Warnings for PTSD, flashbacks, hinting at depression, etc.
KHR doesn't belong to me.
Messes with the time line and plot severely. Still, spoilers ahoy for the whole thing pretty much.
In which the future was never planned, and Tsuna really did die.
There is no great, bellowing cry when he's born. Sawada Tsunayoshi is born with little fanfare on his part. His mother cradles the quiet baby close to her chest, staring down into his brown eyes and sensing some sort of fathomless depth that comes from age; something a newborn shouldn't have. Despite his silence, his mother's worry, and the absence of his father: Sawada Tsunayoshi is born on October 14th, at Namimori General Hospital a healthy male child.
Nana worries about her son who doesn't cry when he is hungry or needs to be changed. He eats when she feeds him, sleeps without waking fitfully, and stares up into her eyes when she holds him in her arms. She feels that he knows something she doesn't, and the thought makes her uneasy. But she loves this child as any mother loves their child. She only hopes that Iemitsu comes home soon. Last she heard from him he was doing work somewhere in Greenland.
When Tsuna comes home for the first time after a couple of days in the hospital the first thing he does is swallow back a whine. His childhood home had been destroyed in those first days of the conflict and to see it standing whole and untouched made his eyes water suspiciously. Nana was fascinated by the war of emotions flooding over her son's face.
The tears in his eyes were the first sign that he was even a somewhat normal newborn. They settle something in Nana's chest as she coos her child back into peacefulness. For the remainder of his infancy Tsuna's mother no longer questions the wisdom in her son's eyes, and if Tsuna sometimes acts fitful so the wrinkles around her eyes are from smiling rather than frowning? Well, it's not as if anyone would really know that he was acting.
When Iemitsu does come home his son has already lived for a year and three months. His return has Nana squealing with delight and rushing into his arms. It has Tsuna even quieter than usual as he stares at the blonde from his fortress of pillows and blankets on the living room floor. When the older man picks him up Tsuna stares unnervingly back into his eyes; solemn and watching, always watching.
Already the father knows that something about his son is different. But neither of the parents pay much attention to it.
His father's return sets things in motion for him. For one, the nightmares that haunt Tsuna's waking hours slip into his sleep and attack him behind closed eyes. He wakes both of his parents with his wailing screams for the first time that night. Iemitsu is the one to come to his crib and pick him up, rocking the infant in strong arms. Tsuna never thought about how gentle those arms could be sometimes, it was hard to when he most often saw them breaking bones. Even now he can feel the callouses that he now knows come from handling weapons. But Tsuna knows he is safe in these arms, and the screams from his dreams don't reach him.
Despite this first incident both mother and father are not awakened again by their son's screaming. Instead, Tsuna stares up at the ceiling of his room at night. Even if the echoes of pain haunt his every waking hour at least he can that the monsters aren't real. If he closes his eyes he has no way of knowing.
This apparent lack of sleeping worries Nana and she has one of her first arguments with Iemitsu before he leaves again.
"Tsu-kun isn't sleeping!" Nana whispers to her husband, gesturing at their son who sits on the floor in the living room. She has to squint to see him breathing, she's not sure he's even blinking right now.
"Maybe he's a little colicky? Children get sick sometimes, Nana. I'm sure he's fine."
"This isn't normal Iemistu! Look at him! I can't just let this go on, our son isn't even two years old! He should be taking naps and sleeping often. I put that little baby monitor in his room, the one with the camera on it. It doesn't show anything though because he turns and faces away from it! No matter where I put it he seems to know where it is!"
Iemitsu scratches at his beard, "Maybe we should take him to a doctor? Maybe we could get him some sort of sleeping aide."
Tsuna shudders at the thought. He didn't have any kind of desire to get help for sleeping. He lays down and rolls onto his side, away from his parents and their hushed tones. He will try to sleep tonight, and if he wakes screaming then he will muffle his voice into the pillows and plushies that make themselves at home in his crib.
Not every night is bad. Some nights he doesn't dream, and those are the nights he can sleep all the way through. But most nights he simply wants to claw at his throat. He can still feel the rush of blood and bile as it fights its way up from his stomach and out through his lips. The bullets that bury themselves in his gut are a familiar burn, and it isn't until one plants itself messily into the back of his head that he stops feeling at all. The memories where he dies aren't even the worst ones.
Sometimes he can remember the feel of Kyoko's hand slipping away from his. The slide of her blood against his skin mingles with her brother's. He lost them both in the same day, to the same attack. Other days it's Gokudera who haunts him. His body incinerated by the explosion that had rocked the safe house in Russia. They should have known better; nowhere was really safe.
He knows how each and every member in his family dies. He remember them all. While he may not have been present for each one, he read each report religiously. There wasn't always a body to recover, but Tsuna tortures himself enough by imagining the worst.
