face, and he even winked at me. My throat felt dry, and I didn't know what to do. I then heard single ladies begin to play.
Oh dear God!
My throat tightened as I saw him dance in that outfit. The way the skirt swished up, and how is ass looked in the tight outfit. His arms lifted up and, Oh God, that lean figure of his. With the muscle and everything.
And then suddenly the music faded away, and he was there. He was in front of me. I felt my arms wrap around his waist, and I looked down at his uniform. Flat chest, and he didn't have a girlish figure on him. His legs were too thin, and he didn't have the curves of a girl. Yet he was so sexy, and hot right now. I just wanted to…
I had woken up after that, sweating and a need to take a cold shower. A very cold shower. I had never expected that to happen. I really hadn't. I was shocked at the dream, or had it been a nightmare? It must have been a nightmare, because I was most certainly not gay. Especially for a fag like Hummel.
Then why did it feel so nice, and real…?
Soon after football season, Hummel was gone. I was happy about that. I was currently in the gymnasium, with most of the school, waiting for a famous pep rally. Me and Azimo were hoping to pick out our future girlfriends. I grinned, happy, I still did like girls. A lot of girls even. And my mind had been away from, that Lady face Hummel.
We waited a short amount of time, before the lights dimmed. I heard some other guys, beginning to cheer happily, while others clapped. I sat gripping my seat, to see who the new Cheerios were.
The lights came back on, a little bit anyway. And I blinked as some music began to play, and I raised a brow. Azimo seemed just as confused as I did. Then I saw them. Two new recruits. Oh dear God no…
There was Hummel. In a Freaking Cheerio's uniform! A male one, but still. I felt my face get hot, and I clenched my teeth together. His voice…Oh God his voice…It was, really awesome. I'd never admit that out loud though.
I shook my head, what the hell was wrong with me. I glanced at Azimo, but he seemed to be checking out the cheerleader's doing their routine. I pretended to do so, as I watched Hummel sing and dance with a girl I assumed to be his friend. I felt my stomach clench, and I had to go. Now.
I skipped fifth period that day, and had spent it in the washroom.
I had never felt so disgusted with myself, because I couldn't get Hummel out of my head! Damn it! I wanted to, so badly but I couldn't. It was almost like my mind wouldn't let me. I had to stay away from Hummel, while I tried to go out with some girls. Really hot girls.
I did just that, and Hummel left my mind for a while. That was until Azimo wanted to show me the stupidest and most hilarious thing he'd ever seen. Obviously I had agreed, because he was my best friend. It had to be something pretty damn well hilarious. But I wish I hadn't gone.
When I got to the hallway, Azimo snickered and looked down the hall. I followed his gaze, and my eyes widened. There was Hummel, and that Asian chick from glee. But what the hell was Hummel wearing?
It looked to be some kind of gray dress, with high heels and some wig. A costume I suppose. I felt the blood rush to my face, as I found myself gazing at him. I could hear his voice talking, but couldn't make out the words.
That confidence, is what got to me. He was so confident with himself even if he got beaten up almost everyday, usually done by me. Why did he have to be so confident? Why did he have to act so cool, and mighty, and full of pride around me? I wanted that confidence he had. And I was jealous of him, just for that.
I walked past Azimo and slammed both Kurt and the Asian chick into some lockers. I didn't mean to hit her, just Kurt really, but I was so frustrated. We shouted insults at each other, and in the end me and Azimo high-fived and walked off.
Azimo had an idea to beat up Hummel once this glee thing was on it's last day.
We caught him heading towards Glee, but stopped him. We slammed him to a radiator. Dear God, I had never been that close to him. He kept shouting at us, and all I cloud see was his eyes and his lips moving. I had to hit him, to get him to shut up. Then before we knew it, Hudson was there in some strange outfit. I think it was a shiny red dress, but that's not what made me want to beat Hudson up.
Kurt was staring at him, in a way I've only seen him in my dreams stare at me. But he was starring at Hudson like that! He liked freaking Hudson? I felt angry then. Because Hudson had always been too nice to Kurt. Too nice. If I had been like that maybe me and him could've been-
Stop thinking about that!
I was just about to go after Finn, and leave Azimo with Kurt. Then the rest of the glee club had to show up. I frowned deeply, as we had to leave. I promised with Azimo to bring friends next time too. Then maybe I wouldn't think about it anymore…
Up until the end of the year, maybe even after that, we continued to bully Kurt. I didn't do it as much. I was depressed in a way. Mostly because I was so damn confused about all of this. Why did it have to be so frustrating and hard!
I had decided then to not think about him, or go see him all summer. The first was harder to do then the latter. I began to take out more girls, and go to more parties. I just needed to believe that I was straight, maybe then when the new year came I could face Hummel without that feeling. The one he gave me whenever I was just near him. It never showed up with the girls now.
