So I know I've been neglecting you guys over here at the Bones community, and this probably isn't the best thing I've ever written, but this came to me today when I found the song "Sleep Well, My Angel" by We Are The Fallen. I thought it was such a cool song and fit with how Brennan sees relationships.
This takes place during "Night At The Bones Museum" too, because I didn't ever write my own version of what should've happened after it faded to black. There are also references to "Parts in the Sum of the Whole" in here too, just to make it interesting. Whole thing is Booth POV because I haven't tried one yet. I WAS going to post this over on my TeamSmuffySternum account with Coiler, but I didn't want you guys to blame her if it sucks. So, for your entertainment, here we go...
My eyes were locked onto hers, my fingertips lingering on the soft skin of her neck. There were too few instances where it was appropriate to touch my partner, let alone skin to skin. I have before, don't get me wrong. In five years of being friends with this woman, it would've been a miracle that I hadn't held her hand or hugged her. Hell, once upon a time I kissed her once or twice. The simple fact was that ever since the Harbinger case, I'd just been looking for more opportunities.
She responded, which was a rare occasion anyway. She reached up to straighten the bowtie of the penguin suit I was required to wear to this Jeffersonian-mummy-super-scientist thing she was being forced to speak at. We stood in the new exhibit that we essentially created by solving the mummy's murder, enjoying a last few moments alone before we were hounded by nerds and squints for the rest of the night.
Her palms rested against my jacket, mine still on her shoulders. In that moment, I would've given my right anything just to move that hand up a little higher to her cheek. She never would've allowed it, but a guy could dream, couldn't he?
It didn't matter, though. The Squint Squad came by and ruined the moment anyways, already looking a little…how should I say this?…inebriated. At the very least, they all probably would've failed a breathalyzer. As quickly as they had come, they left again back to the ballroom, leaving us to get back to the party that wasn't so far away.
I looked back to her, and she was thinking the same thing I was. Neither of us really wanted to lose this moment because we didn't know when another chance like this would happen again. Self-denial seemed to be something that had been soldered into our brains like we were computer chips. No matter how much she talked about relationships being a basis for procreation and all of her other anthropological bull, I knew she was lonely and wanted someone to understand her. Another thing she wouldn't admit to herself was that nobody would ever understand her better than I would.
We broke apart, reluctantly on my end, and we headed back up to the ballroom. I sat at my table, not feeling up to mingling, and watched Bones talk to a few of her colleagues, probably mentally preparing for her upcoming speech as well. A waiter had come up to the little group and offered champagne, which she declined after speaking with him for a moment. He nodded and soon brought her a tequila shot with a lime decorating the rim. I had to smile as she downed the shot whole and bite the lime gingerly.
I couldn't help but agree with her. Hard liquor would take the edge off more than the measly bubbly would.
"May I have everyone's attention, please." The current curator of the Jeffersonian, a gangly squint himself, commanded attention, if that were possible. "I'd be honored if the woman who made this new exhibit possible would say a few words. Dr. Brennan?" he motioned for her to come up to the microphone.
At first, she was hesitant, but soon she was dragging her feet up to the stage the ballroom had. The applause that had been taking place died down as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.
"Well," she started shakily. She cleared her throat and continued, her voice strengthening. "I would like to say that I'm not the only one to credit with Anok's discovery, or that his story is finally corrected and told the way it was supposed to be. The entire anthropology unit worked overtime on this, and I think I speak for all of them when I say that this was an amazing opportunity and that we're very proud of how this turned out. I know I am."
I smiled. I was proud of her after every case. This one was just getting more limelight than most.
After explained essentially the entire case to the inquiring attendees and finished her speech, Bones was walking back towards me with a forced cringe on her face. "How would you say that I handled that very badly?"
I quirked an eyebrow at her, "Do you want me to say you sucked?"
She plopped down in the chair next to him, "Yes, I believe that's right. I sucked."
"You did not suck. You were perfect, as per usual." I patted her hand gently to reassure her. Music had been playing before the event had even started, and they're DJ didn't have the best of taste, but it was better than sitting here watching her replay rewind the moment in her mind. I stood up and held my hand out to her, "Dance with me, Bones?"
She chuckled at me nervously, "That's okay, Booth. You don't have to-"
"I know I don't have to. I want to." I cut her off if only to have her save her breath. "Care to?"
Bones continued to look at my hand. I knew she was going through the possibilities of what dancing with me would mean in anthropological terms, but I really couldn't care after she placed her own hand in mine. I smiled for about the tenth time that evening as I led her to the dance floor as the next song started to play. It was a soft harmony made simply by a piano and a female voice. I brought Bones into an embrace as we started to sway lightly.