3 years old
By the time Tsuna is three he already knows how to read. The concept of writing is also very familiar, and he can write, but getting the small, undeveloped muscles in his hands to cooperate is a chore that he does not enjoy. His body follows the number of years he has been physically in this time period. The soul that is trapped in his body, however, seems to be telling his brain everything it needs to know to prepare the body to become the Vongola Decimo. Already his hyper intuition has shown itself. He catches himself in places he might have tripped, he wears his rain jacket outside even though it isn't raining because he gets this itch that settles in the back of his mind until he puts it on. He knows it will rain even if no one else does. This always amazes his mother, but she never seems to think of it as anything more than an old sailor does. If your joints act up, it will rain. Nana prefers to think of it this way, because anything more is too wild and anything less unsubstantial.
The dreams still come and go, but Tsuna is an expert at hiding the shadows that haunt him and Nana is none-the-wiser to the darkness that follows close behind her son. He sleeps now, fitfully and not for very long, but it is enough to clear up the dark circles beneath his eyes. For now, his mother passes it off as something that was just a phase. She tells Iemitsu that their son is doing fine; growing like a normal, healthy boy. Years later they will both look back and recognize the warning signs for what they were, for now though they are happy to have a normal son.
6 years old
It seems that every time his father returns he brings with him a new tidal wave of nightmares. The first time in three years that Tsuna sees his dad he almost passes out from the shadows that maul him. He manages to show no outward signs of his distress other than some sniffling and suspicious looking twitching that happens around his eyes and cheeks. His parents think it's cute, Tsuna just wants to curl up in his room and never come back out. Most days it's hard to smile at his mother, hard to laugh like a normal toddler and even harder to play and act as though his heart isn't turning to ash.
For his mother he tries. The children at the playground refuse to play with him though because he wears melancholy like superman does a cape. The first time Iemitsu tries to play with him, really tries to play with him, Tsuna gets nailed in the head with the ball his father tosses at him. It's supposed to be a game of catch, but all Tsuna sees coming at him are the hands of a Mosca shooting out to reach around his throat and choke him. He freezes in fear, because running away means giving himself up, giving his secret up. Some dark part of his mind acknowledges that playing house with his parents can only continue if they don't know about his past.
That night after Nana kisses his wound better and tucks him into bed, after Iemitsu sits on the edge of his son's mattress and strokes the boy's hair for more than an hour, Tsuna wonders what happened to the him of this time. Is this a different world? Could he have killed the Tsuna who would have been? Or is this really just a second chance?
It will be years before he finds the answer to the questions that matter most to him.
13 years old
It does not surprise Tsuna when his mother gets him the home tutor. When Reborn comes barging into his life for the (second) first time Tsuna's first reaction to the (man) baby is to break down.
Reborn had been expecting a shy, quiet boy to be his student. Not terrible in his grades, but so seemingly insignificant in his existence that he fades into the crowd like it's a talent. Maybe it is, but not for the future boss of Vongola. He is instead greeted by a being that is so broken down and haunted Reborn is reminded of the oldest of the veterans in his profession. The ones that hide behind their failures and embrace their retirement as an early death.
"Tsu-kun!" Nana is horrified. Her son drops to his knees the moment the tutor steps through their front door. His breathing is so quick and shallow Nana doesn't think he's actually getting any air at all. When she goes to touch him he cries out and throws himself away from her, his eyes glinting orange and his left hand gets thrown out in some sort of defensive movement. She half expects something to come shooting out of the palm of his hand, and she thinks Tsuna is surprised when nothing does.
All Tsuna can see is the man he left behind. The one he knows was disappointed that the 10th boss of the Vongola went down in a hail storm of bullets. It's not the sight of Reborn that sets him off (or maybe it is) but instead the expectation of the disappointment he knows should follow.
"You are Sawada Tsunayoshi and you are 13 years old. You are at your house in Namimori." Reborn repeats this several times. He does not attempt to get closer to Tsunayoshi, and shakes his head at Nana when she reaches out to touch her son. The hitman knows what that hand gesture means, recognizes it as animal backed into a corner trying to defend itself. He half-expects flames to come shooting out at them. Tsuna stares at him unseeingly, orange eyes glazed over. When he does come around several minutes later, after Reborn's voice gets scratchy from repeating himself over and over again, he simply collapses on the floor shivering and curling in on himself.
Reborn sends Nana to get a blanket. For now, they cover him with it and leave him be. Moving him could set him off again and Reborn would like to avoid another incident until he can inform Nono of the last one. Perhaps Iemitsu withheld information from them. Reborn doubts this, since even Nana seems shocked and distressed over what just happened. It must not have happened any time prior. Still, the hitman would like to know what exactly caused his new charge to show severe signs of PTSD. Trauma like that doesn't happen overnight.
The first thing he does is call the boy's father. Iemitsu is a blithering idiot for the first five seconds of their conversation. But the mere questioning of his son's mental well-being has the man snapping to attention.