On the first day back, I really did believe that I could do it. I could face Hummel without the feeling. I held in my hand a slushie, one to ruin his back to school outfit. I was ready.
As I stormed through the halls searching for the queer, I finally saw him. He was talking to some nerd with a popular blog, I think his name was Jacob or something. And he was being interviewed, and not only that but he looked so, great.
His hair was neat, and combed through, the same as it had been last year. He was wearing a pair of tight jeans, that showed him off in all of the right places. My head spun, just at the sight of him. I felt this feeling, not in my stomach this time but in my chest. My head swam, as I realized that I had missed Lady face. That knocked the crap out of me.
I could not miss him! I had to make myself hate him! I had to, if I didn't I don't know what will happen.
So I walked up to him, just as he finished his sentence, the camera still rolling. I brushed past him, throwing the slushie in his face. I could hear his gasp, and seeing him all ruined like that made me miss him a lot less.
I continued bullying him, to try and push him away. But by bullying him, I could not go crazy because I'd still see him, and touch him… He had soft skin. Really soft skin…
I had to stop thinking this way, and I continued bullying him more and more. I remember though when it happened.
I had knocked Hummel's phone out of his hand, and slammed him into a locker. I turned around and gave him a smug look, to show him.
I headed to the locker room after that, but I could hear him yelling behind me. I opened my locker, and began to get out my tennis shoes.
He came in slamming the door open, and yelled at me. "I am talking to you!" He screamed at me, and my eyes widen a little bit.
I didn't even look at him. And simply answered: "The girl's locker room is next door."
He came up to me, and I had to face him. Oh God, he was full of that confidence again. That pride…
"What is your problem?" He demanded from me, his eyes in a slight narrow. His face looked really pale, but his lips were really red. He may have been chewing them on the way here.
"Excuse me?" I asked, gazing at him through narrowered eyes. I never thought that he'd do this…
"What are you so scared of?" He asked me, a bit quieter then a yell but still pretty loud. I glared this time.
"Besides you sneaking in here to peak at my junk?" I couldn't believe I had said that, because I secretly wanted him to do that. That was a terrible thing to think, since I did not like Hummel. Even when he was so close…
As I put my shoes in on the bench, he raised his hands up to exaggerate. "Oh yeah every straight guy's nightmare." Yeah that most certainly was a nightmare. "That all us gays are secretly trying to molest and convert you. Well guess what ham hawk? You're not my type." He stated it clearly and firmly, but he didn't seem to realize how much that had gotten to me.
I wasn't his type…? That made me…Upset, and frustrate, and angry. How dare he say that! After all the time I had spent, just thinking about hi-
I am not a fag!
I jerked my head up after he said that, licked my lip for a second before answering swiftly. "That right?"
"Yeah. I don't dig on chubby boys who sweat too much and are going to bald by the time they're thirty." He spat at me. That made me even more frustrated. I had liked him for so long and this…No wait I didn't like him, I didn't like him-
"Do not push me Hummel!" I threatened, raising a fist to show my point. He glanced down at it then back at my face. At my eyes. I could tell it was my eyes, because I was looking straight back at his.
"You're going to hit me? Do it." He stated smoothly, without any fear what so ever. Damn his pride and confidence, and all of this courage. Where the hell had he gotten it from?
I slammed my locker door shut, feeling frustrated and upset. "Don't push me!" I growled out at him.
He didn't stop though, and those eyes of his didn't remove from mine. Dear God those eyes…
"Hit me because it's not going to change who I am. You can't punch the gay out of me more then I can punch the ignoramus out of you!" Oh God he was so close now… Our faces were literally inches apart.
"I said get outta my face!" I shouted at my angrily, feeling my feelings for him come out and I couldn't reject or stop them. I liked him too much, and this was hurting me. So badly, and he didn't even know it. And I needed to…Oh God Hummel please listen!
He put a finger up to my face, and glared at me. That confidence in his voice and the anger on his face. Those things made me go crazy. "You are nothing but a scared little boy who can't handle how extraordinarily ordinary you are!" He yelled at me and I couldn't take it anymore.
I don't really understand why I did it. I needed to show him, and show him my frustration. To make him want to take back those words. To make him want to like me, like I liked him!
I grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him.
I felt so many things when I kissed him. All of this attraction towards him suddenly seemed so right now. All of my frustration seemed to melt away in that kiss, because it felt so perfect and so…real. I'd never had this kind of real kiss before, and it felt right. So Damn right, to kiss Lad- Kurt. His name was Kurt. I felt everything I'd ever felt for him, just go into that kiss.
I felt his body rigid, and I realized he wasn't responding like I thought he was. I remember in movies when this happened, the two usually made out a lot. That's what I was going for. And I thought that it would actually happen.