Watching you sleep for so long,
Knowing that I can't turn the rain into sun anymore
I've given you all that I am
Now I stand here too scared to hold your hand
Afraid you might wait to see
The monster that had to leave
'Cause you see the shelter as the storm
Holding wind to keep you warm
You were everything to me
This is why I have to leave
So sleep well, my angel.
Under the ash of the lies,
Something beautiful once here now dies
And the tears burn my eyes,
As you sit there all alone
I just want to come home
But you see the shelter as the storm
Holding wind to keep you warm
You were everything to me
This is why I have to leave
So sleep well, my angel
Sleep well, my angel
As the song hit a crescendo, I thought to myself that it would be permanently etched into my brain forever, lyrics and all. It wasn't necessarily memorable itself, but the look that came over Bones face as she tore out of my arms and ran from the ballroom faster than the eye could see was one of those things people just couldn't forget.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Angela and Cam look at me quizzically. Yeah, they were my friends, but I didn't really have time to answer their questions at the time. I didn't think, I just reacted and went after her.
She didn't go outside. The weather had taken a downturn and the streets were drenched and even though she wasn't vain by any stretch, she didn't want to take a shower that wasn't preplanned. There was really only one place she would go if she wanted to disappear.
I took the elevator down to Limbo. With it's vast halls of bones in boxes and literally no security, it'd be the only place she would think that I wouldn't look for her. But I knew her better than she thought I did.
I checked the hallways, which was a pretty short search, and she wasn't hunkered down on a wall somewhere. It was then I decided to listen for, well, anything. I didn't like the mental image that she left me with wasn't good.
When she looked at me for that split second, her eyes were dark and sad, almost like she was ready to burst into tears. Not only was that something that almost never happened, but if it did, she would never allow herself to break down so publicly. If there was one thing that Temperance Brennan didn't want the world to see, it was her crying.
It was barely there, but I did hear the harsh, ragged sniffle that came from one of the examining rooms. I pushed the door open a little to see her sitting up on the exam table where so many dead people had been, it was just a little odd to see her on it. Her back was to me, her shoulders were hunched over so she was hugging herself
"Bones?" I asked, testing the waters. It was always a mystery as to how angry or upset she really was when she wanted to be alone. Usually she was at least up to verbally sparing with me.
"Go away." her voice quaked, and I knew she would be mentally kicking herself for it. Weakness wasn't in the Brennan vocabulary.
My hands buried themselves in my front pockets, "You know I'm not going anywhere." I came around and hopped up on the lab table next to her. Taking a packet of tissues out of my pocket, I handed them to her. "You wanna tell me what's wrong?"
"No." she said without missing a beat. She dabbed at her eyes half-heartedly and let her hands fall to her lap without a care.
I felt something churn in my stomach. "Do you really not want to talk about it or are you afraid to talk about it?"
"Doesn't matter." she waved her hand absently at me, trying to brush me off. "It just doesn't matter."
"Yeah, it does. What made you so upset?" I asked. I looked down at her hand and tried to hold it, but she jerked back and stood up.
"Here I thought I was finally starting to see your point." she muttered. I could tell by her body language that she was hoping I didn't hear that.
"What point was that, Bones?" I didn't move. I didn't want to upset her any more.
"Sharing something with someone. The whole monogamy thing. To think that it was actually possible." I could barely hear her even in the silence of Limbo.
"It IS possible Bones." I tried to reassure her.
"Not to me. I'm just like that stupid song. I see all that's good and safe as a problem. I don't see the good in people or what's right in front of my face." she said something else that was too quiet and jumbled for me to hear.
"What was that last part?" I asked.
"I said I'm surprised you haven't dumped me for a new partner yet." she reiterated.
I stood up. I didn't do pity parties well, and was looking for a way to cheer her up as quickly as was possible. Added to that, that wasn't what she first muttered under her breath. I turned her around to face me and planted my hands firmly on her shoulders. "I don't think that's what you said."
She pushed away from him. "Okay, fine. 'I don't deserve you.' Is that what you're trying to make me say because it's the fucking truth?" There was rage in those eyes now, laced with a little fear.
"No, that's not what I'm trying to get you to say at all. What I'm trying to get you to think is what we've been denying each other all along. This whole damned time." he stated.
"And what would that be, Booth? The chance to be happy for once in our pitiful lives?" she asked sarcastically.
"Exactly." I stated and pulled her to me too quickly for her to respond. My lips met hers roughly, and while I wanted it to be tender, I knew that wasn't possible with her. She needed to know what was going on inside of me even if she didn't want to admit it. She pushed me away before it even got started.
"No, Booth. Don't!" she was furious now. "You can't just kiss me and think that this is all gonna go away!"
"I didn't think that for a minute. I don't want any of this to go away. I wouldn't trade a damn minute with you for anything." I told her truthfully.