"What do you mean he had a flashback? Tsuna's never been in a battle, never even been in a real fight before! What did Nana say? I might not be there often, Reborn, but I would like to think I'd have been informed if my son had suddenly enlisted in some sort of Army or gang!"
Already Reborn feel exhausted, "I'm telling you what I saw, Iemitsu. He had a severe flashback. I don't want to attempt to move forward as his teacher if I don't know what's going on in his head. I'm going to inform Nono, and try to see if I can get your son to tell me what's going on. This would be easier if you were here you know. He'd be more inclined to open up to his father rather a stranger."
Iemitsu grinds his teeth, "I'll be there as soon as I can. Let me talk to Nono, I will handle it. You focus on my child." He promptly hangs up, and Reborn is the one left grinding his teeth in frustration. The baby sighs and looks back to the hallway where he left his student. The boy is no longer curled up, but he hangs onto the blanket while standing with a look of such loss and hopelessness that Reborn cannot stand to even look at him. It's not a look that belongs on a 13 years old's face.
There is no sound to alert Reborn of Tsuna's presence, just the soft touch of the blanket against his feet as it lands on the floor soundlessly. When he looks up into the eyes of his student the previous look of desolation is gone. In its stead is a smoldering fire that will either burn the world alive, or light a path through the darkness.
For Reborn, salvation and damnation have never been two different paths.
When Tsuna manages to get ahold of himself he almost breaks down (again). The farce is up, not entirely, but they know he isn't whole and even worse they'll want to know why. He's not ready to explain (never ready) what's wrong. Sometimes he's not even sure of what exactly is wrong. The sound of his mother crying in the kitchen and the tangible worry and frustration coming from Reborn stir something in him though. He feels the flames licking at his heart, the ash stirring. It isn't the second coming (not a phoenix, not yet), but it's more than he's felt in a long time. The sight of Reborn made him queasy at first, but now it is inspiring.
This is a second chance. He might not be able to save everyone, might not be able to save himself. As he climbs to his feet and steps silently over to his tutor (his friend) he feels a new desire to actually try. This second chance was a curse at first, but now it's a blessing in disguise. He's not ready to be the Sawada Tsunayoshi from before, he may never be ready. But maybe he doesn't need to be the Tsuna from before, maybe the Tsuna from right now will be enough.
14 years old
Reborn's reappearance doesn't suddenly mean he's better. He doesn't tell the hitman why he doesn't sleep, or why he sometimes has flashbacks. It just means he makes more of an effort in school and at home. He does his homework, aces his tests and participates in his gym class now. At home he does the dishes and helps his mother with dinner. Reborn pushes him to tell, to try harder. Tsuna's not sure he has anything more to give right now.
It's no doubt because of this that things don't really happen in the exact time frame they originally did. Gokudera Hayato does not show up in his school a week after Reborn shows up. Yamamoto Takeshi does not try to jump off the roof of the school and he doesn't injure himself at baseball practice. He continues to thrive and be the star of the team. None of the other Guardians are even aware of Tsuna's existence.
That all changes when Tsuna literally runs into Gokudera. While he's in the middle of beating up a group of upper classmen. Suddenly he's grabbed and hauled into the fight, a knife poking at his cheek. Tsuna frowns. When did Gokudera even get here? The knife doesn't concern him; his hands twitch with excess flame that begs to be released and his left foot is in perfect position to nail the guy holding him right in the crotch. What does bother him is the way Hayato seems to get even angrier.
"Fuckin' cowards! Gotta hide behind some weak little kid because you're too scared to face me? Should've known you guys were a bunch of pussies!"
The knife digs into Tsuna's cheek a little, and he decides that maybe he should do something about this lest his best friend become even more distraught. He strikes back with his left heel, smashing it into knife-guy's crotch. The older boy goes down with a howl of pain. Hayato uses the distraction to smash two other boys' noses in and knees another kid in the face. Tsuna would be impressed if he hadn't seen what his second-hand was fully capable of. Hayato is a whirlwind of fire and passion, a force of nature that always brings a storm where ever he goes.
The whirlwind turns his way when all the other boys are down. He marches right up to Tsuna, grabs a fistful of his shirt and stares into those dull, brown eyes. "Who the hell are you, huh? Who said you could just barge in on my fight?"
Tsuna hums, "My apologies. I was just heading to my P.E. class, but remembered I left my clothes in my bag. I was returning for them when I ran into your fight."
It seems to appease the silver-haired teen. "Tch, whatever. Just stay out of my way."
Watching Gokudera walk away from him is both painful and a relief. He's not sure he'd know what to say to him if the older boy had lingered.
"You're just going to let him walk away, Dame-Tsuna?" Tsuna doesn't think he's done anything in particular to deserve the "dame" title this time around, but if anyone would call him that it would definitely be Reborn.
"He'll be back. They always come back," except when they're buried six feet under. But Tsuna came back, so maybe death doesn't always mean forever.