I pulled away to gaze at him. His eyes were wide, and his mouth was in a slight gape, and I realized what I had done. He looked so shocked, and I felt a bit guilty, I shouldn't have done that. But that's not all I felt. I felt something, it was a tingling sensation on my lips. It made me want to kiss him again, and again. I didn't really care if anyone had just seen us at that point. My logical mind was elsewhere, and there was only Kurt.
I leaned in to kiss him again, only to be pushed away roughly. I looked at him again, and he looked so frightened and confused. And I realized something.
Hummel honestly didn't like me back, and no kiss was going to change that fact. I had treated him like shit since the beginning of out high school years together so it didn't surprise me much. But it did make me feel like shit.
I slammed two lockers with my hands, and let out a strangled sound. I thought I was going to cry in all honesty Right there and in front of Hummel, but I left. I ran. I skipped the rest of the day, and went home. Nobody was home yet, so I didn't have to worry about anyone coming into my room and catching me like this. Once I felt safest, I sat on my bed and began to cry. I began to cry hard.
I had just kissed Homo Hummel! Oh God, what if he told the school? Nobody would probably believe him…right? I mean people may just think he had a crush on me or something. I wished that were true though, because then I wouldn't have to suffer for my consequences, but I deserved to suffer. I knew I deserved to suffer. I had made Kurt's like a living hell on earth, just for being who he was. Not even I could be who I truly am!
Oh God what was I going to do tomorrow…
I fell asleep after that, and I didn't eat dinner that night. I couldn't handle being around my parents after what I had done today. I felt guilty, because my parents were alright folks. Just my dad had this probably with gays. And I had no idea what I was going to say to my brothers. I could get kicked out of the house for this!I woke up earlier in the morning. I showered quickly, and headed to school thirty minutes earlier then I usually do. I just practiced my tackling for the entire time. Getting out some frustration and anger that I had inside me.
And I couldn't tell anybody besides Hummel, whom I'm sure doesn't want anything to do with me. I was very sure of that…
I was walking down the stairs at lunch when I saw Kurt…with another guy. The guy was good looking and all, but I realized something about him. I didn't like him, especially around Kurt. Kurt and him were walking side by side and seemed to be whispering to each other. Kurt trusted this guy, and I could see something in his face. Something I wish I hadn't seen. He looked at him like how he used to look at Finn Hudson.
I think my heart snapped in half.
The new guy came up in front of me. "Excuse me?" He asked, as if trying to talk to me.
He was Dalton boy, that meant he probably could be…Oh God no!
"Hey ladyboys. " I mused in a greeting, then glanced at Kurt. I didn't want to show my hurt. Not here anyway. "This your boyfriend Kurt?" It came with a bit of venom, but I don't think anybody else noticed it.
"Kurt and I would like to talk to you about something. " The new guy said softly, and I could tell he was caring. He probably cared for Kurt a lot more then I did.
"I gotta go to class. " I said, excusing myself as slipped in between the two, hitting Kurt on the way. Only a little contact, but I really just wanted him away from me. Nobody was around anymore, the stairwell seemed empty. Class was about to start again.
The new guy glanced down at me, "Kurt told me what you did." I felt my heart stop then. No. Kurt had actually told me secret to somebody? And they believed Kurt. No, that can't happen. Nobody can believe Kurt about this. But maybe it was just about the bullying. Yeah that was it.
I turned to him. "Oh yeah?" I asked, putting my hands in my pocket of my jacket. "What's that?" I asked as calmly as I could.
Kurt answered this time. "You kissed me."
My worst fear had just come true.
I glanced around to make sure nobody was here, and was listening and it seemed that way. "I don't know what you're talking about." I mused, feeling an urge to leave.
New guy gazed at me with sympathy, on his face. "It seems like you might be a little confused. " He began, and I glanced down for a moment. I had to leave and get away. I began to head down the stairwell. "And that's totally normal. This is a very hard thing to come to terms with and you should just know you're not alone. " That got to me. He just stated he was gay in my book, and he was with Kurt. Were they a couple? Oh please God don't let it be true!
I turned to him and charged him. It was unexpected as I got him at the chain fence. "Do not mess with me. " I said lowly and threatingly. I don't think I could handle this. They were messing with my head, and it hurt now.
Then Kurt pushed me away, with a strange amount of strength and my eyes widen. "You have to stop this!" He cried, as he pushed me away. I starred at him blankly for a long moment, because I felt like kissing him again. After a long moment, I headed downstairs, and to the washroom. I began to cry again there.
At the end of the day, I saw Hummel starring a picture of his boyfriend in his locker. I felt anger, mostly at myself because of it. That could've been me if only I wasn't such a coward. I slammed him into his locker hard, and went away quickly. Not even glancing back this time. I had to leave him.
I knew then that I didn't like Hummel.
I was in love with him.
And that's what broke me.
Like it? Hate it? Please Review!
Should I keep at as a one-shot or show this as a prologue? I'm terrible at updates!
Have a great day!