"You can't do that, though. I can't give you what you want and we both know that." she said.
"Can I be the judge of what I want and don't want?" I asked, as though there was some question to it.
"You don't want this, and this isn't a fucking game Booth! I can't give you an absolution. This same exact thing happened six years ago! The definition of insanity is to do things over and over again and expect a different outcome. Well, we were right here half a decade ago." she screamed at me. Thank God these places were soundproofed.
"And people change over time, Bones. You're not the same person you were six years ago and neither am I!" I fired back.
"I can't change. I'm a scientist. I don't know how to change." she reasoned in that cold, calculating voice that drove me nuts.
"You change when you don't even know it. You have people who love you now and who you love back whether you like it or not. You love your brother and your father even though you don't really know them because they love you. You can't help but reciprocate it. You can love, Temperance, you just don't let yourself!" I stated factly, and a bit too coldly for my personality.
She looked stunned by what I'd said. She fell back into an office chair and held her head up on her hands, her face buried in them. It was times like these where I wish I was either dead or a mind-reader. If I was dead, I couldn't look at the pain in those big blue eyes. If I was a mind-reader, I could tell what the hell that aggravating mind was thinking about sometimes. Situations like these would go much more smoothly if either were true.
Those eyes met mine again. They were tired and haggard. Underneath a thin layer of cover-up there would be dark circles that would hold the tell-tale signs of not sleeping well for days. I knew she never slept well when she was on a case. I sometimes wondered if she'd had a good night's sleep since she was fifteen.
"You're right, Booth. I am the problem, but it has nothing to do with my ability to care for someone. It has to do with the fact that I can't give you what you're going to need someday. You're going to want to get married and settle down to a family and I'm just not the kind of person to-" I held a finger to her lips, surprised when I silenced her.
"Let me get something straight here. Are you saying that you love me?" I asked plainly.
"I'm saying that I care about you. Too much to let myself and my stupid insecurities tie you down. But I don't want you to leave, either. Damn it, why does this have to be so hard!" she cursed.
I got down on my knees in front of her so I knew that she was looking at me. "Listen to me, Bones. If you let me, I won't ever leave you, I'll do everything I can not to hurt you, and I'll love you till the day I drop dead. No pressure for anything more or less."
I wasn't joking by any stretch. That moment was as serious as I ever got. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that I could promise her all of those things. She made it sound so difficult when this was really all too simple.
She still wasn't convinced. "You're going to want more. I know it and so do you."
"There's nothing more I could want if had you with me. It's like you said: I don't need a slip of paper to prove my commitment. I'll do whatever you need me to in order to prove it to you." I stated as if the words were a lifeline. I honestly don't think I've ever sounded so pitiful in my life.
That night was full of firsts. The first time I told Bones exactly how I felt, the first time I actually heard it repeated back to me, and the first night we made love. She would never admit it again, but she knew I was right two years ago when I said there was a difference between sex and love-making. We'd ended up at her place, leaving the Jeffersonian only a few minutes afterward.
Our clothes were scattered around her living room and we were both buried under the covers. We just stared at each other now, knowing this was one thing we would never be able to have done and just forget it.
"That..." she spoke for the first time in hours. "...was unbelievable..."
"Well, I aim to please." I flashed her my best cocky grin.
Bones gave me a half-smile, but I could still tell there was something wrong. The small amount of moonlight that came through the curtains was skewed by the raindrops that coated the windowpane. The pale glow it gave to her skin, however, was pretty beautiful in itself.
"Can I ask you something?" she finally asked.
"Anything." I assured as I ran my fingers through her hair.
"This is the real thing, right? This isn't some tormenting dream that I'm going to wake up from in the morning?" she asked in an almost childlike voice.
"Yes. I'll be here in the morning. Don't you worry." I stated quietly.
"I...I really do love you, Booth." she told me honestly.
"I love you too, Bones. How about you get some sleep now?" I suggested.
She yawned, "That's not a bad idea." She scooted closer and laid her head down on my chest, listening to the steady thumping of my heartbeat.
There were a few instances at this point that I began to believe that all of this was a dream. I closed my eyes and opened them a few time to see her sleeping frame, the chestnut hair that blanketed my torso, just to make sure she was still there. There was nothing that could've made me any happier in that moment. I actually decided to accept the irony of the situation. This was exactly where she didn't want to end up, but did, all because of a bad song the DJ decided was decent enough to play. I smiled as I looked down at her.
"Sleep well, my angel." I whispered and fell asleep to the sound of her steady breathing.
Good, bad, indifferent? I really don't know because my betas haven't gotten back to me. I hope you all enjoyed, no matter how horrible I think it was and I hope you review.