Reborn huffs in annoyance. He hates it when his student gets that far off, glazed look in his eyes. So he shoots a couple of bullets at the brunette for some motivation. "You're late for class, Dame-Tsuna! A boss must always be on time!"
Tsuna's distinct cry of "Hiiiieeee!" sounds a lot more like laughter than an actual cry of terror, but if only Reborn hears it, well, no one has to know.
Gokudera doesn't actually realize that the boy he encountered during that particular fight is the same one he's looking for. The future Decimo of the Vongola is scrawny and doesn't look like much, but Gokudera watched him during the fight. While he might not have done much, Gokudera feels that there is more to this dull-eyed student then meets the eyes. When he kicks Gokudera's ass without even summoning his flames both Reborn and Gokudera acknowledge that the harmless looking creature in front of them is hiding a strength far greater than either of them imagined.
Surprisingly enough he meets Hibari before Yamamoto. The prefect corners him on the roof one day. He'd come up for some air; the night before had been even more disturbing and rough than usual. It was his death again, and sitting in the classroom allows him to feel the phantom pain of the bullet holes in his abdomen more than usual. He's surprised Reborn didn't come to bother him. Most days (bad days) Reborn will follow his student to where ever the boy intends to hide and sit on his shoulder. Those days he doesn't get shot at. It's a kind of kinship Tsuna can appreciate.
This time it is Hibari that finds him. The shadow of the prefect falls over him while he lays on his back, staring up at the sun. The first time around Tsuna would have scrambled to his feet, stammering apologies. This time around though, he simply peers up at the raven haired boy and cracks a half-smile. Hibari must notice the shadows in the boy's (already a man) eyes. Or maybe it's Hibird making a nest in Tsuna's hair that has the prefect sitting down beside Tsuna with a single, "Herbivore."
The two sit in silence until the bell rings for the next class. Tsuna sighs and sits up, Hibird flitting from his head over to Hibari's. The prefect is asleep though, eyes shut and body relaxed. Tsuna smiles and climbs to his feet quietly.
If he no longer sees a dead Hibari bleeding from the mouth and ears at night when he closes his eyes, and instead sees the young prefect from this day, asleep and oddly fluffy looking, then who is he to complain?
15 years old
He finally meets (saves) Yamamoto two years after he would've met him in the past world. It's shockingly not all that different from the first time around. This time, though, he has both Hibari and Gokudera in the background as silent support. He doesn't know how they became such a constant (welcome) presence for him, but he finds that he leans on them more often now than he ever dreamed of back then.
Yamamoto is in a severe car accident this time. It break his arm starting at the shoulder and shatters it all the way down to the wrist. The doctors tell him he will never be able to lift it like he used to, and gaining back the strength to even lift a baseball bat to swinging level will be a year-long process. He finds himself on the roof top, looking down at the baseball fields longingly. Maybe his spirit will haunt the baseball fields and he'll be able to play with the teams. In spirit only, of course. He almost involuntarily jumps off the edge of the building when someone calls his name and startles him. As he teeters forward a hand grabs the back of his shirt from the top of the chain link fence.
He looks back and sees the most ridiculous image ever. The school's resident demon is holding Sawada Tsunayoshi by the ankles as the smaller boy grabs the back of Yamamoto's shirt. The brunette smiles nervously at him when he notices that Yamamoto is looking. It shouldn't mean anything, not to him at least, but seeing such a radically different group of people do such a ridiculous thing like this (saving him) makes him smile back and start laughing. The two boys manage to haul Yamamoto back over the chain link fence before Hibari is tearing the baseball player a new one about rules and how the fence is there for a reason, don't climb over it you fool or I'll bite you to death. Takeshi can't bring himself to do anything other than laugh and leave placating the irate prefect up to Sawada. The situation becomes even more ridiculous when the transfer student from Italy shows up. He practically pats Sawada down to make sure he's okay.
I want this, Takeshi thinks. He must say it out loud thought because Tsuna is looking at him with big, watery brown eyes and says, "You can have it."
Suddenly the whole school is baffled as the once-star baseball player sits with the boy who used to (still does) threaten to bite everyone to death, the foreigner who throws dynamite at anyone who looks at him (at Tsuna) strangely, and the one at the center of it all. Tsuna's eyes glow a little now, the faint trace of amber snaking its way back into the brown depths. His nights are no longer so dark, and his days no longer too bright.
Somehow he finds that it's just right.
His life balances even more after Takeshi joins their misfit gang. Reborn still trains Tsuna, shoots at him, and Yamamoto still thinks the mafia thing is a game, even in this world. As his arm heals the group helps him through his PT, and before he knows it he's performing a miracle by swinging a bat. It's not nearly as fast or as powerful as before, but he still cries when he does it because this means it isn't over, and he doesn't have to give up his dream. Tsuna cries too, and even Gokudera gets a little teary. No one mentions it though, because he'd deny it to his dying day.
