(A.N:/ Okay, so on my tumblr page (megan-writes-glee . tumblr . com) - I've recently changed my URL. I've been getting a bunch of requests for Niff angst. Haha, then half of you love it and the other half want to hang me for making poor Niff suffer. Anyway, I figured it was time to write some more Niff angst. :D So, enjoy.
Warning: character death (damn straight, you all knew it would happen.)
There was a light knock on the door and Jeff stiffened, but after a moment, relaxed. Four knocks. "Hi Nick." He said, smiling lightly. Four knocks always meant it was Nick.
"Hi sweetie, how are you?" Nick asked, bending down to kiss Jeff lightly on the cheek.
"I've been better. I still haven't quite gotten used to this place yet." Jeff said, chuckling a little. "Yesterday I tried to go to the bathroom by myself and walked inside the closet. Thank God for a nurse walking in just in time, otherwise there would be some bedpans in dire need of sanitizing."
Nick laughed with Jeff, giving him a found look he knew Jeff wouldn't be able to see. "Soon enough that won't be happening anymore. And it isn't your fault. They've kept you in bed basically the entire time since you got here last week. Once you get a chance to walk around, I'm sure you'll be fine." Nick said, softly. He looked at Jeff's nightstand and saw that his pills were still there. "Here," Nick said, putting two tablets of vitamin A in Jeff's palms. "Take your medicine."
"At this rate I'll have my new eyes before I get to explore." Jeff said, earning a large smile from both of them.
"Yeah, yeah you will."
Roughly ten years ago, when the two were sixteen and just starting their Junior year at Dalton, Jeff was diagnosed with Retinitis pigmentosa, an incurable disease that slowly causes vision impairment, or in Jeff's case, blindness. It started out a small change, almost unnoticeable. Jeff was fifteen and would always be tired no matter how much he slept. The pair just chalked it up to the stress of being teenagers and trying to maintain high grades at a top private school. Soon Jeff started to notice that the navy blue and red on his uniform started to look the same colour, a strange brownish-grey, but Jeff was afraid to say anything to anyone because he was afraid of finding out if something really was wrong with him.
Jeff was able to keep his secret for about four months before his vision started to blur and he started bumping into people during Warbler dance practice. Jeff didn't return to the Warblers his Junior year.
A month or so in to their Junior year Nick was finally able to convince Jeff to go see an eye doctor, hoping that Jeff would just need glasses or something. It killed Nick to see Jeff so upset about not being in the Warblers. Dancing was Jeff's passion; his life. It was the very first thing Jeff ever said to Nick when the two met at the age of five. "Hi, my name's Jeffrey and I'm going to be a famous dancer when I grow up." They needed to find out what was wrong with Jeff, and they needed to find out fast.
"Jeffrey," The doctor began, giving him a sad look. He looked up at Jeff's parents who looked just as worried as Jeff was. The doctor sighed. "I'm sorry to tell you this but our tests have told us that you have Retinitis pigmentosa."
"What's that?" Mr. Sterling asked, looking even more concerned than she did a moment ago.
"Retinitis pigmentosa is a degenerative eye disease that causes server eye impairment...and in some cases blindness."
"How did our Jeffrey get this?" Mrs. Sterling asked, trying not to cry as she squeezed Jeff's knee.
"It's inherited." The doctor said.
"So, what you're saying is that one of us gave it to him?" Mr. Sterling said, bitterly. "One of us basically is crippling our son?"
The doctor shook his head. "Mr. Sterling, no-"
"I want to see Nick." Jeff said, suddenly. It was the first thing he had said in the last hour or so. "Where's Nick?" Jeff asked, starting to sound frantic.
"He's in the waiting room, sweetie, I'll go get him." Mrs. Sterling said.
"I'm sorry but only family is allowed in this room." The doctor said.
"I want my fucking boyfriend!" Jeff screamed.
Jeff went completely blind three days before he graduated high school; he was seventeen. Jeff, having the last nine months to start getting used to being without sight, adjusted relatively quickly. Nick was always by his side and did everything that he could to help Jeff adjust to his new life. Fortunately for Jeff, his eyes remained the same colour, and if he went out without his cane he could actually pass off as a normal person, minus the bumping into people and walls part.
Jeff spent the last nine years being completely blind and the last eight meeting with a doctor that claimed to be able to reverse blindness. The first seven in a half years had ended up being a complete bust, but thanks to endless hours of research on Nick's part, they finally found a doctor who was serious about his work. Nick contacted him and six months later Jeff and Nick found themselves in a hospital room, waiting for the last consult with their new doctor; the one who would give Jeff new, and working, eyes.
The wonders science can do.
"Are you nervous?" Jeff asked, suddenly, moving his face up so it would look like the two would be looking at each other.
Nick stiffened a little. Even after nine years of looking into Jeff's eyes, he still wasn't used to them. Sure, they looked the same to everyone else, but not to Nick. The once bright and joyful brown eyes had become dull and lifeless looking. It hurt seeing the one you love look that way, even if Jeff was happy his eyes always remained dull and depressed. Nick never had the heart to tell Jeff though.
Nick chuckled. "You're the one getting the new eyes, why do you think I'm nervous?"
"Because you're shaking." Jeff said. "I may be blind but I can still feel, Nick."
Nick looked down at his hands that were tangled up with Jeff's. He was right; Nick was shaking. "I'm just nervous you'll see me and run for the hills." He said, chuckling through the overwhelming self-conscious feeling he had inside of him. The stress of Jeff's condition had taken its toll on Nick over the years. His once raven coloured hair had now become a dull black, with a few strands of gray poking out in a few places. His eyes had bags and his face had worry lines. The Nick Jeff knew, the one he fell in love with, was no more. He was a different person; a stranger that Jeff had yet to meet. This operation was going to change that. Jeff was going to be able to see Nick for who he really was now and that terrified Nick to no end.
