Hello, Dear Readers, I should say Good Morning but alas, tis a dreadful morning to a cat. I was peacefully sleeping on the Cullen Family's beautiful sofa, never shedding a hair of course for the missus of the house says that is a disgraceful habit and that if I shed on their sofa I should surely sleep in the garage. Anyway back to what I was saying, Twas a grey cloudy morning in Forks, Washington. The kind that that makes a cat want to sleep, so I was peacefully dreaming, a dream about mice and a delicious bowl of tuna when suddenly I was flung off the couch in quite the unmerciful fashion right onto the floor. I was so angry, I puffed myself up and I hissed for if anyone has ever been awoken in such a manor they should know that it is really quite unpleasant. As I was saying I puffed myself up and hissed at the two vampires standing sheepishly before me. Yes, vampires. I live with vampires. Quite unusual really. The larger of the two, Emmett said quite remorsefully, Sorry Solomon, We didn't mean to, we just wanted to have some fun before school. And we can't wrestle upstairs ever since we broke Esme's vase, The big man stood before me looking like a sad puppy, despite his enormous size, for he could have easily passed as a bodybuilder, he could be quite the teddy bear when he wanted to . SORRY! I shouted, SORRY ISN'T GOING TO TURN BACK THE CLOCK AND RESTORE MY PEACEFUL MORNING NOW IS IT? I believe I should stop right here for a moment and explain something to you. For Dear Reader's, I am no ordinary cat, besides my good looks and charm the Cullen family can also hear what I say to them, it really is quite extraordinary Anyway, back to the story.
Jasper, the smaller of the two though he was still quite muscular, (he knew not to go overboard on the muscles, for he would surely squish his tiny wife), said in a reproachful voice, Solomon, we could throw you into the freezing rain outside if we wanted to. But you won't, I said slyly because in right around five seconds i'm shouting upstairs for your wives to come and restore my peaceful morning. All ladies in the Cullen household simply adore me, and if their husbands upset me it upsets them. Uh oh, without a second glance in my direction both boys darted outside into the freezing rain, to escape the wrath of their wives. Serves them right, I thought as I sat back down on the couch quite happy to finally have some peace and quiet. I relished in the silence for a while, before I realized with a start, that a can of tuna should be being opened right about now and I should be feasting quite happily from my usual placement on the kitchen counter, (I haven't eaten on the floor since Emmett "Accidentally" kicked me across the house), yet there was nobody around. How perfectly dreadful I muttered to myself as I gracefully jumped down from my perch on the sofa and began my descent up the stairway. I trotted gracefully down the hall until I reached the bedroom of Alice (and Jasper) Cullen. I shouted through the closed door, are you done with your makeup yet? I'm starving out here! The pixie like girl opened the door and said in a rather annoyed voice, Sorry Solomon, I forgot. Pish Posh! I said, you have a perfect memory, now come Tinker Bell, feed me. I can't, said Alice, I'm having a fashion emergency. I haven't gone shopping in three whole days, and I have nothing to wear! CAN'T? CAN'T! THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS, A CAT SHOULD BE ABLE TO EAT AND SLEEP PEACEFULLY IN THE MORNINGS, ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THAT HE LIVES WITH VAMPIRES! THE SECOND MOST GRACEFUL CREATURE TO EVER EXIST, RIGHT NEXT TO THE CAT! I said, or rather shouted all in one breath. I shouldn't have to put up with this from my own cat, muttered Alice in quite the annoyed tone, Hurry up everyone almost time for school, my favorite voice in the entire Cullen mansion drifted up the stairs and met my happy, waiting ears. EMSE! I shouted with great delight and bounded down the stairs until I was sitting at her very feet, No one will feed me, I said sadly as I looked up at the the Mother figure of the house, Her caramel curls gracefully draping over her shoulders. Come on Solomon, she said kindly, I will give you your tuna. I ran quite happily to the kitchen, hopped up on the counter and only a few seconds later was greeted by an overflowing dish of tuna. Quite happily I dug in. Suddenly all the Cullen children came bounding down the stairs ready for school. I guess Emmett and Jasper had managed to slip back inside while I was trying to get breakfast for they were clean, dry and happy. Oh well, I thought i'll get them later, for I am really quite capable of holding a grudge. Out the door they went, Pixie like Alice, Beautiful Rosalie, Bodybuilder Emmett, Depressed looking Jasper, (He hates School more than the rest) and lastly a very happy Edward, ready to pick up his "Beautiful Bella" for school. I simply cannot understand what he sees in her. For you should hear her yawn. Now, this is what separates cat from human, for humans really do yawn quite loudly and ungracefully, whereas a cat can yawn quietly and beautifully, a human makes a horribly dreadful sound when they yawn. Something no creature should ever have to hear. But other than her horribly loud yawn and her complete ungracefulness which is brought to an extreme considering I have never met someone so clumsy I cannot say I disapprove for she really does adore me. Well, I am a cat, who wouldn't adore me. Just as these thoughts were lazily drifting through my mind Dr. Carlisle Cullen, husband to Esme Cullen and father figure to the younger vampires, came gracefully down the rather long staircase, kissed his wife goodbye, gave me an affectionate pat on the head and left for work at the hospital. Esme said goodbye to me as well, for she had to go to the supermarket and pick up some tuna and "Food for the human" as Alice called it, which finally left me in a calm, quiet house. Just as I was falling back asleep on the Cullen's still clean sofa which I had NOT shedded on yet, nor ever will, a sudden realization came to me. If Bella wanted to, or didn't want to for that matter, she could win the world record for most hospital visits. I laughed softly to myself before falling back into a deep slumber. As I dozed off I thought to myself, No matter what I have to put up with, I wouldn't trade this family for world. Goodnight Dear Reader's for this cat is going to be in dreamland, hopefully until dinnertime.
End of Chapter One