Things seem to come together quickly after that. Ryohei turns up one day when he sees Tsuna running laps around the school while being shot at. Reborn was, is and will forever be, insane. Tsuna maintains that anyone who shoots at him for no good reason is crazy. Next thing he knows Ryohei is right beside him. "You're running to the extreme, Sawada!"
Tsuna laughs nervously, "Eh, I kind of have to, Ryohei-san." A bullet whizzes right in front of his face then, so Tsuna focuses on running faster to try and avoid actually getting it.
Somehow, and so, so different from the first time around, Ryohei joins the small group of oddities. Of course where Ryohei goes, Kyoko follows. Tsuna's crush had long since dissipated, but seeing her again so close to her brother makes his skin itch with the ever-present feel of her blood. It's not something he ever forgot just because he's been doing so well lately. But he pushes it aside as Hibari's shoulder brushes along his back. The ever comforting presence of his friends pushes him past the feel of blood.
It's not the first victory over the disease inside of him, and it certainly isn't the last, but it feels like something he'll remember for a long time to come.
16 years old
Good things never last though. The peace is disturbed when his father comes home again for the first time in over three years. The moment he walks through the door and see his dad home Tsuna feels his chest tighten. Reborn sense the incoming storm and begins to push his student to his room. Tsuna stumbles up the stairs, ignoring his parents' calls. He doesn't even make it into the bed before he's on the ground and back on the battle field. This one is the worst Reborn has seen. The moment he makes an attempt to get near his student the boy is lashing out. Only this time there are flames. He aims for Reborn's windpipe, and misses by centimeters. Reborn backs off, out of the boy's space, and the latter quickly shoves himself under a blanket and curls up.
Time will be the only things to pull him out of it, so Reborn sits down right in front of the door and murmurs the date, the time, Tsuna's name and age, where they are, and the names of Tsuna's Guardians over and over again. Despite trying to incapacitate Reborn, Tsuna comes out of his flashback rather quickly. He's left a shivering mess though, stuttering out a feeble, "G-go away. Go a-way…"
Reborn will respect the boy's request for now, and so he backs out of the room quietly but allows the door to shut with a loud click so Tsuna knows he is gone.
Iemitsu greets him at the bottom of the stairs. "What happened?"
"Flashback," Reborn grunts out. "He hasn't had one since I've been here, but seeing you must have triggered something for him."
It's not something Iemitsu wants to hear. How could he be the one causing these flashbacks? It didn't make any sense to him. But the last thing wanted was to cause him son pain, so if staying away would help then he would do it. Reborn seems to sense his train of thought because the hitman shakes his head. "I wouldn't just run off quiet yet if I were you, Iemitsu. Wait for him to come talk to you, I think you'll find he's really grown these past few years. He's almost collected all of his family too, and I'm assuming you're here to talk to him about that."
Reborn's sixth sense for these kinds of things is uncanny, and Iemitsu nods slowly.
Tsuna knows what should be coming next. The next big thing in his life should be meeting Muroko Rokudo, and then the battle for the Vongola Rings. But his father's appearance means things must be different this time around. When things change dramatically and Tsuna doesn't know exactly what's going to happen next he gets frustrated. How is he supposed to do better this time if he doesn't know what's going to happen next? He sits up in bed, the blanket falling front his shoulder to settle around his hips. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know exactly what's going to happen next. He did kind of okay the first time around, right? No one died during the battle for the rings, so he could do this again. Get through the rings, and then get to Millefiore.
He will protect them this time around, no matter the cost.
Everyone is surprised when Tsuna comes down the stairs for dinner. He has his head held high and his shoulders pushed back. There's a cold look on his face that reminds Reborn of the Ninth when he's serious, but it looks uncannily like the look on the Vongola Primo's face. The mansion in Italy has one portrait of Primo with that look on his face, and it's right before he goes off to single handedly destroy an entire family that had been trafficking children. It sends a shiver down Reborn's spine.
Tsuna takes a seat at the table, directly across from his dad. Nana senses that a man-to-man talk is coming and excuses herself, taking Lambo and I-pin with her. Two more anomalies that had stumbled into Tsuna's life unexpectedly.
"Dad."
Iemitsu looks somewhat startled, "Tsuna. How are you feeling?"
Tsuna looks at him like he's out of his mind. "I think we're past that right about now. What're you doing home?"
That stings Iemitsu. He cares about his son, how he's feeling is important. Now more than ever. But the father relents and sighs, sitting back in his chair. "Where'd my cute little Tsu-kun go?"
Tsuna has to bite back the scathing, bitter remark that his Tsuna died the day that the Tsuna in front of him was born. Iemitsu continues, "I'm here to talk to you about something very important. I'm sure Reborn has told you what he's tutoring you for?"