Jeff smiled lightly. "Please, I'm sure you're still as handsome as when I last saw you." Jeff chuckled. "At least you better be otherwise our wedding photos from last year will suck and I'm expecting them to be amazing so..." He said, jokingly.
Nick was about to reply but there was a sudden knock on the door, making the two jump. Jeff moved his face to where Nick was, waiting for Nick to tell him who the stranger was. "Hi doctor." Nick said, making Jeff relax.
"Hello, and how are the both of you today?"
"Fine." Nick said.
"Blind." Jeff said. "So when do I get my new eyes?" He asked, eagerly.
Dr. Kathrew's face fell. "We tested our other patient today, Dan Rollins, and from what we concluded the operation was not a success. Mr. Rollins, unfortunately, has gone from only partial vision, to no vision at all." The doctor said, solemnly. "At this time I am recommending that we move your surgery to a later date so my team and I can take another look over our research."
"Doctor, I'm already blind." Jeff started, "You can't really take my vision away; it's already gone. The worst that could happen is that it doesn't work and I have a cool new pair of blue eyes. Do the surgery."
"Jeff..." Nick said.
"Are you sure?" Dr. Kathrew asked.
Jeff nodded. "I've been blind for nine years. Get me my new eyes."
Dr. Kathrew nodded. "Alright. Your surgery will proceed on schedule, tomorrow morning. Get some rest, Jeffrey." He said, walking out of the room.
"Jeff, lets just wait a few weeks. I'm sure Dr. Kathrew and his team will come up with something." Nick said, trying to convince Jeff that it was a bad idea.
"Nick," Jeff said, in a hard tone. "I'm not waiting any longer. Not when he can fix me."
"Jeff, you aren't broken!"
"I'm fucking blind, Nick!" Jeff yelled back, angrily. "I can't fucking see a single god damn thing! What's going to happen if we want to have kids? It's going to be hard enough to find someone who'll let two gay men adopt a kid but two gay men and one's a cripple? Yeah, that'll never happen."
"We don't need kids, Jeff." Nick said, in a soft voice. "We have each other."
"I can't see you. I can't look into the eyes of the man I love because I can't see. I have faulty eyes! Think about it from my lack of fucking view! It isn't fair!"
"Life isn't fair, Jeff!" Nick yelled back. "How do you think I feel having to watch you suffer all these years!? It's horrible and I fucking hate it! So stop bitching and try and look at it from my point of view!"
"I can't!" Jeff yelled back. "I'm fucking blind, remember!?"
Nick sighed, tired of fighting. The two had been fighting over the operation for months now. Nick didn't want Jeff to have it because of the risks and Jeff was too stubborn to care. "Jeff...just don't have the operation...Please."
Jeff remained quiet for a while. "Okay." He said, quietly.
Nick smiled softly. "I love you."
"Can you go? I'm tired." Jeff said, turning away from Nick.
Nick bit his lip and gave Jeff a sad, heart-broken, look. "Yeah, sure. Good night Jeff. I'll see you tomorrow." He said, bending over to kiss Jeff on the cheek.
Jeff flinched away. "Bye."
"Bye, Jeff." Nick said as he walked out of the room, feeling horrible.
The next morning Nick walked into Jeff's hospital bed with flowers and a picnic basket; two of Jeff's favourite things. Nick was going to do whatever he could to make Jeff feel better. When Nick walked in he noticed that Dr. Kathrew was sitting on Jeff's bed, looking down at the floor.
"Hey Dr. Kathrew. Is Jeff in the bathroom?" Nick asked, smiling at the doctor as he placed the basket on the bed behind the doctor.
"I'm so sorry Nicholas."
"For what?" Nick asked, starting to panic. "Where's Jeff?"
"We took him up for surgery two hours ago."
"What!? Why? He wasn't supposed to have it! He said he wouldn't have it!"
"He's a consenting adult Nicholas, if he wanted the surgery, he got the surgery."
Nick sighed. "Fine. It's fine. Where is he? In recovery?"
Dr. Kathrew remained silent.
"Doctor, where is my husband? I have a right to know." Nick demanded.
"He left you this." Dr. Kathrew said, handing Nick a poorly written note. Jeff refused to give up writing, even though he couldn't see what he was doing. It was one of the little things he could do that always made him feel normal.
Nick looked down at the note.
Dear Nick,
I know, you're going to be mad at me. Probably even pissed, but, what you don't understand is that every day for the last nine years I prayed for one of two things; for me to get my eyesight back, or for me to die in my sleep. I can't go another day without being able to look into your eyes, smile, and tell you that I love you. I know that this might not work but I have to give it a shot. I have to do anything and everything in my power to get back what was taken from me. I'm sorry Nick, I really am, but I'm sure you won't hate me so much when you come and see me this afternoon and I can actually look at you.
Love,
Jeff
"Where is he?" Nick asked. "Where the Hell is that idiot?"
"Nicholas..."
"He didn't die on the table, did he?" Nick asked, tears streaming down his face.
Dr. Kathrew shook his head. "The operation was a success, if that's any consolation."
"Consolation?
"Jeffrey died, Nicholas."
"H-how...? How did he die?" Nick managed to choke out.
"I his sleep."
(A.N:/ Just so you guys know Retinitis pigmentosa IS a real thing. That being said the whole 'eye replacement thing' is not. At least, not that I know of. Jeff's eyes not 'looking blind' is also true with the disease (in most cases). Ha, I did some research so I wasn't just pulling poo out of my ass. Some things were made up though...I also know that you can be blind and be a dancer. Ha, yay for angst! :D Anyway, I truly hope you enjoyed the story! Thanks for reading, guys!)
\o/