Reborn this time around walks lightly around Tsuna in some regards as compared to the last time, but they are both alike in that he constantly prattles on about how Tsuna is going to be the leader of the tenth generation Vongola. It is both endearing and frustrating because Reborn is only the messenger for a group of people who will not take "No" for an answer. Tsuna has long since accepted this to be his fate, he doesn't need to be preached at any longer. He nods to his father, and the only man continues. "Good. You are set to be the tenth boss of the Vongola. That's a very powerful position Tsuna. Unfortunately there are others that want that position as well. The current boss, Nono, has a son he had to send away to protect the family. He's back now, though, and he wants the position you're going to have."
Reborn looks sharply at Iemitsu; if the man is talking about Xanxus then things are far more serious than he'd originally speculated. Tsuna just wants to laugh. Sent Xanxus away? What a joke. He's being babied, and he doesn't necessarily appreciate it. This Iemitsu differs from his. This one seems to have a desire to let Tsuna hold onto his childhood for a little longer, rather than have him sacrifice it to the Mafia. Tsuna isn't sure which one he prefers.
He's aware that Reborn is watching him very carefully, and how he reacts could give him away in some regards.
"You have the blood of the first boss running through your veins. It's important that you take the rings. You've already begun forming your family, all that's left is to complete it."
17 years old
The timeline is beyond screwed up by now. Tsuna doesn't actually lay his hands on the fully formed rings until he is a little over 17 years old.
Mukuro still tries to kill him when Tsuna goes to collect him. It doesn't feel as sincere this time though and the lessons he learned about having friends and never giving up that first time around aren't relearned. They don't have to be, he knows the consequences of not standing up and fighting for his family. When Reborn gets separated from Tsuna for all of 5 minutes, and his Guardians are busy dealing with Ken and Chikusa, the latter tells Mukuro everything. He skips some parts, of course. He doesn't tell him how Ken and Chikusa are the first ones to go and that Chrome only dies when he can no longer keep up the illusion of her organs. He doesn't mention how Murkuro holds her in his arms while she goes, or how he goes on a rampage right after and slaughters hundreds or Millefiore before being cut down himself. Those are Tsuna's demons. Instead Tsuna tells him about how Mukuro and his comrades will fall to the Vindice after this, but how Tsuna will break them out.
"And the Vindice? What do you do when they bring hell down on you?"
Tsuna's smile is all teeth and venom, "Fuck the Vindice. You're mine."
It's said with such conviction that Mukuro has a hard time disagreeing. He smacks Tsuna around a little bit, mostly for looks, but does as asked before the Vindice arrive to haul him to prison. They already have Ken and Chikusa. Mukuro remains still on the ground as the chain him and haul him out. As he's dragged away he and Tsuna make eye contact again. It's a promise, one Mukuro isn't sure why he belives in it, but Tsuna gives a slight nod, the orange flame on his forehead burning even brighter and Mukuro somehow believes him.
Murkuro is family to Tsuna, he belongs to Tsuna, and it's because of this that the Decimo will do everything in his power to set Mukuro free. It's not an "if" Mukuro is freed he'll join Tsuna's rag-tag family. It's a "when."
Leon makes Tsuna's gloves right after Mukuro leaves. They're a familiar weight on the teen's hands.
Six months later Reborn hears news of a break-in at the Vendicare Prison. Only three occupants are missing. When Tsuna comes into his room to look for the ball I-pin and Lambo are crying about Reborn stops him. "Did you break in to Vendicare?"
Tsuna pauses from where he has his face shoved under the bed in search of the illusive rubber ball. Slowly he turns and looks at Reborn. There is a brief flash of triumph and a flash of white teeth before it's gone and Reborn wonder if it was ever there. The teen tilts his head in confusion, "Did I break into what? Reborn, I don't even know what a Venti hair is!"
Reborn's fedora shadows his face. There is a hint of mocking in Tsuna's tone, a dare for Reborn to call him out. As the teen goes back to searching under his bed for the ball he intones somewhat dryly, "Besides, do you even think I could possibly break into anything? I'm kind of a clutz, right?" He emerges with the ball and looks at Reborn again. The tutor doesn't answer out loud, but yes, he does think his student is fully capable of breaking into the most secure prison in the world. There's something mighty terrifying lingering beneath Tsuna's skin that has Reborn on edge at times. Times like these when his charge's skills are called into question. Tsuna just smiles sympathetically, like he knows what Reborn is thinking (of course he does), and walks back down stairs with the ball in hand.
Tsuna is almost 18 when he finally has the battle for the rings.
When his father came back last year he'd warned Tsuna of what was coming. "You're going to have to fight a man named Xanxus. He's only biding his time right now, but he'll be knocking on your door soon enough. We're doing everything in our power to find him and bring him down before he gets to you, but I suspect we won't be enough."
So it's no surprise when Basil turns up on his doorstep with a box full of half rings. Unlike the first time, though, Tsuna knows these aren't fakes. His father will not be coming around the second time to train him and his young family. Perhaps he thinks Tsuna is strong enough this time, perhaps he knows his presence distracts Tsuna with nightmares and dark thoughts. Either way, the young Vongola does not fear the coming storm. He accepts his ring and places it on a chain around his neck. The sky flame hums in recognition, but it isn't complete yet so the power only vibrates through him briefly rather than resonating.
Tsuna takes the whole box from Basil and escapes to the top of the cliff where he would have had his training if his father had come around. Squalo finding him there is no surprise.
"Give me the rings, you little brat, and I might leave you alive!"
Tsuna stares at him impassively before smiling, "No."
The swordsman howls and launches himself at the runt, swords drawn and intending to cut the arms off the little twerp. Tsuna sidesteps easily, using his flames to block off the attack. He grabs the sword and uses it to fling Squalo aside. The long –haired man kneels in place for a moment, glaring at the kid.
"I am Sawada Tsunayoshi, the Decimo of the Vongola. Return to Xanxus and tell him that the title is mine, the rings are mine and the family is mine. He can fight me for it if he wants, but I will crush him."
Superbi Squalo finds himself speechless for once. He beats a retreat for now, because the power crawling along Sawada's skin feels a lot like Xanxus when the man is pissed.
The ring battles still happen. They were impossible to stop, Tsuna muses. He watches his family get the crap beaten out of them, watches them fall and get back up. It makes him twitchy, seeing their blood.
And then the Mosca comes along. Tsuna's heart stutters at the sight of it. Logically he knows that it's not entirely what it appears to be, that what (who) lies inside of it changes everything. Still, its' the same structure that haunts him at night, the same thing that broke four of his ribs and fractured his pelvis. He remembers watching it bat Lambo around before finally stepping on his youngest family member.
Tsuna knows he needs to follow the script here, needs to step in. So he does. This time around though he's gentle with the Mosca and doesn't violently rip it into neat, little pieces. He knows who's inside, so when he cuts it down the center he's already got his arms open to catch the cargo inside. As soon as the Ninth boss has said his piece Tsuna is across the battle ground and attacking Xanxus. Screw the rules and the regulations. He didn't make a name for himself that first time around by listening to the rules. The attack works, anyways. It catches Xanxus off guard and it's enough for Tsuna to start beating on him. There's blood on his gloves, covering his hands as he moves as fast as he did when he was fighting the Funeral Wraths of Millefiore.
Xanxus fights back though, and several bullets graze him. Tsuna distantly feels one land in his shoulder and suddenly it's no Xanxus in front of him, but Byakuran. It's all pain, pain, pain and white that has Tsuna fighting for his life now.
His family is frozen, and even the Varia don't move. Tsuna remembers himself at the last minute though, just as he's about to snap Xanxus' collarbone, and pulls back. He takes the stance he needs to freeze his opponent in ice. He doesn't care about Xanxus' sob story this time around, the burning anger creeping through his veins sings with a mantra of "put him down, put him down."
It won't last long, because Xanxus' family is soon freeing him from his icy tomb and the whole story is being told. Tsuna isn't surprised. He collapses to his knees at the end when he is told he's won.
For some reason, this victory tastes hollow the second time around.
18 years old
The beginning of what was the end starts after he is 18. He's held out on his secret for this long, with Mukuro being the only one to know about his past. Sometimes he thinks about telling his friends about it. But then one of them will smile and laugh and it's no fair of him to even think about telling these people about what happened, what he won't allow to happen again. This is his burden to shoulder, they shouldn't have to deal with it.
The Millefiore situation won't actually happen for another six years or so but the whole purpose of this second chance thing is to head off the flood before it can actually destroy anything. As he thinks about what he's going to do, how he's going to kill who he need to kill, Tsuna grows more distant from his family. His best friends notice is, his tutor grows suspicious at it, and even his parents worry. It reminds Nana of when he was a child; cold and distant. Reborn decides it's time to tell the 10th generation guardians about the flashbacks. He hopes they can help Tsuna where he could not.
Hibari is unsurprised by the news, Gokudera and Yamamoto both get this hard look in their eyes while the girls and Ryohei seem flabbergasted. Chrome tightens curls her hands into fists in her lap because she knows Mukuro-sama knows something but won't (can't) tell her. The children seem agitated by the news, but don't know what to do with the information. To be honest, none of them do. Reborn explains quietly that no one seems to know what caused the Decimo to be the way he is, just that this family needs to do something because he's distancing himself again and they can't allow that.
Tsuna does not allow them the opportunity to try and veer him off from whatever course he's taking. He packs a bag the next day and quietly leaves during the night. Reborn wonders, in the morning, how he didn't hear his student leave. But Tsuna has always been stronger than he lets on, and it leaves Reborn wondering who exactly was the teacher here.
Tsuna finds Irie Shouichi walking down the street. When he purposefully bumps into the teen the latter stutters out an apology like it's his fault when they both know it was Tsuna's. It reminds the Vongola heir of himself and his young family. He's supposed to break the boy's neck, instead he walks away.
A week is spent searching for the Decimo before Reborn calls them off. He knows Tsuna does not want to be found, and they should respect that for now. They'll give him another month. Dame-Tsuna maybe Dame sometimes, but he has never run away from his problems before. Reborn does not expect his student to start now.
Exactly 28 days later Tsuna turns up again. He seems lighter, and he greets his family with a sheepish smile. They practically maul him with their hugs and questions. When he gets a moment to breathe Reborn looks him in the eye and asks him if he found what he was looking for.
Tsuna shakes his head, but oddly enough doesn't look the slightest bit remorseful. "I remembered something, though."
"Yeah?"
"It's okay to rely on these people; my friends," he leans into Gokudera's hug as Hibird makes itself at home atop his brown hair. "Sometimes it's hard to remember that. I just want to protect everyone, and I think I forgot somewhere along the way that maybe they want to protect me too."
Reborn smiles behind the shadow of his fedora.
His Dame student isn't so Dame anymore.
23 years old
Tsuna took control of the Vongola. His family swept in like a massive twister that disrupted everything and everyone but destroyed nothing. The family was returned to its original state as a vigilante group. It did less killing and more helping. Struggling groups in Italy were suddenly being revived, and somewhere in the midst of it all the Vongola rose to its original popularity again without actually losing any of its power. For many the Decimo was like Primo. For those closest to the Decimo he was just Tsuna. That was the only person they needed after all.
With the rise in popularity Mukuro comes home at last. He no longer needs to hide, and Tsuna has some kind of talk with the Vindice to get them to back off. No one really knows what he says to them, but they're suddenly less scary. They even come to the Decimo's birthday party.
Millefiore never really left Tsuna's mind though. It reserved a spot in the back of his head that tirelessly reminded him of the upcoming date where it all began to change. It would be different this time though. The rest of the family knew Millefiore as another up and coming group that wanted to have a seat in the spotlight. No one really considered them a threat, not yet. That obviously needed to change. Byakuran had contacted Tsuna sooner than expected, but the initial contact itself wasn't unexpected.
He sends Gokudera to Australia this time instead of Russia, Hibari goes to France to study intelligence, Ryohei to Spain, Mukuro and Chrome to Ireland. Dino takes Lambo with him to help in his training, Tsuna doesn't really know where they go but they send him postcards of warm beaches and pretty girls. He's not really sure what kind of training Dino is actually giving Lambo.
Yamamoto returns to Japan to help his father retire from the life of being a sushi chef. Tsuna joked that he should come cook at the mansion in Italy, but in reality as long as both Yamamoto's are still alive Tsuna doesn't really care what they're doing.
Reborn is the most stubborn of them all. He argues for hours with Tsuna, spends most of it shooting at his charge, before he finally allows Tsuna to send him on a mission to Latin America. Brazil is (isn't) having a problem with a strange white flame. Reborn and Lal Mirch along with Colonello and Viper head to Brazil to investigate. By the time they get there and realize they aren't needed, that there is no white flame and it was all a ploy to get them out of Italy it will be too late. Tsuna will already have begun his plan.
The mansion is quiet without his family around to destroy it. It's quiet enough for him to sit in his office and write a letter. In it, he tells them everything.
He starts at the moment of his birth, and how he knew of the past and future. How it scared him but made him stronger. The letter talks about how he only wants to protect them, that they're his everything. He tells them to go on without fear, that this won't solve everything but it'll still solve something (nothing). A separate letter is written for someone else. In it are his plans for the future. He writes about how this is necessary, but not permanent. Perhaps it's selfish of him, but he has so much he wants to see still. This letter is shot with a revised ten year bazooka that sends the paper back five years instead of ten. He knows exactly where it will fall, and who will pick it up. Perhaps he will be stronger where this Tsuna wasn't.
He leaves the letter to his family on the desk and pulls on his suit jacket. He walks out of his office and shuts his door one last time. The halls are quiet, and Primo's face greets him on his way out. It isn't a goodbye.
Byakuran waits for him with a smile on his face. The warehouse is cold and stereotypical for a mafia meeting. They are alone, in theory, but Tsuna can sense the sniper on the roof of the next warehouse over. They talk (a formality) before the silver haired man simply shakes his head. He thinks Tsuna is dumb for sending all his Guardians away, Tsuna thinks Byakuran naïve even if he doesn't say anything. It's not up to him now, but up to his Guardians and his past self—the past self that knows nothing yet, but will now know everything.
It's something Tsuna learned all those years ago when he was 18 and out for blood. It was never his job to change anything. He was always only the messenger.
A single shot to the skull kills Sawada Tsunayoshi at the age of 23. He dies alone (not alone, never alone).
Five years earlier Sawada Tsunayoshi at the age of 18 picks up the piece of paper that hit him in the head and reads it.